gs.earthabides-第14部分

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atisfied。　〃I　wonder〃　he　thought；　〃if　I'm　getting　all　the　things　I　should　to　eat。〃　Perhaps　he　should　raid　a　drug　store　for　some　vitamin　tablets。　Later；　he　let　Princess　out　for　a　run；　and　she　suddenly　vanished　into　the　rain　with　a　long　yapping　which　ended　in　a　bay　as　she　struck　on　the　trail　of　some　animal。　He　was　disgusted；　since　he　knew　that　he　might　have　to　wait　up　an　hour　for　her　pleasure　to　return。　She　was　back　sooner；　however；　smelling　woefully　of　a　skunk。　He　shut　her　in　the　garage；　and　she　plained　bitterly　with　her　yapping；　at　the　disgraceful　way　she　was　being　treated。　
　　Ish　went　to　bed；　still　with　the　unsatisfied　feeling。　〃Must　be　suffering　from　shock　more　than　I　realize　consciously；〃　he　thought。　〃Or　else　the　loneliness　is　getting　me；　or　maybe　good　old　sex　is　raising　its　ugly　head。〃　
　　Shock　could　do　strange　things；　he　knew。　He　remembered　hearing　the　story　of　a　man　who　had　seen　his　wife　killed　before　his　eyes　in　an　accident　and　who　had　felt　no　desire　for　months。　
　　He　thought　of　the　Negroes　whom　he　had　seen　that　day。　The　woman…middle…aged；　far　gone　in　pregnancy；　no　beauty　at　any　time…could　scarcely　have　thus　disturbed　him。　When　he　thought　of　the　incident；　his　memories　turned　chiefly　to　the　way　in　which　they　had　found　a　kind　of　security　by　keeping　close　to　the　soil。　Then　Princess　bayed　from　the　garage；　and　he　cursed　her；　and　went　to　sleep。　
　　In　the　morning　he　still　felt　unsatisfied　and　restless。　The　storm　was　not　yet　over；　but　at　the　moment　no　rain　was　falling。　He　decided　not　to　leave；　but　to　take　a　walk　down　the　road。　Before　going　he　looked　into　the　station…wagon；　and　saw　the　rifle　lying　on　the　middle　seat。　He　had　hardly　touched　it　since　leaving　California；　now；　without　any　definite　thought；　he　took　it；　tucked　it　under　his　arm；　and　walked　down　the　road。　
　　Princess　followed　him　a　few　yards；　then　discovered　a　new　trail；　and　in　spite　of　the　last　night's　experience　was　off　upon　it；　vanishing　over　the　hill　in　a　series　of　delighted　yelps　and　bays。　〃Better　luck　this　time！〃　he　called　after　her。　
　　Ish　himself　walked　along　with　no　more　definite　idea　than　to　stretch　his　legs　a　little　or　perhaps　find　a　tree　with　ripe　fruit。　He　was　scarcely　thinking　of　anything　when　he　saw　a　cow　and　a　calf　in　a　field。　There　was　nothing　remarkable　in　that；　he　could　see　a　cow　and　a　calf　in　nearly　any　field　in　Tennessee。　The　remarkable　fact　was　that　now　the　loaded　rifle　was　under　his　arm；　and　suddenly　he　knew　what　must　somewhere　have　been　in　his　mind。　
　　Carefully　resting　the　rifle　on　a　fence…post　he　saw　the　sights　e　clearly　into　line　with　the　redness　of　the　calf's　shoulder。　The　range　was　butcher's　distance。　He　squeezed　the　trigger；　and　the　rifle　spoke　and　kicked　back　against　him。　As　the　sound　died；　he　heard　the　calf　give　a　long　choking　wheeze；　it　stood　with　legs　braced　but　shaky；　a　thin　stream　of　blood　bursting　from　the　nostrils。　Then　it　collapsed　and　fell。　
　　The　cow　had　run　a　few　yards　after　the　shot；　and　now　she　stood　and　turned　uncertainly。　Ish　did　not　know　what　she　might　do　in　the　defense　of　her　calf。　Taking　good　aim　again；　he　put　a　bullet　just　behind　her　shoulder。　He　fired　twice　more；　for　mercy；　as　she　toppled。　
