the captives-第46部分

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unselfishness；　for　the　first　time　in　his　life　it　seemed　to　him　that　he　wanted　to　follow　somebody　else's　will；　with　the　other　women　it　had　been　so　different；　if　they　had　not　wanted　to　obey　him　he　had　left　them。　But　indeed　all　through　these　three　weeks　they　were　discovering　themselves　and　one　another；　and；　as　though　it　were　part　of　the　general　conspiracy；　only　the　best　part　of　themselves。　On　the　top　of　the　'bus；　as　they　sat　close　together；　their　hands　locked　under　his　overcoat；　the　world　bumping　and　jolting；　and　jogging　about　their　feet；　as　though　indeed　public　houses　and　lamp…posts　and　cinemas　and　town　halls　and　sweet…shops　were　always　jumping　up　tiptoe　to　see　whether　they　couldn't　catch　a　glimpse　of　the　lovers；　Martin　and　Maggie　felt　that　they　were　really　divine　creatures；　quite　modestly　divine；　but　nevertheless　safe　from　all　human　ravages　and　earthly　failings；　wicked　and　cowardly　thoughts；　and　ambitions　and　desires。

Indeed；　during　those　three　weeks　Maggie　saw　nothing　of　Martin's　weaknesses；　his　suspicions　and　dreads；　his　temper　and　self…　abasement。　The　nobility　that　Martin　had　in　him　was　true　nobility；　his　very　weaknesses　came　from　his　sharp　consciousness　of　what　purity　and　self…sacrifice　and　asceticism　really　were；　and　that　they　were　indeed　the　only　things　for　man　to　live　by。　During　those　weeks　he　saw　so　truly　the　sweetness　and　fidelity　and　simplicity　of　Maggie　that　his　conscience　was　killed；　his　scruples　were　numbed。　He　did　not　want　during　those　weeks　any　sensual　excitement；　any　depravity；　any　license。　A　quiet　and　noble　asceticism　seemed　to　him　perfectly　possible。　He　burst　out　once　to　Maggie　with：　〃I　can't　conceive；　Maggie；　why　I　ever　thought　life　complicated。　You've　straightened　everything　out　for　me；　made　all　the　troubles　at　home　seem　nothing；　shown　me　what　nonsense　it　was　wanting　the　rotten　things　I　was　always　after。〃

But　Maggie　had　no　eloquence　in　replyshe　could　not　make　up　fine　sentences；　it　embarrassed　her　dreadfully　to　tell　him　even　that　she　loved　him；　and　when　he　was　sentimental　it　was　her　habit　to　turn　it　off　with　a　joke　if　she　could。　She　wanted　terribly　to　ask　him　sometimes　what　he　had　meant　when　he　said　that　he　didn't　love　her　as　he　had　loved　other　women。　She　had　never　the　courage　to　ask　him　this。　She　wondered　sometimes　why　it　had　hurt　her　when　he　had　said　he　loved　her　as　though　she　were　a　man　friend；　without　any　question　of　sex。　〃Surely　that's　enough　for　me；〃　she　would　ask　herself；　〃it　means　that　it's　much　more　lasting　and　safe。〃　And　yet　it　was　not　enough。

Nevertheless；　during　these　weeks　she　found　his　brotherly　care　of　her　adorable；　he　found　her　shyness　divine。

〃Every　other　woman　I　have　ever　been　in　love　with；〃　he　told　her　once；　〃I　have　always　kept　asking　them　would　they　ever　change；　and　would　they　love　me　always；　and　all　that　kind　of　nonsense。　A　man　always　begins　like　that；　and　then　the　time　comes　when　he　wishes　to　God　they　would　change；　and　they　won't。　But　you're　not　like　that；　Maggie；　I　know　you'll　never　change；　and　I　know　that　I　shall　never　want　you　to。〃　〃No；　I　shall　never　change；〃　said　Maggie。

