the captives-第62部分

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〃Oh；　you　smile；〃　said　Miss　Avies　vigorously；　〃but　it's　perfectly　true。〃

〃Well；　it's　all　right　now。〃　said　Maggie；　〃because　I　am　going　away　as　soon　as　ever　I'm　well　enough。〃　〃What　to　do？〃　asked　Miss　Avies。

〃I　don't　quite　know　yet；〃　said　Maggie。

〃Well；　I　know；〃　said　Miss　Avies。　〃You're　going　away　to　brood　over　that　young　man。〃

Maggie　said　nothing。

〃Oh　I　know　。　。　。　It　seems　cruel　of　me　to　speak　of　it　just　when　you've　had　such　a　bad　time；　but　it's　kindness　really。　If　I　don't　force　you　to　think　it　all　out　and　face　it　properly　you'll　be　burying　it　in　some　precious　spot　and　always　digging　it　up　to　look　at　it。　You　face　it；　my　girl。　You　say　to　yourselfwell；　he　wasn't　such　a　wonderful　young　man　after　all。　I　can　lead　my　life　all　right　without　himof　course　I　can。　I'm　not　going　to　be　dependent　on　him　and　sigh　and　groan　and　waste　away　because　I　can't　see　him。　I　know　what　it　is。　I've　been　through　it　myself。〃

Then　there　was　a　pause；　then　Maggie　suddenly　looked　up　and　smiled。

〃But　you're　quite　wrong；　Miss　Avies。　I've　no　intention　of　not　facing　Martin；　and　I've　no　intention　either　of　having　my　life　ruined　because　he's　not　here。　At　first；　when　I　was　very　ill；　I　was　unhappy；　and　then　I　saw　how　silly　I　was。〃

〃Why？〃　said　Miss　Avies　with　great　pleasure。　〃You've　got　over　it　already！　I　must　say　I'm　delighted　because　I　never　thought　much　of　Martin　Warlock　if　you　want　to　know；　my　dear。　I　always　thought　him　a　weak　young　man；　and　he　wouldn't　have　done　you　any　good。　I'm　delightedindeed　I　am。〃

〃That's　not　true　either；〃　said　Maggie　quietly。　〃If　by　getting　over　it　you　mean　that　I　don't　love　Martin　you're　quite　wrong。　I　loved　him　the　first　moment　I　saw　him　and　I　shall　love　him　in　just　the　same　way　until　I　die。　I　don't　think　it　matters　what　he　does　or　where　he　is　so　far　as　loving　him　goes。　But　that　doesn't　mean　I'm　sitting　and　pining。　I'm　not。〃

Miss　Avies　looked　at　her　with　displeasure。

〃It's　the　same　thing　then；〃　she　said。　〃You　may　fancy　you're　going　to　lead　an　ordinary　life　again；　but　all　the　time　you'll　just　be　waiting　for　him　to　come　back。〃

〃No；〃　said　Maggie；　〃I　shall　not。　I've　had　plenty　of　time　for　thinking　these　last　weeks；　and　I've　made　up　my　mind　to　his　never　coming　backnever　at　all。　And　even　if　he　did　come　back　he　mightn't　want　me。　So　I'm　not　going　to　waste　time　about　it。　I　shall　find　work　and　make　myself　useful　somewhere；　but　I　shall　always　love　Martin　just　as　I　do　now。〃

〃You're　rery　young；〃　said　Miss　Avies；　touched　in　spite　of　herself。　〃Later　on　you'll　find　some　one　much　better　than　young　Warlock。〃

〃Perhaps　I　shall；〃　said　Maggie。　〃But　what's　the　use　of　that　if　he　isn't　Martin？　I've　heard　people　say　that　beforesome　one's　'better'　or　'stronger'　or　'wiser。'But　what　has　that　got　to　do　with　it？　I　love　Martin　because　he's　Martin。　He's　got　a　weak　character　you　say。　That's　why　he　wants　me；　and　I　want　to　be　wanted　more　than　anything　on　earth。〃

〃Why；　child；〃　said　Miss　Avies；　astonished。　〃How　you've　grown　these　last　weeks！〃

〃Do　you　want　to　know　how　I　love　Martin；〃　said　Maggie；　〃so　that　there　shall　be　no　mistake　about　it？　Well；　I　can't　tell　you。　I　couldn't　tell　any　one。　I　don't　know　how　I　love　him；　but　I　know　that　I　shall　never　change　or　alter　all　my　lifeeven　though　he　never　comes　back　again。　I've　given　over　being　silly；〃　she　went　on。　〃There　were　days　and　days　at　first　when　I　just　wanted　to　die。　But　now　I'm　going　to　make　my　own　life　and　have　a　good　timeand　never　stop　loving　Martin　for　one　single　second。〃

