in the cage-第11部分

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he　would　say　nothing　vulgar。　　She　knew　thoroughly　what　she　meant　by

that；　she　meant　something　quite　apart　from　any　matter　of　his　being

〃false。〃　　Their　bench　was　not　far　within；　it　was　near　the　Park　Lane

paling　and　the　patchy　lamplight　and　the　rumbling　cabs　and　'buses。

A　strange　emotion　had　come　to　her；　and　she　felt　indeed　excitement

within　excitement；　above　all　a　conscious　joy　in　testing　him　with

chances　he　didn't　take。　　She　had　an　intense　desire　he　should　know

the　type　she　really　conformed　to　without　her　doing　anything　so　low

as　tell　him；　and　he　had　surely　begun　to　know　it　from　the　moment　he

didn't　seize　the　opportunities　into　which　a　common　man　would

promptly　have　blundered。　　These　were　on　the　mere　awkward　surface；

and　THEIR　relation　was　beautiful　behind　and　below　them。　　She　had

questioned　so　little　on　the　way　what　they　might　be　doing　that　as

soon　as　they　were　seated　she　took　straight　hold　of　it。　　Her　hours；

her　confinement；　the　many　conditions　of　service　in　the　post…office；

hadwith　a　glance　at　his　own　postal　resources　and　alternatives

formed；　up　to　this　stage；　the　subject　of　their　talk。　　〃Well；　here

we　are；　and　it　may　be　right　enough；　but　this　isn't　the　least；　you

know；　where　I　was　going。〃



〃You　were　going　home？〃



〃Yes；　and　I　was　already　rather　late。　　I　was　going　to　my　supper。〃



〃You　haven't　had　it？〃



〃No　indeed！〃



〃Then　you　haven't　eaten？〃



He　looked　of　a　sudden　so　extravagantly　concerned　that　she　laughed

out。　　〃All　day？　　Yes；　we　do　feed　once。　　But　that　was　long　ago。　　So

I　must　presently　say　good…bye。〃



〃Oh　deary　ME！〃　he　exclaimed　with　an　intonation　so　droll　and　yet　a

touch　so　light　and　a　distress　so　markeda　confession　of

helplessness　for　such　a　case；　in　short；　so　unrelievedthat　she　at

once　felt　sure　she　had　made　the　great　difference　plain。　　He　looked

at　her　with　the　kindest　eyes　and　still　without　saying　what　she　had

known　he　wouldn't。　　She　had　known　he　wouldn't　say　〃Then　sup　with

ME！〃　but　the　proof　of　it　made　her　feel　as　if　she　had　feasted。



〃I'm　not　a　bit　hungry；〃　she　went　on。



〃Ah　you　MUST　be；　awfully！〃　he　made　answer；　but　settling　himself　on

the　bench　as　if；　after　all；　that　needn't　interfere　with　his

spending　his　evening。　　〃I've　always　quite　wanted　the　chance　to

thank　you　for　the　trouble　you　so　often　take　for　me。〃



〃Yes；　I　know；〃　she　replied；　uttering　the　words　with　a　sense　of　the

situation　far　deeper　than　any　pretence　of　not　fitting　his　allusion。

She　immediately　felt　him　surprised　and　even　a　little　puzzled　at　her

frank　assent；　but　for　herself　the　trouble　she　had　taken　could　only；

in　these　fleeting　minutesthey　would　probably　never　come　backbe

all　there　like　a　little　hoard　of　gold　in　her　lap。　　Certainly　he

might　look　at　it；　handle　it；　take　up　the　pieces。　　Yet　if　he

understood　anything　he　must　understand　all。　　〃I　consider　you've

already　immensely　thanked　me。〃　　The　horror　was　back　upon　her　of

having　seemed　to　hang　about　for　some　reward。　　〃It's　awfully　odd　you

should　have　been　there　just　the　one　time！〃



〃The　one　time　you've　passed　my　place？〃



〃Yes；　you　can　fancy　I　haven't　many　minutes　to　waste。　　There　was　a

place　to…night　I　had　to　stop　at。〃



〃I　see；　I　see〃　he　knew　already　so　much　about　her　work。　　〃It　must

be　an　awful　grindfor　a　lady。〃



