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第15部分

in the cage-第15部分

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of was probably; to her strained inner sense; the group of golden

ones; of any occasion for seeing the hazy sunshine slant at that

angle into the smelly shop; of any range of chances for his wishing

still to repeat to her the two words she had in the Park scarcely

let him bring out。  〃See heresee here!〃the sound of these two

words had been with her perpetually; but it was in her ears to…day

without mercy; with a loudness that grew and grew。  What was it

they then expressed? what was it he had wanted her to see?  She

seemed; whatever it was; perfectly to see it nowto see that if

she should just chuck the whole thing; should have a great and

beautiful courage; he would somehow make everything up to her。

When the clock struck five she was on the very point of saying to

Mr。 Buckton that she was deadly ill and rapidly getting worse。

This announcement was on her lips; and she had quite composed the

pale hard face she would offer him:  〃I can't stopI must go home。

If I feel better; later on; I'll come back。  I'm very sorry; but I

MUST go。〃  At that instant Captain Everard once more stood there;

producing in her agitated spirit; by his real presence; the

strangest; quickest revolution。  He stopped her off without knowing

it; and by the time he had been a minute in the shop she felt

herself saved。



That was from the first minute how she thought of it。  There were

again other persons with whom she was occupied; and again the

situation could only be expressed by their silence。  It was

expressed; of a truth; in a larger phrase than ever yet; for her

eyes now spoke to him with a kind of supplication。  〃Be quiet; be

quiet!〃 they pleaded; and they saw his own reply:  〃I'll do

whatever you say; I won't even look at yousee; see!〃  They kept

conveying thus; with the friendliest liberality; that they wouldn't

look; quite positively wouldn't。  What she was to see was that he

hovered at the other end of the counter; Mr。 Buckton's end; and

surrendered himself again to that frustration。  It quickly proved

so great indeed that what she was to see further was how he turned

away before he was attended to; and hung off; waiting; smoking;

looking about the shop; how he went over to Mr。 Cocker's own

counter and appeared to price things; gave in fact presently two or

three orders and put down money; stood there a long time with his

back to her; considerately abstaining from any glance round to see

if she were free。  It at last came to pass in this way that he had

remained in the shop longer than she had ever yet known to do; and

that; nevertheless; when he did turn about she could see him time

himselfshe was freshly taken upand cross straight to her postal

subordinate; whom some one else had released。  He had in his hand

all this while neither letters nor telegrams; and now that he was

close to herfor she was close to the counter…clerkit brought

her heart into her mouth merely to see him look at her neighbour

and open his lips。  She was too nervous to bear it。  He asked for a

Post…Office Guide; and the young man whipped out a new one;

whereupon he said he wished not to purchase; but only to consult

one a moment; with which; the copy kept on loan being produced; he

once more wandered off。



What was he doing to her?  What did he want of her?  Well; it was

just the aggravation of his 〃See here!〃  She felt at this moment

strangely and portentously afraid of himhad in her ears the hum

of a sense that; should it come to that kind of tension; she must

fly on the spot to Chalk Farm。  Mixed with her dread and with her

reflexion was the idea that; if he wanted her so much as he seemed

to show; it might be after all simply to do for him the 〃anything〃

she had promised; the 〃everything〃 she had thought it so fine to

bring out to Mr。 Mudge。  He might want her to help him; might have

some particular appeal; though indeed his manner didn't denote

thatdenoted on the contrary an embarrassment; an indecision;

something of a desire not so much to be helped as to be treated

rather more nicely than she had treated him the other time。  Yes;

he considered quite probably that he had help rather to offer than

to ask for。  Still; none the less; when he again saw her free he

continued to keep away from her; when he came back with his thumbed

Guide it was Mr。 Buckton he caughtit was from Mr。 Buckton he

obtained half…a…crown's…worth of stamps。



After asking for the stamps he asked; quite as a second thought;

