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almost　as　much　for　just　the　right　chanceit　would　have　to　be

tremendously　rightto　show　him　in　some　sharp　sweet　way　that　she

had　perfectly　penetrated　the　greatest　of　these　last　and　now　lived

with　it　in　a　kind　of　heroism　of　sympathy。　　He　was　in　love　with　a

woman　to　whom；　and　to　any　view　of　whom；　a　lady…telegraphist；　and

especially　one　who　passed　a　life　among　hams　and　cheeses；　was　as　the

sand　on　the　floor；　and　what　her　dreams　desired　was　the　possibility

of　its　somehow　coming　to　him　that　her　own　interest　in　him　could

take　a　pure　and　noble　account　of　such　an　infatuation　and　even　of

such　an　impropriety。　　As　yet；　however；　she　could　only　rub　along

with　the　hope　that　an　accident；　sooner　or　later；　might　give　her　a

lift　toward　popping　out　with　something　that　would　surprise　and

perhaps　even；　some　fine　day；　assist　him。　　What　could　people　mean

moreovercheaply　sarcastic　peopleby　not　feeling　all　that　could

be　got　out　of　the　weather？　　SHE　felt　it　all；　and　seemed　literally

to　feel　it　most　when　she　went　quite　wrong；　speaking　of　the　stuffy

days　as　cold；　of　the　cold　ones　as　stuffy；　and　betraying　how　little

she　knew；　in　her　cage；　of　whether　it　was　foul　or　fair。　　It　was　for

that　matter　always　stuffy　at　Cocker's；　and　she　finally　settled　down

to　the　safe　proposition　that　the　outside　element　was　〃changeable。〃

Anything　seemed　true　that　made　him　so　radiantly　assent。



This　indeed　is　a　small　specimen　of　her　cultivation　of　insidious

ways　of　making　things　easy　for　himways　to　which　of　course　she

couldn't　be　at　all　sure　he　did　real　justice。　　Real　justice　was　not

of　this　world：　　she　had　had　too　often　to　come　back　to　that；　yet；

strangely；　happiness　was；　and　her　traps　had　to　be　set　for　it　in　a

manner　to　keep　them　unperceived　by　Mr。　Buckton　and　the　counter…

clerk。　　The　most　she　could　hope　for　apart　from　the　question；　which

constantly　flickered　up　and　died　down；　of　the　divine　chance　of　his

consciously　liking　her；　would　be　that；　without　analysing　it；　he

should　arrive　at　a　vague　sense　that　Cocker's　waswell；　attractive；

easier；　smoother；　sociably　brighter；　slightly　more　picturesque；　in

short　more　propitious　in　general　to　his　little　affairs；　than　any

other　establishment　just　thereabouts。　　She　was　quite　aware　that

they　couldn't　be；　in　so　huddled　a　hole；　particularly　quick；　but　she

found　her　account　in　the　slownessshe　certainly　could　bear　it　if

HE　could。　　The　great　pang　was　that　just　thereabouts　post…offices

were　so　awfully　thick。　　She　was　always　seeing　him　in　imagination　in

other　places　and　with　other　girls。　　But　she　would　defy　any　other

girl　to　follow　him　as　she　followed。　　And　though　they　weren't；　for

so　many　reasons；　quick　at　Cocker's；　she　could　hurry　for　him　when；

through　an　intimation　light　as　air；　she　gathered　that　he　was

pressed。



When　hurry　was；　better　still；　impossible；　it　was　because　of　the

pleasantest　thing　of　all；　the　particular　element　of　their　contact

she　would　have　called　it　their　friendshipthat　consisted　of　an

almost　humorous　treatment　of　the　look　of　some　of　his　words。　　They

would　never　perhaps　have　grown　half　so　intimate　if　he　had　not；　by

the　blessing　of　heaven；　formed　some　of　his　letters　with　a

queerness！　　It　was　positive　that　the　queerness　could　scarce　have

been　greater　if　he　had　practised　it　for　the　very　purpose　of

