sk.thewastelands-第60部分

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ent　north　to　my　Aunt　Blue's　wedding。　I　had　it　on　the　train。　I　remember；　because　I　kept　asking　my　dad　if　Charlie　the　Choo…Choo　was　pulling　us。　I　didn't　want　it　to　be　Charlie；　because　we　were　supposed　to　go　to　Elizabeth；　New　Jersey；　and　I　thought　Charlie　might　take　us　anywhere。　Didn't　he　end　up　pulling　folks　around　a　toy　village　or　something　like　that；　Jake？〃
　　〃An　amusement　park。〃
　　〃Yes；　of　course　it　was。　There's　a　picture　of　him　hauling　kids　around　that　place　at　the　end；　isn't　there？　They're　all　smiling　and　laughing；　except　I　always　thought　they　looked　like　they　were　screaming　to　be　let　off。〃
　　〃Yes！〃　Jake　cried。　〃Yes；　that's　right！　That's　just　right！〃
　　〃I　thought　Charlie　might　take　us　to　his　place…wherever　he　lived…instead　of　to　my　Aunt's　wedding；　and　never　let　us　go　home　again。〃
　　〃You　can't　go　home　again；〃　Eddie　muttered；　and　ran　his　hands　ner…vously　through　his　hair。
　　〃All　the　time　we　were　on　that　train　I　wouldn't　let　go　of　the　book。　I　even　remember　thinking；　'If　he　tries　to　steal　us；　I'll　rip　out　his　pages　until　he　quits。'　But　of　course　we　arrived　right　where　we　were　supposed　to；　and　on　time；　too。　Daddy　even　took　me　up　front；　so　I　could　see　the　engine。　It　was　a　diesel；　not　a　steam　engine；　and　I　remember　that　made　me　happy。　Then；　after　the　wedding；　that　man　Mort　dropped　the　brick　on　me　and　I　was　in　a　a　for　a　long　time。　I　never　saw　Charlie　the　Choo…Choo　after　that。　Not　until　now。〃　She　hesitated；　then　added：　〃This　could　be　my　copy；　for　all　I　know…or　Eddie's。〃
　　〃Yeah；　and　probably　is；〃　Eddie　said。　His　face　was　pale　and　solemn　。　。　。　and　then　he　grinned　like　a　lad。　〃　'See　the　TURTLE；　ain't　he　keen？　All　things　serve　the　fuckin　Beam。'　〃
　　Roland　glanced　west。　〃The　sun's　going　down。　Read　the　story　before　we　lose　the　light；　Jake。〃
　　Jake　turned　to　the　first　page；　showed　them　the　picture　of　Engineer　Bob　in　Charlie's　cab；　and　began：　〃　'Bob　Brooks　was　an　engineer　for　The　Mid…World　Railway　pany；　on　the　St。　Louis　to　Topeka　run。。。。。'　〃
　　
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　　〃　'。　。　。　AND　EVERY　NOW　AND　then　the　children　hear　him　singing　his　old　song　in　his　soft；　gruff　voice；'　〃　Jake　finished。　He　showed　them　the　last　picture…the　happy　children　who　might　actually　have　been　screaming…and　then　closed　the　book。　The　sun　had　gone　down；　the　sky　was　purple。
　　〃Well；　it's　not　a　perfect　fit；〃　Eddie　said；　〃more　like　a　dream　where　the　water　sometimes　runs　uphill…but　it　fits　well　enough　to　scare　me　silly。　This　is　Mid…World…Charlie's　territory。　Only　his　name　over　here　isn't　Charlie　at　all。　Over　here　it's　Blaine　the　Mono。〃
　　Roland　was　looking　at　Jake。　〃What　do　you　think？〃　he　asked。　〃Should　we　go　around　the　city？　Stay　away　from　this　train？〃
　　Jake　thought　it　over；　head　down；　hands　working　distractedly　through　Oy's　thick；　silky　fur。　〃I'd　like　to；〃　he　said　at　last；　〃but　if　I've　got　this　stuff　about　ka　right；　I　don't　think　we're　supposed　to。〃
　　Roland　nodded。　〃If　it's　ka；　questions　of　what　we're　supposed　to　or　not　supposed　to　do　aren't　even　in　it；　if　we　tried　to　go　around；　we'd　find　circumstances　forcing　us　back。　In　such　cases　it's　better　to　give　in　to　the　inevitable　promptly　instead　of　putting　it　off。　What　do　you　think；　Eddie？〃
