annr.pandora-第38部分

按键盘上方向键 ← 或 → 可快速上下翻页，按键盘上的 Enter 键可回到本书目录页，按键盘上方向键 ↑ 可回到本页顶部！
————未阅读完？加入书签已便下次继续阅读！


r　destiny；　or　any　miraculous　allowance　for　any　part　of　what's　happened。〃
　〃It's　what　I　believe；〃　he　said　sharply。　His　face　grew　blank；　then　stern。　〃I　would　never　give　you　anything　short　of　truth。　Are　you　a　woman　who　wants　to　be　humored？〃
　〃Don't　be　fanatical　in　your　dedication　to　reason；〃　I　said。
　These　words　both　shocked　and　offended　him。
　〃Don't　cling　to　reason　so　desperately　in　a　world　of　so　many　horrid　contradictions！〃
　He　was　silenced。
　〃If　you　so　cling　to　reason；〃　I　said；　〃then　in　the　passage　of　time　reason　may　fail　you；　and　when　it　does　you　may　find　yourself　taking　refuge　in　madness。〃
　〃What　on　Earth　do　you　mean？〃
　〃You've　made　of　reason　and　logic　religion。　It's　obviously　the　only　way　you　can　endure　what's　happened　to　you；　that　you're　a　blood　drinker　and　custodian；　apparently；　of　these　displaced　and　forgotten　deities。〃
　〃They　aren't　deities！〃　He　grew　angry。　〃Thousands　of　years　ago；　they　were　made；　through　some　mingling　of　spirit　and　flesh　that　rendered　them　immortal。　They　find　their　refuge　obviously　in　oblivion。　In　your　kindness　you　characterize　it　as　a　garden　from　which　the　Mother　gathered　flowers　and　leaves　to　make　a　garland　for　you；　a　trap；　as　you　said。　But　this　is　your　sweet　girlish　poetry。　We　do　not　know　that　they　string　very　many　words　together。〃
　〃I　am　no　sweet　girl；〃　I　said。　〃Poetry　belongs　to　everyone。　Speak　to　me！〃　I　said。　〃And　put　aside　these　words；　'girl'　and　'woman。'　Don't　be　so　frightened　of　me。〃
　〃I　am　not；〃　he　said　angrily。
　〃You　are！　Even　as　this　new　blood　races　through　me　still；　eats　at　me　and　transforms　me；　I　cling　to　neither　reason　nor　superstition　for　my　safety。　I　can　walk　through　a　myth　and　out　of　it！　You　fear　me；　because　you　don't　know　what　I　am。　I　look　like　a　woman；　I　sound　like　a　man；　and　your　reason　tells　you　the　sum　total　is　impossible！〃
　He　rose　from　the　table。　His　face　took　on　a　sheen　like　sweat　but　far　more　radiant。
　〃Let　me　tell　you　what　happened　to　me！〃　he　said　resolutely。
　〃Good；　do　tell　me；〃　I　said。　〃In　straightforward　manner。〃
　He　let　this　go　by。　I　spoke　against　my　heart。　I　wanted　only　to　love　him。　I　knew　his　cautions。　But　for　all　his　wisdom；　he　displayed　an　enormous　will；　a　man's　will；　and　I　had　to　know　the　source　of　it。　I　concealed　my　love。
　〃How　did　they　lure　you？〃
　〃They　didn't；〃　he　said　calmly。　〃I　was　captured　by　the　Keltoi　in　Gaul；　in　the　city　of　Massilia。　I　was　brought　North；　my　hair　allowed　to　grow　long；　then　shut　up　amid　barbarians　in　a　great　hollow　tree　in　Gaul。　A　burnt　blood　drinker　made　me　into　a　'new　god'　and　told　me　to　escape　the　local　Priests；　go　South　to　Egypt　and　find　out　why　all　the　blood　drinkers　had　been　burnt；　the　young　ones　dying；　the　old　one　suffering。　I　went　for　my　own　reasons！　I　wanted　to　know　what　I　was！〃
　〃I　can　well　understand；〃　I　said。
　〃But　not　before　I　saw　blood　worship　at　its　most　grisly　and　unspeakable　…　I　was　the　god；　mind　you；　Marius；　who　followed　you　adoringly　all　over　Rome　…　and　it　was　to　me　that　these　men　were　offered。〃
　〃I've　read　it　in　Caesar's　history。〃
　〃You've　read　it　but　you　haven't　seen　it。　How　dare　you　throw　at　me　such　a　trivial　boast！〃
　〃Forgive　me；　I　forgot　your　childish　temper。〃
　He　sighed。　〃Forgive　me；　I　forgot　your　practical　and　naturally　impatient　intellect。〃
　〃I'm　sorry。　I　regret　my　words。　I　had　to　'witness　executions　of　Rome。　It　was　my　duty。　And　that　was　in　the　name　of　law。　Who　suffers　more　or　less'？　Victims　of　sacrifice　or　the　law？〃
