mc.prey-第3部分

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　He　turned　and　looked　at　me。　〃Why　do　you　say　that？〃　he　said。
　Because　of　course　it　wasn't　over。　In　some　mysterious　way；　I　had　bee　a　marked　man。　My　qualifications　were　excellent　and　I　worked　in　a　hot　field。　But　when　I　went　on　job　interviews　I　could　tell　they　weren't　interested。　Worse；　they　were　unfortable。　Silicon　Valley　covers　a　big　area；　but　it's　a　small　place。　Word　gets　out。　Eventually　I　found　myself　talking　to　an　interviewer　I　knew　slightly；　Ted　Landow。　I'd　coached　his　kid　in　Little　League　baseball　the　year　before。　When　the　interview　was　over；　I　said　to　him；　〃What　have　you　heard　about　me？〃　He　shook　his　head。　〃Nothing；　Jack。〃
　I　said；　〃Ted；　I've　been　on　ten　interviews　in　ten　days。　Tell　me。〃
　〃There's　nothing　to　tell。〃
　〃Ted。〃
　He　shuffled　through　his　papers；　looking　down　at　them；　not　at　me。　He　sighed。　〃Jack　Forman。　Troublemaker。　Not　cooperative。　Belligerent。　Hot…headed。　Not　a　team　player。〃　He　hesitated；　then　said；　〃And　supposedly　you　were　involved　in　some　kind　of　dealings。　They　won't　say　what；　but　some　kind　of　shady　dealings。　You　were　on　the　take。〃
　〃I　was　on　the　take？〃　I　said。　I　felt　a　flood　of　anger；　and　started　to　say　more；　until　I　realized　I　was　probably　looking　hotheaded　and　belligerent。　So　I　shut　up；　and　thanked　him。　As　I　was　leaving；　he　said；　〃Jack；　do　yourself　a　favor。　Give　it　a　while。　Things　change　fast　in　the　Valley。　Your　résumé　is　strong　and　your　skill　set　is　outstanding。　Wait　until　。。。〃　He　shrugged。
　〃A　couple　of　months？〃
　〃I'd　say　four。　Maybe　five。〃
　Somehow　I　knew　he　was　right。　After　that；　I　stopped　trying　so　hard。　I　began　to　hear　rumors　that　MediaTronics　was　going　belly　up；　and　there　might　be　indictments。　I　smelled　vindication　ahead；　but　in　the　meantime　there　was　nothing　to　do　but　wait。
　The　strangeness　of　not　going　to　work　in　the　morning　slowly　faded。　Julia　was　working　longer　hours　at　her　job；　and　the　kids　were　demanding；　if　I　was　in　the　house　they　turned　to　me；　instead　of　our　housekeeper；　Maria。　I　started　taking　them　to　school；　picking　them　up；　driving　them　to　the　doctor；　the　orthodontist；　soccer　practice。　The　first　few　dinners　I　cooked　were　disastrous；　but　I　got　better。
　And　before　I　knew　it；　I　was　buying　placemats　and　looking　at　table　settings　in　Crate　&　Barrel。　And　it　all　seemed　perfectly　normal。
　Julia　got　home　around　nine…thirty。　I　was　watching　the　Giants　game　on　TV；　not　really　paying　attention。　She　came　in　and　kissed　me　on　the　back　of　my　neck。　She　said；　〃They　all　asleep？〃
　〃Except　Nicole。　She's　still　doing　homework。〃
　〃Jeez；　isn't　it　late　for　her　to　be　up？〃
　〃No；　hon；〃　I　said。　〃We　agreed。　This　year　she　gets　to　stay　up　until　ten；　remember？〃　Julia　shrugged；　as　if　she　didn't　remember。　And　maybe　she　didn't。　We　had　undergone　a　sort　of　inversion　of　roles；　she　had　always　been　more　knowledgeable　about　the　kids；　but　now　I　was。　Sometimes　Julia　felt　unfortable　with　that；　experiencing　it　somehow　as　a　loss　of　power。
　〃How's　the　little　one？〃
　〃Her　cold　is　better。　Just　sniffles。　She's　eating　more。〃
　I　walked　with　Julia　to　the　bedrooms。　She　went　into　the　baby's　room；　bent　over　the　crib；　and　kissed　the　sleeping　child　tenderly。　Watching　her；　I　thought　there　was　something　about　a　mother's　caring　that　a　father　could　never　match。　Julia　had　some　connection　to　the　kids　that　I　never　would。　Or　at　least　a　different　connection。　She　listened　to　the　baby's　soft　breathing；　and　said；　〃Yes；　she's　better。〃