　　He　had　to　walk　back　to　the　cabin　for　the　hunting…knife。　When　he　returned；　he　carried　the　reloaded　rifle。　He　felt　his　own　reaction　as　curious。　Before　this　time　he　had　never　thought　much　about　weapons；　but　now　it　was　as　if　he　had　declared　war　upon　creation　and　should　look　for　retaliation　upon　himself。　Yet；　when　he　came　to　where　the　cow　and　the　calf　were　lying；　and　climbed　over　the　fence；　he　met　no　resistance　or　opposition。　The　calf；　to　his　dismay；　was　still　breathing。　Not　liking　the　job；　he　cut　its　throat。　He　had　never　been　a　hunter；　and　had　never　butchered　an　animal；　so　he　made　a　bad　haggling　job　of　it。　Getting　himself　well　bloodied　in　the　process；　he　managed　to　hack　out　the　liver；　when　he　had　got　it；　he　realized　that　he　had　no　way　to　carry　it；　except　in　his　hand。　He　had　to　lay　the　bloody　mass　back　among　the　entrails　of　the　calf；　and　go　back　again　to　the　cabin　to　get　a　pan。　When　he　returned　to　the　calf；　a　crow　was　already　at　work　upon　the　eyes。　
　　When　he　finally　had　the　liver　safely　at　the　cabin；　he　was　so　covered　with　blood　and　dirt　that　he　had　lost　all　desire　to　eat　it。　He　washed　as　well　as　he　could　at　the　cabin；　and　waited　around　listlessly；　since　the　rain　had　again　begun　to　fall。　Princess　returned；　and　demanded　entrance。　Since　she　had；　by　this　time；　lost　most　of　the　skunk's　smell；　he　admitted　her。　She　was　wet　and　scratched　with　briers；　dirty　and　foot…sore。　She　lay　on　the　floor　putting　herself　into　shape　with　her　tongue；　he　himself　lay　on　the　bed　as　if　spent　by　emotion；　yet　in　some　way　satisfied　at　last。　Outside；　the　rain　fell　steadily；　and　after　an　hour；　for　the　first　time　since　it　all　happened；　Ish　realized　that　he　had　a　new　sensation…he　was　merely　bored。　
　　He　looked　around　at　the　cabin；　and　found　a　six…months…old　magazine；　he　settled　down　to　read　a　story　which　dealt　with　the　old　boy…meets…girl　theme；　taking　its　particular　slant　from　the　problems　winch　arose　to　hinder　true　love　as　the　result　of　a　housing　shortage。　It　was　all　as　far　away；　Ish　concluded；　from　his　present　situation；　as　if　it　had　been　a　story　about　building　the　Pyramids。　In　the　course　of　the　morning；　he　read　three　stories；　but　he　found　the　advertisements　much　more　fascinating。　Not　one　in　ten　of　them　seemed　to　have　any　relation　to　his　present　situation；　because　they　were　not　aimed　at　man；　the　individual；　so　much　as　at　man；　the　member　of　a　group…for　instance；　you　should　avoid　bad　breath；　riot　because　it　might　be　a　symptom　of　approaching　toothache　or　digestive　disfort；　but　because　if　you　had　bad　breath　the　girls　would　not　like　to　dance　with　you　or　your　boy…friend　would　not　propose。　
　　Yet　the　magazine　had　the　good　effect；　at　least；　of　taking　him　out　from　himself　again。　By　noon；　he　was　hungry；　and　when　he　looked　at　the　liver　now　lying　peacefully　in　a　pan；　he　found　that　the　memory　of　the　bloody　and　dying　calf　had　passed　out　of　his　mind。　He　fried　a　fine　succulent　piece　of　it　for　his　lunch；　and　enjoyed　it　greatly。　A　bit　of　fresh　meat；　he　concluded；　was　what　he　had　been　wanting。　He　gave　a　piece　to　Princess；　also。　
　　As　he　sat　quietly　after　lunch；　he　had　a　new　feeling　of　satisfaction　and　release。　To　shoot　a　calf　was　certainly　no　feat　of　sportsmanship；　and　it　was　not　getting　very　close　toward　the　production　of　one's　own　food。　Yet　it　was　a　little　closer　to　reality　than　the　opening　of　a　can。　He　seemed　to　have　moved　one　step　away　from　a　mere　scavenging　existence；　and　to　be　getting　a　little　closer　to　the　state　in　which　the　three　Negroes　were　living。　To　put　it　that　an　act　of　destruction　had　been　an　act　of　creation　might　seem　a　paradox；　but　he　felt　of　it　as　something　of　that　sort。　