At　the　very　beginning　of　the　three　weeks　a　little　incident　occurred　that　was　trivial　enough　at　the　time；　but　appeared　afterwards　as　something　significant　and　full　of　meaning。　This　incident　was　a　little　talk　with　poor　Mr。　Magnus。　Maggie　always　thought　of　him　as　〃poor　Mr。　Magnus。〃　He　seemed　so　feckless　and　unsettled；　and　then　he　wrote　novels　that　nobody　wanted　to　buy。　He　always　talked　like　a　book；　and　that　was　perhaps　one　reason　why　Maggie　had　avoided　him　during　these　last　months。　Another　reason　had　been　that　she　really　could　not　be　sure　how　far　he　was　in　the　general　conspiracy　to　drive　her　into　the　Chapel。　He　would　not　do　that　of　his　own　will　she　was　sure；　but　being　in　love　with　Aunt　Anne　he　might　think　it　his　sacred　duty；　and　Maggie　was　terrified　of　〃sacred　duties。〃　Therefore　when；　three　days　after　that　great　evening　in　the　park；　he　caught　her　alone　in　the　drawing…room；　her　first　impulse　was　to　run　away；　then　she　looked　at　him　and　found　that　her　love　for　the　world　in　general　embraced　him　too　〃if　only　he　won't　talk　like　a　book；〃　she　thought　to　herself。

He　looked　more　wandering　than　ever　with　his　high　white　collar；　his　large　spectacles；　and　his　thin；　dusty　hair；　the　fire　of　some　hidden；　vital　spirit　burnt　beneath　those　glasses；　and　his　face　was　so　kindly　that　she　felt　ashamed　of　herself　for　having　avoided　him　so　often。

〃Both　the　aunts　are　at　Miss　Avies'。〃　she　said。

〃Oh；〃　he　said；　looking　at　her　rather　blankly。

〃Perhaps　I'll　come　another　time；〃　and　he　turned　towards　the　door。

〃No；〃　she　cried。　〃You　won'tI　haven't　seen　you　for　months。〃

〃That's　not　my　fault；〃　he　answered。　〃I　thought　we　were　to　have　been　friends；　and　you've　run　away　every　time　you　saw　the　corner　of　my　dusty　coat　poking　round　the　door。〃

〃Yes；〃　she　said；　〃I　haveI've　been　frightened　of　every　one　lately。〃

〃And　you're　not　now？〃　he　asked；　looking　at　her　with　that　sudden　bright　sharpness　that　was　so　peculiarly　his。

〃No；　I'm　not；〃　she　answered。　〃I'm　frightened　of　nobody。〃

He　said　nothing　to　that；　but　stared　fixedly　in　front　of　him。

〃I'm　in　a　bad　mood；〃　he　said。　〃I've　been　trying　for　weeks　to　get　on　with　a　novel。　Just　a　fortnight　ago　a　young　man　and　a　young　woman　took　shelter　from　the　rain　in　the　doorway　of　a　deserted　house　they're　still　there　now；　and　they　haven't　said　a　word　to　one　another　all　that　time。〃

〃Why　not？〃　asked　Maggie。

〃They　simply　won't　speak；〃　he　answered　her。

〃Well　then；　I　should　start　another　story；〃　said　Maggie　brightly。

〃Ah；〃　he　said；　shaking　his　head。　〃What's　the　use　of　starting　one　if　you　know　you're　never　going　to　finish　it；　what's　the　use　of　finishing　it　if　you　know　no　one　is　ever　going　to　read　it？〃　Maggie　shook　her　head。

〃You've　changed。　When　I　saw　you　last　you　told　me　that　you　didn't　mind　whether　any　one　ever　read　them　or　not；　and　that　you　just　wrote　them　because　you　loved　doing　them。〃

〃Every　author；〃　said　Mr。　Magnus　gloomily；〃　says　that　to　himself　when　he　can't　sell　his　books；　but　it's　all　vainglory；　I'm　afraid。〃

〃I　can't　help　being　glad；〃　Maggie　answered。　〃There　are　such　interesting　things　you　might　do。　I　can't　imagine　why　any　one　writes　books　now　when　there　are　so　many　already　in　existence　that　nobody's　read。〃

