the captives-第38部分

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oneliness；　young　and　solitary　like　the　moon　above　himand　yetalso　some　feeling　softer　than　interest　so　that　he　was　suddenly　touched　as　he　thought　of　her　and　spoke　out　aloud：　〃I'll　be　good　to　herwhatever　happens；　by　God　I'll　be　good　to　her；〃　so　that　a　chauffeur　near　him　turned　and　looked　with　hard　scornful　eyes；　and　a　girl　somewhere　laughed。　With　all　his　conventional　dislike　of　being　in　any　way　〃odd〃　he　walked　hurriedly　on；　confused　and　wondering　more　than　ever　what　it　was　that　had　happened　to　him。　Always　before　he　had　known　his　own　mindnow；　in　everything；　he　seemed　to　be　pulled　two　ways。　It　was　as　though　some　spell　had　been　thrown　over　him。

It　was　a　lovely　evening　and　he　walked　slowly；　not　wishing　to　enter　his　house　too　quickly。　He　realised　that　he　had；　during　the　last　weeks；　found　nothing　there　but　trouble。　And　if　Maggie　wished；　in　spite　of　what　he　had　told　her；　to　go　on　with　him？　And　if　his　father；　impatient　at　last；　definitely　asked　him　to　stay　at　home　altogether　and　insisted　on　an　answer？　And　if　his　gradually　increasing　estrangement　with　his　sister　broke　into　open　quarrel？　And　if；　strangest　of　all；　this　religious　business；　that　in　such　manifestations　as　the　Chapel　service　of　last　night　he　hated　with　all　his　soul；　held　him　after　all？

He　was　in　Garrick　Street；　outside　the　curiosity　shop；　his　latchkey　in　his　hand。　He　stopped　and　stared　down　the　street　as　he　had　done　once　before；　weeks　ago。　Was　not　the　root　of　all　his　trouble　simply　this；　that　he　was　becoming　against　his　will　interested；　drawn　in？　That　there　were　things　going　on　that　his　common　sense　rejected　as　nonsense；　but　that　nevertheless　were　throwing　out　feelers　like　the　twisting　threats　of　an　octopus；　touching　him　now；　only　faintly；　here　for　a　second；　there　for　a　second；　but　fascinating；　holding　him　so　that　he　could　not　run　away？　Granted　that　Thurston　was　a　charlatan；　Miss　Avies　a　humbug；　his　sister　a　fool；　his　father　a　dreamer；　Crashaw　a　fanatic；　did　that　mean　that　the　power　behind　them　all　was　sham？　Was　that　force　that　he　had　felt　when　he　was　a　child　simply　eager　superstition？　What　was　behind　this　street；　this　moon；　these　hurrying　figures；　his　own　daily　life　and　thoughts？　Was　there　really　a　vast　conspiracy；　a　huge　involving　plot　moving　under　the　cardboard　surface　of　the　world；　a　plot　that　he　had　by　an　accident　of　birth　spied　upon　and　discovered？

Always；　every　day　now；　thoughts；　suspicions；　speculations　were　coming　upon　him；　uninvited；　undesired；　from　somewhere；　from　some　one。　He　did　not　want　them　he　wanted　only　the　material　physical　life　of　the　ordinary　man。　It　must　be　because　he　was　idling。　He　would　get　work　at　once；　join　with　some　one　in　the　City；　go　abroad　again　。　。　。　but　perhaps　even　then　he　would　not　escape。　Thoughts　like　those　of　the　last　weeks　did　not　depend　for　their　urgency　on　place　or　time。　And　Maggie；　she　was　mixed　up　in　it　all。　He　was　aware；　as　he　hesitated　before　opening　the　door；　of　the　strangest　feeling　of　belonging　to　her；　not　love；　nor　passion；　not　sentiment　even。　Only　as　though　he　had　suddenly　realised　that　with　new　perils　he　had　received　also　new　protection。

He　went　upstairs　with　a　feeling　that　he　was　on　the　eve　of　events　that　would　change　his　whole　world。

