mudfog+-第11部分

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Pray　heaven　that　it　be　not　a　dangerous　one；　but　the　interests　of

science　must　be　promoted；　and　I　am　prepared　for　the　worst。'



'FIVE　MINUTES　LATER。



'He　has　produced　a　large　pair　of　scissors；　and　drawn　a　roll　of　some

substance；　not　unlike　parchment　in　appearance；　from　the　tin　case。

The　experiment　is　about　to　begin。　　I　must　strain　my　eyes　to　the

utmost；　in　the　attempt　to　follow　its　minutest　operation。'



'TWENTY　MINUTES　BEFORE　TWO。



'I　have　at　length　been　enabled　to　ascertain　that　the　tin　tube

contains　a　few　yards　of　some　celebrated　plaster；　recommended　…　as　I

discover　on　regarding　the　label　attentively　through　my　eye…glass　…

as　a　preservative　against　sea…sickness。　　Mr。　Slug　has　cut　it　up

into　small　portions；　and　is　now　sticking　it　over　himself　in　every

direction。'



'THREE　O'CLOCK。



'Precisely　a　quarter　of　an　hour　ago　we　weighed　anchor；　and　the

machinery　was　suddenly　put　in　motion　with　a　noise　so　appalling；

that　Professor　Woodensconce　（who　had　ascended　to　his　berth　by　means

of　a　platform　of　carpet…bags　arranged　by　himself　on　geometrical

principals）　darted　from　his　shelf　head　foremost；　and；　gaining　his

feet　with　all　the　rapidity　of　extreme　terror；　ran　wildly　into　the

ladies'　cabin；　under　the　impression　that　we　were　sinking；　and

uttering　loud　cries　for　aid。　　I　am　assured　that　the　scene　which

ensued　baffles　all　description。　　There　were　one　hundred　and　forty…

seven　ladies　in　their　respective　berths　at　the　time。



'Mr。　Slug　has　remarked；　as　an　additional　instance　of　the　extreme

ingenuity　of　the　steam…engine　as　applied　to　purposes　of　navigation；

that　in　whatever　part　of　the　vessel　a　passenger's　berth　may　be

situated；　the　machinery　always　appears　to　be　exactly　under　his

pillow。　　He　intends　stating　this　very　beautiful；　though　simple

discovery；　to　the　association。'



'HALF…PAST　TEN。



'We　are　still　in　smooth　water；　that　is　to　say；　in　as　smooth　water

as　a　steam…vessel　ever　can　be；　for；　as　Professor　Woodensconce　（who

has　just　woke　up）　learnedly　remarks；　another　great　point　of

ingenuity　about　a　steamer　is；　that　it　always　carries　a　little　storm

with　it。　　You　can　scarcely　conceive　how　exciting　the　jerking

pulsation　of　the　ship　becomes。　　It　is　a　matter　of　positive

difficulty　to　get　to　sleep。'



'FRIDAY　AFTERNOON；　SIX　O'CLOCK。



'I　regret　to　inform　you　that　Mr。　Slug's　plaster　has　proved　of　no

avail。　　He　is　in　great　agony；　but　has　applied　several　large；

additional　pieces　notwithstanding。　　How　affecting　is　this　extreme

devotion　to　science　and　pursuit　of　knowledge　under　the　most　trying

circumstances！



'We　were　extremely　happy　this　morning；　and　the　breakfast　was　one　of

the　most　animated　description。　　Nothing　unpleasant　occurred　until

noon；　with　the　exception　of　Doctor　Foxey's　brown　silk　umbrella　and

white　hat　becoming　entangled　in　the　machinery　while　he　was

explaining　to　a　knot　of　ladies　the　construction　of　the　steam…

engine。　　I　fear　the　gravy　soup　for　lunch　was　injudicious。　　We　lost

a　great　many　passengers　almost　immediately　afterwards。'



'HALF…PAST　SIX。



'I　am　again　in　bed。　　Anything　so　heart…rending　as　Mr。　Slug's

sufferings　it　has　never　yet　been　my　lot　to　witness。'



