hr.thecarpetbaggers-第6部分

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　〃Downstairs；〃　I　answered。
　She　began　to　dry　her　face　with　another　towel。　〃Your　father　wouldn't　like　this。〃　
　〃He'll　never　know；〃　I　answered。　
　〃How　do　you　know　I　won't　tell　him？〃　
　〃You　won't；〃　I　said　definitely。
　It　was　then　that　she　began　to　sense　something　was　wrong。　She　looked　up　at　me　in　the　mirror。　Her　face　was　suddenly　serious。　〃Did　something　happen　between　you　and　your　father；　Jonas？〃
　She　watched　me　for　a　moment；　there　was　still　a　puzzled　look　in　her　eyes。　She　gave　me　a　small　towel。　〃Be　a　good　boy；　will　you；　Jonas；　and　dry　my　back？　I　can't　reach　it。〃　She　smiled　up　into　the　mirror。　〃You　see；　I　really　do　need　Louise。〃
　I　took　the　towel　and　moved　closer　to　her。　She　let　the　big　bath　towel　slide　down　from　her　shoulders。　I　patted　the　beads　of　moisture　from　her　flawless　skin。　The　scent　of　her　perfume　came　up　to　me；　pungent　from　her　bath　warmth。
　I　pressed　my　lips　to　her　neck。　She　turned　toward　me　in　surprise。　〃Stop　that；　Jonas！　Your　father　said　this　morning　you　were　a　sex　maniac　but　you　don't　have　to　try　to　prove　it！〃
　I　stared　into　her　eyes。　There　was　no　fear　in　them。　She　was　very　sure　of　herself。　I　smiled　slowly。　〃Maybe　he　was　right；〃　I　said。　〃Or　maybe　he　just　forgot　what　it　was　like　to　be　young。〃
　I　pulled　her　off　the　seat　toward　me。　The　towel　fell　still　further　until　it　hung　only　by　the　press　of　our　bodies。　I　covered　her　mouth　with　mine　and　reached　for　her　breast。　It　was　hard　and　firm　and　strong　and　I　could　feel　her　heart　beating　wildly　beneath　it。
　Maybe　I　was　wrong　but　for　a　moment；　I　thought　I　could　feel　the　fires　in　her　reaching　toward　me。　Then；　angrily；　she　tore　herself　from　me。　The　towel　lay　unheeded　on　the　floor　now。　〃Have　you　gone　crazy？〃　she　spit　at　me；　her　breast　heaving。　〃You　know　at　any　minute　now　he　could　e　walking　through　that　door。〃
　I　stood　very　still　for　a　second；　then　let　the　built…up　pressure　in　my　lungs　escape　in　a　slow　sigh。　〃He'll　never　e　through　that　door　again；〃　I　said。
　The　color　began　to　drain　from　her　face　slowly。　〃What…　what　do　you　mean？〃　she　stammered。
　My　eyes　went　right　into　hers。　For　the　first　time；　I　could　see　into　them。　She　was　afraid。　Just　like　everyone　else　that　had　to　look　into　an　unknown　future。　〃Mrs。　Cord；〃　I　said　slowly；　〃your　husband　is　dead。〃
　Her　pupils　dilated　wildly　for　a　moment　and　she　sank　slowly　back　onto　the　seat。　By　reflex；　she　picked　up　the　towel　and　placed　it　around　her　again。　〃I　can't　believe　it；〃　she　said　dully。
　〃What　is　it　that　you　can't　believe；　Rina？〃　I　asked　cruelly。　〃That　he's　dead　or　that　you　were　wrong　when　you　married　him　instead　of　me？〃
　I　don't　think　she　even　heard　me。　She　looked　up　at　me；　her　eyes　dry；　but　there　was　a　gentle　sorrow　in　them　…　a　passion　I　never　knew　she　was　capable　of。　〃Was　there　any　pain？〃　she　asked。
　〃No；〃　I　answered。　〃It　was　quick。　A　stroke。　One　minute　he　was　as　big　as　life　and　roaring　like　a　lion；　and　the　next…　〃　I　snapped　my　fingers。　〃It　was　like　that。〃
　Her　eyes　were　still　on　mine。　〃I'm　glad　for　his　sake；〃　she　said　softly。　〃I　wouldn't　have　wanted　him　to　suffer。〃
　She　got　to　her　feet　slowly。　The　veil　came　down　over　her　eyes　again。　〃I　think　you'd　better　go　now；〃　she　said。
　This　was　the　familiar　Rina；　the　one　I　wanted　to　take　apart。　The　distant　one；　the　unattainable　one；　the　calculating　one。　〃No；〃　I　said。　〃I　haven't　finished　yet。〃
　She　started　past　me。　〃What　is　there　to　finish？〃　
