the captives-第45部分

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k。

〃I'm　tired　。　。　。〃　she　murmured〃expecting　youafraid　that　you　wouldn't　come。〃

〃I　believe　that　I　would　have　come；〃　he　answered　quite　fiercely；　〃even　if　I　hadn't　had　the　noteI　was　determined　to　see　you　to…night　some　way。　But　you　know；　Maggie；　it　had　better　be　for　the　last　time　。　。　。〃

〃No；〃　she　said；　whispering；　〃it's　the　first　time。〃

〃Let's　sit　down　here；〃　he　said。　〃We're　alone　all　right。〃

There　was　no　seat　near　them。　The　trees　made　a　cave　of　black　above　them；　and　in　front　of　them　the　grass　swept　like　a　grey　beach　into　mist。　There　was　no　sound　save　a　distant　whirr　like　the　hum　of　a　top　that　died　to　a　whisper　and　then　was　lashed　by　some　infuriated　god　to　activity　again。

They　sat　close　together　on　the　bench。　She　felt　his　arm　move　out　as　though　he　would　embrace　her；　then　suddenly　he　drew　back。

〃No；〃　he　said；　〃until　we've　talked　this　out　we've　got　to　be　like　strangers。　We　can't　go　on；　you　know；　Maggie；　and　it's　no　use　your　saying　we　can。〃

She　pressed　her　hands　tightly　together。　〃I　can　convince　him　better；〃　she　thought　to　herself；　〃if　I'm　very　quiet　and　matter…of…fact。〃　So；　speaking　very　calmly　and　not　looking　at　him；　she　went　on：

〃But；　Martin；　you　promised　last　time　that　it　would　depend　on　me　。　。　。　You　said　that　if　I　didn't　mind　your　being　married　and　was　willing　to　take　risks　that　we　would　go　on　together。　Well；　I've　thought　all　about　it　and　I　know　that　I'd　rather　be　miserable　with　you　than　happy　with　any　one　else。　But　then　I　shouldn't　be　miserable。　You　seem　to　think　you　could　make　me　miserable　just　as　soon　as　you　like。　But　that　depends　on　myself。　If　I　don't　want　to　be　miserable　nobody　can　make　me　be。〃　She　paused。　He　moved　a　little　closer　and　suddenly　took　her　hand。

She　drew　it　away　and　went　on：

〃Don't　think　I'm　inexperienced　about　this；　Martin。　You　say　I　know　nothing　about　men。　Perhaps　I　don't。　But　I　know　myself。　I　know　what　I　want；　and　I　can　look　after　myself。　However　badly　you　treated　me；　it　would　be　you　that　I　was　with　all　the　time。〃

〃No；　no；　Maggie；〃　he　answered；　speaking　rapidly　and　as　though　he　were　fiercely　protesting　against　some　one。　〃It　isn't　that　at　all。　You　say　you　know　yourselfbut　then　I　know　myself。　It　isn't　only　that　I'm　a　rotten　fellow。　It　is　that　I　seem　to　bring　a　curse　on　every　one　I'm　fond　of。　I　love　my　father；　and　I've　come　back　and　made　him　miserable。　It's　always　like　that。　And　if　I　made　you　miserable　it　would　be　the　worst　thing　I　ever　did　。　。　。　I　don't　even　know　whether　I　love　you。　If　I　do　it's　different　from　any　love　I've　ever　had。　Other　women　I'd　be　mad　about。　I'd　go　for　them　whatever　happened　and　got　them　somehow；　and　I　wouldn't　care　a　bit　whether　they　were　happy　or　no。　But　I　feel　about　you　almost　as　though　you　were　a　mannot　sensually　at　all；　but　that　safe　steady　security　that　you　feel　for　a　man　sometimes　。　。　。　You're　so　restful　to　be　with。　I　feel　now　as　though　you　were　the　one　person　in　the　world　who　could　turn　me　into　a　decent　human　being。　I　feel　as　though　we　were　just　meant　to　move　along　together；　but　then　some　other　woman　would　come　like　a　fire　and　off　I'd　go　。　。　。　Then　I'd　hate　myself　worse　than　ever　and　be　really　finished。〃