As　Martin　climbed　to　the　top　of　the　black　crooked　staircase　he　was　conscious；　as　though　it　had　been　shown　him　in　a　vision；　that　he　was　on　the　edge　of　some　scene　that　might　shape　for　him　the　whole　course　of　his　future　life。　He　had　been　aware；　once　or　twice　before；　of　such　a　premonition；　and；　as　with　most　men；　half　of　him　had　rejected　and　half　of　him　received　the　warning。　To…day；　however；　there　were　reasons　enough　for　thinking　this　no　mere　baseless　superstition。　With　Maggie；　with　his　father；　with　his　sister；　with　his　own　life　the　decision　had　got　to　be　taken；　and　it　was　with　an　abrupt　determination　that　he　would　end；　at　all　costs；　the　fears　and　uncertainties　of　these　last　weeks　that　he　pushed　back　the　hall…door　and　entered。　He　noticed　at　once　strange　garments　hanging　on　the　rack　and　a　bright　purple　umbrella　which　belonged；　as　he　knew；　to　a　certain　Mrs。　Alweed；　a　friend　of　his　mother's　and　a　faithful　servant　of　the　Chapel；　stiff　and　assertive　in　the　umbrella…stand。　There　was　a　tea…party　apparently。　Well；　he　could　not　face　that　immediately。　He　would　have　to　go　in　afterwards　。　。　。　　meanwhile　。　。　。

He　turned　down　the　passage；　pushed　back　his　father's　door　and　entered。　He　paused　abruptly　in　the　doorway；　there；　standing　in　front　of　the　window　facing　him；　his　pale　chin　in　the　air；　his　legs　apart；　supercilious　and　self…confident；　stood　Thurston。　His　father's　desk　was　littered　with　papers；　rustling　and　blowing　a　little　in　the　breeze　from　the　window　that　was　never　perfectly　closed。

One　candle；　on　the　edge　of　the　desk；　its　flame　swaying　in　the　air　was　the　only　light。　Martin's　first　impulse　was　to　turn　abruptly　back　again　and　go　up　to　his　room。　He　could　not　speak　to　that　fellow　now；　he　could　not！　He　half　turned。　Then　something　stopped　him：

〃Halloo！〃　he　said。　〃Where's　father？〃

〃Don't　know；〃　said　Thurston；　sucking　the　words　through　his　teeth。　〃I've　been　wanting　him　too。〃

〃Well；　as　he　isn't　here〃　said　Martin　fiercely。

〃No　use　me　waiting？　Quite　so。　All　the　same　I'm　going　to　wait。〃

The　two　figures　were　strangely　contrasted；　Martin　red…brown　with　health；　thick　and　square；　Thurston　pale　with　a　spotted　complexion；　dim　and　watery　eyes；　legs　and　arms　like　sticks；　his　black　clothes　shabby　and　his　boots　dusty。

Nevertheless　at　that　moment　it　was　Thurston　who　had　the　power。　He　moved　forward　from　the　window。　〃Makes　you　fair　sick　to　see　me　anywhere　about　the　'ouse；　doesn't　it？　Oh；　I　know　。　。　。　You　can't　kid　me。　I've　seen　from　the　first。　You　fair　loathe　the　sight　of　me。〃

〃That's　nothing　to　do　with　it；〃　said　Martin　uneasily。　〃Whether　we　like　one　another　or　not；　there's　no　need　to　discuss　it。〃

〃Oh；　isn't　there？〃　said　Thurston；　coming　a　little　closer　so　that　he　was　standing　now　directly　under　the　light　of　the　candle。　〃Why　not？　Why　shouldn't　we？　What's　the　'arm？　I　believe　in　discussing　things　myself。　I　do　really。　I've　said　to　myself　a　long　way　back。　'Well；　now；　the　first　time　I　get　'im　alone　I'll　ask　him　why　'e　does　dislike　me。　I've　always　been　civil　to　him；'　I　says　to　myself；　'and　yet　I　can't　please　himso　I'll　just　ask　him　straight。'〃

Martin　shrugged　his　shoulders；　he　wanted　to　leave　the　room；　but　something　in　Thurston　held　him　there。

〃I　suppose　we　aren't　the　sort　to　get　on　together。　We　haven't　got　enough　in　common；〃　he　said　clumsily。

〃I　don't　know　about　that；〃　Thurston　said　in　a　friendly　conversational　tone。　〃I　shouldn't　wonder　if　we've　got　more　in　common　than　you'd　fancy。　Now　I'll　tell　you　right　out；　I　like　you。　I've　always　liked　you；　and　what's　more　I　always　shall。　Whatever　you　do〃

