sk.thewastelands-第19部分

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　　〃All　right！〃　Eddie　cried。　〃Goddammit；　all　right！〃
　　He　snatched　the　gunbelt　from　Roland's　hand　and　buckled　it　about　his　own　waist　in　a　series　of　rough　gestures。　He　should　have　been　relieved；　he　supposed…hadn't　he　looked　at　this　gun；　lying　so　close　to　Roland's　hand　in　the　middle　of　the　night；　and　thought　about　what　might　happen　if　Roland　really　did　go　over　the　high　side？　Hadn't　he　and　Susannah　both　thought　about　it？　But　there　was　no　relief。　Only　fear　and　guilt　and　a　strange；　aching　sadness　far　too　deep　for　tears。
　　He　looked　so　strange　without　his　guns。
　　So　wrong。
　　〃Okay？　Now　that　the　numb…fuck　apprentices　have　the　guns　and　the　master's　unarmed；　can　we　please　go？　If　something　big　es　out　of　the　bush　at　us；　Roland；　you　can　always　throw　your　knife　at　it。〃
　　〃Oh；　that；〃　he　murmured。　〃I　almost　forgot。〃　He　took　the　knife　from　his　purse　and　held　it　out；　hilt　first；　to　Eddie。
　　〃This　is　ridiculous！〃　Eddie　shouted。
　　〃Life　is　ridiculous。〃
　　〃Yeah；　put　it　on　a　postcard　and　send　it　to　the　fucking　Reader's　Digest。〃　Eddie　jammed　the　knife　into　his　belt　and　then　looked　defiantly　at　Roland。　〃Now　can　we　go？〃
　　〃There　is　one　more　thing；〃　Roland　said。
　　〃Weeping；　creeping　Jesus！〃
　　The　smile　touched　Roland's　mouth　again。　〃Just　joking；〃　he　said。
　　Eddie's　mouth　dropped　open。　Beside　him；　Susannah　began　to　laugh　again。　The　sound　rose；　as　musical　as　bells；　in　the　morning　stillness。
　　
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　　IT　TOOK　THEM　MOST　of　the　morning　to　clear　the　zone　of　destruction　with　which　the　great　bear　had　protected　itself；　but　the　going　was　a　little　easier　along　the　path　of　the　Beam；　and　once　they　had　put　the　deadfalls　and　tangles　of　underbrush　behind　them；　deep　forest　took　over　again　and　they　were　able　to　move　at　better　speed。　The　brook　which　had　emerged　from　the　rock　wall　in　the　clearing　ran　busily　along　to　their　right。　It　had　been　joined　by　several　smaller　streamlets；　and　its　sound　was　deeper　now。　There　were　more　animals　here…they　heard　them　moving　through　the　woods；　going　about　their　daily　round…and　twice　they　saw　small　groups　of　deer。　One　of　them；　a　buck　with　a　noble　rack　of　antlers　on　its　upraised　and　questioning　head；　looked　to　be　at　least　three　hundred　pounds。　The　brook　bent　away　from　their　path　as　they　began　to　climb　again。　And；　as　the　afternoon　began　to　slant　down　toward　evening；　Eddie　saw　something。
　　〃Could　we　stop　here？　Rest　a　minute？〃
　　〃What　is　it？〃　Susannah　asked。
　　〃Yes；〃　Roland　said。　〃We　can　stop。〃
　　Suddenly　Eddie　felt　Henry's　presence　again；　like　a　weight　settling　on　his　shoulders。　Oh　lookit　the　sissy。　Does　the　sissy　see　something　in　the　twee？　Does　the　sissy　want　to　carve　something？　Does　he？　Ohhhh；　ain't　that　CUTE？
　　〃We　don't　have　to　stop。　I　mean；　no　big　deal。　I　just…〃
　　〃…saw　something；〃　Roland　finished　for　him。　〃Whatever　it　is；　stop　running　your　everlasting　mouth　and　get　it。〃
　　〃It's　really　nothing。〃　Eddie　felt　warm　blood　mount　into　his　face。　He　tried　to　look　away　from　the　ash　tree　which　had　caught　his　eye。
　　〃But　it　is。　It's　something　you　need；　and　that's　a　long　way　from　nothing。　If　you　need　it；　Eddie；　we　need　it。　What　we　don't　need　is　a　man　who　can't　let　go　of　the　useless　baggage　of　his　memories。〃
　　The　warm　blood　turned　hot。　Eddie　stood　with　his　flaming　face　pointed　at　his　moccasins　for　a　moment　longer；　feeling　as　if　Roland　had　looked　directly　into　his　confused　heart　with　his　faded　blue　bombardier's　eyes。
