sk.thewastelands-第13部分

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　a　priest。　Didn't　the　kid　even　hear　him　say　he　was？　'Let　me　through；　I'm　a　priest；'　something　like　that？〃
　　〃Oh；　Walter　was　there。　They　were　both　there；　and　they　both　pushed　Jake。〃
　　〃Somebody　bring　the　Thorazine　and　the　strait…jacket；〃　Eddie　called。　〃Roland　just　went　over　the　high　side。〃
　　Roland　paid　no　attention　to　this；　he　was　ing　to　understand　that　Eddie's　jokes　and　clowning　were　his　way　of　dealing　with　stress。　Cuthbert　had　not　been　much　different　。。。　as　Susannah　was；　in　her　way；　not　so　different　from　Alain。　〃What　exasperates　me　about　all　of　this；〃　he　said；　〃is　that　I　should　have　known。　I　was　in　Jack　Mort；　after　all；　and　I　had　access　to　his　thoughts；　just　as　I　had　access　to　yours；　Eddie；　and　yours；　Susannah。　I　saw　Jake　while　I　was　in　Mort。　I　saw　him　through　Mort's　eyes；　and　I　knew　Mort　planned　to　push　him。　Not　only　that；　I　stopped　him　from　doing　it。　All　I　had　to　do　was　enter　his　body。　Not　that　he　knew　that　was　what　it　was；　he　was　concentrating　so　hard　on　what　he　planned　to　do　that　he　actually　thought　I　was　a　fly　landing　on　his　neck。〃
　　Eddie　began　to　understand。　〃If　Jake　wasn't　pushed　into　the　street；　he　never　died。　And　if　he　never　died；　he　never　came　into　this　world。　And　if　he　never　came　into　this　world；　you　never　met　him　at　the　way　station。　Right？〃
　　〃Right。　The　thought　even　crossed　my　mind　that　if　Jack　Mort　meant　to　kill　the　boy；　I　would　have　to　stand　aside　and　let　him　do　it。　To　avoid　creating　the　very　paradox　that　is　tearing　me　apart。　But　I　couldn't　do　that。　I　。。。　I　。。。〃
　　〃You　couldn't　kill　this　kid　twice；　could　you？〃　Eddie　asked　softly。　〃Every　time　I　just　about　make　up　my　mind　that　you're　as　mechanical　as　that　bear；　you　surprise　me　with　something　that　actually　seems　human。　Goddam。〃
　　〃Quit　it；　Eddie；〃　Susannah　said。
　　Eddie　took　a　look　at　the　gunslinger's　slightly　lowered　face　and　gri…maced。　〃Sorry；　Roland。　My　mother　used　to　say　that　my　mouth　had　a　bad　habit　of　running　away　with　my　mind。〃
　　〃It's　all　right。　I　had　a　friend　who　was　the　same　way。〃
　　〃Cuthbert？〃
　　Roland　nodded。　He　looked　at　his　diminished　right　hand　for　a　long　moment；　then　clenched　it　into　a　painful　fist；　sighed；　and　looked　up　at　them　again。　Somewhere；　deeper　in　the　forest；　a　lark　sang　sweetly。
　　〃Here　is　what　I　believe。　If　I　had　not　entered　Jack　Mort　when　I　did；　he　still　wouldn't　have　pushed　Jake　that　day。　Not　then。　Why　not？　Ka…tet。　Simply　that。　For　the　first　time　since　the　last　of　the　friends　with　whom　I　set　forth　on　this　quest　died；　I　have　found　myself　once　again　at　the　center　of　ka…tet。〃
　　〃Quartet？〃　Eddie　asked　doubtfully。
　　The　gunslinger　shook　his　head。　〃Ka…the　word　you　think　of　as　'des…tiny；'　Eddie；　although　the　actual　meaning　is　much　more　plex　and　hard　to　define；　as　is　almost　always　the　case　with　words　of　the　High　Speech。　And　tet；　which　means　a　group　of　people　with　the　same　interests　and　goals。　We　three　are　a　tet；　for　instance。　Ka…tet；　is　the　place　where　many　lives　are　joined　by　fate。〃
　　〃Like　in　The　Bridge　of　San　Luis　Rey；〃　Susannah　murmured。
　　〃What's　that？〃　Roland　asked。
　　〃A　story　about　some　people　who　die　together　when　the　bridge　they're　crossing　collapses。　It's　famous　in　our　world。〃
　　Roland　nodded　his　understanding。　〃In　this　case；　ka…tet　bound　Jake；　Walter；　Jack　Mort；　and　me。　There　was　no　trap；　as　I　first　suspected　when　I　realized　who　Jack　Mort　meant　to　be　his　next　victim；　because　ka…tet　cannot　be　changed　or　bent　to　the　will　of　any　one　person。　But　ka…tet　can　be　seen；　known；　and　understood。　Walter　saw；　and　Walter　knew。〃　The　gunslinger　struck　his　thigh　with　his　fist　and　exclaimed　bitterly；　〃How　he　must　have　been　laughing　inside　when　I　finally　caught　up　to　him！〃
