gs.earthabides-第54部分

按键盘上方向键 ← 或 → 可快速上下翻页，按键盘上的 Enter 键可回到本书目录页，按键盘上方向键 ↑ 可回到本页顶部！
————未阅读完？加入书签已便下次继续阅读！


　back　into　the　house　to　strap　a　pistol　on。　In　the　vicinity　of　the　houses　they　never　needed　to　carry　firearms　any　more；　because　the　dogs　gave　plentiful　warning；　but　he　could　make　an　excuse　that　he　was　going　somewhere　farther　off。　Still；　he　hesitated；　realizing　that　to　carry　a　pistol　would　look　like　aggression…besides；　it　would　be　a　confession　of　his　own　weakness　and　insecurity。　Yet　he　could　not　deny　his　feeling　of　uncertainty。　
　　He　went　back　into　the　house；　and　immediately　saw　the　hammer　on　the　mantelpiece。　〃So　that's　it！〃　he　thought　irritably。　〃You're　as　bad　as　the　children。　You're　letting　the　children's　ideas　work　into　you！〃　Nevertheless　he　picked　up　the　hammer　and　took　it　along。　Its　weight　and　solidity　gave　him　fort。　The　handle's　firm　hardness　filled　up　the　emptiness　of　his　right　hand。　
　　Over　from　where　the　bonfire　had　been；　he　heard　a　sound　of　people　laughing；　and　he　walked　that　way。　He　was　alone；　and　then　suddenly　he　felt　again　the　Great　Loneliness。　
　　It　came　upon　him　with　paralyzing　force。　Once　more　he　was　the　ant　lost　from　the　hill；　the　bee　from　the　destroyed　hive；　the　motherless　child！　He　paused　and　stood　still；　feeling　the　cold　sweat　start。　No；　the　United　States　of　America　was　only　a　name　far　in　the　past！　He　must　act　by　himself；　or　with　what　support　he　himself　could　rally。　There　was　no　policeman　or　sheriff；　or　district　attorney　or　judge；　anywhere；　to　whom　he　could　look。　
　　He　was　gripping　the　hammer…handle　so　hard　that　his　knuckles　hurt。　〃I　can't　go　back！〃　he　thought。　Then　he　mustered　all　his　courage；　and　slid　one　foot　forward　in　front　of　the　other。　
　　Once　he　was　moving　again；　once　action　had　succeeded　thought；　he　felt　better。　He　saw　them　now；　ahead；　as　he　had　expected；　at　the　ashes　of　the　bonfire。　Almost　all　the　younger　ones　were　there；　and　Ezra　with　them。　They　stood　and　sat　and　lounged　around　Charlie；　and　he　was　telling　them　things；　laughing　and　joking　as　he　went　along。　All　this　was　just　about　what　Ish　had　expected；　and　only　when　he　had　looked　more　closely　did　a　sudden　feeling　of　coldness　seem　to　begin　at　his　stomach　and　then　flow　out　until　it　came　clear　to　the　ends　of　his　fingers　and　toes。　His　right　hand　had　gripped　harder；　vise…like；　on　the　hammer…handle。　
　　Close　to　the　center　of　the　group；　right　beside　Charlie；　Evie　was　sitting；　the　half…witted　one；　and　there　was　a　look　on　her　face　that　Ish　had　never　seen　there　before。　
　　Ish　was　about　ten　paces　from　Charlie　when　he　noticed。　He　halted。　Some　of　the　children　had　seen　him；　but　they　were　interested　in　the　story；　and　no　one　had　paid　him　any　attention。　He　stood　there；　as　if　not　yet　officially　present。　
　　He　paused。　It　seemed　a　long　time。　But　he　could　feel　his　heart　throbbing；　and　it　did　not　pound　more　than　a　few　times。　
　　He　felt　the　coldness　ooze　away。　Now　he　was　ready　for　action。　He　was　almost　happy。　The　problem　had　suddenly　taken　form；　and　even　the　worst　problem　in　definite　form　was　better　than　a　fog　lurking　in　corners。　You　could　not　bat　a　mere　suggestion　of　evil。　
