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was？　　Hating　her；　hating　how　she　made　me　feel—it　helped　a　little。　　Yes；　the　irritation　I'd　
felt　before　was　weak；　but　it；　too；　helped　a　little。　　I　clung　to　any　emotion　that　distracted　me　
from　imagining　what　she　would　taste　like？　
？　2008　Stephenie　Meyer　
　
15　

Hate　and　irritation。　　Impatience。　　Would　the　hour　never　pass？　
And　when　the　hour　ended？　　Then　she　would　walk　out　of　this　room。　　And　I　would　
do　what？　
I　could　introduce　myself。　　Hello；　my　name　is　Edward　Cullen。　　May　I　walk　you　to　
your　next　class？　
She　would　say　yes。　　It　would　be　the　polite　thing　to　do。　　Even　already　fearing　me；　
as　I　suspected　she　did；　she　would　follow　convention　and　walk　beside　me。　　It　should　be　
easy　enough　to　lead　her　in　the　wrong　direction。　　A　spur　of　the　forest　reached　out　like　a　
finger　to　touch　the　back　corner　of　the　parking　lot。　　I　could　tell　her　I'd　forgotten　a　book　in　
my　car？　
Would　anyone　notice　that　I　was　the　last　person　she'd　been　seen　with？　　It　was　
raining；　as　usual；　two　dark　raincoats　heading　the　wrong　direction　wouldn't　pique　too　
much　interest；　or　give　me　away。　
Except　that　I　was　not　the　only　student　who　was　aware　of　her　today—though　no　
one　was　as　blisteringly　aware　as　I　was。　　Mike　Newton；　in　particular；　was　conscious　of　
every　shift　in　her　weight　as　she　fidgeted　in　her　chair—she　was　uncomfortable　so　close　to　
me；　just　as　anyone　would　be；　just　as　I'd　expected　before　her　scent　had　destroyed　all　
charitable　concern。　　Mike　Newton　would　notice　if　she　left　the　classroom　with　me。　
If　I　could　last　an　hour；　could　I　last　two？　
I　flinched　at　the　pain　of　the　burning。　
She　would　go　home　to　an　empty　house。　　Police　Chief　Swan　worked　a　full　day。　　I　
knew　his　house；　as　I　knew　every　house　in　the　tiny　town。　　His　home　was　nestled　right　up　
against　thick　woods；　with　no　close　neighbors。　　Even　if　she　had　time　to　scream；　which　she　
would　not；　there　would　be　no　one　to　hear。　
That　would　be　the　responsible　way　to　deal　with　this。　　I'd　gone　seven　decades　
without　human　blood。　　If　I　held　my　breath；　I　could　last　two　hours。　　And　when　I　had　her　
alone；　there　would　be　no　chance　of　anyone　else　getting　hurt。　　And　no　reason　to　rush　
through　the　experience；　the　monster　in　my　head　agreed。　
It　was　sophistry　to　think　that　by　saving　the　nineteen　humans　in　this　room　with　
effort　and　patience；　I　would　be　less　a　monster　when　I　killed　this　innocent　girl。　
？　2008　Stephenie　Meyer　
　
16　

