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？　2008　Stephenie　Meyer　
　
237　

〃It's　not　your　fault。〃　　She　sighed。　　〃You　can't　help　it。〃　
〃Are　you　going　to　answer　my　question？〃　I　demanded。　
She　stared　at　the　table。　　〃Yes。〃　
That　was　all　she　said。　
〃Yes；　you　are　going　to　answer；　or　yes；　you　really　think　that？〃　I　asked　impatiently。　
〃Yes；　I　really　think　that；〃　she　said　without　looking　up。　　There　was　a　faint　
undertone　of　sadness　in　her　voice。　　She　blushed　again；　and　her　teeth　moved　unconsciously　
to　worry　her　lip。　
Abruptly；　I　realized　that　this　was　very　hard　for　her　to　admit；　because　she　truly　
believed　it。　　And　I　was　no　better　than　that　coward；　Mike；　asking　for　her　to　confirm　her　
feelings　before　I'd　confirmed　my　own。　　It　didn't　matter　that　I　felt　I'd　make　my　side　
abundantly　clear。　　It　hadn't　gotten　through　to　her；　and　so　I　had　no　excuse。　
〃You're　wrong；〃　I　promised。　　She　must　hear　the　tenderness　in　my　voice。　
Bella　looked　up　to　me；　her　eyes　opaque；　giving　nothing　away。　　〃You　can't　know　
that；〃　she　whispered。　
She　thought　that　I　was　underestimating　her　feelings　because　I　couldn't　hear　her　
thoughts。　　But；　in　truth；　the　problem　was　that　she　was　underestimating　mine。　
〃What　makes　you　think　so？〃　I　wondered。　
She　stared　back　at　me；　the　furrow　between　her　brows；　biting　her　lips。　　For　the　
millionth　time；　I　wished　desperately　that　I　could　just　hear　her。　
I　was　about　to　beg　her　to　tell　me　what　thought　she　was　struggling　with；　but　she　
held　up　a　finger　to　keep　me　from　speaking。　
〃Let　me　think；〃　she　requested。　
As　long　as　she　was　simply　organizing　her　thoughts；　I　could　be　patient。　
Or　I　could　pretend　to　be。　
She　pressed　her　hands　together；　twining　and　untwining　her　slender　fingers。　　She　
was　watching　her　hands　as　if　they　belonged　to　someone　else　while　she　spoke。　
〃Well；　aside　from　the　obvious；〃　she　murmured。　　〃Sometimes？　　I　can't　be　sure—I　
don't　know　how　to　read　minds—but　sometimes　it　seems　like　you're　trying　to　say　
goodbye　when　you're　saying　something　else。〃　　She　didn't　look　up。　
？　2008　Stephenie　Meyer　
　
238　

She'd　caught　that；　had　she？　　Did　she　realize　that　it　was　only　weakness　and　
selfishness　that　kept　me　here？　　Did　she　think　less　of　me　for　that？　
〃Perceptive；〃　I　breathed；　and　then　watched　in　horror　as　pain　twisted　her　
expression。　　I　hurried　to　contradict　her　assumption。　　〃That's　exactly　why　you're　wrong；　
though—〃　I　began；　and　then　I　paused；　remembering　the　first　words　of　her　explanation。　
They　bothered　me；　though　I　wasn't　sure　I　understood　exactly。　　〃What　do　you　mean；　'the　
obvious'？〃　
〃Well；　look　at　me；〃　she　said。　
I　was　looking。　　All　I　ever　did　was　look　at　her。　　What　did　she　mean？　
〃I'm　absolutely　ordinary；〃　she　explained。　　〃Well；　except　for　the　bad　things　like　all　
the　near　death　experiences　and　being　so　clumsy　that　I'm　almost　disabled。　　And　look　at　
you。〃　　She　fanned　the　air　toward　me；　like　she　was　making　some　point　so　obvious　it　
wasn't　worth　spelling　out。　
She　thought　she　was　ordinary？　　She　thought　that　I　was　somehow　preferable　to　
her？　　In　whose　estimation？　　Silly；　narrow…minded；　blind　humans　like　Jessica　or　Ms。　
Cope？　　How　could　she　not　realize　that　she　was　the　most　beautiful？most　exquisite？　
Those　words　weren't　even　enough。　
And　she　had　no　idea。　
〃You　don't　see　yourself　very　clearly；　you　know；〃　I　told　her。　　〃I'll　admit　you're　
dead…on　about　the　bad　things？〃　　I　laughed　humorlessly。　　I　did　not　find　the　evil　fate　who　
haunted　her　comical。　　The　clumsiness；　however；　was　sort　of　funny。　　Endearing。　　Would　
she　believe　me　if　I　told　her　she　was　beautiful；　inside　and　out？　　Perhaps　she　would　find　
corroboration　more　persuasive。　　〃But　you　didn't　hear　what　every　human　male　was　
thinking　on　your　first　day。〃　
Ah；　the　hope；　the　thrill；　the　eagerness　of　those　thoughts。　　The　speed　with　which　
they'd　turned　to　impossible　fantasies。　　Impossible；　because　she　wanted　none　of　them。　
I　was　the　one　she　said　yes　to。　
My　smile　must　have　been　smug。　
Her　face　was　blank　with　surprise。　　〃I　don't　believe　it；〃　she　mumbled。　
〃Trust　me　just　this　once—you　are　the　opposite　of　ordinary。〃　
Her　existence　alone　was　excuse　enough　to　justify　the　creation　of　the　entire　world。　
？　2008　Stephenie　Meyer　
　
239　