　　Still；　through　the　long　period　of　a　few　more　heart…beats；　he　stood　there。　The　problem　had　revealed　itself　and　taken　shape　suddenly。　That　too　was　part　of　their　present　way　of　life。　In　the　Old　Days　a　crisis　simmered　and　stewed；　and　you　read　the　newspapers　for　weeks　and　months　before　the　strike　broke　or　the　bombs　fell。　When　you　were　dealing　with　only　a　few　people；　a　crisis　came　quickly。　
　　He　looked。　Evie　was　at　the　center　of　the　group；　and　usually　you　could　count　upon　her　being　somewhere　on　the　outskirts。　Usually　she　paid　only　furtive　attention　to　what　was　happening；　now　she　kept　her　face　directed　at　Charlie's；　seeming　to　drink　his　words　in；　although　she　certainly　did　not　understand　much　of　what　he　was　saying。　There　was　something　more　there　than　the　desire　to　understand　his　words。　They　were　sitting　close　together。　
　　Was　it　for　this；　Ish　thought　with　bitterness；　that　they　had　cared　for　Evie？　Ezra　had　found　her…dirty；　groveling；　and　unkempt；　living　in　filth　with　merely　enough　intelligence　to　open　cans　to　feed　herself　on　whatever　they　contained；　without　cooking　or　preparation。　It　would　have　been　better；　he　had　often　thought；　if　they　had　merely　put　a　can　of　sweet　ant…poison　within　her　reach　somewhere。　As　it　was；　they　had　cared　for　her　through　so　many　years；　and　she　had　certainly　been　no　pleasure　to　them　and　probably　no　pleasure　to　herself。　Their　caring　for　her　had　been；　he　thought　sometimes；　merely　a　curious　lingering　of　an　old　standard　of　humanitarianism。　
　　Now　he　looked　again　at　the　group　before　him；　and　in　Evie　he　noticed　something　that　had　never　been　so　apparent　to　him　before。　That　was　the　trouble　of　too　long　familiarity；　just　as　a　picture　on　the　wall　became　something　you　did　not　notice　at　all；　so　a　person　whom　you　knew　for　many　years　tended　to　lose　individual　characteristics。　Evie；　he　realized　now；　was　a　fully　developed　woman；　startlingly　blond；　in　a　special　way；　beautiful。　You　had　to　forget；　of　course；　the　strangeness　of　her　eyes；　and　a　vacancy　in　her　face。　And　that　was　something　which　he；　Ish；　could　never　really　do。　But　to　a　man　like　Charlie；　such　matters　were　not　important。　Yes；　as　Ezra　had　said；　Charlie　knew　what　he　wanted；　and　what　he　wanted　he　wanted　quickly。　Indeed；　was　there　any　reason　why　he　should　delay？　
　　Ish　gripped　hard　on　the　hammer…handle。　He　took　fort　from　it；　but　he　had　bee　very　conscious　that　it　was　not　a　pistol。　
　　A　sudden　burst　of　laughter　came　at　something　which　Charlie　was　saying。　Looking　at　Evie　again；　Ish　saw　that　she　too　was　laughing　in　a　high；　uncontrolled　giggle；　as　she　laughed；　Charlie　reached　across　and　pinched　her　in　the　ribs。　She　screamed　girlishly；　high　and　shrill。　Then　as　Ish　drew　near；　his　presence　all　at　once　seemed　to　bee　official；　and　everyone　turned　to　look　at　him。　Instantly；　Ish　realized　that　they　had　been　waiting　for　him；　that　the　new　situation　had　disturbed　them　all；　and　that　they　were　looking　for　some　suggestion　of　what　to　do。　He　walked　forward　steadily　toward　Charlie；　still　gripping　hard　with　his　right　hand；　but　taking　care　not　to　clench　his　left　fist；　in　spite　of　his　rising　anger。　
