the captives-第91部分

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She　began　by　asking　Grace's　question：

〃Paul；　what　are　we　going　to　do？〃

But　she　did　not　irritate　him　as　Grace　had　done。　His　one　idea　was　to　help　her；　unfortunately　he　had　himself　thought　out　nothing　clearly。

〃Well；　Maggie；〃　he　answered；　smiling；　〃I　thought　you　might　help　me　about　that。　I　want　your　advice。　I　thoughtwell；　as　a　matter　of　fact　I　hadn't　settled　anythingbut　I　thought　that　I　might　get　a　locum　for　a　month　or　two　and　we　might　go　abroad　for　a　trip　perhaps。　To　Paris；　or　Venice；　or　somewhere。〃

〃And　then　come　back？〃　she　asked。

〃For　a　timeyescertainly；〃　he　answered。

〃I　don't　think　I　can　ever　come　back　to　Skeaton；〃　she　said　in　a　whisper；　as　though　speaking　to　herself。　He　could　see　that　she　was　controlling　herself　and　steadying　her　voice　with　the　greatest　difficulty。　〃Of　course　I　must　come；　Paul；　if　you　want　me　to。　It's　been　all　my　fault　from　the　very　beginning〃

〃Oh　no；〃　he　broke　in；　〃it　hasn't。〃

〃Yes；　it　has。　I've　just　spoilt　your　life　and　Grace's。　You　were　both　very　happy　until　I　came。　I　had　no　right　to　marry　you　when　I　didn't　love　you。　I　didn't　know　then　all　I　know　now。　But　that's　no　excuse。　I　should　have　known。　I　was　younger　than　most　girls　are；　though。〃

Paul　said：

〃But　Maggie；　you're　not　to　blame　yourself　at　all。　I　think　if　we　were　somewhere　else　than　Skeaton　it　would　be　easier。　And　now　after　what　has　happened〃

Maggie　broke　in：　〃You　couldn't　leave　Skeaton；　Paul。　You　know　you　couldn't。　It　would　just　break　your　heart。　All　the　work　of　your　life　has　been　hereeverything　you've　ever　done。　And　Grace　too。〃

〃No；　no；　you're　wrong；〃　said　Paul　vigorously。　〃A　change　is　probably　what　I　need。　I've　been　too　long　in　the　same　place。　Time　goes　so　fast　that　one　doesn't　realise。　And　for　Grace；　too；　I　expect　a　change　will　be　better。〃

〃And　do　you　think；〃　said　Maggie；　〃that　Grace　will　ever　live　with　me　now　in　the　same　house　when　she　knows　that　I've　driven　you　from　Skeaton？　Grace　is　quite　right。　She's　just　to　feel　as　she　does　about　me。〃

〃Then　Grace　must　go；〃　said　Paul　firmly；　looking　at　Maggie　and　feeling　that　the　one　thing　that　he　needed　was　that　she　should　be　in　his　arms　and　he　kissing　her。　〃Maggie；　if　we　go　away；　you　and　I；　right　away　from　all　of　this；　perhaps　then　you　canyou　will〃　he　stopped。

She　shook　her　head。　〃Never；　Paul。　Never。　Do　you　know　what　I've　seen　this　last　week？　That　I've　left　all　those　who　really　wanted　me。　My　aunts；　very　much　they　needed　me；　and　I　was　selfish　and　wouldn't　give　them　what　they　wanted；　and　tried　to　escape　from　them。　You　and　Grace　don't　need　me。　Nobody　wants　anything　here　in　Skeaton。　You're　all　full。　It　isn't　my　fault；　Paul；　but　everything　seems　to　me　dead　here。　They　don't　mean　anything　they　say　in　Church；　and　the　Church　doesn't　mean　anything　either。　The　Chapel　was　wrong　in　London　too；　but　it　was　more　right　than　the　Church　here　is。　I　don't　know　what　religion　is　or　where　it　is：　I　don't　know　anything　now　except　that　one　ought　to　be　with　the　people　who　want　one　and　not　with　the　people　who　don't。　Aunt　wanted　me　and　I　failed　her。　Uncle　wanted　me　and　III〃

She　broke　down；　crying；　her　head　in　her　arms。　He　went　over　to　her　and　put　his　arms　around　her。　At　his　touch　she　shrank　a　little；　and　when　he　felt　that　he　went　away　from　her　and　stood；　silently；　not　knowing　what　to　do。

