mc.prey-第8部分

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　〃Do　you　really　think　that's　necessary？〃　she　said。
　I　didn't　answer　her；　I　just　went　into　the　bedroom　to　put　on　my　clothes。
　Julia　said；　〃Do　you　want　me　to　e　with　you？〃
　〃No；　stay　with　the　kids；〃　I　said。
　〃You　sure？〃
　〃Yes。〃
　〃Okay；〃　she　said。　She　wandered　back　to　the　bedroom。　I　reached　for　my　car　keys。
　The　baby　continued　to　scream。
　　
　〃I　realize　it's　unfortable；〃　the　intern　was　saying。　〃But　I　don't　think　it's　safe　to　sedate　her。〃　We　were　in　a　curtained　cubicle　in　the　emergency　room。　The　intern　was　bent　over　my　screaming　daughter；　looking　in　her　ears　with　his　instrument。　By　now　Amanda's　entire　body　was　bright；　angry　red。　She　looked　as　if　she　had　been　parboiled。
　I　felt　scared。　I'd　never　heard　of　anything　like　this　before；　a　baby　turning　bright　red　and　screaming　constantly。　I　didn't　trust　this　intern；　who　seemed　far　too　young　to　be　petent。　He　couldn't　be　experienced；　he　didn't　even　look　as　if　he　shaved　yet。　I　was　jittery；　shifting　my　weight　from　one　foot　to　the　other。　I　was　beginning　to　feel　slightly　crazy；　because　my　daughter　had　never　stopped　screaming　once　in　the　last　hour。　It　was　wearing　me　down。　The　intern　ignored　it。　I　didn't　know　how　he　could。
　〃She　has　no　fever；〃　he　said；　making　notes　in　a　chart；　〃but　in　a　child　this　age　that　doesn't　mean　anything。　Under　a　year；　they　may　not　run　fevers　at　all；　even　with　severe　infections。〃
　〃Is　that　what　this　is？〃　I　said。　〃An　infection？〃
　〃I　don't　know。　I'm　presuming　a　virus　because　of　that　rash。　But　we　should　have　the　preliminary　blood　work　back　in…ah；　good。〃　A　passing　nurse　handed　him　a　slip　of　paper。　〃Uhh　。。。　hmmm　。。。〃　He　paused。　〃Well　。。。〃
　〃Well　what？〃　I　said；　shifting　my　weight　anxiously。
　He　was　shaking　his　head　as　he　stared　at　the　paper。　He　didn't　answer。
　〃Well　what？〃
　〃It's　not　an　infection；〃　he　said。　〃White　cells　counts　all　normal；　protein　fractions　normal。　She's　got　no　immune　mobilization　at　all。〃
　〃What　does　that　mean？〃
　He　was　very　calm；　standing　there；　frowning　and　thinking。　I　wondered　if　perhaps　he　was　just　dumb。　The　best　people　weren't　going　into　medicine　anymore；　not　with　the　HMOs　running　everything。　This　kid　might　be　one　of　the　new　breed　of　dumb　doctor。　〃We　have　to　widen　the　diagnostic　net；〃　he　said。　〃I'm　going　to　order　a　surgical　consult；　a　neurological　consult；　we　have　a　dermo　ing；　we　have　infectious　ing。　That'll　mean　a　lot　of　people　to　talk　to　you　about　your　daughter；　asking　the　same　questions　over　again；　but…〃
　〃That's　okay；〃　I　said。　〃I　don't　mind。　Just　。。。　what　do　you　think　is　wrong　with　her？〃
　〃I　don't　know；　Mr。　Forman。　If　it's　not　infectious；　we　look　for　other　reasons　for　this　skin　response。　She　hasn't　traveled　out　of　the　country？〃
　〃No。〃　I　shook　my　head。
　〃No　recent　exposures　to　heavy　metals　or　toxins？〃
　〃Like　what？〃
　〃Dump　sites；　industrial　plants；　chemical　exposure　。。。〃
　〃No；　no。〃
　〃Can　you　think　of　anything　at　all　that　might　have　caused　this　reaction？〃
　〃No；　nothing　。。。　wait；　she　had　vaccinations　yesterday。〃
　〃What　vaccinations？〃
　〃I　don't　know；　whatever　she　gets　for　her　age　。。。〃
　〃You　don't　know　what　vaccinations？〃　he　said。　His　notebook　was　open；　his　pen　poised　over　the　page。
　〃No；　for　Christ's　sake；〃　I　said　irritably；　〃I　don't　know　what　vaccinations。　Every　time　she　goes　there；　she　gets　another　shot。　You're　the　goddamned　doctor…〃
　〃That's　okay；　Mr。　Forman；〃　he　said　soothingly。　〃I　know　it's　stressful。　If　you　just　tell　me　the　name　of　your　pediatrician；　I'll　call　him；　how　is　that？〃