He　wasn't　listening　to　her。　He　looked　up　suddenly　and　said　quite　wildly：

〃It's　terrible　all　this　that's　going　on。　You　know　about　it；　of　courseWarlock's　visions　I　mean　and　the　trouble　it's　making。　I'm　outside　it　and　you're　outside　it；　but　we're　being　brought　into　it　all　the　samehow　can　we　help　it　when　we　love　the　people　who　are　in　it？　It's　so　easy　to　say　that　it's　nonsense；　that　people　ought　to　be　wiser　nowadays；　that　it's　hysteria；　even　insanityI　know　all　that　and；　of　course；　I　don't　believe　for　a　moment　that　God's　coming　in　a　chariot　of　fire　on　New　Year's　Eve　especially　for　the　benefit　of　Thurston；　Miss　Avies　and　the　rest；　but　that　doesn't　end　itit　ought　to　end　it；　but　it　doesn't。　There's　more　in　some　people's　madness　than　in　other　people's　sanity；　and　anyway；　even　if　it's　all　nonsense　it　means　life　or　death　to　your　aunt　and　some　of　the　others；　and　it　means　a　certain　breaking　up　of　all　this　place。　And　it　probably　means　the　triumph　of　a　charlatan　like　Thurston　and　the　increase　of　humbug　in　the　world　and　the　discouragement　of　all　the　honest　adventurers。　I　call　myself　an　adventurer；　you　know；　Miss　Maggie；　although　I'm　a　poor　specimenbut　I'm　damned　if　it　isn't　better　to　be　a　poor　adventurer　than　to　be　a　fat；　swollen；　contented　stay…at…home　who　can　see　just　as　far　as　his　nose　and　his　cheque…book　and　might　be　just　as　well　dead　as　aliveI　beg　your　pardon；〃　he　added　suddenly；　〃for　swearingI'm　not　myself；　I'm　not　really。〃

She　could　see　indeed　that　he　was　in　great　agitation　of　mind；　and　some　of　this　agitation　communicated　itself　to　her。　Had　she　not　been　selfish　in　forgetting　all　this　through　her　own　happiness？　He　was　right；　she　was　part　of　it　all；　whether　she　wished　or　no。

〃What　do　you　think；〃　she　asked；　dropping　her　voice　a　little；　〃is　the　real　truth　about　it？〃

〃The　real　truth〃he　looked　at　her　suddenly　with　a　tender；　most　charming　smile　that　took　away　his　ugliness。　〃Ah；　that's　a　tremendous　question。　Part　of　the　truth　is　that　Warlock's　been　praying　so　much　and　eating　so　little　that　it　would　be　odd　indeed　if　he　didn't　see　visions　of　some　sort。　And　part　of　the　truth　is　that　there　are　a　lot　of　women　in　the　world　who'll　believe　simply　anything　that　you　tell　them。　It's　part　of　the　truth；　too；　that　there　are　scoundrels　in　the　world　who　will　take　advantage　of　anybody's　simple　trust　to　fill　their　pockets。　But　that's　not　all；〃　he　went　on；　shaking　his　head；　〃no；　that's　not　all。　It's　part　of　the　truth　that　there　is　a　mystery；　and　that　human　beings　will　go　on　searching　whatever　all　the　materialists　and　merchants　in　the　world　can　try　to　do　to　stop　them。　I　remember　years　ago　an　old　man；　a　little　off　his　dot；　telling　my　father　that　he；　the　old　man；　was　a　treasure　hunter。　He　told　my　father　that　the　world　was　divided　into　two　halves；　the　treasure　hunters　and　the　Town　Councillors；　and　that　the　two　halves　would　never　join　and　never　even　meet。　My　father；　who　was　a　practical　man；　said　that　the　old　idiot　should　be　shut　up　in　an　asylum；　and　eventually　I　believe　he　was。　'We'll　have　him　going　off　one　day；'　my　father　said；　'in　a　cargo　boat　with　a　map　in　his　pocket；　looking　for　gold　pieces。'　But　it　wasn't　gold　pieces　he　was　after。〃

To　Maggie　it　was　always　irritating　the　way　that　Mr。　Magnus　would　wander　away　from　the　subject。　She　brought　him　back　now　with　a　jerk。

〃No；　but　what　do　you　think　is　going　to　happen？〃　she　asked　him。

〃I　don't　know；〃　he　answered。　〃I　can't　tell；　but　I　know　all　my　happiness　here　is　coming　to　an　end；　and　I　don't　know　what　I　shall　do。　If　I　were　a　strong　man　I　would　go　out　and　find　all　the　other　treasure　hunters；　all　the　vicious　ones；　and　the　diseased；　and　the　drunkards　and　the　perverted；　and　I　would　try　to　found　some　kind　of　a　society　so　that　they　should　recognise　one　another　all　the　world　over　and　shouldn't　feel　so　lonely　and　deserted　and　hopelessly　done　for。　I　don't　mean　a　society　for　improving　them；　mind　you；　or　warning　them　or　telling　them　they'll　go　to　prison　if　they　don't　do　better；　that's　none　of　my　business。　But　it　seems　to　be　a　solemn　fact　that　you　aren't　a　treasure