　　Eddie　thought　as　long　and　as　carefully　as　Jake　had　done。　He　didn't　want　anything　to　do　with　a　talking　train　that　ran　by　itself；　and　whether　you　called　it　Charlie　the　Choo…Choo　or　Blaine　the　Mono；　everything　Jake　had　told　them　and　read　them　suggested　that　it　might　be　a　very　nasty　piece　of　work。　But　they　had　a　tremendous　distance　to　cross；　and　some…where；　at　the　end　of　it；　was　the　thing　they　had　e　to　find。　And　with　that　thought；　Eddie　was　amazed　to　discover　he　knew　exactly　what　he　thought；　and　what　he　wanted。　He　raised　his　head　and　for　almost　the　first　time　since　he　had　e　to　this　world；　he　fixed　Roland's　faded　blue　eyes　firmly　with　his　hazel　ones。
　　〃I　want　to　stand　in　that　field　of　roses；　and　I　want　to　see　the　Tower　that　stands　there。　I　don't　know　what　es　next。　Mourners　please　omit　flowers；　probably；　and　for　all　of　us。　But　I　don't　care。　I　want　to　stand　there。　I　guess　I　don't　care　if　Blaine's　the　devil　and　the　train　runs　through　hell　itself　on　the　way　to　the　Tower。　I　vote　we　go。〃
　　Roland　nodded　and　turned　to　Susannah。
　　〃Well；　I　didn't　have　any　dreams　about　the　Dark　Tower；〃　she　said；　〃so　I　can　deal　with　the　question　on　that　level…the　level　of　desire；　I　suppose　you'd　say。　But　I've　e　to　believe　in　ka；　and　I'm　not　so　numb　that　I　can't　feel　it　when　someone　starts　rapping　on　my　head　with　his　knuckles　and　saying；　'That　way；　idiot。'　What　about　you；　Roland？　What　do　you　think？〃
　　〃I　think　there's　been　enough　talk　for　one　day；　and　it's　time　to　let　it　go　until　tomorrow。〃
　　〃What　about　Riddle…De…Dum！…〃　Jake　asked；　〃do　you　want　to　look　at　that？〃
　　〃There'll　be　time　enough　for　that　another　day；〃　Roland　said。　〃Let's　get　some　sleep。〃
　　
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　　BUT　THE　GUNSLINGER　LAY　long　awake；　and　when　the　rhythmic　drum…ming　began　again；　he　got　up　and　walked　back　to　the　road。　He　stood　looking　toward　the　bridge　and　the　city。　He　was　every　inch　the　diplomat　Susannah　had　suspected；　and　he　had　known　the　train　was　the　next　step　on　the　road　they　must　travel　almost　from　the　moment　he　had　heard　of　it　。。。　but　he'd　felt　it　would　be　unwise　to　say　so。　Eddie　in　particular　hated　to　feel　pushed；　when　he　sensed　that　was　being　done；　he　simply　lowered　his　head；　planted　his　feet；　made　his　silly　jokes；　and　balked　like　a　mule。　This　time　he　wanted　what　Roland　wanted；　but　he　was　still　apt　to　say　day　if　Roland　said　night；　and　night　if　Roland　said　day。　It　was　safer　to　walk　softly；　and　surer　to　ask　instead　of　telling。
　　He　turned　to　go　back　。　。　。　and　his　hand　dropped　to　his　gun　as　he　saw　a　dark　shape　standing　on　the　edge　of　the　road；　looking　at　him。　He　didn't　draw；　but　it　was　a　near　thing。
　　〃I　wondered　if　you'd　be　able　to　sleep　after　that　little　performance；〃　Eddie　said。　〃Guess　the　answer's　no。〃
　　〃I　didn't　hear　you　at　all；　Eddie。　You're　learning　。　。。　only　this　time　you　almost　got　a　bullet　in　the　gut　for　your　pains。〃
　　〃You　didn't　hear　me　because　you　have　a　lot　on　your　mind。〃　Eddie　joined　him；　and　even　by　starlight；　Roland　saw　he　hadn't　fooled　Eddie　a　bit。　His　respect　for　Eddie　continued　to　grow。　It　was　Cuthbert　Eddie　reminded　him　of；　but　in　many　ways　he　had　already　surpassed　Cuthbert。
　　If　I　underestimate　him；　Roland　thought；　I'm　apt　to　e　away　with　a　bloody　paw。　And　if　I　let　him　down；　or　do　something　that　looks　to　him　like　a　double…cross；　he'll　probably　try　to　kill　me。
　　〃What's　on　your　mind；　Eddie？〃
　　〃You。　Us。　I　want　you　to　know　something。　I　guess　until　tonight　I　just　assumed　that　you　knew　already。　Now　I'm　not　so　sure。〃
　　〃Tell　me；　then。〃　He　thought　again：　How　like　Cuthbert　he　is！