〃It　is；　but　I　don't　think　I　groan　over　it　any　more　than　my

companionsand　you've　seen　THEY'RE　not　ladies！〃　　She　mildly

jested；　but　with　an　intention。　　〃One　gets　used　to　things；　and　there

are　employments　I　should　have　hated　much　more。〃　　She　had　the　finest

conception　of　the　beauty　of　not　at　least　boring　him。　　To　whine；　to

count　up　her　wrongs；　was　what　a　barmaid　or　a　shop…girl　would　do；

and　it　was　quite　enough　to　sit　there　like　one　of　these。



〃If　you　had　had　another　employment；〃　he　remarked　after　a　moment；

〃we　might　never　have　become　acquainted。〃



〃It's　highly　probableand　certainly　not　in　the　same　way。〃　　Then；

still　with　her　heap　of　gold　in　her　lap　and　something　of　the　pride

of　it　in　her　manner　of　holding　her　head；　she　continued　not　to　move…

…she　only　smiled　at　him。　　The　evening　had　thickened　now；　the

scattered　lamps　were　red；　the　Park；　all　before　them；　was　full　of

obscure　and　ambiguous　life；　there　were　other　couples　on　other

benches　whom　it　was　impossible　not　to　see；　yet　at　whom　it　was

impossible　to　look。　　〃But　I've　walked　so　much　out　of　my　way　with

you　only　just　to　show　you　thatthat〃with　this　she　paused；　it　was

not　after　all　so　easy　to　express〃that　anything　you　may　have

thought　is　perfectly　true。〃



〃Oh　I've　thought　a　tremendous　lot！〃　her　companion　laughed。　　〃Do　you

mind　my　smoking？〃



〃Why　should　I？　　You　always　smoke　THERE。〃



〃At　your　place？　　Oh　yes；　but　here　it's　different。〃



〃No；〃　she　said　as　he　lighted　a　cigarette；　〃that's　just　what　it

isn't。　　It's　quite　the　same。〃



〃Well；　then；　that's　because　'there'　it's　so　wonderful！〃



〃Then　you're　conscious　of　how　wonderful　it　is？〃　she　returned。



He　jerked　his　handsome　head　in　literal　protest　at　a　doubt。　　〃Why

that's　exactly　what　I　mean　by　my　gratitude　for　all　your　trouble。

It　has　been　just　as　if　you　took　a　particular　interest。〃　　She　only

looked　at　him　by　way　of　answer　in　such　sudden　headlong

embarrassment；　as　she　was　quite　aware；　that　while　she　remained

silent　he　showed　himself　checked　by　her　expression。　　〃You　HAVE

haven't　you？taken　a　particular　interest？〃



〃Oh　a　particular　interest！〃　she　quavered　out；　feeling　the　whole

thingher　headlong　embarrassmentget　terribly　the　better　of　her；

and　wishing；　with　a　sudden　scare；　all　the　more　to　keep　her　emotion

down。　　She　maintained　her　fixed　smile　a　moment　and　turned　her　eyes

over　the　peopled　darkness；　unconfused　now；　because　there　was

something　much　more　confusing。　　This；　with　a　fatal　great　rush；　was

simply　the　fact　that　they　were　thus　together。　　They　were　near；

near；　and　all　she　had　imagined　of　that　had　only　become　more　true；

more　dreadful　and　overwhelming。　　She　stared　straight　away　in

silence　till　she　felt　she　looked　an　idiot；　then；　to　say　something；

to　say　nothing；　she　attempted　a　sound　which　ended　in　a　flood　of

tears。








CHAPTER　XVI







Her　tears　helped　her　really　to　dissimulate；　for　she　had　instantly；

in　so　public　a　situation；　to　recover　herself。　　They　had　come　and

gone　in　half　a　minute；　and　she　immediately　explained　them。　　〃It's

only　because　I'm　tired。　　It's　thatit's　that！〃　　Then　she　added　a

trifle　incoherently：　　〃I　shall　never　see　you　again。〃



〃Ah　but　why　not？〃　　The　mere　tone　in　which　her　companion　asked　this

satisfied　her　once　for　all　as　to　the　amount　of　imagination　for

which　she　could　count　on　him。　　It　was　naturally　not　large：　　it　had