She　wasn't　used　to　compliments；　I　could　see　that。　　Another　thing　she　would　just　
have　to　get　used　to。　　She　flushed；　and　changed　the　subject。　　〃But　I'm　not　saying　
goodbye。〃　
〃Don't　you　see？　　That's　what　proves　me　right。　　I　care　the　most；　because　if　I　can　do　
it？〃　　Would　I　ever　be　unselfish　enough　to　do　the　right　thing？　　I　shook　my　head　in　
despair。　　I　would　have　to　find　the　strength。　　She　deserved　a　life。　　Not　what　Alice　had　seen　
coming　for　her。　　〃If　leaving　is　the　right　thing　to　do？〃　　And　it　had　to　be　the　right　thing；　
didn't　it？　　There　was　no　reckless　angel。　　Bella　didn't　belong　with　me。　　〃Then　I'll　hurt　
myself　to　keep　from　hurting　you；　to　keep　you　safe。〃　
As　I　said　the　words；　I　willed　them　to　be　true。　
She　glared　at　me。　　Somehow；　my　words　had　angered　her。　　〃And　you　don't　think　I　
would　do　the　same？〃　she　demanded　furiously。　
So　furious—so　soft　and　so　fragile。　　How　could　she　ever　hurt　anyone？　　〃You'd　
never　have　to　make　the　choice；〃　I　told　her；　depressed　anew　by　the　wide　difference　
between　us。　
She　stared　at　me；　concern　replacing　the　anger　in　her　eyes　and　bringing　out　the　
little　pucker　between　them。　
There　was　something　truly　wrong　with　the　order　of　the　universe　if　someone　so　
good　and　so　breakable　did　not　merit　a　guardian　angel　to　keep　her　out　of　trouble。　
Well；　I　thought　with　dark　humor；　at　least　she　has　a　guardian　vampire。　
I　smiled。　　How　I　loved　my　excuse　to　stay。　　〃Of　course；　keeping　you　safe　is　
beginning　to　feel　like　a　full…time　occupation　that　requires　my　constant　presence。〃　
She　smiled；　too。　　〃No　one　has　tried　to　do　away　with　me　today；〃　she　said　lightly；　
and　then　her　face　turned　speculative　for　half　a　second　before　her　eyes　went　opaque　again。　
〃Yet；〃　I　added　dryly。　
〃Yet；〃　she　agreed　to　my　surprise。　I'd　expected　her　to　deny　any　need　for　
protection。　
How　could　he？　　That　selfish　jackass！　　How　could　he　do　this　to　us？　Rosalie's　
piercing　mental　shriek　broke　through　my　concentration。　
〃Easy；　Rose；〃　I　heard　Emmett　whisper　from　across　the　cafeteria。　　His　arm　was　
around　her　shoulders；　holding　her　tight　into　his　side—restraining　her。　
？　2008　Stephenie　Meyer　
　
240　