　　〃We're　with　you　because　we　have　to　be…that's　your　goddamned　ka。　But　we're　also　with　you　because　we　want　to　be。　I　know　that's　true　of　me　and　Susannah；　and　I'm　pretty　sure　it's　true　of　Jake；　too。　You've　got　a　good　brain；　me　old　khef…mate；　but　I　think　you　must　keep　it　in　a　bomb…shelter；　because　it's　bitchin　hard　to　get　through　sometimes。　I　want　to　see　it；　Roland。　Can　you　dig　what　I'm　telling　you？　I　want　to　see　the　Tower。〃　He　looked　closely　into　Roland's　face；　apparently　did　not　see　what　he'd　hoped　to　find　there；　and　raised　his　hands　in　exasperation。　〃What　I　mean　is　I　want　you　to　let　go　of　my　ears。〃
　　〃Let　go　of　your　ears？〃
　　〃Yeah。　Because　you　don't　have　to　drag　me　anymore。　I'm　ing　of　my　own　accord。　We're　ing　of　our　own　accord。　If　you　died　in　your　sleep　tonight；　we'd　bury　you　and　then　go　on。　We　probably　wouldn't　last　long；　but　we'd　die　in　the　path　of　the　Beam。　Now　do　you　understand？〃
　　〃Yes。　Now　I　do。〃
　　〃You　say　you　understand　me；　and　I　think　you　do　。。。　but　do　you　believe　me；　as　well？〃
　　Of　course；　he　thought。　Where　else　do　you　have　to　go；　Eddie；　in　this　world　that's　so　strange　to　you？　And　what　else　could　you　do？　You'd　make　a　piss…poor　farmer。
　　But　that　was　mean　and　unfair；　and　he　knew　it。　Denigrating　free　will　by　confusing　it　with　ka　was　worse　than　blasphemy；　it　was　tiresome　and　stupid。　〃Yes；〃　he　said。　〃I　believe　you。　Upon　my　soul；　I　do。〃
　　〃Then　stop　behaving　like　we're　a　bunch　of　sheep　and　you're　the　shepherd　walking　along　behind　us；　waving　a　crook　to　make　sure　we　don't　trot　our　stupid　selves　off　the　road　and　into　a　quicksand　bog。　Open　your　mind　to　us。　If　we're　going　to　die　in　the　city　or　on　that　train；　I　want　to　die　knowing　I　was　more　than　a　marker　on　your　game…board。〃
　　Roland　felt　anger　heat　his　cheeks；　but　he　had　never　been　much　good　at　self…deception。　He　wasn't　angry　because　Eddie　was　wrong　but　because　Eddie　had　seen　through　him。　Roland　had　watched　him　e　steadily　forward；　leaving　his　prison　further　and　further　behind…and　Susannah；　too；　for　she　had　also　been　imprisoned…and　yet　his　heart　had　never　quite　accepted　the　evidence　of　his　senses。　His　heart　apparently　wanted　to　go　on　seeing　them　as　different；　lesser　creatures。
　　Roland　drew　in　deep　air。　〃Gunslinger；　I　cry　your　pardon。〃
　　Eddie　nodded。　〃We're　running　into　a　whole　hurricane　of　trouble　here　。。。　I　feel　it；　and　I'm　scared　to　death。　But　it's　not　your　trouble；　it's　our　trouble。　Okay？〃
　　〃Yes。〃
　　〃How　bad　do　you　think　it　can　get　in　the　city？〃
　　〃I　don't　know。　I　only　know　that　we　have　to　try　and　protect　Jake；　because　the　old　auntie　said　both　sides　would　want　him。　Some　of　it　depends　on　how　long　it　takes　us　to　find　this　train。　A　lot　more　depends　on　what　happens　when　we　find　it。　If　we　had　two　more　in　our　party；　I'd　put　Jake　in　a　moving　box　with　guns　on　every　side　of　him。　Since　we　don't；　we'll　move　in　column…me　first；　Jake　pushing　Susannah　behind；　and　you　on　drogue。〃
　　〃How　much　trouble；　Roland？　Make　a　guess。〃
　　〃I　can't。〃
　　〃I　think　you　can。　You　don't　know　the　city；　but　you　know　how　the　people　in　your　world　have　been　behaving　since　things　started　to　fall　apart。　How　much　trouble？〃
　　Roland　turned　toward　the　steady　sound　of　the　drumbeats　and　thought　it　over。　〃Maybe　not　too　much。　I'd　guess　the　fighting　men　who　are　still　there　are　old　and　demoralized。　It　may　he　that　yon　have　the　straight　of　it；　and　some　will　even　offer　to　help　us　on　our　way；　as　the　River　Crossing　ka…tet　did。　Mayhap　we　won't　see　them　at　all…they'll　see　MS；　see　we're　packing　iron；　and　just　put　their　heads　down　and　let　us　go　our　way。　If　that　fails；　I'm　hoping　that　they'll　scatter　like