the captives-第35部分

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d　。　。　。〃

The　voice　sank：　Maggie's　teeth　chattered　in　her　head　from　the　cold；　and　her　foot　had　gone　to　sleep。　She　felt　obstinate　and　rebellious　and　frightened；　she　could　not　think　clearly；　and　the　words　that　came　from　her；　suddenly；　seemed　to　her　not　to　be　her　own。

〃Aunt　Anne；　I　want　to　do　everything　that　you　and　Aunt　Elizabeth　think　I　should；　but　I　must　be　myself；　mustn't　I？　I'm　grown　up　now；　I've　got　my　three　hundred　pounds　and　I　don't　think　I　want　to　be　religious。　I'm　very　grateful　to　you　and　Aunt　Elizabeth；　but　I'm　not　a　help　to　you　much；　I'm　afraid。　I　know　I'm　very　careless；　I　do　want　to　be　better；　and　that's　all　the　more　reason；　perhaps；　why　I　should　go　out　and　earn　my　own　living。　I'd　learn　more　quickly　then。　But　I　do　love　you　and　Aunt　Elizabeth　。　。　。〃

She　broke　off；　she　did　not　love　them。　She　knew　that　she　did　not。　The　only　human　being　in　all　the　world　whom　she　loved　was　Martin。　Nevertheless　there　did　come　to　her　suddenly　then　a　new　tenderness　for　her　aunt；　the　actual　sight　of　her　pain　in　the　Chapel　had　deeply　touched　her　and　now　her　eagerness　for　escape　was　mingled　with　a　longing　to　be　affectionate　and　good。

But　Aunt　Anne　did　not　seem　to　have　heard。

〃Are　you　sure　you're　not　cold；　dear？〃

〃No；　aunt。〃

Their　hands　touched。

〃But　you　are。　Put　that　rug　over　you。　That　one　at　the　end　of　the　bed。　I'm　quiet　now。　I　think　perhaps　I　shall　sleep　a　little。〃

〃Is　there　anything　I　can　do？〃

〃Perhaps　turn　the　lamp　down；　dear。　That's　it。　A　little　more。　Now；　if　you'd　just　raise　my　pillow。　There；　behind　my　head。　That's　the　way！　Why；　what　a　good　nurse　you　are！〃

Maggie；　as　tenderly　as　she　could；　turned　the　pillow；　patted　it；　placed　it　beneath　her　aunt's　head。　She　was　close　against　her　aunt's　face；　and　the　eyes　seemed　suddenly　so　fierce　and　urgent；　so　insistent　and　powerful；　that　seeing　them　was　like　the　discovery　of　some　blazing　fire　in　an　empty　house。　Most　of　all；　they　were　terrified　eyes。　Maggie　went　back　to　her　chair。　After　that；　she　sat　there　during　the　slow　evolution　of　Eternity；　Eternity　unrolled　itself　before　her；　on　and　on　and　on；　grey　limitless　mist　and　space；　comfortless；　lifeless；　hopeless。　She　had　been　for　many　weeks　leading　a　thoroughly　unwholesome　life　in　that　old　house　with　those　old　women。　She　did　not　herself　know　how　unhealthy　it　had　been；　but　she　knew　that　she　missed　the　wide　fields　and　downs　of　Glebeshire；　the　winds　that　blew　from　the　sea　round　Borhedden；　the　air　that　swirled　and　raced　up　and　down　the　little　stony　strata　of　St。　Dreot。　Now　she　had　been　kept　indoors；　had　had　no　fun　of　any　kind；　had　looked　forward　to　Mr。　Magnus　as　her　chief　diversion。　Then　Martin　had　come；　and　suddenly　she　had　seen　how　dangerously　her　life　was　hemming　her　in。　She　was　losing　courage。　She　would　soon　be　afraid　to　speak　for　herself　at　all；　she　would　soon　。　。　。

In　a　panic　at　these　thoughts；　and　feeling　as　though　some　one　was　trying　to　push　her　down　into　a　coffin　whilst　she　was　still　alive；　she　began　hurriedly　to　speak；　although　she　did　not　know　whether　her　aunt　were　asleep　or　no。