〃Maggie；　don'tdon't；　Maggie。　I　can't　bear　to　hear　you　cry。〃

〃I've　done　all　wrongI've　done　all　wrong；〃　she　answered　him。　〃I've　been　wrong　always。〃

His　helplessness　was　intolerable。　He　knew　that　she　would　not　allow　him　to　touch　her。　He　went　out　closing　the　door　softly　behind　him。




CHAPTER　X

THE　REVIVAL


Maggie　cried　for　a　little　while；　then；　slowly　recovering；　realised　that　she　was　alone　in　the　room。　She　raised　her　head　and　listened；　then　she　dried　her　eyes　and　stood　up；　wondering　what　she　should　do　next。

During　the　last　week　she　had　spent　all　her　energy　on　one　thing　aloneto　keep　back　from　her　the　picture　of　Uncle　Mathew's　death。　That　at　all　costs　she　must　not　see。　There　it　was；　just　behind　her；　hovering　with　all　its　detail；　at　her　elbow。　All　day　and　most　of　the　night　she　was　conscious　of　it　there；　but　she　would　not　turn　and　look。　Uncle　Mathew　was　deadthat　was　all　that　she　must　know。　Aunt　Anne　was　dead　too。　Martin　had　written　to　her；　and　then；　because　she　had　not　answered；　had　abandoned　her。　Paul　and　Grace　were　to　be　driven　out　of　Skeaton　because　of　her。　Grace　hated　her；　Paul　would　never　love　her　unless　she　in　return　would　love　himand　that　she　would　never　do　because　she　loved　Martin。　She　was　alone　then。

She　had　made　every　one　unhappyAunt　Anne；　Uncle　Mathew；　Paul；　Grace；　the　best　thing　that　she　could　do　now　was　to　go　away　and　hide　herself　somewhere。

That；　at　least；　she　saw　very　clearly　and　she　clung　to　it。　If　she　went　away　Paul　and　Grace　need　not　leave　Skeaton；　soon　they　would　forget　her　and　be　happy　once　more　as　they　had　been　before　she　came。　But　where　should　she　go？　All　her　life　she　had　depended　upon　her　own　self…reliance；　but　now　that　had　left　her。　She　felt　as　though　she　could　not　move　unless　there　was　some　one　somewhere　who　cared　for　her。　But　there　was　no　one。　Katherine　Mark。　No；　she　certainly　could　never　go　there　again。　Behind　all　this　was　the　constant　preoccupation　that　she　must　not　look；　for　an　instant；　at　Uncle　Mathew's　death。　If　she　did　everything　would　break　。　。　。　She　must　not。　She　must　not。　She　must　not。

She　went　up　to　her　bedroom；　took　from　their　box　Martin's　letters　and　the　ring　with　the　three　pearls；　and　the　tattered　programme。　She　sat　on　her　bed　and　turned　them　over　and　over。　She　was　bewildered　and　scarcely　knew　where　she　was。　She　repeated　again　and　again：　〃I　must　go　away　at　once　。　。　。　I　must　go　away　at　once。〃

Then　as　though　moved　by　some　compelling　force　that　she　did　not　recognise　she　fell　on　her　knees　beside　the　bed；　crying：　〃Martin；　Martin；　I　want　you。　I　don't　know　where　you　are　but　I　must　find　you。　Martin；　tell　me　where　you　are。　I'll　go　to　you　anywhere。　Martin；　where　are　you？　Where　are　you？〃

It　may　not　have　been　a　vocal　cry；　perhaps　she　made　no　sound；　but　she　waited；　there　on　her　knees；　hearing　very　clearly　the　bells　ringing　for　evening　service　and　seeing　the　evening　sun　steal　across　her　carpet　and　touch　gently；　the　pictures　on　the　wall。　Gradually　as　she　knelt　there；　calm　and　reassurance　came　back　to　her。　She　felt　as　though　he；　somewhere　lost　in　the　world；　had　heard　her。　She　laid　her　cheek　upon　the　quilt　of　the　bed　and；　for　the　first　time　since　Uncle　Mathew's　death；　her　thoughts　worked　in　connected　order；　her　courage　returned　to　her；　and　she　saw　the　room　and　the　sun　and　the　trees　beyond　the　window　as　real　objects；　without　the　mist　of　terror　and　despair　that　had　hitherto　surrounded　her。

She　rose　from　her　knees　as　though　she　were　withdrawing　from　a　horrible　nightmare。　She　could　remember　nothing　of　the　events　of　the　last　week　save　her　talk　with　Paul　that　afternoon。　She　could　recall　nothing　of　the　inquest；　nor　whether　she　had　been　to　Church；　nor　any　scene　with　Grace。

