hr.thecarpetbaggers-第95部分

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rls。　The　bombs。　The　girls。　I　slept。
　
　The　shrill　shriek　of　the　falling　bomb　rose　to　its　orgiastic　climax　as　it　fell　nearby。　All　conversation　at　the　dinner　table　hung　suspended　for　a　moment。
　〃I'm　worried　about　my　daughter；　Mr。　Cord；〃　the　slim；　gray…haired　woman　on　my　right　said。
　I　looked　at　her；　then　glanced　at　Morrissey；　seated　opposite　me。　His　face　was　while　and　strained。　I　turned　back　to　the　woman。　The　bomb　had　landed　practically　next　door　and　she　was　worried　about　her　daughter；　safe　in　America。　Maybe　she　should　be。　She　was　Monica's　mother。
　〃I　haven't　seen　Monica　since　she　was　nine　years　old；〃　Mrs。　Holme　continued　nervously。　〃That　was　almost　twenty　years　ago。　I　think　of　her　often。〃
　You　didn't　think　of　her　often　enough；　I　thought　to　myself。　I　used　to　think　it　was　different　with　mothers。　But　they　were　no　different　than　fathers。　They　thought　of　themselves　first。　At　least　that　was　one　thing　I'd　had　in　mon　with　Monica。　Our　parents　never　gave　a　damn　about　us。　My　mother　died　and　hers　had　run　away　with　another　man。
　She　looked　up　at　me　from　the　deep　violet　eyes　under　the　long　black　lashes　and　I　could　see　the　beauty　she'd　passed　on　to　her　daughter。　〃Do　you　think　you　might　see　her　when　you　return　to　the　States；　Mr。　Cord？〃
　〃I　doubt　it；　Mrs。　Holme；〃　I　said。　〃Monica　lives　in　New　York　now。　I　live　in　Nevada。〃
　She　was　silent　for　a　moment；　then　again　came　the　piercing　look　from　her　eyes。　〃You　don't　like　me　very　much；　do　you；　Mr。　Cord？〃
　〃I　hadn't　really　thought　about　it；　Mrs。　Holme；〃　I　said　quickly。　〃I'm　sorry　if　I　give　that　impression。〃
　She　smiled。　〃It　wasn't　anything　you　said。　It　was　just　that　I　could　sense　a　shrinking　in　you　when　I　told　you　who　I　was。〃　She　played　nervously　with　her　spoon。　〃I　expect　Amos　told　you　all　about　me　…　about　how　I　ran　off　with　someone　else；　leaving　him　with　a　child　to　raise　alone？〃
　〃Winthrop　and　I　were　never　that　close。　We　never　discussed　you。〃
　〃You　must　believe　me；　Mr。　Cord；〃　she　whispered；　a　sudden　intensity　in　her　voice。　〃I　didn't　abandon　my　daughter。　I　want　her　to　know　that；　to　understand　it。〃
　Nothing　ever　changed。　It　was　still　more　important　for　parents　to　be　understood　than　to　understand。
　〃Amos　Winthrop　was　a　woman…chaser　and　a　cheat；〃　she　said　quietly；　without　bitterness。　〃The　ten　years　of　our　marriage　were　a　hell。　On　our　honeymoon；　I　discovered　him　with　other　women。　And　finally；　when　I　fell　in　love　with　a　decent；　honest　man；　he　blackmailed　me　into　giving　up　my　daughter　under　the　threat　of　exposure　and　the　ruination　of　that　man's　career　in　His　Majesty's　service。〃
　I　looked　at　her。　That　made　sense。　Amos　was　a　cute　one　with　tricks　like　that。　I　knew。　〃Did　you　ever　write　Monica　and　tell　her　that？〃
　〃How　does　one　write　something　like　that　to　one's　own　daughter？〃
　I　didn't　answer。
　〃About　ten　years　ago；　I　heard　from　Amos　that　he　was　sending　her　over　to　stay　with　me。　I　thought　then　that　when　she　got　to　know　me；　I'd　explain　and　she'd　understand。〃　She　nodded　slightly。　〃I　read　in　the　papers　of　your　marriage　and　she　never　came。〃
　The　butler　came　and　took　away　the　empty　plates。　Another　servant　placed　demitasse　cups　before　us。　When　he　went　away；　I　spoke。　〃Just　what　is　it　you　would　like　me　to　do；　Mrs。　Holme？〃
　Her　eyes　studied　my　face　for　a　moment。　I　saw　the　slight　hint　of　moisture　in　them。　Her　voice　was　steady；　though。　〃If　you　should　happen　to　speak　with　her；　Mr。　Cord；〃　she　said；　〃let　her　know　that　I　asked　for　her；　that　I　think　of　her　and　that　I'd　appreciate　hearing　from　her。〃