〃I　think　I　ought　to　tell　you；　Aunt　Anne；　that　I　wrote　a　letter　some　days　ago　and　posted　it　myself。　It　was　to　a　lady　who　knew　Father　once　in　Glebeshire；　and　she　said　that　if　ever　I　wanted　help　I　was　to　write　to　her；　and　soalthough　perhaps　I　oughtn't　to　have　done　it　without　asking　you　first；　still　I　was　afraid　you　mightn't　want　me　toso　I　sent　it。　I　wouldn't　like　to　hurt　your　feelings；　Aunt　Anne；　and　it　isn't　that　I'm　not　happy　with　you　and　Aunt　Elizabeth；　but　I　ought　to　be　earning　my　own　living；　oughtn't　I？　And　I've　only　got　my　three　hundred　pounds；　haven't　I？　I'm　not　complaining；　but　I　don't　know　about　anything　yet；　do　I？　I　can't　even　find　my　way　when　I'm　out　with　Aunt　Elizabeth。　And　I'm　afraid　I'll　never　be　really　good　enough　to　be　religious。　Perhaps　if　Father'd　wanted　me　to　be　I　might　be　now；　but　he　never　cared　。　。　。　I　hope　you　won't　be　angry；　Aunt　Anne；　but　I　didn't　like　to…nightI　didn't　really。　When　I　was　there　I　thought　that　soon　I'd　begin　to　cry　like　the　others；　but　it　was　only　because　every　one　else　was　cryingnot　because　I　wanted　to。　I　hope　you　won't　be　angry；　but　I'm　afraid　I'll　never　be　religious　as　you　and　Aunt　Elizabeth　want　me　to　be；　so　don't　you　think　it　will　be　better　for　me　to　start　learning　something　else　right　away？〃

Maggie　poured　all　this　out　and　then　felt　immense　relief。　At　last　she　was　honest　again；　at　last　she　had　said　what　she　felt；　and　they　knew　it　and　could　never　say　that　she　hadn't　been　fair　with　them。　She　felt　that　her　speech　had　cleared　the　air　in　every　kind　of　way。　She　waited　for　her　aunt's　reply。　No　sound　came　from　the　bed。　Had　her　aunt　heard？　Perhaps　she　slept。　Maggie　waited。　Then　timidly；　and　softly　she　said：

〃Aunt　Anne　。　。　。　Aunt　Anne　。　。　。〃

No　reply。　Then　again　in　a　whisper：

〃Aunt　Anne　。　。　。　Aunt　Anne　。　。　。〃

Supposing　Aunt　Anne　。　。　。　Maggie　trembled；　then；　commanding　herself　to　be　calm；　she　bent　towards　the　bed。

〃Aunt　Anne；　are　you　asleep？〃

Suddenly　Aunt　Anne's　face　was　there；　the　eyes　closed；　the　mouth；　the　cheeks　pale　yellow　in　the　faint　reflection　from　the　lamp。　There　was　no　stir；　no　breath。

〃Aunt　Anne；　Aunt　Anne；〃　Maggie　whispered　in　terror　now。　Then　she　saw　that　her　aunt　was　sleeping；　very；　very　faintly　the　sheets　rose　and　fell　and　the　fingers　of　the　hand　on　the　coverlet　trembled　a　little　as　though　they　were　struggling　to　wake。

Then　Aunt　Anne　had　heard　nothing　after　all。　But　it　might　be　that　she　was　pretending；　just　to　see　what　Maggie　would　say。

〃Aunt　Anne；〃　whispered　Maggie　once　more　and　for　the　last　time。　Then　she　sat　back　on　her　seat　again；　her　hands　folded；　staring　straight　in　front　of　her。　After　that　she　did　not　know　for　how　long　she　sat　there　in　a　state　somewhere　between　dream　and　reality。　The　room；　although　it　never　lost　its　familiarity；　grew　uncouthly　strange；　shapes　grey　and　dim　seemed　to　move　beneath　the　windows；　humping　their　backs；　spinning　out　into　long　limbs；　hands　and　legs　and　gigantic　fingers。　The　deadest　hour　of　the　night　was　come；　the　outside　world　seemed　to　press　upon　the　house；　the　whole　world　cold；　thick；　damp；　lifeless；　like　an　animal　slain　and　falling　with　its　full　weight；　crushing　everything　beneath　it。　Perhaps　she　sleptshe　did　not　know。　Martin　seemed　to　be　with　her；　and　against　them　was　Aunt　Anne；　her　back　against　the　door；　her　hands　spread；　refusing　to　let　them　pass。　The　room　joined　in　the　struggle；　the　floor　slipped　beneath　their　tread；　the　curtain　swayed　forward　and　caught　them　in　its　folds；　the　lamp　flickered　and　flickered　and　flickered　。　。　。

She　was　awake　suddenly；　quite　acutely　aware　of　danger。　She　rubbed　her　eyes；　turned；　and　in　the　dim　shadow　saw　her　aunt　sitting　up　in　bed；　her　body　drawn　up　to　its　intensest　height；　her　hands　pressing　down；　flat　upon　the　bed。　Her　eyes　stared　as　though　they　would　break　down　all　boundaries；　but　her　lips　trembled　like　the　lips　of　a　little　child。