　　〃Let's　go　back　to　what　would　have　happened　if　you　hadn't　messed　up　Jack　Mort's　plans　on　the　day　he　was　following　Jake；〃　Eddie　said。　〃You're　saying　that　if　you　hadn't　stopped　Mort；　someone　or　something　else　would　have。　Is　that　right？〃
　　〃Yes…because　it　wasn't　the　right　day　for　Jake　to　die。　It　was　close　to　the　right　day；　but　not　the　right　day。　I　felt　that；　too。　Perhaps；　just　before　he　did　it；　Mort　would　have　seen　someone　watching　him。　Or　a　perfect　stranger　would　have　intervened。　Or…〃
　　〃Or　a　cop；〃　Susannah　said。　〃He　might　have　seen　a　cop　in　the　wrong　place　and　at　the　wrong　time。〃
　　〃Yes。　The　exact　reason…the　agent　of　ka…tet…doesn't　matter。　I　know　from　firsthand　experience　that　Mort　was　as　wily　as　an　old　fox。　If　he　sensed　any　slightest　thing　wrong；　he　would　have　called　it　off　and　waited　for　another　day。
　　〃I　know　something　else；　as　well。　He　hunted　in　disguise。　On　the　day　he　dropped　the　brick　on　Detta　Holmes's　head；　he　was　wearing　a　knitted　cap　and　an　old　sweater　several　sizes　too　big　for　him。　He　wanted　to　look　like　a　winebibber；　because　he　pushed　the　brick　from　a　building　where　a　large　number　of　sots　kept　their　dens。　You　see？〃
　　They　nodded。
　　〃On　the　day；　years　later；　when　he　pushed　you　in　front　of　the　train；　Susannah；　he　was　dressed　as　a　construction　worker。　He　was　wearing　a　big　yellow　helmet　he　thought　of　as　a　'hardhat'　and　a　fake　moustache。　On　the　day　when　he　actually　would　have　pushed　Jake　into　traffic；　causing　his　death；　he　would　have　been　dressed　as　a　priest。〃
　　〃Jesus；〃　Susannah　nearly　whispered。　〃The　man　who　pushed　him　in　New　York　was　Jack　Mort；　and　the　man　he　saw　at　the　way　station　was　this　fella　you　were　chasing…Walter。〃
　　〃Yes。〃
　　〃And　the　little　boy　thought　they　were　the　same　man　because　they　were　both　wearing　the　same　kind　of　black　robe？〃
　　Roland　nodded。　〃There　was　even　a　physical　resemblance　between　Walter　land　Jack　Mort。　Not　as　if　they　were　brothers；　I　don't　mean　that；　but　both　were　tall　men　with　dark　hair　and　very　pale　plexions。　And　given　the　fact　that　Jake　was　dying　when　he　got　his　only　good　look　at　Mort　and　was　in　a　strange　place　and　scared　almost　witless　when　he　got　his　only　good　look　at　Walter；　I　think　his　mistake　was　both　understandable　and　forgivable。　If　there's　a　horse's　ass　in　this　picture；　it's　me；　for　not　realizing　the　truth　sooner。〃
　　〃Would　Mort　have　known　he　was　being　used？〃　Eddie　asked。　Think…ing　back　to　his　own　experiences　and　wild　thoughts　when　Roland　had　invaded　his　mind；　he　didn't　see　how　Mort　could　not　know　。　。　。　but　Roland　was　shaking　his　head。
　　〃Walter　would　have　been　extremely　subtle。　Mort　would　have　thought　the　priest　disguise　his　own　idea　。。。　or　so　I　believe。　He　would　not　have　recognized　the　voice　of　an　intruder…of　Walter…whispering　deep　within　his　mind；　telling　him　what　to　do。〃
　　〃Jack　Mort；〃　Eddie　marvelled。　〃It　was　Jack　Mort　all　the　time。〃
　　〃Yes　。　。　。　with　assistance　from　Walter。　And　so　I　ended　up　saving　Jake's　life　after　all。　When　I　made　Mort　jump　from　the　subway　platform　in　front　of　the　train；　I　changed　everything。〃
　　Susannah　asked；　〃If　this　Walter　was　able　to　enter　our　world…through　his　own　private　door；　maybe…whenever　he　wanted；　couldn't　he　have　used　someone　else　to　push　your　little　boy？　If　he　could　sug…gest　to　Mort　that　he　dress　up　like　a　priest；　then　he　could　make　somebody　else　do　it　。。。　What；　Eddie？　Why　are　you　shaking　your　head？〃