bringing　their　heads　together　over　it　as　far　as　was　possible　to

heads　on　different　sides　of　a　wire　fence。　　It　had　taken　her　truly

but　once　or　twice　to　master　these　tricks；　but；　at　the　cost　of

striking　him　perhaps　as　stupid；　she　could　still　challenge　them　when

circumstances　favoured。　　The　great　circumstance　that　favoured　was

that　she　sometimes　actually　believed　he　knew　she　only　feigned

perplexity。　　If　he　knew　it　therefore　he　tolerated　it；　if　he

tolerated　it　he　came　back；　and　if　he　came　back　he　liked　her。　　This

was　her　seventh　heaven；　and　she　didn't　ask　much　of　his　likingshe

only　asked　of　it　to　reach　the　point　of　his　not　going　away　because

of　her　own。　　He　had　at　times　to　be　away　for　weeks；　he　had　to　lead

lets　life；　he　had　to　travelthere　were　places　to　which　he　was

constantly　wiring　for　〃rooms〃：　　all　this　she　granted　him；　forgave

him；　in　fact；　in　the　long　run；　literally　blessed　and　thanked　him

for。　　If　he　had　to　lead　his　life；　that　precisely　fostered　his

leading　it　so　much　by　telegraph：　　therefore　the　benediction　was　to

come　in　when　he　could。　　That　was　all　she　askedthat　he　shouldn't

wholly　deprive　her。



Sometimes　she　almost　felt　that　he　couldn't　have　deprived　her　even

had　he　been　minded；　by　reason　of　the　web　of　revelation　that　was

woven　between　them。　　She　quite　thrilled　herself　with　thinking　what；

with　such　a　lot　of　material；　a　bad　girl　would　do。　　It　would　be　a

scene　better　than　many　in　her　ha'penny　novels；　this　going　to　him　in

the　dusk　of　evening　at　Park　Chambers　and　letting　him　at　last　have

it。　　〃I　know　too　much　about　a　certain　person　now　not　to　put　it　to

youexcuse　my　being　so　luridthat　it's　quite　worth　your　while　to

buy　me　off。　　Come；　therefore；　buy　me！〃　　There　was　a　point　indeed　at

which　such　flights　had　to　drop　againthe　point　of　an　unreadiness

to　name；　when　it　came　to　that；　the　purchasing　medium。　　It　wouldn't

certainly　be　anything　so　gross　as　money；　and　the　matter　accordingly

remained　rather　vague；　all　the　more　that　SHE　was　not　a　bad　girl。

It　wasn't　for　any　such　reason　as　might　have　aggravated　a　mere　minx

that　she　often　hoped　he　would　again　bring　Cissy。　　The　difficulty　of

this；　however；　was　constantly　present　to　her；　for　the　kind　of

communion　to　which　Cocker's　so　richly　ministered　rested　on　the　fact

that　Cissy　and　he　were　so　often　in　different　places。　　She　knew　by

this　time　all　the　placesSuchbury；　Monkhouse；　Whiteroy；　Finches

and　even　how　the　parties　on　these　occasions　were　composed；　but　her

subtlety　found　ways　to　make　her　knowledge　fairly　protect　and

promote　their　keeping；　as　she　had　heard　Mrs。　Jordan　say；　in　touch。

So；　when　he　actually　sometimes　smiled　as　if　he　really　felt　the

awkwardness　of　giving　her　again　one　of　the　same　old　addresses；　all

her　being　went　out　in　the　desirewhich　her　face　must　have

expressedthat　he　should　recognise　her　forbearance　to　criticise　as

one　of　the　finest　tenderest　sacrifices　a　woman　had　ever　made　for

love。







CHAPTER　XII







She　was　occasionally　worried；　however　this　might　be；　by　the

impression　that　these　sacrifices；　great　as　they　were；　were　nothing

to　those　that　his　own　passion　had　imposed；　if　indeed　it　was　not

rather　the　passion　of　his　confederate；　which　had　caught　him　up　and

was　whirling　him　round　like　a　great　steam…wheel。　　He　was　at　any

rate　in　the　strong　grip　of　a　dizzy　splendid　fate；　the　wild　wind　of