　I　seized　her　arm　and　pulled　her　back　toward　me。　〃We're　not　finished；〃　I　said　into　her　upturned　face。　〃You　and　me。　I　brought　you　home　one　night　because　I　wanted　you。　But　you　chose　my　father　because　he　represented　a　quicker　return　for　you。　I　think　I've　waited　long　enough！〃
　She　stared　back　at　me。　She　wasn't　afraid　now。　This　was　the　ground　she　was　used　to　fighting　on。　〃You　wouldn't　dare！〃
　For　an　answer；　I　pulled　the　towel　from　her。　She　turned　to　run　from　the　room　but　I　caught　her　arm　and　pulled　her　back　to　me。　With　my　other　hand；　I　caught　her　hair　and　pulled　her　head　back　so　that　her　face　turned　up　to　mine。　〃No？〃
　〃I'll　scream；〃　she　gasped　hoarsely。　〃The　servants　will　e　running！〃
　I　grinned。　〃No；　they　won't。　They'll　only　think　it　a　cry　of　grief。　Robair's　got　them　in　the　kitchen　and　not　one　will　e　up　unless　I　send　for　her。〃
　〃Wait！〃　she　begged。　〃Please　wait。　For　your　father's　sake？〃　
　〃Why　should　I？〃　I　asked。　〃He　didn't　wait　for　me。〃　I　picked　her　up　and　carried　her　into　the　bedroom。　Her　fists　and　hands　scratched　at　my　face　and　beat　against　my　chest。
　I　threw　her　on　the　bed；　the　white　satin　cover　still　on　it。　She　tried　to　roll　off　on　the　other　side。　I　grabbed　her　shoulder　and　spun　her　back。　She　bit　my　hand　and　tried　to　scramble　away　when　I　pulled　it　back。　I　placed　my　knee　across　her　thighs　and　slapped　viciously　at　her　face。　The　blow　knocked　her　back　on　the　pillow。　I　could　see　the　white　marks　left　by　my　fingers。
　She　closed　her　eyes　for　a　moment　and　when　she　opened　them；　they　were　clouded　and　there　was　a　wildness　in　them　that　I　had　never　seen　before。　She　smiled　and　her　arms　went　up　around　my　neck；　pulling　me　down　to　her。　Her　mouth　fastened　against　mine。　I　could　feel　her　body　begin　to　move　under　me。
　〃Do　it　to　me；　Jonas！〃　she　breathed　into　my　mouth。　〃Now！　I　can't　wait　any　more。　I've　waited　so　long。〃　Her　searching　fingers　ran　down　my　hip　and　found　my　core。　She　turned　her　face　into　the　pillow；　her　movements　being　more　frenetic。　I　could　hardly　hear　her　fierce；　urgent　whisper。　〃Hurry；　Jonas。　Hurry！〃
　I　started　to　get　up　but　she　couldn't　wait　for　me　to　get　my　clothing　off。　She　pulled　me　down　again　and　took　me　inside　her。　She　was　like　a　burning　bed　of　coals。　She　drew　my　head　down　to　her　neck。
　〃Make　me　pregnant；　Jonas；〃　she　whispered　into　my　ear。　〃Make　me　pregnant　like　you　did　to　those　three　girls　in　Los　Angeles。　Put　your　life　into　me！〃
　I　looked　into　her　face。　Her　eyes　were　clear　and　there　was　a　taunting　triumph　in　them。　They　reflected　none　of　the　passion　of　the　body　beneath　me。　Her　arms　and　legs　tightened　around　me。
　She　smiled；　her　eyes　looking　into　mine。　〃Make　me　pregnant；　Jonas；〃　she　whispered。　〃Like　your　father　never　would。　He　was　afraid　someone　would　take　something　away　from　you！〃
　〃What…　what？〃　I　tried　to　get　up　but　she　was　like　a　bottomless　well　that　I　couldn't　get　out　of。
　〃Yes；　Jonas；〃　she　said；　still　smiling；　her　body　devouring　me。　〃Your　father　never　took　any　chances。　That's　why　he　made　me　sign　that　agreement　before　we　got　married。　He　wanted　everything　for　his　precious　son！〃
　I　tried　to　get　up　but　she　had　moved　her　legs　in　some　mysterious　manner。　Laughing；　triumphant；　she　said；　〃But　you'll　make　me　pregnant；　won't　you；　Jonas？　Who　will　know　but　us？　You　will　share　your　fortune　with　your　child　even　if　the　whole　world　believes　it　to　be　your　father's。〃
　She　rose　beneath　me；　seeking　and　demanding　my　life　force。　In　a　sudden　frenzy；　I　tore　myself　from　her；　just　as　my　strength　drained　from　me。　I　fell　across　the　bed　near　her　feet。