　I　nodded　slowly。　〃I'll　do　that；　Mrs。　Holme。〃
　The　butler　began　to　pour　coffee　as　the　dull　thud　of　bombs　rolled　into　the　heavily　draped　room　like　a　muffled　sound　of　thunder　in　peacetime　London。
　
　The　roar　of　the　four　big　motors　came　back　into　my　ears　as　I　opened　my　eyes。　Morrissey　was　in　the　bucket　seat；　his　head　tilted　unfortably　to　one　side　as　he　dozed。　He　opened　his　eyes　as　I　sat　up。　〃How　long　was　I　sleeping？〃　I　asked。
　〃About　four　hours。〃
　〃I　better　give　Roger　some　relief；〃　I　said；　getting　to　my　feet。
　Forrester　looked　up　as　I　came　into　the　partment。　〃You　must　have　been　tired。　For　a　while；　you　were　snoring　so　loud　back　there　I　was　beginning　to　think　we　had　five　motors　instead　of　four。〃
　I　sank　into　the　copilot's　seat。　〃I　thought　I'd　give　you　a　little　relief。　Where　are　we？〃
　〃About　here；〃　he　said；　his　finger　pointing　to　the　map　on　the　holder　between　us。　I　looked　down。　We　were　about　a　thousand　miles　out　over　the　ocean。
　〃We're　slow。〃
　He　nodded。　〃We　ran　into　heavy　head　winds。〃
　I　reached　for　the　wheel　and　pulled　it　back　to　me　until　it　locked　in。　〃O。K。；〃　I　said。　〃I　got　her。〃
　He　released　his　wheel；　got　to　his　feet　and　stretched。　〃I　think　I'll　try　to　get　a　nap。〃
　〃Fine；〃　I　said；　looking　out　through　the　windshield。　It　was　beginning　to　rain。
　〃Sure　you　can　keep　your　eyes　open　for　a　few　hours？〃
　〃I'll　manage。〃
　He　laughed。　〃Either　you're　a　better　man　than　I　am；　Gunga　Din；　or　I'm　getting　old。　For　a　while；　back　there；　I　thought　you　were　going　to　fuck　every　woman　in　England。〃
　I　looked　up　at　him；　grinning。　〃With　the　way　those　bombs　were　ing　down；　I　thought　I　better　make　the　most　of　it。〃
　He　laughed　again　and　left　the　partment。　I　turned　back　to　the　controls。　Apparently；　I　wasn't　the　only　one　who　felt　that　way。　The　girls　must　have　felt　it；　too。　There'd　been　something　desperate　in　the　way　they　insisted　you　accept　their　favors。
　It　was　beginning　to　snow　now；　heavy；　swirling　flakes　against　the　windshield。　I　switched　the　de…icers　on　and　watched　the　snowflakes　turn　to　water　against　the　Plexiglas。　The　air　speed　was　two　hundred　and　slowing。　That　meant　the　head　winds　were　picking　up　speed。　I　decided　to　see　if　we　could　climb　up　over　it。
　I　moved　the　wheel　back　and　the　big　plane　began　to　lift　slowly。　We　came　through　the　clouds　at　thirteen　thousand　feet　into　bright　sunlight。　I　locked　in　the　gyropensator　and　felt　the　plane　level　off。
　It　was　a　clear　and　smooth　flight　all　the　rest　of　the　way　home。
　
　2
　
　ROBAIR　WAS　STANDING　IN　THE　OPEN　DOORWAY　WHEN　I　CAME　OUT　OF　THE　ELEVATOR。　Though　it　was　four　o'clock　in　the　morning；　he　looked　as　fresh　and　wide…eyed　as　if　he'd　just　awakened。　His　dark　face　gleamed　in　a　weling　smile　over　his　white　shirt　and　faultlessly　tailored　butler's　jacket。　〃Good　morning；　Mr。　Cord。　Have　a　good　flight？〃
　〃Fine；　thank　you；　Robair。〃
　He　closed　the　door　behind　him。　〃Mr。　McAllister's　in　the　living　room。　Been　waiting　since　eight　o'clock　last　night。〃
　〃I'll　talk　to　him；〃　I　said；　starting　through　the　foyer。
　〃I'll　fix　some　steak　sandwiches　and　coffee；　Mr。　Cord。〃
　I　stopped　and　looked　back　at　the　tall　Negro。　He　never　seemed　to　age。　His　hair　was　still　black　and　thick；　his　frame　giant…sized　and　powerful。　〃Hey；　Robair；　you　know　something？　I　missed　you。〃
　He　smiled　again。　There　was　nothing　subservient　or　false　about　his　smile。　It　was　the　smile　of　a　friend。　〃I　missed　you；　too；　Mr。　Cord。〃