　Then　she　went　into　Eric's　room；　took　the　Game　Boy　off　the　bed　covers；　gave　me　a　frown。　I　shrugged；　faintly　irritated；　I　knew　Eric　played　with　his　Game　Boy　when　he　was　supposed　to　be　going　to　sleep；　but　I　was　busy　getting　the　baby　down　at　that　time；　and　I　overlooked　it。　I　thought　Julia　should　be　more　understanding。
　Then　she　went　into　Nicole's　room。　Nicole　was　on　her　laptop；　but　shut　the　lid　when　her　mother　walked　in。　〃Hi；　Mom。〃
　〃You're　up　late。〃
　〃No；　Mom　。。。〃
　〃You're　supposed　to　be　doing　homework。〃
　〃I　did　it。〃
　〃Then　why　aren't　you　in　bed？〃
　〃Because…〃
　〃I　don't　want　you　spending　all　night　talking　to　your　friends　on　the　puter。〃
　〃Mom　。。。〃　she　said；　in　a　pained　voice。
　〃You　see　them　every　day　at　school；　that　should　be　enough。〃
　〃Mom　。。。〃
　〃Don't　look　at　your　father。　We　already　know　he'll　do　whatever　you　want。　I'm　talking　to　you；　now。〃
　She　sighed。　〃I　know；　Mom。〃
　This　kind　of　interaction　was　increasingly　mon　between　Nicole　and　Julia。　I　guess　it　was　normal　at　this　age；　but　I　thought　I'd　step　in。　Julia　was　tired；　and　when　she　was　tired　she　got　rigid　and　controlling。　I　put　my　arm　around　her　shoulder　and　said；　〃It's　late　for　everybody。　Want　a　cup　of　tea？〃
　〃Jack；　don't　interfere。〃
　〃I'm　not；　I　just…〃
　〃Yes；　you　are。　I'm　talking　to　Nicole　and　you're　interfering；　the　way　you　always　do。〃
　〃Honey；　we　all　agreed　she　could　stay　up　until　ten；　I　don't　know　what　this…〃
　〃But　if　she's　finished　her　homework；　she　should　go　to　bed。〃
　〃That　wasn't　the　deal。〃
　〃I　don't　want　her　spending　all　day　and　night　on　the　puter。〃
　〃She's　not；　Julia。〃
　At　that　point；　Nicole　burst　into　tears；　and　jumped　to　her　feet　crying；　〃You　always　criticize　me！　I　hate　you！〃　She　ran　into　the　bathroom　and　slammed　the　door。　That　woke　the　baby；　who　started　to　cry。
　Julia　turned　to　me　and　said；　〃If　you　would　please　just　let　me　handle　this　myself；　Jack。〃
　And　I　said；　〃You're　right。　I'm　sorry。　You're　right。〃
　In　truth；　that　wasn't　what　I　thought　at　all。　More　and　more；　I　regarded　this　as　my　house；　and　my　kids。　She　was　barging　into　my　house；　late　at　night；　when　I'd　gotten　everything　quiet；　the　way　I　liked　it；　the　way　it　should　be。　And　she　was　raising　a　fuss。
　I　didn't　think　she　was　right　at　all。　I　thought　she　was　wrong。　And　in　the　last　few　weeks　I'd　noticed　that　incidents　like　this　had　bee　more　frequent。　At　first；　I　thought　Julia　felt　guilty　about　being　away　so　much。　Then　I　thought　she　was　reasserting　her　authority；　trying　to　regain　control　of　a　household　that　had　fallen　into　my　hands。　Then　I　thought　it　was　because　she　was　tired；　or　under　so　much　pressure　at　work。　But　lately　I　felt　I　was　making　excuses　for　her　behavior。　I　started　to　have　the　feeling　Julia　had　changed。　She　was　different；　somehow；　tenser；　tougher。
　The　baby　was　howling。　I　picked　her　up　from　the　crib；　hugged　her；　cooed　at　her；　and　simultaneously　stuck　a　finger　down　the　back　of　the　diaper　to　see　if　it　was　wet。　It　was。　I　put　her　down　on　her　back　on　top　of　the　dresser；　and　she　howled　again　until　I　shook　her　favorite　rattle；　and　put　it　in　her　hand。　She　was　silent　then；　allowing　me　to　change　her　without　much　kicking。　〃I'll　do　that；〃　Julia　said；　ing　in。
　〃It's　okay。〃
　〃I　woke　her　up；　it's　only　right　I　do　it。〃
　〃Really　honey；　it's　fine。〃
　Julia　put　her　hand　on　my　shoulder；　kissed　the　back　of　my　neck。　〃I'm　sorry　I'm　such　a　jerk。　I'm　really　tired。　I　don't　know　what　came　over　me。　Let　me　change　the　baby；　I　never　get　to　see　her。〃
　〃Okay；〃　I　said。　I　stepped　aside；　and　she　moved　in。