〃Supposing；〃　said　Miss　Avies；　〃some　one　wanted　to　marry　you？　Would　you？〃

〃It　would　depend；〃　said　Maggie；　〃if　I　liked　him　and　he　really　wanted　me　and　I　could　help　him　I　might。　Only；　of　course；　I'd　tell　him　about　Martin　first。〃

She　went　on　after　a　little　pause：　〃You　see；　Miss　Avies；　I　haven't　been　very　happy　with　my　aunts；　and　I　always　thought　it　was　their　fault　that　I　wasn't。　But　during　these　weeks　when　I've　been　lying　in　bed　I　saw　that　it　was　my　own　fault　for　being　so　gloomy　about　everything。　Now　that　I've　got　Martin〃

〃Got　him！〃　interrupted　Miss　Avies；　〃why；　you've　only　just　lost　him！〃

〃No；　I　haven't；〃　answered　Maggie。　〃He　didn't　go　away　because　he　hated　me　or　was　tired　of　me；　he　went　away　because　he　didn't　want　to　do　me　any　harm；　and　I　think　he　cared　for　me　more　just　at　that　minute　than　he'd　ever　done　before。　So　I've　nothing　to　spoil　my　memory　of　him。　I　daresay　we　wouldn't　have　got　on　well；　together；　I　don't　think　I　would　ever　have　fascinated　him　enough　to　keep　him　with　me　for　very　longbut　now　I　know　that　he　loved　me　at　the　very　moment　he　went　away　and　wasn't　thinking　how　ugly　I　was　or　what　a　nasty　temper　I　had　or　how　irritating　I　could　be。〃

〃But；　my　dear　child；〃　said　Miss　Avies；　astonished。　〃How　can　you　say　you　loved　one　another　if　you　were　always　quarrelling　and　expecting　to　part？〃　〃We　weren't　always　quarrelling；〃　said　Maggie。　〃We　weren't　together　enough；　but　if　we　had　been　it　wouldn't　have　meant　that　we　didn't　love　one　another。　I　don't　think　we'd　ever　been　very　happy；　but　being　happy　together　doesn't　seem　to　me　the　only　sign　of　love。　Love　seems　to　me　to　be　moments　of　great　joy　rising　from　every　kind　of　trouble　and　bother。　I　don't　call　tranquillity　happiness。〃

〃Well；　you　have　thought　things　out；〃　said　Miss　Avies；　〃and　all　of　us　considering　you　so　stupid〃

〃I'm　not　going　to　squash　myself　into　a　corner　any　more；〃　said　Maggie。　〃Why　should　I？　I　find　I'm　as　good　as　any　one　else。　I　made　Martin　love　meeven　though　it　was　only　for　a　moment。　So　I'm　going　to　be　shy　no　longer。〃

〃And　here　was　I　thinking　you　heart…broken；〃　said　Miss　Avies。

〃I'm　going　out　into　the　world；〃　said　Maggie　half　to　herself。　〃I'm　going　to　have　adventures。　I've　been　in　this　house　long　enough。　I'm　going　to　see　what　men　and　women　are　really　likeI　know　this　isn't　real　here。　And　I　want　to　discover　about　religion　too。　Since　Martin　went　away　I've　felt　that　there　was　something　in　it。　I　can't　think　what　and　the　aunts　can't　think　either；　none　of　you　know　here；　but　some　one　must　have　found　out　something。　I'm　going　to　settle　what　it　all　means。〃

〃You've　got　your　work　cut　out；〃　said　Miss　Avies。　〃I'll　come　and　see　you　again　one　day　soon。〃