　　〃Eddie？〃　Susannah　asked　curiously。　〃What　is　it；　dear？〃
　　Her　voice　gave　him　the　courage　he　needed。　He　walked　to　the　slim；　straight　ash；　pulling　Roland's　knife　from　his　belt。
　　〃Maybe　nothing；〃　he　muttered；　and　then　forced　himself　to　add：　〃Maybe　a　lot。　If　I　don't　fuck　it　up；　maybe　quite　a　lot。〃
　　〃The　ash　is　a　noble　tree；　and　full　of　power；〃　Roland　remarked　from　behind　him；　but　Eddie　barely　heard。　Henry's　sneering；　hectoring　voice　was　gone；　his　shame　was　gone　with　it。　He　thought　only　of　the　one　branch　that　had　caught　his　eye。　It　thickened　and　bulged　slightly　as　it　ran　into　the　trunk。　It　was　this　oddly　shaped　thickness　that　Eddie　wanted。
　　He　thought　the　shape　of　the　key　was　buried　within　it…the　key　he　had　seen　briefly　in　the　fire　before　the　burning　remains　of　the　jawbone　had　changed　again　and　the　rose　had　appeared。　Three　inverted　V's；　the　center　V　both　deeper　and　wider　than　the　other　two。　And　the　little　s…shape　at　the　end。　That　was　the　secret。
　　A　breath　of　his　dream　recurred：　Dad…a…chum；　dud…a…chee；　not　to　worry；　you've　got　the　key。
　　Maybe；　he　thought。　But　this　time　I'll　have　to　get　all　of　it。　I　think　that　this　time　ninety　per　cent　just　won't　do。
　　Working　with　great　care；　he　cut　the　branch　from　the　tree　and　then　trimmed　the　narrow　end。　He　was　left　with　a　fat　chunk　of　ash　about　nine　inches　long。　It　felt　heavy　and　vital　in　his　hand；　very　much　alive　and　willing　enough　to　give　up　its　secret　shape　。。。　to　a　man　skillful　enough　to　tease　it　out；　that　was。
　　Was　he　that　man？　And　did　it　matter？
　　Eddie　Dean　thought　the　answer　to　both　questions　was　yes。
　　The　gunslinger's　good　left　hand　closed　over　Eddie's　right　hand。　〃I　think　you　know　a　secret。〃
　　〃Maybe　I　do。〃
　　〃Can　you　tell？〃
　　He　shook　his　head。　〃Better　not　to；　I　think。　Not　yet。〃
　　Roland　thought　this　over；　then　nodded。　〃All　right。　I　want　to　ask　you　one　question；　and　then　we'll　drop　the　subject。　Have　you　perhaps　seen　some　way　into　the　heart　of　my　。　。　。　my　problem？〃
　　Eddie　thought：　And　that's　as　dose　as　he'll　ever　e　to　showing　the　desperation　that's　eating　him　alive。
　　〃I　don't　know。　Right　now　I　can't　tell　for　sure。　But　I　hope　so；　man。　I　really；　really　do。〃
　　Roland　nodded　again　and　released　Eddie's　hand。　〃I　thank　you。　We　still　have　two　hours　of　good　daylight…why　don't　we　make　use　of　them？〃
　　〃Fine　by　me。〃
　　They　moved　on。　Roland　pushed　Susannah　and　Eddie　walked　ahead　of　them；　holding　the　chunk　of　wood　with　the　key　buried　in　it。　It　seemed　to　throb　with　its　own　warmth；　secret　and　powerful。
　　
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　　THAT　NIGHT；　AFTER　SUPPER　was　eaten；　Eddie　took　the　gunslinger's　knife　from　his　belt　and　began　to　carve。　The　knife　was　amazingly　sharp；　and　seemed　never　to　lose　its　edge。　Eddie　worked　slowly　and　carefully　in　the　firelight；　turning　the　chunk　of　ash　this　way　and　that　in　his　hands；　watching　the　curls　of　fine…grained　wood　rise　ahead　of　his　long；　sure　strokes。
　　Susannah　lay　down；　laced　her　hands　behind　her　head；　and　looked　Up　at　the　stars　wheeling　slowly　across　the　black　sky。
　　At　the　edge　of　the　campsite；　Roland　stood　beyond　the　glow　of　the　fire　and　listened　as　the　voices　of　madness　rose　once　more　in　his　aching；　confused　mind。
　　There　was　a　boy。
　　There　was　no　boy。
　　Was。
　　Wasn't。
　　Was…
　　He　closed　his　eyes；　cupped　his　aching　forehead　in　one　cold　hand；　and　wondered　how　long　it　would　be　until　he　simply　snapped　like　an　overwound　bowstring。
　　Oh　Jake；　he　thought。　Where　are　you？　Where　are　you？