exhausted　itself　in　having　arrived　at　what　he　had　already　touched

uponthe　sense　of　an　intention　in　her　poor　zeal　at　Cocker's。　　But

any　deficiency　of　this　kind　was　no　fault　in　him：　　he　wasn't　obliged

to　have　an　inferior　clevernessto　have　second…rate　resources　and

virtues。　　It　had　been　as　if　he　almost　really　believed　she　had

simply　cried　for　fatigue；　and　he　accordingly　put　in　some　kind

confused　plea〃You　ought　really　to　take　something：　　won't　you　have

something　or　other　SOMEWHERE？〃　to　which　she　had　made　no　response

but　a　headshake　of　a　sharpness　that　settled　it。　　〃Why　shan't　we　all

the　more　keep　meeting？〃



〃I　mean　meeting　this　wayonly　this　way。　　At　my　place　thereTHAT

I've　nothing　to　do　with；　and　I　hope　of　course　you'll　turn　up；　with

your　correspondence；　when　it　suits　you。　　Whether　I　stay　or　not；　I

mean；　for　I　shall　probably　not　stay。〃



〃You're　going　somewhere　else？〃　he　put　it　with　positive　anxiety。



〃Yes；　ever　so　far　awayto　the　other　end　of　London。　　There　are　all

sorts　of　reasons　I　can't　tell　you；　and　it's　practically　settled。

It's　better　for　me；　much；　and　I've　only　kept　on　at　Cocker's　for

YOU。〃



〃For　me？〃



Making　out　in　the　dusk　that　he　fairly　blushed；　she　now　measured　how

far　he　had　been　from　knowing　too　much。　　Too　much；　she　called　it　at

present；　and　that　was　easy；　since　it　proved　so　abundantly　enough

for　her　that　he　should　simply　be　where　he　was。　　〃As　we　shall　never

talk　this　way　but　to…nightnever；　never　again！here　it　all　is。

I'll　say　it；　I　don't　care　what　you　think；　it　doesn't　matter；　I　only

want　to　help　you。　　Besides；　you're　kindyou're　kind。　　I've　been

thinking　then　of　leaving　for　ever　so　long。　　But　you've　come　so

oftenat　timesand　you've　had　so　much　to　do；　and　it　has　been　so

pleasant　and　interesting；　that　I've　remained；　I've　kept　putting　off

any　change。　　More　than　once；　when　I　had　nearly　decided；　you've

turned　up　again　and　I've　thought　'Oh　no！'　　That's　the　simple　fact！〃

She　had　by　this　time　got　her　confusion　down　so　completely　that　she

could　laugh。　　〃This　is　what　I　meant　when　I　said　to　you　just　now

that　I　'knew。'　　I've　known　perfectly　that　you　knew　I　took　trouble

for　you；　and　that　knowledge　has　been　for　me；　and　I　seemed　to　see　it

was　for　you；　as　if　there　were　somethingI　don't　know　what　to　call

it！between　us。　　I　mean　something　unusual　and　good　and　awfully

nicesomething　not　a　bit　horrid　or　vulgar。〃



She　had　by　this　time；　she　could　see；　produced　a　great　effect　on

him；　but　she　would　have　spoken　the　truth　to　herself　had　she　at　the

same　moment　declared　that　she　didn't　in　the　least　care：　　all　the

more　that　the　effect　must　be　one　of　extreme　perplexity。　　What；　in

it　all；　was　visibly　clear　for　him；　none　the　less；　was　that　he　was

tremendously　glad　he　had　met　her。　　She　held　him；　and　he　was

astonished　at　the　force　of　it；　he　was　intent；　immensely

considerate。　　His　elbow　was　on　the　back　of　the　seat；　and　his　head；

with　the　pot…hat　pushed　quite　back；　in　a　boyish　way；　so　that　she

really　saw　almost　for　the　first　time　his　forehead　and　hair；　rested

on　the　hand　into　which　he　had　crumpled　his　gloves。　　〃Yes；〃　he

assented；　〃it's　not　a　bit　horrid　or　vulgar。〃



She　just　hung　fire　a　moment；　then　she　brought　out　the　whole　truth。

〃I'd　do　anything　for　you。　　I'd　do　anything　for　you。〃　　Never　in　her

life　had　she　known　anything