〃Yes；　do；〃　said　Maggie。

When　Miss　Avies　had　gone　Maggie　realised　that　she　had　been　talking　with　bravadoin　fact　she　hid　her　head　in　the　cushion　of　the　chair　and　cried　for　at　least　five　minutes。　Then　she　sat　up　and　wiped　her　eyes　because　she　heard　Aunt　Anne　coming。　When　Aunt　Anne　came　towards　her　now　she　was　affected　with　a　strange　feeling　of　sickness。　She　told　herself　that　that　was　part　of　her　illness。　She　did　not　hate　Aunt　Anne。　For　some　weeks；　when　she　had　risen　slowly　from　the　nightmare　that　the　first　period　of　her　illness　had　been；　she　hated　Aunt　Anne；　hated　her　fiercely；　absorbingly；　desperately。　Then　suddenly　the　hatred　had　left　her；　and　had　she　only　known　it　she　was　from　that　moment　never　to　hate　any　one　again。　A　quite　new　love　for　Martin　was　suddenly　born　in　her；　a　love　that　was；　as　yet；　like　the　first　faint　stirring　of　the　child　in　the　mother's　womb。　This　new　love　was　quite　different　from　the　old；　that　had　been　acquisitive；　possessive；　urgent；　restless；　and　often　terribly　painful；　this　was　tranquil；　sure；　utterly　certain；　and　passive。　The　immediate　fruit　of　it　was　that　she　regarded　all　human　creatures　with　a　lively　interest；　an　interest　too　absorbing　to　allow　of　hatred　or　even　active　dislike。　Her　love　for　Martin　was　now　like　a　strong　current　in　her　soul　washing　away　all　sense　of　irritation　and　anger。　She　regarded　people　from　a　new　angle。　What　were　they　all　about？　What　were　they　thinking？　Had　they　too　had　some　experience　as　marvellous　as　her　meeting　with　and　parting　from　Martin？　Probably；　and　they　too　were　shy　of　speaking　of　it。　Her　love　for　Martin　slowly　grew；　a　love　now　independent　of　earthly　contact　and　earthly　desire；　a　treasure　that　would　be　hers　so　long　as　life　lasted；　that　no　one　could　take　from　her。

She　no　longer　hated　Aunt　Anne；　but　she　did　not　intend　to　live　with　her　any　more。　So　soon　as　she　was　well　enough　she　would　go。　That　moment　of　physical　contact　when　Aunt　Anne　had　held　her　back　made　any　more　relation　between　them　impossible。　There　was　now　a　great　gulf　fixed。

The　loneliness；　the　sense　of　desperate　loss；　above　all　the　agonising　longing　for　Martin；　his　step；　his　voice；　his　smileshe　faced　all　these　and　accepted　them　as　necessary　companions　now　on　her　life's　journey；　but　she　did　not　intend　to　allow　them　to　impede　progress。　She　wondered　now　about　everybody。　Her　own　experience　had　shown　her　what　strange　and　wonderful　things　occur　to　all　human　beings；　and；　in　the　face　of　this；　how　could　one　hate　or　grudge　or　despise？　She　had　a　fellowship　now　with　all　humanity。

But　she　was　as　ignorant　about　life　as　ever。　The　things　that　now　she　wanted　to　know！　About　Aunt　Anne；　for　instance。　How　had　she　been　affected　by　Mr。　Warlock's　death　and　the　disappointment　of　her　expectations？　The　Chapel　now　apparently　was　to　be　taken　over　by　Thurston；　who　had　married　Amy　Warlock　and　was　full　of　schemes　and　enterprises。　Maggie　knew　that　the　aunts　went　now　very　seldom　to　Chapel；　and　the　Inside　Saints　were　apparently　in　pieces。　Was　Aunt　Anne　utterly　broken　by　all　this？　She　did　not　seem　to　be　so。　She　seemed　to　be　very　much　as　she　had　been；　except　that　she　was　in　her　room　now　a　great　deal。　Her　health　appeared；　on　the　whole；　to　be　better　than　it　had　been。　And　what　was　Aunt　Elizabeth　thinking？　And　Martha？　And　Miss　Avies？　And　Caroline　Smith？　。　。　。

No；　she　must　get　out　into　the　world　and　discover　these　things　for　herself。　She　did　not　know　how　the　way　of　escape　would　come；　but　she　was　certain　of　its　arrival。

It　arrived；　and　through　her　third　visitor。　Her　third　visitor　was　Mrs。　Mark。

When　Katherine　Mark　came　in　Maggie　was　writing　to　Uncle　Mathew。　She　put　aside　her　writing…pad　with　a　little　exclamation　of　surprise。　Mrs。　Mark；　the　very　last　person　in　all　the　world　whom　she　had　expected　to　see！　As　she　saw　her　come　in　she　had　a　swift　intuition　that　this　was　Destiny　now　that　was　dealing　with　her；　and　that　a　new　scene；　involving　every　sort　of　new　experience　and　adventure；　was　opening　before　her。　More　than　ever　before　she　realised　how　far　Katherine　Mark　was　from　the　world　in　which　she；　Maggie；　had　during　all　these　months　been　living。　Katherine　Mark　was　RealReal　in　her　beautiful　quiet　clothes；　in　her　assurance；　her　ease；