　I　nodded。　I　wiped　my　hand　across　my　forehead。　I　was　sweating。　I　spelled　the　pediatrician's　name　for　him　while　he　wrote　it　down　in　his　notebook。　I　tried　to　calm　down。　I　tried　to　think　clearly。
　And　all　the　time；　my　baby　just　screamed。
　*　*　*
　Half　an　hour　later；　she　went　into　convulsions。
　They　started　while　one　of　the　white…coated　consultants　was　bent　over　her；　examining　her。　Her　little　body　wrenched　and　twisted。　She　made　retching　sounds　as　if　she　was　trying　to　vomit。　Her　legs　jerked　spastically。　She　began　to　wheeze。　Her　eyes　rolled　up　into　her　head。　I　don't　remember　what　I　said　or　did　then；　but　a　big　orderly　the　size　of　a　football　player　came　in　and　pushed　me　to　one　side　of　the　cubicle　and　held　my　arms。　I　looked　past　his　huge　shoulder　as　six　people　clustered　around　my　daughter；　a　nurse　wearing　a　Bart　Simpson　T…shirt　was　sticking　a　needle　into　her　forehead。　I　began　to　shout　and　struggle。　The　orderly　was　yelling；　〃Scowvane；　scowvane；　scowvane；〃　over　and　over。　Finally　I　realized　he　was　saying　〃Scalp　vein。〃　He　explained　it　was　just　to　start　an　IV；　that　the　baby　had　bee　dehydrated。　That　was　why　she　was　convulsing。　I　heard　talk　of　electrolytes；　magnesium；　potassium。　Anyway；　the　convulsions　stopped　in　a　few　seconds。　But　she　continued　to　scream。
　I　called　Julia。　She　was　awake。　〃How　is　she？〃
　〃The　same。〃
　〃Still　crying？　Is　that　her？〃
　〃Yes。〃　She　could　hear　Amanda　in　the　background。
　〃Oh　God。〃　She　groaned。　〃What　are　they　saying　it　is？〃
　〃They　don't　know　yet。〃
　〃Oh；　the　poor　baby。〃
　〃There　have　been　about　fifty　doctors　in　here　to　look　at　her。〃
　〃Is　there　anything　I　can　do？〃
　〃I　don't　think　so。〃
　〃Okay。　Let　me　know。〃
　〃Okay。〃
　〃I'm　not　sleeping。〃
　〃Okay。〃
　*　*　*
　Shortly　before　dawn　the　huddled　consultants　announced　that　she　either　had　an　intestinal　obstruction　or　a　brain　tumor；　they　couldn't　decide　which；　and　they　ordered　an　MRI。　The　sky　was　beginning　to　lighten　when　she　was　finally　wheeled　to　the　imaging　room。　The　big　white　machine　stood　in　the　center　of　the　room。　The　nurse　told　me　it　would　calm　the　baby　if　I　helped　her　prepare　her；　and　she　took　the　needle　out　of　her　scalp　because　there　couldn't　be　any　metal　during　the　MRI　reading。　Blood　squirted　down　Amanda's　face；　into　her　eye。　The　nurse　wiped　it　away。
　Now　Amanda　was　strapped　onto　the　white　board　that　rolled　into　the　depths　of　the　machine。　My　daughter　was　staring　up　at　the　MRI　in　terror；　still　screaming。　The　nurse　told　me　I　could　wait　in　the　next　room　with　the　technician。　I　went　into　a　room　with　a　glass　window　that　looked　in　on　the　MRI　machine。
　The　technician　was　foreign；　dark。　〃How　old　is　she？　Is　it　a　she？〃
　〃Yes；　she。　Nine　months。〃
　〃Quite　a　set　of　lungs　on　her。〃
　〃Yes。〃
　〃Here　we　go。〃　He　was　fiddling　at　his　knobs　and　dials；　hardly　looking　at　my　daughter。　Amanda　was　pletely　inside　the　machine。　Her　sobs　sounded　tinny　over　the　microphone。　The　technician　flicked　a　switch　and　the　pump　began　to　chatter；　it　made　a　lot　of　noise。　But　I　could　still　hear　my　daughter　screaming。
　And　then；　abruptly；　she　stopped。
　She　was　pletely　silent。
　〃Uh…oh；〃　I　said。　I　looked　at　the　technician　and　the　nurse。　Their　faces　registered　shock。　We　all　thought　the　same　thing；　that　something　terrible　had　happened。　My　heart　began　to　pound。　The　technician　hastily　shut　down　the　pumps　and　we　hurried　back　into　the　room。　My　daughter　was　lying　there；　still　strapped　down；　breathing　heavily；　but　apparently　fine。　She　blinked　her　eyes　slowly；　as　if　dazed。　Already　her　skin　was　noticeably　a　lighter　shade　of　pink；　with　patches　of　normal　color。　The　rash　was　fading　right　before　our　eyes。　〃I'll　be　damned；〃　the　technician　said。
