the captives-第57部分

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He　had　lost　now　almost　all　consciousness　of　what　he　really　expected　to　happen　when　the　Day　arrived；　but　he　was　dimly　aware　that　if　nothing　happened　at　all　his　whole　influence　with　his　people　would　be　gone。　Nevertheless　this　did　not　trouble　him　very　greatly；　the　congregation　of　the　Chapel　seemed　now　dimly　remote。　The　only　human　being　who　was　not　remote　was　Martin；　his　love　for　his　son　had　not　been　touched　by　his　other　struggles；　it　had　been　even　intensified。　But　the　love　had　grown　a　terror；　ever　increasing；　lest　Martin　should　leave　him。　He　seemed　to　hear　dimly；　beyond　the　wall　of　the　mysterious　world　into　whose　regions　he　was　ever　more　deeply　passing；　sentences；　vague；　without　human　agency；　accusing　Martin　of　sins　and　infidelities　and　riotous　living。　Sometimes　he　was　tempted　to　go　further　into　this　and　challenge　Martin's　accusers；　but　fear　held　him　back。　Martin　had　been　a　good　son　since　his　return　to　England；　yes；　he　had；　and　he　had　forsaken　his　evil　ways　and　was　going　to　be　with　his　father　now　until　the　end；　his　last　refuge　against　loneliness。　Every　one　else　had　left　him　or　was　leaving　him；　but　Martin　was　there。　Martin　hadn't　deceived　him；　Martin　was　a　good　boy　。　。　。　a　good　boy　。　。　。　and　then；　as　it　seemed　to　him；　with　Martin's　hand　in　his　own　he　would　pass　off　into　his　world　of　strange　dreams　and　desperate　prayer　and　hours　of　waiting；　listening；　straining　for　a　voice　。　。　。

During　that　last　night　before　New　Year's　Eve　an　hour　came　to　him　when　he　seemed　to　be　left　utterly　alone。　Exhausted；　faint；　dizzy　with　want　of　sleep　and　food；　he　knelt　before　his　bed；　his　room　seemed　to　be　filled　with　devils；　taunting　him；　tempting　him；　bewildering　and　blinding　him。　He　rose　suddenly　in　a　frenzy；　striking　out；　rushing　about　his　room；　crying　。　。　。　then　at　last；　exhausted；　creeping　back　to　his　bed；　falling　down　upon　it　and　sinking　into　a　long　dreamless　sleep。

They　found　him　sleeping　when　they　came　to　call　him　and　they　left　him。　He　did　not　wake　until　the　early　afternoon；　his　brain　seemed　clear　and　his　body　so　weak　that　it　was　with　the　greatest　difficulty　that　he　washed　and　put　on　some　clothes。

The　room　was　dark　with　the　fog；　lamps　in　the　street　below　glimmered　uncertainly；　and　voices　and　the　traffic　of　the　street　were　muffled。　He　opened　his　door　and；　looking　out；　heard　in　the　room　below　Martin's　voice　raised　excitedly。　Slowly　he　went　down　to　meet　him。

Martin　also　had　reached；　on　that　last　day　of　the　year；　the　very　end　of　his　tether。　During　the　last　ten　days　he　had　been　fighting　against　every　weakness　to　which　his　character　was　susceptible。　With　the　New　Year　he　felt　that　everything　would　be　well；　he　could　draw　a　new　breath　then；　find　work　somewhere　away　from　London；　have　Maggie　perhaps　with　him；　and　drive　a　way　out　of　all　the　tangle　of　his　perplexities。　But　even　then　he　did　not　dare　to　face　the　future　thoroughly。　Would　his　father　let　him　go？　Was　he；　after　all　his　struggles；　to　give　way　and　ruin　Maggie's　position　and　future？　Could　he　be　sure；　if　he　look　her　away　with　him；　that　then　he　would　keep　straight；　and　that　his　old　temptations　of　women　and　drink　and　general　restlessness　would　be　conquered？　Perhaps。　There　had　never　been　a　surer　proof　that　his　love　for　Maggie　was　a　real　and　unselfish　love　than　his　hesitation　on　that　wretched　day　when　he　seemed　utterly　deserted　by　mankind；　when　Maggie　seemed　the　only　friend　he　had　in　the　world。