　　And　above　the　three　of　them；　Old　Star　and　Old　Mother　rose　into　their　appointed　places　and　stared　at　each　other　across　the　starry　ruins　of　their　ancient　broken　marriage。
　　
　　
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　　　KEY　AND　ROSE
　　　
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　　FOR　THREE　WEEKS　JOHN　〃Jake〃　Chambers　fought　bravely　against　the　madness　rising　inside　him。　During　that　time　he　felt　like　the　last　man　aboard　a　foundering　ocean　liner；　working　the　bilge…pumps　for　dear　life；　trying　to　keep　the　ship　afloat　until　the　storm　ended；　the　skies　cleared；　and　help　could　arrive　。　。　。　help　from　somewhere。　Help　from　anywhere。　On　May　31st；　1977；　four　days　before　school　ended　for　the　summer；　he　finally　faced　up　to　the　fact　that　no　help　was　going　to　e。　It　was　time　to　give　up；　time　to　let　the　storm　carry　him　away。
　　The　straw　that　broke　the　camel's　back　was　his　Final　Essay　in　English　p。
　　John　Chambers；　who　was　Jake　to　the　three　or　four　boys　who　were　almost　his　friends　（if　his　father　had　known　this　little　factoid；　he　undoubt…edly　would　have　hit　the　roof）；　was　finishing　his　first　year　at　The　Piper　School。　Although　he　was　eleven　and　in　the　sixth　grade；　he　was　small　for　his　age；　and　people　meeting　him　for　the　first　time　often　thought　he　was　much　younger。　In　fact；　he　had　sometimes　been　mistaken　for　a　girl　until　a　year　or　so　ago；　when　he　had　made　such　a　fuss　about　having　his　hair　cut　short　that　his　mother　had　finally　relented　and　allowed　it。　With　his　father；　of　course；　there　had　been　no　problem　about　the　haircut。　His　father　had　just　grinned　his　hard；　stainless　steel　grin　and　said；　The　kid　wants　to　look　like　a　Marine；　Laurie。　Good　for　him。
　　To　his　father；　he　was　never　Jake　and　rarely　John。　To　his　father；　he　was　usually　just　〃the　kid。〃
　　The　Piper　School；　his　father　had　explained　to　him　the　summer　before　（the　Bicentennial　Summer；　that　had　been…all　bunting　and　flags　and　New　York　Harbor　filled　with　Tall　Ships）；　was；　quite　simply；　The　Best　Damned　School　In　The　Country　For　A　Boy　Your　Age。　The　fact　that　Jake　had　been　accepted　there　had　nothing　to　do　with　money；　Elmer　Chambers　explained　。　。　。　almost　insisted。　　He　had　been　savagely　proud　of　this　fact；　although；　even　at　ten；　Jake　had　suspected　it　might　not　be　a　true　fact；　that　it　might　really　be　a　bunch　of　bullshit　his　father　had　turned　into　a　fact　so　he　could　casually　drop　it　into　the　conversation　at　lunch　or　over　cocktails：　My　kid？　Oh；　he's　going　to　Piper。　Best　Damned　School　In　The　Country　For　A　Boy　His　Age。　Money　won't　buy　you　into　that　school；　you　know；　for　Piper；　it's　brains　or　nothing。
　　Jake　was　perfectly　aware　that　in　the　fierce　furnace　of　Elmer　Cham…bers's　mind；　the　gross　carbon　of　wish　and　opinion　was　often　blasted　into　the　hard　diamonds　which　he　called　facts。　。。。　or；　in　more　informal　circumstances；　〃factoids。〃　His　favorite　phrase；　spoken　often　and　with　rev…erence；　was　the　fact　is；　and　he　used　it　every　chance　he　got。
　　The　fact　is；　money　doesn't　get　anyone　into　The　Piper　School；　his　father　had　told　him　during　that　Bicentennial　Summer；　the　summer　of　blue　skies　and　bunting　and　Tall　Ships；　a　summer　which　seemed　golden　in　Jake's　mem…ory　because　he　had　not　yet　begun　to　lose　his　mind　and　all　he　had　to　worry　about　was　whether　or　not　he　could　cut　the　mustard　at　The　Piper　School；　which　sounded　like　a　nest　for　newly　hatched　geniuses。　The　only　thing　that　gets　you　into　a　place　like　Piper　is　what　you've　got　up　here。　Elmer　Chambers　had　reached　over　his　desk　and　tapped　the　cent