for a postal…order for ten shillings。  What did he want with so

many stamps when he wrote so few letters?  How could he enclose a

postal…order in a telegram?  She expected him; the next thing; to

go into the corner and make up one of his telegramshalf a dozen

of themon purpose to prolong his presence。  She had so completely

stopped looking at him that she could only guess his movements

guess even where his eyes rested。  Finally she saw him make a dash

that might have been toward the nook where the forms were hung; and

at this she suddenly felt that she couldn't keep it up。  The

counter…clerk had just taken a telegram from a slavey; and; to give

herself something to cover her; she snatched it out of his hand。

The gesture was so violent that he gave her in return an odd look;

and she also perceived that Mr。 Buckton noticed it。  The latter

personage; with a quick stare at her; appeared for an instant to

wonder whether his snatching it in HIS turn mightn't be the thing

she would least like; and she anticipated this practical criticism

by the frankest glare she had ever given him。  It sufficed:  this

time it paralysed him; and she sought with her trophy the refuge of

the sounder。







CHAPTER XXI







It was repeated the next day; it went on for three days; and at the

end of that time she knew what to think。  When; at the beginning;

she had emerged from her temporary shelter Captain Everard had

quitted the shop; and he had not come again that evening; as it had

struck her he possibly mightmight all the more easily that there

were numberless persons who came; morning and afternoon; numberless

times; so that he wouldn't necessarily have attracted attention。

The second day it was different and yet on the whole worse。  His

access to her had become possibleshe felt herself even reaping

the fruit of her yesterday's glare at Mr。 Buckton; but transacting

his business with him didn't simplifyit could; in spite of the

rigour of circumstance; feed so her new conviction。  The rigour was

tremendous; and his telegramsnot now mere pretexts for getting at

herwere apparently genuine; yet the conviction had taken but a

night to develop。  It could be simply enough expressed; she had had

the glimmer of it the day before in her idea that he needed no more

help than she had already given; that it was help he himself was

prepared to render。  He had come up to town but for three or four

days; he had been absolutely obliged to be absent after the other

time; yet he would; now that he was face to face with her; stay on

as much longer as she liked。  Little by little it was thus

clarified; though from the first flash of his re…appearance she had

read into it the real essence。



That was what the night before; at eight o'clock; her hour to go;

had made her hang back and dawdle。  She did last things or

pretended to do them; to be in the cage had suddenly become her

safety; and she was literally afraid of the alternate self who

might be waiting outside。  HE might be waiting; it was he who was

her alternate self; and of him she was afraid。  The most

extraordinary change had taken place in her from the moment of her

catching the impression he seemed to have returned on purpose to

give her。  Just before she had done so; on that bewitched

afternoon; she had seen herself approach without a scruple the

porter at Park Chambers; then as the effect of the rush of a

consciousness quite altered she had on at last quitting Cocker's;

gone straight home for the first time since her return from

Bournemouth。  She had passed his door every night for weeks; but

nothing would have induced her to pass it now。  This change was the

tribute of her fearthe result of a change in himself as to which

she needed no more explanation than his mere face vividly gave her;

strange though it was to find an element of deterrence in the

object that she regarded as the most beautiful in the world。  He

had taken it from her in the Park that night that she wanted him

not to propose to her to sup; but he had put away the lesson by

this timehe practically proposed supper every time he looked at

her。  This was what; for that matter; mainly filled the three days。

He came in twice on each of these; and it was as if he came in to

give her a chance to relent。  That was after all; she said to

herself in the intervals; the most that he did。  There were ways;

she fully recognised; in which he spared her; and other particular

ways as to which she meant that her silence should be full to him

of exquisite pleading。  The most particular of all was his not

being outside; at the corner; when she quitted the place for the

night。  This he might so easily have beenso easily if he hadn't

been so nice。  She continued to recognise in his forbearance the

fruit of her dumb supplication; and the only compensation he found

for it was the harmless freedom of being able to appear to say:

〃Yes; I'm in town only for three or four days; but; you know; I

WOULD stay on。〃  He struck her as calling attention each day; each

hour; to the rapid ebb of time; he exaggerated to the point of

putting it that there were only two days more; that there was at

last; dreadfully; only one。



There were other things still that he struck her as doing with a

special intention; as to the most marked of whichunless indeed it

were the most obscureshe might well have marvelled that it didn't

seem to her more horrid。  It was either the frenz

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