Everything　was　just　out　of　reach；　and　some　perverse　destiny　prevented　him　from　realising　any　desire　that　had　a　spark　of　honesty　and　decency　in　it。　It　was　not　wonderful　that　in　the　midst　of　his　loneliness　and　unhappiness　he　should　have　been　tempted　back　to　the　old　paths　again；　men；　women；　places　that　for　more　than　three　months　now　he　had　been　struggling　to　abandon。

All　that　day　he　struggled　with　temptation。　He　had　not　seen　Maggie　for　a　week；　and　during　the　last　three　days　he　had　not　heard　from　her；　the　adventurous　Jane　having　defied　the　aunts　and　left。

At　luncheon　he　asked　about　his　father；　whom　he　had　not　seen　for　two　days。

〃Father　had　a　very　bad　night。　He's　asleep　now。〃

〃There's　something　on　to…night；　isn't　there？〃　he　asked。

〃There's　a　service；〃　Amy　answered　shortly。

〃Father　oughtn't　to　go；〃　he　went　on。　〃I　suppose　your　friend　Thurston　can　manage。〃

Amy　looked　at　him。　〃Father's　got　to　go。　It's　very　important。〃

〃Oh；　of　course；　if　you　want　to　kill　father　with　all　your　beastly　services〃　he　broke　in　furiously。

〃It　won't　be〃　Amy　began；　and　then；　as　though　she　did　not　trust　herself　to　continue；　got　up　and　left　the　room。

〃Mother；〃　he　said；　〃why　on　earth　don't　you　do　something？〃

〃I；　dear？〃　she　looked　at　him　placidly。　〃In　what　way？〃

〃They're　killing　father　between　them　with　all　these　services　and　the　rest　of　the　nonsense。〃

〃Your　father　doesn't　listen　to　anything　I　say；　dear。〃

〃He　ought　to　go　away　for　a　long　rest。〃

〃Well；　dear；　perhaps　he　will　soon。　You　know　I　have　nothing　to　do　with　the　Chapel。　That　was　settled　years　ago。　I　wouldn't　interfere　for　a　great　deal。〃

Martin　turned　fiercely　upon　her　saying：

〃Mother；　don't　you　care？〃

〃Care；　dear？〃

〃Yes；　about　fatherhis　living　and　getting　well　again　and　being　happy　as　he　used　to　be。　What's　happened　to　this　place？〃

She　looked　at　him　in　the　strangest　way。　He　suddenly　felt　that　he'd　never　seen　her　before。

〃There　are　a　number　of　things；　Martin；　that　you　don't　understanda　number　of　things。　You　are　away　from　us　for　years；　you　come　back　to　us　and　expect　things　to　be　the　same。〃

〃You　and　Amy；〃　he　said；　〃both　of　you；　have　kept　me　out　of　everything　since　I　came　back。　I　believe　you　both　hate　me！〃

She　got　up　slowly　from　her　seat；　slowly　put　her　spectacles　away　in　their　case；　rubbed　her　fat　little　hands　together；　then　suddenly　licked　inquisitively　one　finger　as　an　animal　might　do。　She　spoke　to　him　over　her　shoulder　as　she　went　to　the　door：

〃Oh　no；　Martin；　you　speak　too　strongly。〃

Left　then　to　his　own　devices　he；　at　last；　wandered　out　into　the　foggy　streets。　After　a　while　he　found　himself　outside　a　public…house　and；　after　a　moment's　hesitation；　he　went　in。　He　asked　the　stout；　rubicund　young　woman　behind　the　counter　for　a　whisky。　She　gave　him　one；　he　drank　that；　and　then　another。

Afterwards　he　had　several　more；　leaning　over　the　bar；　speaking　to　no　one；　seeing　no　one；　hearing　nothing；　and　scarcely　tasting　the　drink。　When　he　came　out　into　the　street　again　he　knew　that　he　was　half　drunknot　so　drunk　that　he　didn't　know　what　he　was　doing。　Oh　dear；　no。　HE　could　drink　any　amount　without　feeling　it。　Nevertheless　he　had　drunk　so　little　during　these　last　weeks　that　even　a　drop　。　。　。　How　foggy　the　streets　were　。　。　。　made　it　difficult　to　find　your　way　home。　But　he　was　all　right；　he　could　walk　straight；　he　could　put　his　latch…key　into　the　door　at　one　try；　HE　was　all　right。

He　was　at　home　again。　He　didn't　stop　to　hang　up　his　hat　and　coat　but　went　straight　into　the　dining…room；　leaving　the　door　open　behind　him。　He　saw　that　the　meal　was　still　on　the　table　just　as　they'd　left　it。　Amy　was　there　too。