'SEVEN　O'CLOCK。



'A　messenger　has　just　come　down　for　a　clean　pocket…handkerchief

from　Professor　Woodensconce's　bag；　that　unfortunate　gentleman　being

quite　unable　to　leave　the　deck；　and　imploring　constantly　to　be

thrown　overboard。　　From　this　man　I　understand　that　Professor　Nogo；

though　in　a　state　of　utter　exhaustion；　clings　feebly　to　the　hard

biscuit　and　cold　brandy　and　water；　under　the　impression　that　they

will　yet　restore　him。　　Such　is　the　triumph　of　mind　over　matter。



'Professor　Grime　is　in　bed；　to　all　appearance　quite　well；　but　he

WILL　eat；　and　it　is　disagreeable　to　see　him。　　Has　this　gentleman　no

sympathy　with　the　sufferings　of　his　fellow…creatures？　　If　he　has；

on　what　principle　can　he　call　for　mutton…chops　…　and　smile？'



'BLACK　BOY　AND　STOMACH…ACHE；　OLDCASTLE；　SATURDAY　NOON。



'You　will　be　happy　to　learn　that　I　have　at　length　arrived　here　in

safety。　　The　town　is　excessively　crowded；　and　all　the　private

lodgings　and　hotels　are　filled　with　SAVANS　of　both　sexes。　　The

tremendous　assemblage　of　intellect　that　one　encounters　in　every

street　is　in　the　last　degree　overwhelming。



'Notwithstanding　the　throng　of　people　here；　I　have　been　fortunate

enough　to　meet　with　very　comfortable　accommodation　on　very

reasonable　terms；　having　secured　a　sofa　in　the　first…floor　passage

at　one　guinea　per　night；　which　includes　permission　to　take　my　meals

in　the　bar；　on　condition　that　I　walk　about　the　streets　at　all　other

times；　to　make　room　for　other　gentlemen　similarly　situated。　　I　have

been　over　the　outhouses　intended　to　be　devoted　to　the　reception　of

the　various　sections；　both　here　and　at　the　Boot…jack　and

Countenance；　and　am　much　delighted　with　the　arrangements。　　Nothing

can　exceed　the　fresh　appearance　of　the　saw…dust　with　which　the

floors　are　sprinkled。　　The　forms　are　of　unplaned　deal；　and　the

general　effect；　as　you　can　well　imagine；　is　extremely　beautiful。'



'HALF…PAST　NINE。



'The　number　and　rapidity　of　the　arrivals　are　quite　bewildering。

Within　the　last　ten　minutes　a　stage…coach　has　driven　up　to　the

door；　filled　inside　and　out　with　distinguished　characters；

comprising　Mr。　Muddlebranes；　Mr。　Drawley；　Professor　Muff；　Mr。　X。

Misty；　Mr。　X。　X。　Misty；　Mr。　Purblind；　Professor　Rummun；　The

Honourable　and　Reverend　Mr。　Long　Eers；　Professor　John　Ketch；　Sir

William　Joltered；　Doctor　Buffer；　Mr。　Smith　（of　London）；　Mr。　Brown

（of　Edinburgh）；　Sir　Hookham　Snivey；　and　Professor　Pumpkinskull。

The　ten　last…named　gentlemen　were　wet　through；　and　looked　extremely

intelligent。'



'SUNDAY；　TWO　O'CLOCK；　P。M。



'The　Honourable　and　Reverend　Mr。　Long　Eers；　accompanied　by　Sir

William　Joltered；　walked　and　drove　this　morning。　　They　accomplished

the　former　feat　in　boots；　and　the　latter　in　a　hired　fly。　　This　has

naturally　given　rise　to　much　discussion。



'I　have　just　learnt　that　an　interview　has　taken　place　at　the　Boot…

jack　and　Countenance　between　Sowster；　the　active　and　intelligent

beadle　of　this　place；　and　Professor　Pumpkinskull；　who；　as　your

readers　are　doubtless　aware；　is　an　influential　member　of　the

council。　　I　forbear　to　communicate　any　of　the　rumours　to　which　this

very　extraordinary　proceeding　has　given　rise　until　I　have　seen

Sowster；　and　endeavoured　to　ascertain　the　truth　from　him。'