　　〃Because　I　don't　think　Walter　would　want　that　to　happen。　What　Walter　wanted　is　what　is　happening　。。。　for　Roland　to　be　losing　his　mind；　bit　by　bit。　Isn't　that　right？〃
　　The　gunslinger　nodded。
　　〃Walter　couldn't　have　done　it　that　way　even　if　he　had　wanted　to；〃　Eddie　added；　〃because　he　was　dead　long　before　Roland　found　the　doors　on　the　beach。　When　Roland　went　through　that　last　one　and　into　Jack　Mort's　head；　ole　Walt's　messin…around　days　were　done。〃
　　Susannah　thought　about　this；　then　nodded　her　head。　〃I　see　。。。　I　think。　This　time…travel　business　is　some　confusing　shit；　isn't　it？〃
　　Roland　began　to　pick　up　his　goods　and　strap　them　back　into　place。　〃Time　we　were　moving　on。〃
　　Eddie　stood　up　and　shrugged　into　his　pack。　〃You　can　take　fort　from　one　thing；　at　least；〃　he　told　Roland。　〃You…or　this　ka…tet　business…were　able　to　save　the　kid　after　all。〃
　　Roland　had　been　knotting　the　harness…strings　at　his　chest。　Now　he　looked　up；　and　the　blazing　clarity　of　his　eyes　made　Eddie　flinch　backward。　〃Have　I？〃　he　asked　harshly。　〃Have　I　really？　I'm　going　insane　an　inch　at　a　time；　trying　to　live　with　two　versions　of　the　same　reality。　I　had　hoped　at　first　that　one　or　the　other　would　begin　to　fade　away；　but　that's　not　happening。　In　fact；　the　exact　opposite　is　happening：　those　two　realities　are　growing　louder　and　louder　in　my　head；　clamoring　at　each　other　like　opposing　factions　which　must　soon　go　to　war。　So　tell　me　this；　Eddie：　How　do　you　suppose　Jake　feels？　How　do　you　suppose　it　feels　to　know　you　are　dead　in　one　world　and　alive　in　another？〃
　　The　lark　sang　again；　but　none　of　them　noticed。　Eddie　stared　into　the　faded　blue　eyes　blazing　out　of　Roland's　pale　face　and　could　not　think　of　a　thing　to　say。
　　
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　　THEY　CAMPED　ABOUT　FIFTEEN　miles　due　east　of　the　dead　bear　that　night；　slept　the　sleep　of　the　pletely　exhausted　（even　Roland　slept　the　night　through；　although　his　dreams　were　nightmare　carnival…rides）；　and　were　up　the　next　morning　at　sunrise。　Eddie　kindled　a　small　fire　without　speaking；　and　glanced　at　Susannah　as　a　pistol…shot　rang　out　in　the　woods　nearby。
　　〃Breakfast；〃　she　said。
　　Roland　returned　three　minutes　later　with　a　hide　slung　over　one　shoulder。　On　it　lay　the　freshly　gutted　corpse　of　a　rabbit。　Susannah　cooked　it。　They　ate　and　moved　on。
　　Eddie　kept　trying　to　imagine　what　it　would　be　like　to　have　a　memory　of　your　own　death。　On　that　one　he　kept　ing　up　short。
　　
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　　SHORTLY　AFTER　NOON　THEY　entered　an　area　where　most　of　the　trees　had　been　pulled　over　and　the　bushes　mashed　flat…it　looked　as　though　a　cyclone　had　touched　down　here　many　years　before；　creating　a　wide　and　dismal　alley　of　destruction。
　　〃We're　close　to　the　place　we　want　to　find；〃　Roland　said。　〃He　pulled　down　everything　to　clear　the　sightlines。　Our　friend　the　bear　wanted　no　surprises。　He　was　big；　but　not　placent。〃
　　〃Has　it　left　us　any　surprises？〃　Eddie　asked。
　　〃He　may　have　done　so。〃　Roland　smiled　a　little　and　touched　Eddie　on　the　shoulder。　〃But　there's　this…they'll　be　old　surprises。〃
　　Their　progress　through　this　zone　of　destruction　was　slow。　Most　of　the　fallen　trees　were　very　old…many　had　almost　rejoined　the　soil　from　which　they　had　sprung…but　they　still　made　enough　of　a　tangle　to　create　a　formidable　obstacle