He　saw　her　move　back　when　he　came　in　as　though　she　were　afraid　to　touch　him。

〃You're　drunk！〃　she　said。

〃I'm　not。　You're　a　liar；　Amy。　You've　always　been　a　liar　all　your　life。〃

She　tried　to　pass　him；　but　he　stood　in　the　middle　of　the　door。

〃No；　you　don't；〃　he　said。　〃We've　got　to　have　this　out。　What　have　you　been　spreading　scandal　about　me　and　Maggie　Cardinal　for？〃

〃Let　me　go；〃　she　said　again。

〃Tell　me　that　first。　You've　always　tried　to　do　me　harm。　Why？〃

〃Because　I　hate　the　sight　of　you；〃　she　answered　quickly。　〃As　you've　asked　me；　you　shall　have　a　truthful　answer。　You've　never　been　anything　but　a　disgrace　to　us　ever　since　you　were　a　little　boy。　You　disgraced　us　at　home　and　then　abroad；　now　you've　come　back　to　disgrace　us　here　again。〃

〃That's　a　lie；〃　he　repeated。　〃I've　not　disgraced　anybody。〃

〃Well；　it　won't　be　very　long　before　you　finish　ruining　that　wretched　girl。　The　best　you　can　do　now　is　to　marry　her。〃

〃I　can't　do　that；〃　he　said。　〃I'm　married　already。〃　She　did　not　answer　that　hut　stared　at　him　with　amazement。

〃But　never　mind　that；〃　he　went　on。　〃What　if　I　am　a　bad　lot？　I　don't　know　what　a　bad　lot　is　exactly；　but　if　you　mean　that　I've　lived　with　women　and　been　drunk；　and　lost　jobs　because　I　didn't　do　the　work；　and　been　generally　on　the　loose；　it's　true；　of　course。　But　I　meant　to　live　decently　when　I　came　home。　Yes；　I　did。　You　can　sneer　as　much　as　you　like。　Why　didn't　you　help　me？　You're　my　sister；　aren't　you？　And　now　I　don't　care　what　I　do。　You've　all　given　me　up。　Well；　give　me　up；　and　I'll　just　go　to　bits　as　fast　as　I　can　go！　If　you　don't　want　me　there　are　others　who　do；　or　at　any　rate　the　bit　of　money　I've　got。　You've　kept　me　from　the　only　decent　girl　I've　ever　known；　the　one　I　could　have　been　straight　with〃

〃Straight　with！〃　Amy　broke　in。　〃How　were　you　going　to　be　straight　if　you're　married　already？〃

He　would　have　answered　her　but　a　sound　behind　him　made　him　turn。　He　wheeled　round　and　saw　his　father　standing　almost　up　against　him。　He　had　only　time　for　a　horrified　vision　of　the　ghostlike　figure；　the　staring　eyes；　the　open　mouth；　the　white　cheeks。　The　old　man　caught　his　coat。

〃Martin；　what　was　that？　What　did　you　say？　。　。　。　No；　no　。　。　。　I　can't　bear　that　now。　I　can't；　I　can't。〃

He　turned　and　made　as　though　he　would　run　up　the　stairs；　catching　about　him　like　a　child　the　shabby　old　dressing…gown　that　he　was　wearing。　At　the　first　step　he　stumbled；　clutching　the　bannister　to　save　himself。

Martin　rushed　to　him；　putting　his　arms　round　him；　holding　him　close　to　him。　〃It's　all　right；　father　。　。　。　It's　not　true　what　you　heard　。　。　。　It's　all　right。〃

His　father　turned；　putting　his　arms　round　his　neck。

Martin　half　helped；　half　carried　him　up　to　his　bedroom。　He　laid　him　on　his　bed　and　then；　holding　his　hand；　sat　by　his　side　all　through　the　long　dim　afternoon。

About；　five　Warlock　suddenly　revived；　sat　up；　arid　with　the　assistance　of　Martin　dressed　properly；　had　some　tea；　and　went　down　to　his　study。　He　sat　down　in　his　chair；　then　suddenly　looking　up　at　his　son　he　said：

〃Did　you　and　Amy　have　a　quarrel　this　afternoon？〃

〃No；　father；〃　said　Martin。

〃That's　right。　I　thoughtI　thought　。　。　。　I　don't　know　。　。　。　My　head's　confused。　You've　been　a　good　boy；　Martin；　haven't　you？　There's　no　need　for　me　to　wor