　'Very　well。　I　escaped　these　Keltoi　and　went　to　Egypt；　and　there　I　found　the　Elder；　who　was　the　keeper　of　the　Mother　and　the　Father；　the　Queen　and　the　King；　the　first　blood　drinkers　of　all　time；　from　which　this　enhancement　of　our　blood　flows。　This　Elder　told　me　stories　that　were　vague　but　pelling。　The　Royal　Pair　had　once　been　human；　no　more。　A　spirit　or　demon　had　possessed　one　or　both；　lodging　itself　so　firmly　that　no　exorcism　could　oust　it。　The　Royal　Pair　could　transform　others　by　giving　the　blood。　They　sought　to　make　a　religion。　It　was　overthrown。　Again　and　again　it　was　overthrown。　Anyone　who　possesses　the　blood　can　make　another！　Of　course　this　Elder　claimed　ignorance　of　why　so　many　had　been　burnt。　But　it　was　he　who　had　dragged　his　sacred　and　royal　charges　into　the　sun　after　centuries　of　meaningless　guardianship！　Egypt　was　dead；　he　said　to　me。　'The　granary　of　Rome；'　he　called　it。　He　said　the　Royal　Pair　had　not　moved　in　a　millennium。〃
　This　filled　me　with　the　most　remarkable　and　poetic　sense　of　horror。
　〃Well；　one　day's　hot　light　was　not　enough　anymore　to　destroy　the　ancient　parents；　but　all　over　the　world　the　children　swered。　And　this　cowardly　Elder；　given　only　pain　for　his　reward；　a　burned　skin；　lost　the　courage　required　to　continue　the　exposure　of　the　Royal　Pair。　He　had　no　cause；　one　or　another。
　〃Akasha　spoke　to　me。　She　spoke　as　best　she　could。　In　images；　pictures　of　what　had　happened　since　the　beginning；　how　this　tribe　of　gods　and　goddesses　had　sprung　from　her；　and　rebellions　had　occurred；　and　how　much　history　was　lost；　and　purpose　was　lost；　and　when　it　came　to　the　forming　of　words；　Akasha　could　make　but　only　a　few　silent　sentences：　'Marius；　take　us　out　of　Egypt！　'　〃　He　paused。　〃　'Take　us　out　of　Egypt；　Marius。　The　Elder　means　to　destroy　us。　Guard　us　or　we　perish　here。'　'*
　He　took　a　breath；　he　was　calmer　now；　not　so　angry；　but　very　much　shattered；　and　in　my　ever　increasing　vampiric　vision；　I　knew　more　about　him；　how　very　courageous　he　was；　how　very　determined　to　hold　to　principles　in　which　he　believed；　in　spite　of　the　magic　that　had　swallowed　him　whole　before　he　had　had　time　even　to　question　it。　His　was　an　attempt　at　a　noble　life；　in　spite　of　all。
　〃My　fate；〃　he　said；　〃was　directly　connected　to　hers；　to　them！　If　I　left　them；　the　Elder　would　sooner　or　later　put　them　in　the　sun　again；　and　I；　lacking　the　blood　of　centuries；　would　burn　up　like　wax！　My　life；　already　altered；　would　have　been　ended。　But　the　Elder　did　not　ask　me　to　install　a　new　priesthood。　Akasha　did　not　ask　me　to　install　a　new　religion！　She　did　not　speak　of　altars　or　worship。　Only　the　old　burntout　god　in　the　Northern　grove　among　the　barbarians　had　asked　me　to　do　such　a　thing　when　he　sent　me　to　the　South；　to　Egypt；　the　motherland　of　all　mysteries。〃
　〃How　long　have　you　kept　them？〃
　〃Over　fifteen　years。　I　lose　count。　They　never　move　or　speak。　The　wounded　ones；　those　burnt　so　badly　that　time　will　take　centuries　to　heal　them；　they　learn　that　I　am　here。　They　e。　I　try　to　extinguish　them　before　their　minds　can　give　forth　a　flash　of　a　confirming　image　to　other　distant　minds。　She　doesn't　guide　these　burnt　children　to　where　she　is；　as　she　once　guided　me！　If　I　am　tricked　or　overwhelmed；　she　moves　only　as　you　saw；　to　crush　the　blood　drinker。　But　she　has　called　you；　Pandora；　reached　out　for　you。　And　we　know　now　to　what　exact　purpose。　And　I've　been　cruel　to　you。　Clumsy。〃