　〃Hi；　Poopsie…doopsie；〃　she　said；　chucking　the　baby　under　the　chin。　〃How's　my　little　Winkie…dinkie？〃　All　this　attention　made　the　baby　drop　the　rattle；　and　then　she　started　to　cry；　and　to　twist　away　on　the　table。　Julia　didn't　notice　the　missing　rattle　caused　the　crying；　instead　she　made　soothing　sounds　and　struggled　to　put　on　the　new　diaper；　but　the　baby's　twisting　and　kicking　made　it　hard。　〃Amanda；　stop　it！〃
　I　said；　〃She　does　that　now。〃　And　it　was　true；　Amanda　was　in　the　stage　where　she　actively　resisted　a　diaper　change。　And　she　could　kick　pretty　hard。
　〃Well；　she　should　stop。　Stop！〃
　The　baby　cried　louder；　tried　to　turn　away。　One　of　the　adhesive　tabs　pulled　off。　The　diaper　slid　down。　Amanda　was　now　rolling　toward　the　edge　of　the　dresser。　Julia　pulled　her　back　roughly。　Amanda　never　stopped　kicking。
　〃God　damn　it；　I　said　stop！〃　Julia　said；　and　smacked　the　baby　on　the　leg。　The　baby　just　cried　harder；　kicked　harder。　〃Amanda！　Stop　it！　Stop　it！〃　She　slapped　her　again。　〃Stop　it！　Stop　it！〃　For　a　moment　I　didn't　react。　I　was　stunned。　I　didn't　know　what　to　do。　The　baby's　legs　were　bright　red。　Julia　was　still　hitting　her。　〃Honey　。。。〃　I　said；　leaning　in；　〃let's　not…〃　Julia　exploded。　〃Why　do　you　always　fucking　interfere？〃　she　yelled；　slamming　her　hand　down　on　the　dresser。　〃What　is　your　fucking　problem？〃
　And　she　stomped　off；　leaving　the　room。
　I　let　out　a　long　breath；　and　picked　the　baby　up。　Amanda　howled　inconsolably；　as　much　in　confusion　as　in　pain。　I　figured　I　would　need　to　give　her　a　bottle　to　get　her　to　sleep　again。　I　stroked　her　back　until　she　settled　down　a　little。　Then　I　got　her　diaper　on；　and　brought　her　into　the　kitchen　while　I　heated　a　bottle。　The　lights　were　low；　just　the　fluorescents　over　the　counter。　Julia　was　sitting　at　the　table；　drinking　beer　out　of　a　bottle；　staring　into　space。　〃When　are　you　going　to　get　a　job？〃　she　said。
　〃I'm　trying。〃
　〃Really？　I　don't　think　you're　trying　at　all。　When　was　your　last　interview？〃
　〃Last　week；〃　I　said。
　She　grunted。　〃I　wish　you'd　hurry　up　and　get　one；〃　she　said；　〃because　this　is　driving　me　crazy。〃　I　swallowed　anger。　〃I　know。　It's　hard　for　everybody；〃　I　said。　It　was　late　at　night；　and　I　didn't　want　to　argue　anymore。　But　I　was　watching　her　out　of　the　corner　of　my　eye。　At　thirty…six；　Julia　was　a　strikingly　pretty　woman；　petite；　with　dark　hair　and　dark　eyes；　upturned　nose；　and　the　kind　of　personality　that　people　called　bubbly　or　sparkling。　Unlike　many　tech　executives；　she　was　attractive　and　approachable。　She　made　friends　easily；　and　had　a　good　sense　of　humor。　Years　back；　when　we　first　had　Nicole；　Julia　would　e　home　with　hilarious　accounts　of　the　foibles　of　her　VC　partners。　We　used　to　sit　at　this　same　kitchen　table　and　laugh　until　I　felt　physically　sick；　while　little　Nicole　would　tug　at　her　arm　and　say；　〃What's　the　funny；　Mom？　What's　the　funny？〃　because　she　wanted　to　be　in　on　the　joke。　Of　course　we　could　never　explain　it　to　her；　but　Julia　always　seemed　to　have　a　new　〃Knock　knock〃　joke　for　Nicole；　so　she　could　join　in　the　laughter；　too。　Julia　had　a　real　gift　for　seeing　the　humorous　side　of　life。　She　was　famous　for　her　equanimity；　she　almost　never　lost　her　temper。　Right　now；　of　course；　she　was　furious。　Not　even　willing　to　look　at　me。　Sitting　in　the　dark　at　the　round　kitchen　table；　one　leg　crossed　over　the　other；　kicking　impatiently　while　she　stared　into　space。　As　I　looked　at　her；　I　had　the　feeling　that　her　appe