'HALF…PAST　SIX。



'I　engaged　a　donkey…chaise　shortly　after　writing　the　above；　and

proceeded　at　a　brisk　trot　in　the　direction　of　Sowster's　residence；

passing　through　a　beautiful　expanse　of　country；　with　red　brick

buildings　on　either　side；　and　stopping　in　the　marketplace　to

observe　the　spot　where　Mr。　Kwakley's　hat　was　blown　off　yesterday。

It　is　an　uneven　piece　of　paving；　but　has　certainly　no　appearance

which　would　lead　one　to　suppose　that　any　such　event　had　recently

occurred　there。　　From　this　point　I　proceeded　…　passing　the　gas…

works　and　tallow…melter's　…　to　a　lane　which　had　been　pointed　out　to

me　as　the　beadle's　place　of　residence；　and　before　I　had　driven　a

dozen　yards　further；　I　had　the　good　fortune　to　meet　Sowster　himself

advancing　towards　me。



'Sowster　is　a　fat　man；　with　a　more　enlarged　development　of　that

peculiar　conformation　of　countenance　which　is　vulgarly　termed　a

double　chin　than　I　remember　to　have　ever　seen　before。　　He　has　also

a　very　red　nose；　which　he　attributes　to　a　habit　of　early　rising　…

so　red；　indeed；　that　but　for　this　explanation　I　should　have

supposed　it　to　proceed　from　occasional　inebriety。　　He　informed　me

that　he　did　not　feel　himself　at　liberty　to　relate　what　had　passed

between　himself　and　Professor　Pumpkinskull；　but　had　no　objection　to

state　that　it　was　connected　with　a　matter　of　police　regulation；　and

added　with　peculiar　significance　〃Never　wos　sitch　times！〃



'You　will　easily　believe　that　this　intelligence　gave　me

considerable　surprise；　not　wholly　unmixed　with　anxiety；　and　that　I

lost　no　time　in　waiting　on　Professor　Pumpkinskull；　and　stating　the

object　of　my　visit。　　After　a　few　moments'　reflection；　the

Professor；　who；　I　am　bound　to　say；　behaved　with　the　utmost

politeness；　openly　avowed　（I　mark　the　passage　in　italics）　THAT　HE

HAD　REQUESTED　SOWSTER　TO　ATTEND　ON　THE　MONDAY　MORNING　AT　THE　BOOT…

JACK　AND　COUNTENANCE；　TO　KEEP　OFF　THE　BOYS；　AND　THAT　HE　HAD　FURTHER

DESIRED　THAT　THE　UNDER…BEADLE　MIGHT　BE　STATIONED；　WITH　THE　SAME

OBJECT；　AT　THE　BLACK　BOY　AND　STOMACH…ACHE！



'Now　I　leave　this　unconstitutional　proceeding　to　your　comments　and

the　consideration　of　your　readers。　　I　have　yet　to　learn　that　a

beadle；　without　the　precincts　of　a　church；　churchyard；　or　work…

house；　and　acting　otherwise　than　under　the　express　orders　of

churchwardens　and　overseers　in　council　assembled；　to　enforce　the

law　against　people　who　come　upon　the　parish；　and　other　offenders；

has　any　lawful　authority　whatever　over　the　rising　youth　of　this

country。　　I　have　yet　to　learn　that　a　beadle　can　be　called　out　by

any　civilian　to　exercise　a　domination　and　despotism　over　the　boys

of　Britain。　　I　have　yet　to　learn　that　a　beadle　will　be　permitted　by

the　commissioners　of　poor　law　regulation　to　wear　out　the　soles　and

heels　of　his　boots　in　illegal　interference　with　the　liberties　of

people　not　proved　poor　or　otherwise　criminal。　　I　have　yet　to　learn

that　a　beadle　has　power　to　stop　up　the　Queen's　highway　at　his　will

and　pleasure；　or　that　the　whole　width　of　the　street　is　not　free　and

open　to　any　man；　boy；　or　woman　in　existence；　up　to　the　very　walls

of　the　houses　…　ay；　be　they　Black　Boys　and　Stomach…aches；　or　Boot…

jacks　and　Countenances；　I　care　not。'



'NINE　O'CLOCK。



'I　have　procured　a　local　artist　to　make　a　faithful　sketch　of　the

tyrant　Sowster；　which；　as　he　has　acquired　this　infamous　celebrity；

you　will　no　doubt　wish　to　have　engraved　for　the　purpose　of

presenting　a　copy　with　every　copy　of　your　next　number。　　I　enclose

it。



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