〃So　long　as　I'm　alive　and　Martin's　alive　it's　all　right；〃　she　thought。　She　knew　that　he　was　alive。　She　would　find　him。　She　put　away　the　things　into　the　box　again；　she　had　not　yet　thought　what　she　would　do；　but；　in　some　way；　she　had　received　during　those　few　minutes　in　her　room　a　reassurance　that　she　was　not　alone。

She　went　out　into　the　spring　dusk。　She　chose　the　road　towards　Barnham　Wood　because　it　was　lonely　there　and　the　hedges　were　thin；　you　could　feel　the　breath　of　the　sea　as　it　blew　across　the　sparse　fields。　The　hush　of　an　English　Sunday　evening　enfolded　the　road；　the　wood；　the　fields。　The　sun　was　very　low　and　the　saffron　light　penetrated　the　dark　lines　of　the　hedges　and　hung　like　a　curtain　of　misty　gold　before　the　approaches　to　the　wood。　The　red…brown　fields　rolled　to　the　horizon　and　lay；　like　a　carpet；　at　the　foot　of　the　town　huddled　against　the　pale　sky。

She　was　near　the　wood；　and　could　see　the　little　dark　twisted　cone…　strewn　paths　that　led　into　the　purple　depths；　when　a　woman　came　out　of　it　towards　her。　She　saw　that　it　was　Miss　Toms。　It　seemed　quite　natural　to　see　her　there　because　it　was　on　this　same　road　that　she　had　first　met　the　lady　and　her　brother。　Miss　Toms　also　did　not　seem　at　all　surprised。　She　shook　Maggie　warmly　by　the　hand。

〃You　said　that　I　wouldn't　come　often　to　see　you；〃　said　Maggie。

〃And　it's　been　true。　Things　have　been　more　difficult　for　me　than　I　knew　at　the　time。〃

〃That's　all　right；〃　said　Miss　Toms。

〃But　I　ought　to　tell　you；〃　said　Maggie；　〃that　although　I　haven't　been　to　see　you；　I've　felt　as　though　you　and　your　brother　were　my　friends；　more　than　any　one　in　this　place。　And　that's　been　a　great　help　to　me。〃

They　started　to　walk　down　the　road　together。

〃You've　been　in　trouble；〃　said　Miss　Toms。　〃Of　course　I've　heard　about　it。　I　would　have　liked　to　come　and　see　you　but　I　didn't　know　how　your　sister…in…law　would　like　it。〃

She　put　her　arm　through　Maggie's。

〃My　dear；〃　she　said；　〃don't　be　discouraged。　Because　Skeaton　is　dead　it　doesn't　mean　that　all　the　world　is。　And　remember　this。　The　world's　view　of　any　one　is　never　the　right　one。　I　know　that　the　world　thinks　my　brother's　mad；　but　I　know　that　he's　a　lot　saner　than　most　people。　The　world　thinks　your　uncle　was　a　rascal；　but　if　you　can　remember　one　good　thing　he　did　you　know　he　wasn't；　and　I'm　sure　you　can　remember　many　good　things。〃

〃It　isn't　that；〃　said　Maggie。　〃It　is　that　I　seem　to　have　done　everything　wrong　and　made　every　one　I　had　to　do　with　unhappy。〃

〃Nonsense；〃　said　Miss　Toms。　〃I'm　sure　if　they've　been　unhappy　it's　their　own　fault。　Isn't　the　evening　air　lovely？　At　times　like　these　I　wonder　that　Skeaton　can　dare　to　exist。　You'll　come　and　see　us　one　day；　won't　you？〃

〃I　thinkI　don't　know；〃　said　Maggie；　〃I　may　be　going　away。〃

Miss　Toms　gave　her　a　penetrating　look。

〃I　daresay　you're　right。　Skeaton's　not　the　place　for　you。　I　saw　that　the　first　time　we　met。　Well；　whatever　you　do；　don't　lose　your　pluck。　You're　yourself；　you　know；　and　you're　as　good　as　anybody　else。　Don't　you　forget　that。　Because　a　lot　of　people　say　a　thing　it　doesn't　mean　it's　true；　and　because　a　set　of　idiots　think　a　thing　shocking　it　doesn't　mean　that　it's　shocking。　Think　how　wrong　people　have　always　been　about　everything！〃

They　turned　down　a　side　lane　and　arrived　in　the　High　Street。　The　street　was　very　empty。　In　the　f