　He　turned　to　me。　His　voice　grew　tender。　〃Tell　me；　Pandora；〃　he　asked。　〃In　the　vision　you　saw；　when　we　were　married；　were　we　young　or　old'？　Were　you　the　girl　of　fifteen　I　sought　too　early　perhaps；　or　the　mature　full　blossom　of　a　creature　you　are　now？　Are　the　families　happy？　Are　we　ely？〃
　I　was　hotly　embraced　by　the　sincerity　of　his　words。　The　anguish　and　the　pleading　that　lay　behind　them。
　〃We　were　as　we　are　now；〃　I　said；　cautiously　answering　his　smile　with　my　own。　〃You　were　a　man　fixed　in　the　prime　of　life　forever；　and　I？　As　I　am　at　this　hour。〃
　〃Believe　me；〃　he　said　with　sweetness　in　his　voice；
　〃I　would　not　have　spoken　so　harshly　on　this　of　all　nights；　but　you　have　now　so　many　other　nights　to　e。　Nothing　can　kill　you　now；　but　the　sun　or　fire。　Nothing　in　you　will　deteriorate。　You　have　a　thousand　experiences　to　discover。〃
　〃And　what　of　the　ecstasy　when　I　drank　from　her？〃　I　asked。　〃What　of　her　own　beginnings　and　her　suffering？　Does　she　in　no　way　connect　herself　to　the　sacred？〃
　〃What　is　sacred？〃　he　asked；　shrugging　his　shoulder。　〃Tell　me。　What　is　sacred？　Was　it　sanctity　you　saw　in　her　dreams？〃
　I　bowed　my　head。　I　couldn't　answer。
　〃Certainly　not　the　Roman　Empire；〃　he　said；　〃Certainly　not　the　temples　of　Augustus　Caesar。　Certainly　not　the　worship　of　Cybele！　Certainly　not　the　cult　of　those　who　worship　fire　in　Persia。　Is　the　name　Isis　sacred　anymore；　or　was　it　ever？　The　Elder　in　Egypt；　my　first　and　only　instructor　in　all　this；　said　that　Akasha　invented　the　stories　of　Isis　and　Osiris　to　suit　her　purposes；　to　give　a　poetry　to　her　worship。　I　think　rather　she　grafted　herself　upon　old　stories。　The　demon　in　those　two　grows　with　each　new　blood　drinker　made。　It　must。〃
　〃But　to　no　purpose？〃
　〃That　it　may　know　more？〃　he　said。　〃That　it　may　see　more；　feel　more；　through　each　of　us　which　carries　its　blood？　Perhaps　it　is　such　a　creature　as　that　and　each　of　us　is　but　a　tiny　part　of　it；　carrying　all　its　senses　and　capacities　and　returning　our　experiences　to　it。　It　reaches　out　through　us　to　know　the　world！〃
　〃I　can　tell　you　this；〃　he　said。　He　paused　and　put　his　hands　on　the　desk。　〃What　burns　in　me　does　not　care　if　the　victim　is　innocent　or　guilty　of　any　crime。　It　thirsts。　Not　every　night；　but　often！　It　says　nothing！　It　does　not　talk　of　altars　to　me　in　my　heart！　It　drives　me　as　though　I　were　the　battle　steed　and　it　the　mounted　General！　It　is　Marius　who　weeds　the　good　from　the　bad；　according　to　the　old　custom；　for　reasons　you　can　well　understand；　but　not　this　ravening　thirst；　this　thirst　knows　nature　but　no　morality。〃
　〃I　love　you；　Marius；〃　I　said。　〃You　and　my　Father　are　the　only　men　I've　ever　really　loved。　But　I　must　go　out　alone　now。〃
　〃What　did　you　say！〃　He　was　amazed。　〃It's　just　past　midnight。〃
　〃You've　been　very　patient；　but　I　have　to　walk　alone　now。〃
　〃I'll　e　with　you。〃
　〃You　will　not；〃　I　said。
　〃But　you　can't　simply　roam　around　Antioch　on　your　own；　alone。〃
　〃Why　not？　I　can　hear　mortal　thoughts　now　if　I　want　to。　A　litter　just　passed。　The　slaves　are　so　drunk　it's　a　wonder　they　don't　drop　the　thing　and　heave　the　Master　into　the　road；　and　he　himself　is　fast　asleep。　I　want　to　walk　alone；　out　there；　in　the　city　in　the　dark　places　and　the　dangerous　places　and　the　evil　places　and　the　places　where　even　。。。　where　even　a　god　would　not　go。〃
　〃This　is　your　vengeance　on　me；〃　he　said。　I　walked　towards　the　gate　and　he　followed。　〃Pandora；　not　alone。〃
　〃Marius；　my　love；〃　I　said；　turning；　taking　his　hand。　〃It　is　not　vengeance。　The