Maggie　looked　at　him。

〃You　don't　love　me　then；　Martin？〃　she　asked。

〃Yes　I　do；〃　he　answered　suddenly；　〃I　keep　telling　myself　that　I　don't；　but　I　know　that　I　do。　Only　it's　different。　It's　as　though　I　were　loving　myself；　the　better　part　of　myself。　Not　something　new　and　wildly　exciting；　but　something　old　that　I　had　known　always　and　that　had　always　been　with　me。　If　I　went　away　now。　Maggie；　I　know　I'd　come　back　one　dayperhaps　years　afterwardsbut　I　know　I'd　come　back。　It's　like　that　religious　part　of　me；　like　my　legs　and　my　arms。　Oh！　it's　not　of　my　own　comfort　I'm　doubting；　but　it's　you！　。　。　。　I　don't　want　to　hurt　you；　Maggie　darling；　just　as　I've　hurt　every　one　I　loved〃

〃I'll　come　with　you；　Martin；〃　said　Maggie；　〃as　long　as　you　want　me；　and　if　you　don't　want　me；　later　you　will　again　and　I'll　be　waiting　for　you。〃

He　put　his　arm　round　her。　She　crept　up　close　to　him；　nestled　into　his　coat　and　put　her　hand　up　to　his　cheek。　He　bent　down　his　head　and　they　kissed。

After　that　there　could　be　no　more　argument。　What　had　he　not　intended　to　press　upon　her？　With　what　force　arid　power　had　he　not　planned　to　persuade　her？　How　he　would　tell　her　that　he　did　not　love　her；　that　he　would　not　be　faithful　to　her；　that　he　would　treat　her　cruelly。　Now　it　was　all　gone。　With　a　gesture　of　almost　ironic　abandonment　he　flung　away　his　scruples。　It　was　always　so；　life　was　stronger　than　he。　He　had　tried；　in　this　at　least；　to　behave　like　a　decent　man。　But　life　did　not　want　him　to　be　decent　。　。　。

And　how　he　needed　that　rest　that　she　gave　him！　As　he　felt　her　close　up　against　him；　folded　into　him　with　that　utterly　naif　and　childish　trust　that　had　allured　and　charmed　him　on　the　very　first　occasion；　he　felt　nothing　but　a　sweet　and　blessed　rest。　He　would　not　think　of　the　future。　He　would　not　。　。　。　HE　WOULD　NOT。　And　perhaps　all　would　be　well。　As　he　pressed　her　closer　to　him；　as　he　felt　her　lips　suddenly　strike　through　the　dark；　find　his　check　and　then　his　mouth；　as　he　felt　her　soft　confident　hand　find　his　and　then　close　and　fold　inside　it　like　a　flower；　he　wondered　whether　this　once　he　might　not　force　things　to　be　right。　It　was　time　he　took　things　in　hand。　He　could。　He　must　。　。　。

He　began　to　whisper　to　her：

〃Maggie　darling　。　。　。　It　mayn't　be　bad。　I'll　find　out　where　this　other　woman　is　and　she　shall　divorce　me。　I'll　arrange　it　all。　And　we'll　go　away　somewhere　where　I　can　work；　and　we　won't　allow　anybody　to　interfere。　After　all；　I'm　older　now。　The　mess　I've　been　in　before　is　because　I　always　make　wrong　shots　。　。　。〃

His　words　ceased。　Their　hearts　were　beating　too　tumultuously　together　for　words　to　be　possible。　Maggie　did　not　wish　to　speak；　she　could　not。　She　was　mingled　with　him；　her　heart　his；　her　lips　his；　her　check　his　。　。　。　She　did　not　believe　that　words　would　come　even　though　she　wished　for　them。　She　was　utterly　happyso　utterly　that　she　was；　as　it　were；　numb　with　happiness。　They　murmured　one　another's　names。

〃Martin。〃

〃Maggie！　。　。　。〃

At　last；　dreaming；　scarcely　knowing　what　they　did；　like　two　children　in　a　dark　wood；　they　wandered　towards　home。




CHAPTER　VIII

PARADISE


Maggie　had　never　really　been　happy　before。　She　had　of　course　not　known　this；　her　adventures　in　introspection　had　been　very　few；　besides　she　had　not　known　what　happiness　looked　like；　her　father；　her　uncle；　and　her　aunts　were　not　exactly　happy　people　。　。　。