〃I　don't　care；〃　broke　in　Martin　angrily；　〃whether　you　like　me　or　not。〃

〃No；　I　know　you　don't；〃　Thurston　continued　quietly。　〃And　I　know　what　you　think　of　me；　too。　This　is　your　idea　of　me；　I　reckonthat　I'm　a　pushing；　uneducated　common　bounder　that's　just　using　this　religious　business　to　shove　himself　along　with；　that's　kidding　all　these　poor　old　ladies　that　'e　believes　in　their　bunkum；　and　is　altogether　about　as　low…down　a　fellow　as　you're　likely　to　meet　with。　That's　about　the　colour　of　it；　isn't　it？〃

Martin　said　nothing。　That　was　exactly　〃the　colour　of　it。〃

〃Yes；　well；〃　Thurston　continued；　a　faint　flush　on　his　pale　cheeks。　〃Of　course　I　know　that　all　right。　And　I'll　tell　you　the　idea　that　I　might　'ave　of　youonly　might　'ave；　mind　you。　Why；　that　you're　a　stuck…up　ignorant　sort　of　feller；　that's　been　rolling　up　and　down　all　over　Europe；　gets　a　bit　of　money；　comes　over　and　bullies　his　father；　thinks　'e　knows　better　than　every　one　about　things　'e　knows　nothing　about　whatever〃

〃Look　here；　Thurston；〃　Martin　interrupted；　stepping　forward。　〃I　tell　you　I　don't　care　a　two…penny　curse　what　a　man　like〃

〃I　only　said　might；　mind　you；〃　said　Thurston；　smiling。　〃It's　only　a　short…sighted　fool　would　think　that　of　you　really。　And　I'm　not　a　fool。　No；　really；　I'm　not。　I've　got　quite　another　idea　of　you。　My　idea　is　that　you're　one　of　us　whether　you　want　to　be　or　not；　and　that　you　always　will　be　one　of　us。　That's　why　I　like　you　and　will　be　a　friend　to　you　too。〃

〃I　tell　you　I　don't　want　your　damned　friendship；〃　Martin　cried。　〃I　don't　want　to　have　anything　to　do　with　you　or　your　opinion　or　your　plans　or　anything　else。〃

〃That's　all　right；〃　said　Thurston。　〃I　quite　understand。　It's　natural　enough　to　feel　as　you　do。　But　I'm　afraid　you'll　'ave　to　'ave　something　to　do　with　me。　I'm　not　quite　what　you　think　me；　and　you're　not　quite　what　you　think　yourself。　There's　two　of　each　of　us；　that's　the　truth　of　it。　I　may　be　a　sham　and　a　charlatan；　one　part　of　me；　I　don't　know　I'm　sure。　I　certainly　don't　believe　all　your　governor　does。　I　don't　believe　all　I　say　and　I　don't　say　all　I　think。　But　then　'oo　does？　You　don't　yourself。　I'll　even　tell　you　straight　out　that　when　I　just　came　into　the　business　I　laughed　at　the　lot　of　'em；　your　father　and　all。　'A　silly　lot　o'　softs　they　are；'　I　said　to　myself；　'to　believe　all　that　nonsense。'　But　nowI　don't　know。　When　you've　been　at　this　game　a　bit　you　scarcely　know　what　you　do　believe；　that's　the　truth　of　it。　There　may　be　something　in　it　after　all。　Sometimes　。　。　。　　well；　it　'ud　surprise　you　if　you'd　seen　all　the　things　I　have。　Oh；　I　don't　mean　ghosts　and　spirits　and　all　that　kind　of　nonsense。　No；　but　the　kind　of　thing　that　'appens　to　people　you'd　never　expect。　You're　getting　caught　into　it　yourself；　I've　watched　you　all　along。　But　that　isn't　the　point。　The　point　is　that　I'm　not　so　bad　as　you　think；　nor　so　simple　neither。　And　life　isn't　so　simple；　nor　religion；　nor　love；　nor　anything　as　you　think　it。　You're　young　yet；　you　know。　Very　young。〃

Martin　turned　back　to　the　door。

〃All　very　interesting；　Thurston；〃　he　said。　〃You　can　think　what　you　like；　of　course。　All　the　same；　the　less　we　see　of　one　another〃

〃Well；〃　said　Thurston　slowly；　smiling。　〃That'll　be　a　bit　difficult　to　avoid　one　another；　I　mean。　You　see；　I'm　going　to　marry　your　sister。〃

Martin　laughed。　Inside　him　something　was　saying：　〃Now；　look　out。　This　is　all　a　trap。　He　doesn't　mean　what　he　says。　He's　trying　to　catch　you。〃

〃Going　to　marry　Amy？　Oh　no；　you're　not。〃

Thurston　did　not　appear　to　be　interested　in　anything　that　Martin　h