〃Aunt　Anne；　what　is　it？〃　Maggie　whispered。

〃It's　the　pain〃　Her　voice　was　far　away　as　though　some　one　were　speaking　from　the　passage　outside　the　door。　〃It's　the　pain　。　。　。　I　can't　。　。　。　much　more　。　。　。〃

Maggie　remembered　what　Martha　had　told　her　about　the　drops。　She　found　the　little　green　bottle；　saw　the　glass　by　the　side　of　it。

Suddenly　she　heard　Aunt　Anne：　〃Oh　no　。　。　。　Oh　no！　God　I　can't　。　。　。　God；　I　can't　。　。　。　I　can't。〃

Maggie　bent　over　the　bed；　she　put　her　hand　behind　her　aunt's　back　and　could　feel　the　whole　body　quivering；　the　flesh　damp　beneath　the　night…dress。　She　steadied　her；　then　put　the　glass　to　her　lips。

The　cry　was　now　a　little　whisper。　〃No　more　。　。　。　I　can　。　。　。　no　more。〃　Then　more　softly　still：　〃Thy　will；　oh　Lord。　As　thou　wiltOur　Father；　which　art　in　Heaven；　Hallowed　。　。　。　Hallowed　。　。　。　Hallowed　。　。　。〃

She　sank　down　on　to　her　pillows。

〃Is　it　better？〃　Maggie　asked。

Her　aunt　caught　her　hand。

〃You　mustn't　leave　me。　I　shan't　live　long；　but　you　must　stay　with　me　until　I　go。　Promise　me！　Promise　me！〃

〃No；　I　can't　promise；〃　said　Maggie。

〃You　must　stay。　You　must　stay。〃

〃No　I　can't　promise。〃　Then　suddenly　kneeling　down　by　the　bed　she　put　her　hand　on　the　other's　arm：　〃Aunt　Anne；　I'll　do　anything　for　you　anythingto　make　you　betterif　I　can　help　。　。　。　but　not　a　promise；　I　can't　promise。〃

〃Ah；　but　you　will　stay；〃　Aunt　Anne's　whisper　trembled　with　its　certainty。

That　seemed　the　climax　of　the　night　to　Maggie　then。　She　felt　that　she　was　indeed　held　for　eternity　by　the　house；　the　Chapel；　and　something　beyond　the　Chapel。　The　scent　of　the　medicine；　the　closeness　of　the　room；　the　darkness　and　the　sickness；　seemed　to　close　all　about　her　。　。　。　　She　was　at　the　bottom　of　a　deep　well；　and　she　would　never　get　out；　she　would　never　get　out　。　。　。

The　door　slowly；　very　softly　opened；　and　old　Martha　looked　in。

〃She's　been　very　bad；〃　whispered　Maggie。

〃Ay；　I　heard　something。　That's　why　I　came。　You　gave　her　the　drops？〃

〃Yes。〃

〃She'll　sleep　a　bit　now。　I'll　take　your　place；　Miss　Maggie。　It's　time　you　went　back　to　your　bed。〃

Maggie　crept　away。

She　came　down　to　breakfast　to　find　the　house　bathed　in　sunlight　and　the　parrot　singing　hoarsely　〃And　her　golden　hair　was　hanging　down　her　back。〃　Aunt　Elizabeth　was　there；　cheerful　and　almost　merry　in　her　bird…like　fashion。　The　world　was　normal；　ghosts　out　of　fashion；　and　this　morning　was　the　day　on　which　the　silver　was　cleaned。　This　last　was　Maggie's　business；　and　very　badly　she　did　it；　never　being　〃thorough；〃　and　having　a　fatal　habit　of　thinking　of　other　things。　Porridge；　eggs　and　bacon；　marmalade

〃Andher　golden　hair　was　hanging〃　croaked　Edward。

〃Your　aunt　won't　come　down　this　morning；　Maggie。　She's　much　better。　The　sun's　shining。　A　little　walk　will　be　a　good　thing。　I'll　buy　the　calico　that　Anne　talked　about。　Your　aunt's　better。〃

Maggie　felt　ashamed　of　herself。　What　desperate　silly　feelings　had　she　allowed　last　night？　How　much　she　had　made　of　that　service；　and　how　weak　she　was　to　give　way　so　easily！

〃I'll　clean　the　silver；〃　she　thought。　〃I'll　do　it　better　than　ever〃…　…but　unfortunately　she　had　a　hole　in　her　stocking；　and　Aunt　Elizabeth；　like　a　sparrow　who　has　found　a　worm；　told　her　about　it。

〃Mr。　Crashaw's　coming　to　tea　this　afternoon；〃　she　concluded。

〃That's　why　Anne's　staying　in　bedto　be　well　enough。〃　The　stocking　and　Mr。　Crashaw　dimmed　a　little　of　the　morning's　radiance；　but　b