Now　she　flung　herself　without　thought　or　care　into　a　flood　of　happiness；　and　as　sometimes　occurs　in　life；　she　was　granted　by　the　gods；　beneficent　or　ironic　as　you　please；　a　period　of　security　when　everything　menacing　or　dangerous　withdrew　and　it　seemed　as　though　the　whole　world　were　in　a　conspiracy　to　cheat　her　into　confidence。　She　was　confident　because　she　did　not　think；　she　simply　did　not　think　at　all。　She　loved　Martin　and　Martin　loved　her；　cased　in　that　golden　armour；　she　confronted　her　aunts　and　the　house　and　the　world　behind　the　house　with　a　sublime　and　happy　confidence。　She　loved　her　aunts　now；　she　loved　Martha　and　the　parrot　and　the　cat；　and　she　could　not　believe　that　they　did　not　all　love　her。　Because　Martin　loved　her　the　rest　of　the　world　must　also　do　so；　and　if　they　did　not　she　would　compel　them。

For　three　whole　weeks　the　spell　lasted；　for　three　marvellous　golden　weeks。　When　she　looked　back　afterwards　she　wondered　that　she　had　not　seen　many　things；　warnings；　portents；　whatever　you　please　to　call　them。　But　for　three　weeks　she　saw　nothing　but　Martin；　and　for　three　weeks　he　saw　nothing　but　Maggie。

She　began　her　career　of　defiance　at　once　by　informing　Aunt　Anne　that　she　was　now　going　out　every　morning　to　do　her　shopping。　Considering　the　confinement　to　the　house　that　her　life　had　always　been；　this　was　such　a　declaration　of　independence　as　those　walls　had　never　encountered　before。　But　Aunt　Anne　never　turned　one　of　her　shining　neatly　ordered　hairs。　〃Shopping；　my　dear？〃　she　asked。　〃Yes；〃　said　Maggie；　looking　her　full　in　the　face。　〃What　sort　of　shopping；　dear？〃　〃Oh；　I　don't　know；〃　said　Maggie。　〃There's　always　something　every　day。〃

Maggie　had　an　uncomfortable　feeling　that　her　aunt　had　in　some　way　mysteriously　defeated　her　by　this　sudden　abandonment　of　all　protest；　and　for　a　moment　the　mysterious　house　closed　around　her；　with　its　shadows　and　dim　corners　and　the　little　tinkling　Chapel　hell　in　the　heart　of　it。　But　the　thought　of　Martin　dissolved　the　shadows；　and　off　she　went。

They　agreed　to　meet　every　morning　at　eleven　o'clock　outside　Hatchards；　the　bookseller's；　in　Piccadilly。　They　chose　that　place　because　you　could　look　into　a　bookseller's　window　for　quite　a　long　time　without　seeming　odd；　and　there　were　so　many　people　passing　that　no　one　noticed　you。　Their　habit　then　was　to　walk　to　the　corner　of　the　Green　Park　and　there　climb　on　to　the　top　of　a　motor　omnibus　and　go　as　far　as　they　could　within　the　allotted　time。　Maggie　never　in　after　life　found　those　streets　again。　They　had　gone；　she　supposed；　to　Chelsea；　to　St。　John's　Wood；　to　the　heart　of　the　city；　to　the　Angel；　Islington；　to　Westminster　and　beyond；　but　places　during　those　three　weeks　had　no　names；　streets　had　no　stones；　houses　no　walls；　and　human　figures　no　substantiality。　They　tried　on　one　or　two　occasions　to　go　by　Tube；　but　they　missed　the　swing　of　the　open　air；　the　rush　of　the　wind；　and　their　independence　of　men　and　women。　Often　he　tried　to　persuade　her　to　stay　with　him　for　luncheon　and　the　afternoon；　but　she　was　wiser　than　he。

〃No；〃　she　said；　〃everything　depends　on　keeping　them　quiet。　A　little　later　on　it　will　be　lovely。　You　must　leave　that　part　of　it　to　me。〃

She　promised　him　definitely　that　soon　they　should　go　to　a　matinee　together；　but　she　would　not　give　her　word　about　a　whole　evening。　In　some　strange　way　she　was　frightened　of　the　evening；　although　she　had　already　pledged　her　word　to　him　on　something　much　more　final：　〃No；〃　she　thought　to　herself；　〃when　the　moment　comes　for　me　to　leave　everything；　I　will　go；　but　he　shall　know　that　I　am　not　doing　it　cheaply；　simply　for　an　evening's　fun。〃　He　felt　something　of　that　too；　and　did　not　try　to　persuade　her。　He　hugged　his　unselfishness；　for　the　first　time　in　his　life　it　seemed　to　him　that　he　wanted　to　follow　somebody　els