the captives-第40部分

按键盘上方向键 ← 或 → 可快速上下翻页，按键盘上的 Enter 键可回到本书目录页，按键盘上方向键 ↑ 可回到本页顶部！
————未阅读完？加入书签已便下次继续阅读！



He　scarcely　listened　to　their　chatter。　He　was　forcing　himself　not　to　look　at　his　sister；　and　yet　Thurston's　news　seemed　so　extraordinary　to　him　that　his　eye　kept　stealing　round　to　her　to　see　whether　she　were　still　the　same。　Could　she　have　accepted　him；　that　bounder　and　cad　and　charlatan？　He　felt　a　sudden　cold　chill　of　isolation　as　though　in　this　world　none　of　the　ordinary　laws　were　followed。　〃By　God；　I　am　a　stranger　here；〃　he　thought。　It　was　not　until　after　dinner　that　night　that　he　was　alone　with　his　father。　He　had　resolved　on　many　fine　things　in　the　interval。　He　was　going　to　〃have　it　out　with　him；〃　〃to　put　his　foot　down；〃　〃to　tell　him　that　such　a　thing　as　Thurston's　marriage　to　his　sister　was　perfectly　impossible。〃　And　then；　for　the　thousandth　time　since　his　return　to　England　he　felt　strangely　weak　and　irresolute。　He　did　wish　to　be　〃firm〃　with　his　father；　but　it　would　have　been　so　much　easier　to　be　firm　had　he　not　been　so　fond　of　him。　〃Soft；　sentimental　weakness；〃　he　called　it　to　himself；　but　he　knew　that　it　was　something　deeper　than　that；　something　that　he　would　never　be　able　to　deny。

He　went　into　his　father's　study　that　night　with　a　strange　dismal　foreboding　as　though　he　were　being　drawn　along　upon　some　path　that　he　did　not　want　to　follow。　What　was　his　father　mixed　up　with　all　this　business　for？　Why　were　such　men　as　Thurston　in　existence？　Why　couldn't　life　be　simple　and　straightforward　with　people　like　his　father　and　himself　and　that　girl　Maggie　alone　somewhere　with　nothing　to　interfere？　Life　was　never　just　as　you　wanted　it；　always　a　little　askew；　a　little　twisted；　cynically　cocking　its　eye　at　you　before　it　vanished　round　the　corner？　He　didn't　seem　to　be　able　to　manage　it。　Anyway；　he　wasn't　going　to　have　that　fellow　Thurston　marrying　his　sister。

He　found　his　father　lying　back　in　his　arm…chair　fast　asleep；　looking　like　a　dead　man；　his　long　thin　face　pale　with　fatigue；　his　eyelids　a　dull　grey；　his　mouth　tightly　closed　as　though　in　a　grim　determination　to　pursue　some　battle。　And　at　the　sight　of　him　thus　worn　out　and　beaten　Martin's　affection　flooded　his　heart。　He　stood　opposite　his　father　looking　at　him　and　loving　him　more　deeply　than　he　had　ever　done　before。

〃I　will　take　him　away　from　all　this；〃　was　his　thought；　〃these　Thurstons　and　allout　of　all　this　。　。　。　We'll　go　off　abroad　somewhere。　And　I'll　make　him　fat　and　happy。〃

Then　his　father　suddenly　woke　up；　with　a　start　and　a　cry：　〃Where　am　I？〃　。　。　。　Then　he　suddenly　saw　Martin。　〃Martin；〃　he　said；　smiling。

Martin　smiled　back　and　then　began　at　once：　〃Father；　this　isn't　true　about　Thurston；　is　it？〃

He　saw；　as　he　had　often　done　before；　that　his　father　had　to　call　himself　up　from　some　world　of　vision　before　he　could　realise　even　his　surroundings。　Martin　he　recognised　intuitively　with　the　recognition　of　the　spirit；　but　he　seemed　to　take　in　the　details　of　the　room　slowly；　one　by　one；　as　though　blinded　by　the　light。

〃AhI've　been　dreaming；〃　he　said；　still　smiling　at　Martin　helplessly　and　almost　timidly。　〃I'm　so　tired　these　dayssuddenlyI　usen't　to　be　。　。　。〃　He　put　his　hand　to　his　forehead；　then　laid　it　on　Martin's　knee；　and　the　strength　and　warmth　of　that　seemed　suddenly　to　fill　him　with　vigour。

〃You're　never　tired；　are　you？〃　he　asked　as　a　child　might　ask　an　elder。

〃Very　seldom；〃　answered　Martin；　〃I　say；　father；　what　is　all　this　about　Thurston？〃