　*　*　*
　Back　in　the　emergency　room；　they　wouldn't　let　Amanda　go　home。　The　surgeons　still　thought　she　had　a　tumor　or　a　bowel　emergency；　and　they　wanted　to　keep　her　in　the　hospital　for　observation。　But　the　rash　continued　to　clear　steadily。　Over　the　next　hour；　the　pink　color　faded；　and　vanished。　No　one　could　understand　what　had　happened；　and　the　doctors　were　uneasy。　The　scalp　vein　IV　was　back　in　on　the　other　side　of　her　forehead。　But　Amanda　took　a　bottle　of　formula；　guzzling　it　down　hungrily　while　I　held　her。　She　was　staring　up　at　me　with　her　usual　hypnotic　feeding　stare。　She　really　seemed　to　be　fine。　She　fell　asleep　in　my　arms。
　I　sat　there　for　another　hour；　then　began　to　make　noises　about　how　I　had　to　get　back　to　my　kids；　I　had　to　get　them　to　school。　And　not　long　afterward；　the　doctors　announced　another　victory　for　modern　medicine　and　sent　me　home　with　her。　Amanda　slept　soundly　all　the　way；　and　didn't　wake　when　I　got　her　out　of　her　car　seat。　The　night　sky　was　turning　gray　when　I　carried　her　up　the　driveway　and　into　the　house。
　　
　DAY　3　
　6：07　A。M。
　The　house　was　silent。　The　kids　were　still　asleep。　I　found　Julia　standing　in　the　dining　room；　looking　out　the　window　at　the　backyard。　The　sprinklers　were　on；　hissing　and　clicking。　Julia　held　a　cup　of　coffee　and　stared　out　the　window；　unmoving。
　I　said；　〃We're　back。〃
　She　turned。　〃She's　okay？〃
　I　held　out　the　baby　to　her。　〃Seems　to　be。〃
　〃Thank　God；〃　she　said；　〃I　was　so　worried；　Jack。〃　But　she　didn't　approach　Amanda；　and　didn't　touch　her。　〃I　was　so　worried。〃
　Her　voice　was　strange；　distant。　She　didn't　really　sound　worried；　she　sounded　formal；　like　someone　reciting　the　rituals　of　another　culture　that　they　didn't　really　understand。　She　took　a　sip　from　her　coffee　mug。
　〃I　couldn't　sleep　all　night；〃　she　said。　〃I　was　so　worried。　I　felt　awful。　God。〃　Her　eyes　flicked　to　my　face；　then　away。　She　looked　guilty。
　〃Want　to　hold　her？〃
　〃I；　uh　。。。〃　Julia　shook　her　head；　and　nodded　to　the　coffee　cup　in　her　hand。　〃Not　right　now；〃　she　said。　〃I　have　to　check　the　sprinklers。　They're　overwatering　my　roses。〃　And　she　walked　into　the　backyard。
　I　watched　her　go　out　in　the　back　and　stand　looking　at　the　sprinklers。　She　glanced　back　at　me；　then　made　a　show　of　checking　the　timer　box　on　the　wall。　She　opened　the　lid　and　looked　inside。　I　didn't　get　it。　The　gardeners　had　adjusted　the　sprinkler　timers　just　last　week。　Maybe　they　hadn't　done　it　right。
　Amanda　snuffled　in　my　arms。　I　took　her　into　the　nursery　to　change　her；　and　put　her　back　in　bed。　When　I　returned；　I　saw　Julia　in　the　kitchen；　talking　on　her　cell　phone。　This　was　another　new　habit　of　hers。　She　didn't　use　the　house　phone　much　anymore；　she　used　her　cell。　When　I　had　asked　her　about　it；　she'd　said　it　was　just　easier　because　she　was　calling　long　distance　a　lot；　and　the　pany　paid　her　cellular　bills。
　I　slowed　my　approach；　and　walked　on　the　carpet。　I　heard　her　say；　〃Yes；　damn　it；　of　course　I　do；　but　we　have　to　be　careful　now　。。。〃
　She　looked　up　and　saw　me　ing。　Her　tone　immediately　changed。　〃Okay；　uh　。。。　look；　Carol；　I　think　we　can　handle　that　with　a　phone　call　to　Frankfurt。　Follow　up　with　a　fax；　and　let　me　know　how　he　responds；　all　right？〃　And　she　s