　The　agony　passed　and　I　opened　my　eyes。　Her　head　was　turned　into　the　pillow　and　she　was　crying。　Silently　I　got　to　my　feet　and　left　the　room。
　All　the　way　down　the　hall　to　my　room；　I　kept　thinking；　my　father　cared；　he　really　cared。　Even　if　I　didn't　see　it；　he　loved　me。
　He　loved　me。　But　never　enough　to　show　it。
　By　the　time　I　got　to　my　room；　the　tears　were　rolling　down　my　cheeks。
　
　7
　
　I　WAS　ON　THE　TINY　INDIAN　PINTO　THAT　I　HAD　WHEN　I　was　ten　years　old；　galloping　insanely　across　the　dunes。　The　panic　of　flight　rose　within　me　but　I　didn't　know　what　I　was　running　from。　I　looked　back　over　my　shoulder。
　My　father　was　following　me　on　the　big　strawberry　roan。　His　jacket　was　open　and　blowing　in　the　wind　and　I　could　see　the　heavy　watch　chain　stretched　tight　across　his　chest。　I　heard　his　voice；　weird　and　eerie　in　the　wind。　〃e　back　here；　Jonas。　Damn　you；　e　back！〃
　I　turned　and　urged　the　pinto　to　even　greater　speed；　I　used　my　bat　unmercifully　and　there　were　tiny　red　welts　on　the　horse's　side　from　where　I　had　hit　him。　Gradually；　I　began　to　pull　away。
　Suddenly；　as　if　from　nowhere；　Nevada　was　beside　me；　riding　easily　on　his　big　black　horse。　He　looked　across　at　me　calmly。　His　voice　was　low。　〃Go　back；　Jonas。　It's　your　father　calling　you。　What　kind　of　a　son　are　you；　anyway？〃
　I　didn't　answer；　just　kept　urging　my　horse　on。　I　looked　back　again　over　my　shoulder。
　My　father　was　pulling　his　horse　to　a　stop。　His　face　was　very　sad。　〃Look　after　him；　Nevada。〃　I　could　hear　him　only　faintly；　for　there　was　a　great　distance　between　us。　〃Look　after　him；　for　I　haven't　the　time。〃　He　turned　the　strawberry　roan　around　and　began　to　gallop　away。
　I　stopped　my　pony　and　turned　to　look　after　him。　He　was　already　growing　smaller　in　the　distance。　Even　his　outline　was　fading　in　the　sudden　tears　that　leapt　to　my　eyes。　I　wanted　to　cry　out　after　him；　〃Don't　go；　Father。〃　But　the　words　stuck　in　my　throat。
　I　sat　up　in　bed；　my　skin　wet　with　perspiration。　I　shook　my　head　to　get　the　echo　of　the　dream　out　of　it。　Through　the　open　window　I　could　hear　the　sound　of　horses　ing　from　the　corral　in　back　of　the　house。
　I　went　over　to　the　window　and　looked　out。　The　sun　was　at　five　o'clock　and　casting　a　long　morning　shadow。　Down　in　the　corral；　several　of　the　hands　were　leaning　against　the　fence；　watching　a　rider　trying　to　break　a　wiry　bay　colt。　I　squinted　my　eyes　against　the　sun。
　I　turned　from　the　window　quickly。　That　was　the　kind　of　medicine　I　needed。　Something　that　would　jar　the　empty　feeling　out　of　me；　that　would　clean　the　bitter　taste　from　my　mouth。　I　pulled　on　a　pair　of　Levi's　and　an　old　blue　shirt　and　started　from　the　room。
　I　headed　down　the　corridor　to　the　back　stairs。　I　met　Robair　just　as　I　came　to　them。　He　was　carrying　a　tray　with　a　glass　of　orange　juice　and　a　pot　of　steaming　coffee。　He　looked　at　me　without　surprise。　
　〃Good　morning；　Mr。　Jonas。〃　
　〃Good　morning；　Robair；〃　I　replied。
　〃Mr。　McAllister　is　here　to　see　you。　I　showed　him　into　the　study。〃
　I　hesitated　a　moment。　The　corral　would　have　to　wait。　There　were　more　important　things　I　had　to　do。　〃Thank　you；　Robair；〃　I　said；　turning　for　the　front　staircase。　
　〃Mr。　Jonas；〃　he　called　after　me。　
　I　stopped　and　looked　back　at　him。
　〃If　you're　goin'　to　talk　business；　Mr。　Jonas；　I　find　you　always　talk　better　if　you　got　something　in　your　stomach。〃
　I　looked　at　him；　then　at　the　tray。　I　nodded　and　sat　down　on　the　top　step。　Robair　set　the　tray