　I　turned　and　walked　into　the　living　room。　Robair　was　more　than　just　a　friend。　In　a　way；　he　was　my　guardian　angel。　I　don't　know　how　I　would　have　held　together　after　Rina　died　if　it　hadn't　been　for　Robair。
　By　the　time　I'd　got　back　to　Reno　from　New　York；　I　was　a　wreck。　There　was　nothing　I　wanted　to　do。　Just　drink　and　forget。　I'd　had　enough　of　people。
　My　father　rode　my　shoulders　like　a　desert　Indian　on　a　pony。　It　had　been　his　woman　I　had　wanted。　It　had　been　his　woman　who　had　died。　Why　did　I　cry？　Why　was　I　so　empty？
　Then　one　morning；　I　awakened　in　the　dirt　of　the　yard；　back　of　Nevada's　room　in　the　bunkhouse；　to　find　Robair　bending　over　me。　I　vaguely　remembered　having　leaned　my　back　against　the　wall　of　the　bunkhouse　while　I　finished　a　bottle　of　bourbon。　That　had　been　last　night。　I　turned　my　head　slowly。　The　empty　bottle　lay　beside　me。
　I　placed　my　hands　in　the　dirt　and　braced　myself。　My　head　hurt　and　my　mouth　was　dry　and　when　I　tried　to　get　to　my　feet；　I　found　I　didn't　have　the　strength。
　I　felt　Robair's　arm　slip　around　behind　me　and　lift　me　to　my　feet。　We　started　to　walk　across　the　hard…packed　earth。　〃Thank　you；〃　I　said；　leaning　against　him　gratefully。　〃I'll　be　all　right　once　I　get　a　drink。〃
　His　voice　had　been　so　soft　that　at　first　I　thought　I　hadn't　heard　him。　〃No　more　whisky；　Mr。　Cord。〃
　I　stared　up　into　his　face。　〃What　did　you　say？〃
　His　large　eyes　were　impassive。　〃No　more　whisky；　Mr。　Cord；〃　he　repeated。　〃I　reckon　it's　time　you　stopped。〃
　The　anger　pulled　up　in　me　and　gave　me　strength。　I　shoved　myself　away　from　him。　〃Just　who　in　hell　do　you　think　you　are？〃　I　shouted。　〃If　I　want　a　drink；　I'll　take　a　drink！〃
　He　shook　his　head。　〃No　more　whisky。　You're　not　a　little　boy　no　more。　You　can't　run　an'　hide　your　head　in　the　whisky　bottle　ever'　time　a　little　bad　es　your　way。〃
　I　stared　at　him；　speechless　for　a　moment；　as　the　shock　and　anger　ran　through　me　in　ice…cold　waves。　Then　I　found　my　voice。　〃You're　fired！〃　I　screamed。　〃No　black　son　of　a　bitch　is　going　to　own　me！〃
　I　turned　and　started　for　the　house。　I　felt　his　hand　on　my　shoulder　and　turned。　There　was　a　look　of　sadness　on　his　face。　〃I'm　sorry；　Mr。　Cord；〃　he　said。
　〃There's　no　use　in　apologizing；　Robair。〃
　〃I'm　not　apologizing　for　what　I　said；　Mr。　Cord；〃　he　replied　in　a　low　voice。　Then　I　saw　his　giant；　hamlike　fist　racing　toward　me。　I　tried　to　move　away　but　nothing　in　my　body　seemed　to　work　the　way　it　should　and　I　plunged　into　the　dark　again。
　This　time　when　I　woke　up；　I　was　in　bed；　covered　with　clean　sheets。　There　was　a　fire　going　in　the　fireplace　and　I　felt　very　weak。　I　turned　my　head。　Robair　was　sitting　in　a　chair　next　to　the　bed。　There　was　a　small　tureen　of　hot　soup　on　the　table　next　to　him。　〃I　got　some　hot　soup　here　for　you；〃　he　said；　his　eyes　meeting　mine　levelly。
　〃Why'd　you　bring　me　up　here？〃
　〃The　mountain　air'll　do　you　good。〃
　〃I　won't　stay；〃　I　said；　pushing　myself　up。　I'd　had　enough　of　this　cabin　when　I　was　here　the　last　time。　On　my　honeymoon。
　Robair's　big　hand　pushed　me　back　against　the　pillow。　〃You'll　stay；〃　he　said　quietly。　He　picked　up　the　tureen　and　dipped　a　spoon　into　it；　then　held　the　spoon　of　soup　out　to　me。　〃Eat。〃
　There　was　such　a　note　of　authority　in　his　quiet　voice　that　involuntarily　I　opened　my　mouth　before　I　thought。　The　hot　soup　scalded　its　way　down。　Then　I　pushed　his　hand　away。　〃I　don't　want　any。〃
　I　stared　into　his　dark　eyes　for　a　moment；　then　I　felt　rise　up