Sorry；　Edward；　Alice　thought　guiltily。　　She　could　tell　Bella　knew　too　much　from　
your　conversation？and；　well；　it　would　have　been　worse　if　I　hadn't　told　her　the　truth　right　
away。　　Trust　me　on　that。　
I　winced　at　the　mental　picture　that　followed；　at　what　would　have　happened　if　I'd　
told　Rosalie　that　Bella　knew　I　was　a　vampire　at　home；　where　Rosalie　didn't　have　a　fa？ade　
to　keep　up。　　I'd　have　to　hide　my　Aston　Martin　somewhere　out　of　state　if　she　didn't　calm　
down　by　the　time　school　was　over。　　The　sight　of　my　favorite　car；　mangled　and　burning；　
was　upsetting—though　I　knew　I'd　earned　the　retribution。　
Jasper　was　not　much　happier。　
I'd　deal　with　the　others　later。　　I　only　had　so　much　time　allotted　to　be　to　be　with　
Bella；　and　I　wasn't　going　to　waste　it。　　And　hearing　Alice　had　reminded　me　that　I　had　
some　business　to　attend　to。　
〃I　have　another　question　for　you；〃　I　said；　tuning　out　Rosalie's　mental　hysterics。　
〃Shoot；〃　Bella　said；　smiling。　
〃Do　you　really　need　to　go　to　Seattle　this　Saturday；　or　was　that　just　an　excuse　to　
get　out　of　saying　no　to　all　your　admirers？〃　
She　grimaced　at　me。　　〃You　know；　I　haven't　forgiven　you　for　the　Tyler　thing　yet。　
It's　your　fault　that　he's　deluded　himself　into　thinking　I'm　going　to　prom　with　him。〃　
〃Oh；　he　would　have　found　a　chance　to　ask　you　without　me—I　just　really　wanted　
to　watch　your　face。〃　
I　laughed　now；　remembering　her　aghast　expression。　　Nothing　I'd　ever　told　her　
about　my　own　dark　story　had　ever　made　her　look　so　horrified。　　The　truth　didn't　frighten　
her。　　She　wanted　to　be　with　me。　　Mind…boggling。　
〃If　I'd　asked　you；　would　you　have　turned　me　down？〃　
〃Probably　not；〃　she　said。　　〃But　I　would　have　cancelled　later—faked　an　illness　or　a　
sprained　ankle。〃　
How　strange。　　〃Why　would　you　do　that？〃　
She　shook　her　head；　as　if　she　was　disappointed　that　I　did　not　understand　at　once。　
〃You've　never　seen　me　in　gym；　I　guess；　but　I　would　have　thought　that　you　would　
understand。〃　
？　2008　Stephenie　Meyer　
　
241　

Ah。　　〃Are　you　referring　to　the　fact　that　you　can't　walk　across　a　flat；　stable　surface　
without　finding　something　to　trip　over？〃　
〃Obviously。〃　
〃That　wouldn't　be　a　problem。　　It's　all　in　the　leading。〃　
For　a　brief　fraction　of　a　second；　I　was　overwhelmed　by　the　idea　of　holding　her　in　
my　arms　at　a　dance—where　she　would　surely　wear　something　pretty　and　delicate　rather　
than　this　hideous　sweater。　
With　perfect　clarity；　I　remembered　how　her　body　had　felt　under　mine　after　I'd　
thrown　her　out　of　the　way　of　the　oncoming　van。　　Stronger　than　the　panic　or　the　
desperation　or　the　chagrin；　I　could　remember　that　sensation。　　She'd　been　so　warm　and　so　
soft；　fitting　easily　into　my　own　stone　shape？　
I　wrenched　myself　back　from　the　memory。　
〃But　you　never　told　me—〃　I　said　quickly；　preventing　her　from　arguing　with　me　
about　her　clumsiness；　as　she　clearly　intended　to　do。　　〃Are　you　resolved　on　going　to　
Seattle；　or　do　you　mind　if　we　do　something　different？〃　
Devious—giving　her　a　choice　without　giving　her　the　option　of　getting　away　from　
me　for　the　day。　　Hardly　fair　of　me。　　But　I　had　made　her　a　promise　last　night？and　I　liked　
the　idea　of　fulfilling　it—almost　as　much　as　that　idea　terrified　me。　
The　sun　would　be　shining　Saturday。　　I　could　show　her　the　real　me；　if　I　was　brave　
enough　to　endure　her　horror　and　disgust。　　I　knew　just　the　place　to　take　such　a　risk？　
〃I'm　open　to　alternatives；〃　Bella　said。　　〃But　I　do　have　a　favor　to　ask。〃　
A　qualified　yes。　　What　would　she　want　from　me？　
〃What？〃　
〃Can　I　drive？〃　
Was　this　her　idea　of　humor？　　〃Why？〃　
〃Well；　mostly　because　when　I　told　Charlie　I　was　going　to　Seattle；　he　specifically　
asked　if　I　was　going　alone　and；　at　the　time；　I　was。　　If　he　asked　again；　I　probably　wouldn't　
lie；　but　I　don't　think　he　will　ask　again；　and　leaving　my　truck　at　home　would　just　bring　up　
the　subject　unnecessarily。　　And　also；　because　your　driving　frightens　me。〃　
？　2008　Stephenie　Meyer　
　
242　

I　rolled　my　eyes　at　her。　　〃Of　all　the　things　about　me　tha