Though　I　hated　her；　I　knew　my　hatred　was　unjust。　　I　knew　that　what　I　really　hated　
was　myself。　　And　I　would　hate　us　both　so　much　more　when　she　was　dead。　
I　made　it　through　the　hour　in　this　way—imagining　the　best　ways　to　kill　her。　　I　
tried　to　avoid　imagining　the　actual　act。　　That　might　be　too　much　for　me；　I　might　lose　this　
battle　and　end　up　killing　everyone　in　sight。　　So　I　planned　strategy；　and　nothing　more。　　It　
carried　me　through　the　hour。　
Once；　toward　the　very　end；　she　peeked　up　at　me　through　the　fluid　wall　of　her　hair。　
I　could　feel　the　unjustified　hatred　burning　out　of　me　as　I　met　her　gaze—see　the　reflection　
of　it　in　her　frightened　eyes。　　Blood　painted　her　cheek　before　she　could　hide　in　her　hair　
again；　and　I　was　nearly　undone。　
But　the　bell　rang。　　Saved　by　the　bell—how　cliché。　　We　were　both　saved。　　She；　
saved　from　death。　　I；　saved　for　just　a　short　time　from　being　the　nightmarish　creature　I　
feared　and　loathed。　
I　couldn't　walk　as　slowly　as　I　should　as　I　darted　from　the　room。　　If　anyone　had　
been　looking　at　me；　they　might　have　suspected　that　there　was　something　not　right　about　
the　way　I　moved。　　No　one　was　paying　attention　to　me。　　All　human　thoughts　still　swirled　
around　the　girl　who　was　condemned　to　die　in　little　more　than　an　hour's　time。　
I　hid　in　my　car。　
I　didn't　like　to　think　of　myself　having　to　hide。　　How　cowardly　that　sounded。　　But　
it　was　unquestionably　the　case　now。　
I　didn't　have　enough　discipline　left　to　be　around　humans　now。　　Focusing　so　much　
of　my　efforts　on　not　killing　one　of　them　left　me　no　resources　to　resist　the　others。　　What　a　
waste　that　would　be。　　If　I　were　to　give　in　to　the　monster；　I　might　as　well　make　it　worth　the　
defeat。　
I　played　a　CD　of　music　that　usually　calmed　me；　but　it　did　little　for　me　now。　　No；　
what　helped　most　now　was　the　cool；　wet；　clean　air　that　drifted　with　the　light　rain　through　
my　open　windows。　　Though　I　could　remember　the　scent　of　Bella　Swan's　blood　with　
perfect　clarity；　inhaling　the　clean　air　was　like　washing　out　the　inside　of　my　body　from　its　
infection。　
I　was　sane　again。　　I　could　think　again。　　And　I　could　fight　again。　　I　could　fight　
against　what　I　didn't　want　to　be。　
？　2008　Stephenie　Meyer　
　
17　

I　didn't　have　to　go　to　her　home。　　I　didn't　have　to　kill　her。　　Obviously；　I　was　a　
rational；　thinking　creature；　and　I　had　a　choice。　　There　was　always　a　choice。　
It　hadn't　felt　that　way　in　the　classroom？but　I　was　away　from　her　now。　　Perhaps；　
if　I　avoided　her　very；　very　carefully；　there　was　no　need　for　my　life　to　change。　　I　had　
things　ordered　the　way　I　liked　them　now。　　Why　should　I　let　some　aggravating　and　
delicious　nobody　ruin　that？　
I　didn't　have　to　disappoint　my　father。　　I　didn't　have　to　cause　my　mother　stress；　
worry？pain。　　Yes；　it　would　hurt　my　adopted　mother；　too。　　And　Esme　was　so　gentle；　so　
tender　and　soft。　　Causing　someone　like　Esme　pain　was　truly　inexcusable。　
How　ironic　that　I'd　wanted　to　protect　this　human　girl　from　the　paltry；　toothless　
threat　of　Jessica　Stanley's　snide　thoughts。　　I　was　the　last　person　who　would　ever　stand　as　
a　protector　for　Isabella　Swan。　　She　would　never　need　protection　from　anything　more　than　
she　needed　it　from　me。　
Where　was　Alice；　I　suddenly　wondered？　　Hadn't　she　seen　me　killing　the　Swan　
girl　in　a　multitude　of　ways？　　Why　hadn't　she　come　to　help—to　stop　me　or　help　me　clean　
up　the　evidence；　whichever？　　Was　she　so　absorbed　with　watching　for　trouble　with　Jasper　
that　she'd　missed　this　much　more　horrific　possibility？　　Was　I　stronger　than　I　thought？　
Would　I　really　not　have　done　anything　to　the　girl？　
No。　　I　knew　that　wasn't　true。　　Alice　must　be　concentrating　on　Jasper　very　hard。　
I　searched　in　the　direction　I　knew　she　would　be；　in　the　small　building　used　for　
English　classes。　　It　did　not　take　me　long　to　locate　her　familiar　'voice。'　　And　I　was　right。　
Her　every　thought　was　turned　to　Jasper；　watching　his　small　choices　with　minute　scrutiny。　
I　wished　I　could　ask　her　advice；　but　at　the　same　time；　I　was　glad　she　didn't　know　
what　I　was　capable　of。　　That　she　was　unaware　of　the　massacre　I　had　considered　in　the　last　
hour。　
I　felt　a　new　burn　through　my　body—the　burn　of　shame。　　I　didn't　want　any　of　them　
to　know。　
If　I　could　avoid　Bella　Swan；　if　I　could　manage　not　to　kill　her—even　as　I　thought　
that；　the　monster　writhed　and　gnashed　his　teeth　in　frustration—then　no　one　would　have　to　
know。　　If　I　could　keep　away　from　her　scent？　
？　2008　Stephenie　Meyer　
　
18　