　　A　fence　was　a　fact；　and　a　fence　was　also　a　symbol。　Between　the　herds　and　the　crops；　the　fence　stood　as　a　fact；　but　between　the　rye　and　the　oats；　it　was　only　a　symbol；　for　the　rye　and　the　oats　did　not　mingle　of　themselves。　Because　offences　the　land　was　cut　into　chunks　and　blocks。　The　pasture　changed　to　the　plowed　land　sharply　at　the　fence；　and　on　the　other　side　of　the　plowed　land；　at　the　line　of　the　fence；　went　the　highway；　and　beyond　the　highway　was　the　orchard；　and　then　another　fence　with　the　lawns　and　the　house　beyond　it；　and　again　at　a　fence；　the　barnyard。　Once　the　fences　are　broken　both　in　fact　and　in　symbol；　then　there　are　no　more　blocks　and　chunks　of　land　and　sharp　changes；　but　all　is　hazy　and　wavy；　and　fades　from　one　into　the　other；　as　it　was　in　the　beginning。　
　　After　that；　he　lost　track　of　the　time　still　more。　He　did　not　travel　far　in　any　day　because　there　was　much　rain；　and　the　roads　were　not　as　smooth　and　straight　as　they　had　been　in　the　West。　Moreover　he　had　lost　his　sense　of　hurry。　He　worked　northeastward　through　the　hills　of　Kentucky；　then　struck　the　Ohio　River　bottomland；　and　went　on　into　Pennsylvania。　
　　He　foraged　more　for　himself。　He　gathered　green　　from　the　weed…grown　corn…patches。　There　were　ripe　berries　and　fruit。　Now　and　then　in　a　garden　he　found　a　head　or　two　of　lettuce　which　had　not　been　rumed　by　worms。　Frequently；　he　pulled　up　carrots；　and　ate　them　raw；　since　he　was　very　fond　of　raw　carrots。　He　shot　a　young　pig。　He　used　the　shotgun　to　bag　two　partridges。　Again；　with　Princess　shut　in　the　car　and　protesting　loudly；　he　spent　a　happy　two　hours　slowly　stalking　a　flock　of　turkeys　which　always　scurried　off　just　before　he　was　within　range。　At　last；　however；　he　managed　to　get　close　enough　to　knock　over　a　gobbler。　Some　weeks　ago　it　must　have　been　a　tame　turkey；　but　now　it　had　gone　wild；　and　from　constant　necessity　of　dodging　foxes　and　wild　cats　had　bee　almost　as　wary　as　if　it　had　lived　all　its　life　in　the　woods。　
　　Between　rains　the　weather　was　warm；　and　when　he　felt　like　it；　he　stripped　and　swain　in　some　likely　looking　stream。　Since　the　water　from　faucets　began　to　seem　stale；　he　drank　from　springs　and　wells　although　by　now；　he　judged；　even　the　larger　rivers　should　be　free　of　sewage　and　factory　refuse。　
　　He　became　used　to　the　look　of　the　towns；　and　could　generally　tell　whether　they　were　entirely　empty　or　whether　by　searching　he　might　somewhere　find　a　survivor　or　two。　The　liquor…stores　were　often　looted。　The　other　buildings　usually　undisturbed；　although　occasionally　there　had　been　tampering　with　the　banks…people　apparently　still　putting　trust　in　money。　In　the　streets　there　would　be　an　occasional　pig　or　dog；　less　often；　a　cat。　
　　Even　in　this　once　more　thickly　inhabited　part　of　the　country　he　saw　paratively　few　bodies；　and　there　was　less　stench　of　death　than　he　had　feared。　Most　of　the　farms　and　many　of　the　smaller　towns　apparently　had　been　left　deserted　when　their　last　inhabitants　withdrew　to　larger　centers　for　medical　care　or　else　fled　into　the　hills；　hoping　to　escape　infection。　On　the　outskirts　of　every　larger　town　he　saw　the　piled…up　dirt　where　the　bulldozers　had　worked　even　in　the　last　days。　At　the　end；　necessarily；　many　bodies　must　have　been　left　unburied；　but　these　were　usually　in　the　areas　around　hospitals　which　had　been　concentration…points。　At　the　warning　of　his　nose　he　avoided　such　spots　or　drove　rapidly　past　them。　
　　The　surviving　people；　he　found；　were　generally　singles；　occasionally　couples。　They　were　anchored　firmly　in　their　own　p