〃Thurston　。　。　。　Why；　what's　he　been　doing？〃

〃He　says　he's　engaged　to　Amy。〃　The　disgust　of　the　idea　made　Martin's　words；　against　his　will；　sharp　and　angry。

〃Does　he？　。　。　。　Yes；　I　remember。　He　spoke　to　me　about　it。〃

〃Of　course　it's　simply　his　infernal　cheek　。　。　。〃

Mr。　Warlock　sighed。　〃I　don't　know；　I'm　sure。　Amy　seemed　to　wish　it。〃

Martin　felt　then　more　strongly　than　before　the　Something　that　drove　him。　It　said　to　him：　〃Now；　then　。　。　。　here's　a　thing　for　you　to　make　a　row　abouta　big　row。　And　then　you　can　go　off　with　Maggie。〃　But；　on　the　other　hand；　there　was　Something　that　said：　〃Don't　hurt　him。　Don't　hurt　him。　You　may　regret　it　all　your　life　if　。　。　。〃

If　what？　He　didn't　know。　He　was　always　threatened　with　regretting　things　all　his　life。　The　blow　was　always　going　to　fall。　And　that　pleasant　very　British　phrase　came　back　to　him；　〃He　would　put　his　foot　down〃howeverhe　was　very　angryvery　angry。

He　burst　out：　〃Oh；　but　that's　absurd；　father。　Impossibleutterly。　Thurston　in　the　family？　Why；　you　must　see　yourself　how　monstrous　it　would　be。　Amy's　got　some　silly；　sentimental　whim　and　she's　got　to　be　told　that　it　won't　do。　If　you　ask　me；　I　don't　think　Amy's　improved　much　since　I　was　away。　But　that's　not　the　question。　The　idea　of　Thurston's　disgusting。　You　can't　seriously　consider　it　for　a　minute　。　。　。〃

〃Why　is　Thurston　disgusting；　my　boy？〃

Martin　hated　to　be　called　〃my　boy〃it　made　him　feel　so　young　and　dependent。

〃You've　only　got　to　look　at　him！〃　Martin　jumped　up；　disregarding　his　father's　hand；　and　began　to　stamp　about　the　room。　〃He's　a　cadhe's　not　your　friend；　father。　He　isn't；　really。　He'd　like　to　out　you　from　the　whole　thing　if　he　could。　He　thinks　you're　old…fashioned　and　behind　the　times；　and　all　he　thinks　about　is　bringing　in　subscriptions　and　collecting　new　converts。　He's　like　one　of　those　men　who　beat　drums　outside　tents　in　a　fair　。　。　。　He's　a　sickening　man！　He　doesn't　believe　in　his　religion　or　anything　else。　I　should　think　he's　crooked　about　money；　and　immoral　probably　too。　You're　much　too　innocent；　father。　You're　so　good　and　trustful　yourself　that　you　don't　know　how　these　fellows　are　doing　you　in。　There's　a　regular　plot　against　you　and　they'd　be　most　awfully　pleased　if　you　were　to　retire。　They're　not　genuine　like　you。　They　simply　use　the　Chapel　for　self…advertisement　and　making　money。　Of　course　there　are　some　genuine　ones　like　the　Miss　Cardinals；　but　Thurston's　an　absolute　swindler　。　。　。〃

He　stopped　short　at　that。　He　had　said　more　than　he　had　intended　and　he　was　frightened　suddenly。　He　swung　round　on　his　heel　and　looked　at　his　father。

〃Come　here；　Martin。〃　He　came　across　the　room。　〃Closer。　Now；　tell　me。　We're　good　friends；　aren't　we？〃

〃Of　course；　father。〃

He　put　his　hand　on　his　son's　shoulder。　〃Do　you　know　that　I　love　you　more　than　anything　in　the　whole　world？　More；　I'm　sometimes　terribly　afraid；　than　God　Himself。　I　can't　help　myself。　I　love　you；　Martin；　so　that　it's　like　hunger　or　thirst　。　。　。　It's　the　only　earthly　passion　that　I've　ever　had。　And　I'll　tell　you　another　thing。　It's　the　one　terror　of　my　earthly　life　that　you'll　leave　me。　Now　that　I've　got　you　back　I'm　afraid　every　time　you　go　out　of　the　house　that　you'll　run　away；　round　the　corner；　and　never　come　back　again。　I　love　you　and　I'm　not　going　to　let　you　go　again。Not　untiluntilthe　Time　has　come　。　。　。　What　does　it　matter　to　you　and　me　what　Thurston　and　Amy　do？　God　will　come　and　He　will　find　us　both　togetheryou　and　Iand　He　will　take　us　up　and　keep　us　together　and　we　shall　never　be　separated　any　more　。　。　。　I　love　your　strength；　Martin；　your　happiness；　your　youthall　the　things　I've　never　had。　And　you're　not　going　to　leave　me；　not　though　Amy　married　a　hundred　Thurstons　。　。　。〃