his　life　blew　him　straight　before　it。　　Didn't　she　catch　in　his　face

at　times；　even　through　his　smile　and　his　happy　habit；　the　gleam　of

that　pale　glare　with　which　a　bewildered　victim　appeals；　as　he

passes；　to　some　pair　of　pitying　eyes？　　He　perhaps　didn't　even

himself　know　how　scared　he　was；　but　SHE　knew。　　They　were　in　danger；

they　were　in　danger；　Captain　Everard　and　Lady　Bradeen：　　it　beat

every　novel　in　the　shop。　　She　thought　of　Mr。　Mudge　and　his　safe

sentiment；　she　thought　of　herself　and　blushed　even　more　for　her

tepid　response　to　it。　　It　was　a　comfort　to　her　at　such　moments　to

feel　that　in　another　relationa　relation　supplying　that　affinity

with　her　nature　that　Mr。　Mudge；　deluded　creature；　would　never

supplyshe　should　have　been　no　more　tepid　than　her　ladyship。　　Her

deepest　soundings　were　on　two　or　three　occasions　of　finding　herself

almost　sure　that；　if　she　dared；　her　ladyship's　lover　would　have

gathered　relief　from　〃speaking〃　to　her。　　She　literally　fancied　once

or　twice　that；　projected　as　he　was　toward　his　doom；　her　own　eyes

struck　him；　while　the　air　roared　in　his　ears；　as　the　one　pitying

pair　in　the　crowd。　　But　how　could　he　speak　to　her　while　she　sat

sandwiched　there　between　the　counter…clerk　and　the　sounder？



She　had　long　ago；　in　her　comings　and　goings　made　acquaintance　with

Park　Chambers　and　reflected　as　she　looked　up　at　their　luxurious

front　that　they　of　course　would　supply　the　ideal　setting　for　the

ideal　speech。　　There　was　not　an　object　in　London　that；　before　the

season　was　over；　was　more　stamped　upon　her　brain。　　She　went

roundabout　to　pass　it；　for　it　was　not　on　the　short　way；　she　passed

on　the　opposite　side　of　the　street　and　always　looked　up；　though　it

had　taken　her　a　long　time　to　be　sure　of　the　particular　set　of

windows。　　She　had　made　that　out　finally　by　an　act　of　audacity　that

at　the　time　had　almost　stopped　her　heart…beats　and　that　in

retrospect　greatly　quickened　her　blushes。　　One　evening　she　had

lingered　late　and　watchedwatched　for　some　moment　when　the　porter；

who　was　in　uniform　and　often　on　the　steps；　had　gone　in　with　a

visitor。　　Then　she　followed　boldly；　on　the　calculation　that　he

would　have　taken　the　visitor　up　and　that　the　hall　would　be　free。

The　hall　WAS　free；　and　the　electric　light　played　over　the　gilded

and　lettered　board　that　showed　the　names　and　numbers　of　the

occupants　of　the　different　floors。　　What　she　wanted　looked　straight

at　herCaptain　Everard　was　on　the　third。　　It　was　as　if；　in　the

immense　intimacy　of　this；　they　were；　for　the　instant　and　the　first

time；　face　to　face　outside　the　cage。　　Alas！　they　were　face　to　face

but　a　second　or　two：　　she　was　whirled　out　on　the　wings　of　a　panic

fear　that　he　might　just　then　be　entering　or　issuing。　　This　fear　was

indeed；　in　her　shameless　deflexions；　never　very　far　from　her；　and

was　mixed　in　the　oddest　way　with　depressions　and　disappointments。

It　was　dreadful；　as　she　trembled　by；　to　run　the　risk　of　looking　to

him　as　if　she　basely　hung　about；　and　yet　it　was　dreadful　to　be

obliged　to　pass　only　at　such　moments　as　put　an　encounter　out　of　the

question。



At　the　horrible　hour　of　her　first　coming　to　Cocker's　he　was　always…

…it　was　to　be　hopedsnug　in　bed；　and　at　the　hour　of　her　final

departure　he　was　of　courseshe　had　such　things　all　on　her

fingers'…endsdressing　for　dinner。　　We　may　let　it　pa