There　was　no　reason　why　I　shouldn't　try；　at　least。　　Make　a　good　choice。　　Try　to　be　
what　Carlisle　thought　I　was。　
The　last　hour　of　school　was　almost　over。　　I　decided　to　put　my　new　plan　into　action　
at　once。　　Better　than　sitting　here　in　the　parking　lot　where　she　might　pass　me　and　ruin　my　
attempt。　　Again；　I　felt　the　unjust　hatred　for　the　girl。　　I　hated　that　she　had　this　unconscious　
power　over　me。　　That　she　could　make　me　be　something　I　reviled。　
I　walked　swiftly—a　little　too　swiftly；　but　there　were　no　witnesses—across　the　tiny　
campus　to　the　office。　　There　was　no　reason　for　Bella　Swan　to　cross　paths　with　me。　　She　
would　be　avoided　like　the　plague　she　was。　
The　office　was　empty　except　for　the　secretary；　the　one　I　wanted　to　see。　
She　didn't　notice　my　silent　entrance。　
〃Mrs。　Cope？〃　
The　woman　with　the　unnaturally　red　hair　looked　up　and　her　eyes　widened。　　It　
always　caught　them　off　guard；　the　little　markers　they　didn't　understand；　no　matter　how　
many　times　they'd　seen　one　of　us　before。　
〃Oh；〃　she　gasped；　a　little　flustered。　　She　smoothed　her　shirt。　　Silly；　she　thought　to　
herself。　　He's　almost　young　enough　to　be　my　son。　　Too　young　to　think　of　that　way？　
〃Hello；　Edward。　　What　can　I　do　for　you？〃　　Her　eyelashes　fluttered　behind　her　thick　
glasses。　
Uncomfortable。　　But　I　knew　how　to　be　charming　when　I　wanted　to　be。　　It　was　
easy；　since　I　was　able　to　know　instantly　how　any　tone　or　gesture　was　taken。　
I　leaned　forward；　meeting　her　gaze　as　if　I　were　staring　deeply　into　her　depthless；　
small　brown　eyes。　　Her　thoughts　were　already　in　a　flutter。　　This　should　be　simple。　
〃I　was　wondering　if　you　could　help　me　with　my　schedule；〃　I　said　in　the　soft　voice　
I　reserved　for　not　scaring　humans。　
I　heard　the　tempo　of　her　heart　increase。　
〃Of　course；　Edward。　　How　can　I　help？〃　　Too　young；　too　young；　she　chanted　to　
herself。　　Wrong；　of　course。　　I　was　older　than　her　grandfather。　　But　according　to　my　
driver's　license；　she　was　right。　
〃I　was　wondering　if　I　could　move　from　my　biology　class　to　a　senior　level　science？　
Physics；　perhaps？〃　
？　2008　Stephenie　Meyer　
　
19　

〃It　there　a　problem　with　Mr。　Banner；　Edward？〃　
〃Not　at　all；　it's　just　that　I've　already　studied　this　material？〃　
〃In　that　accelerated　school　you　all　went　to　in　Alaska；　right。〃　　Her　thin　lips　pursed　
as　she　considered　this。　　They　should　all　be　in　college。　　I've　heard　the　teachers　complain。　
Perfect　four　point　ohs；　never　a　hesitation　with　a　response；　never　a　wrong　answer　on　a　
test—like　they've　found　some　way　to　cheat　in　every　subject。　　Mr。　Varner　would　rather　
believe　that　anyone　was　cheating　than　think　a　student　was　smarter　than　him？　　I'll　bet　
their　mother　tutors　them？　　〃Actually；　Edward；　physics　is　pretty　much　full　right　now。　
Mr。　Banner　hates　to　have　more　than　twenty…five　students　in　a　class—〃　
〃I　wouldn't　be　any　trouble。〃　
Of　course　not。　　Not　a　perfect　Cullen。　　〃I　know　that；　Edward。　　But　there　just　aren't　
enough　seats　as　it　is？〃　
〃Could　I　drop　the　class；　then？　　I　could　use　the　period　for　independent　study。〃　
〃Drop　biology？〃　　He　mouth　fell　open。　　That's　crazy。　　How　hard　is　it　to　sit　through　
a　subject　you　already　know？　　There　must　be　a　problem　with　Mr。　Banner。　　I　wonder　if　I　
should　talk　to　Bob　about　it？　　〃You　won't　have　enough　credits　to　graduate。〃　
〃I'll　catch　up　next　year。〃　
〃Maybe　you　should　talk　to　your　parents　about　that。〃　
The　door　opened　behind　me；　but　who　ever　it