Mr。　Warlock's　grip　on　his　son's　shoulder　was　iron。

Martin　bent　down　and　sat　on　the　arm　of　his　dusty　leather　chair　to　bring　himself　on　to　the　same　level。　He　put　his　arm　round　his　father　and　drew　him　close　to　him。　Maggie；　Life；　Money；　Adventure　everything　seemed　to　draw　away　from　him　and　he　saw　himself；　a　little　boy；　pattering　on　bare　feet　down　the　aisle　towards　the　fontjust　as　though　a　spell　had　been　cast　over　him。

They　sat　close　together　in　silence。　Then　slowly　the　thought　of　Thurston　came　back　again。　Martin　drew　away　a　little。

〃All　the　same；　father；〃　he　said；　〃Thurston　mustn't　marry　Amy。〃

〃They're　only　engaged。　There's　no　question　of　marriage　yet。〃

〃Then　they　are　engaged？〃　Martin　drew　right　away；　standing　up　again。

〃Oh；　yes；　they're　engaged。〃

〃Then　I'm　not　going　to　stand　it。　I　tell　you　I　won't　stay　here　if　Thurston　marries　Amy。〃

Mr。　Warlock　sighed。　〃Well　then；　let's　leave　it；　my　boy。　I　daresay　they'll　never　marry。〃

〃No。　I　won't　have　it。　It's　too　serious　to　leave。〃

His　father's　voice　was　sharper　suddenly。

〃Well；　we　won't　talk　about　it　just　now；　Martin；　if　you　don't　mind。〃

〃But　I　must。　You　can't　leave　a　thing　like　that。　Thurston　will　simply　own　the　place　。　。　。〃

〃I　tell　you；　Martin；　to　leave　it　alone。〃　They　were　both　angry　now。

〃And　I　tell　you；　father；　that　if　you　let　Thurston　marry　Amy　I　leave　the　house　and　never　come　back　again。〃

〃Isn't　that　rather　selfish　of　you？　You've　been　away　all　these　years。　You've　left　us　to　ourselves。　You　come　back　suddenly　without　seeing　how　we　live　or　caring　and　then　you　dictate　to　us　what　we're　to　do。　How　can　you　expect　us　to　listen？〃

〃And　how　can　you　expect　me　to　stay？〃　Martin　broke　into　a　torrent　of　words：　〃I'm　miserable　here　and　you　know　that　I　am。　Mother　and　Amy　hate　me　and　you're　always　wrapped　up　in　your　religion。　What　kind　of　a　place　is　it　for　a　fellow？　I　came　back　meaning　that　you　and　I　should　be　the　best　pals　father　and　son　have　ever　been；　but　you　wouldn't　come　out　with　meyou　only　wanted　to　drag　me　in。　You　tell　me　always　to　wait　for　something。　To　wait　for　what？　I　don't　know。　And　nobody　here　does　seem　to　know。　And　I　can't　wait　for　ever。　I've　got　to　lead　my　own　life　and　if　you　won't　come　with　me　I　must　go　off　by　myself〃

He　was　following　his　own　ideas　nownot　looking　at　his　father　at　all。　〃I've　discovered　since　I've　been　home　that　I'm　not　the　sort　of　fellow　to　settle　down。　I　suppose　I　shall　go　on　wandering　about　all　my　days。　I'm　not　proud　of　myself；　you　know；　father。　I　don't　seem　to　be　much　good　to　any　one；　but　the　trouble　is　I　don't　want　to　be　much　better。　I　feel　as　though　it　wouldn't　be　much　good　if　I　did　try。　I　can't　give　up　my　own　lifefor　nobodynot　even　for　youand　however　rotten　my　own　life　is　I'd　rather　lead　it　than　some　one　else's。〃

He　stopped　and　then　went　on　quietly；　as　though　he　were　arguing　something　out　with　himself：　〃The　strange　thing　is　that　I　do　feel　this　place　has　got　a　kind　of　a　hold　on　me。　When　you　remind　me　of　what　I　was　like　as　a　kid　I　go　right　back　and　feel　helpless　as　though　you　could　do　anything　with　me　you　like。　All　the　same　I　don't　believe　in　this　business；　fatherall　this　Second　Coming　and　the　rest　of　it。　We're　in　the　Twentieth　Century　now；　you　know；　and　ev