　　As　Ish　drew　near；　Charlie…nonchalantly　almost…reached　out　with　his　right　arm；　and　put　it　around　Evie　and　drew　her　close　to　him。　She　seemed　surprised；　but　yielded　fortably。　Charlie　looked　at　Ish；　and　Ish　knew　that　this　was　the　crisis　of　open　defiance。　
　　Ish　mutely　accepted　the　challenge；　he　felt　calmer　now。　This　was　no　time　to　let　anger　disturb　one's　thoughts。　Now　that　there　was　action；　he　could　think　more　clearly。　
　　〃All　of　you　go　somewhere　for　a　while！〃　he　said　loudly。　There　was　no　need　for　finesse　or　excuses；　they　all　knew　something　was　going　to　happen。　
　　〃I　want　to　talk　to　Charlie　here　alone　for　a　few　minutes。　Ezra；　you　take　Evie　over　to　Molly's。　She　needs　her　hair　bed。〃　
　　There　was　no　argument；　everybody　left　so　readily　that　they　must　really　have　been　a　little　frightened。　By　having　Ezra　go；　Ish　was　losing　his　best　ally；　but　to　have　had　him　stay　would　have　been　a　confession　of　weakness　before　all　of　the　others；　including　Charlie。　
　　Then　the　two　of　them　were　left　there　alone…Ish　standing；　as　he　had　been　when　he　spoke；　Charlie；　still　sitting。　Charlie　made　no　gesture　of　rising；　so　Ish　too　sat　down。　He　would　not　stand　when　the　other　sat　so　lazily。　Charlie　was　still　wearing　his　vest；　although　he　had　no　coat　on　and　had　unbuttoned　the　vest　so　that　it　hung　loosely　from　him。　There　were　six　feet　between　them　as　they　sat　on　the　ground　and　looked　at　each　other。　Ish　saw　no　reason　to　beat　about　the　bush。　
　　〃All　I　want　to　say　is　that　you　must　quit　this　with　Evie。〃　
　　Charlie　was　equally　direct。　
　　〃Who　says　so？〃　
　　Ish　considered　for　words。　He　might　say　〃we〃　but　that　was　vague。　If　he　could　have　said　〃We；　the　people〃　that　would　have　been　better；　but　he　knew　that　Charlie　would　think　it　ridiculous。　He　did　not　want　to　pause　longer；　and　so　he　spoke。　〃I　say　so。〃　
　　Charlie　said　nothing　in　return；　he　sat　there。　He　picked　up　a　few　little　pebbles　from　the　ground　and　idly　twitched　them　with　his　left　hand；　throwing　them　here　and　there。　He　could　not　have　stated；　any　more　clearly；　his　disrespect。　
　　At　last　Charlie　spoke。　〃There's　lots　of　old　wise…cracks　you　can　say　when　any　guy　says　to　you　'I　say　so。'　You　know　what　they　are；　so　let's　skip　them。　I'm　reasonable；　though。　Why　don't　you　tell　me　just　why　you　want　me　to　lay　off　Evie？　She　your　girl；　maybe？〃　
　　Ish　spoke　quickly。　
　　〃This　is　it；〃　he　said。　〃It's　simple　enough。　We're　a　pretty　good　bunch　of　people　here；　not　mental　giants；　any　of　us　I　guess；　but　still　nobody　too　downright　stupid。　We　don't　want　a　lot　of　little　half…witted　brats　running　in　on　us；　the　sort　of　children　Evie　would　have。〃　
　　Only　when　he　had　stopped　speaking；　did　he　realize　that　by　speaking　at　all　in　reply　to　Charlie's　question；　he　had　made　a　mistake。　Like　any　intellectual；　he　had　been　happy　to　stop　manding　and　begin　arguing；　and　so　he　had　admitted　that　his　mand　was　non…effective。　Now；　in　spite　of　himself；　he　felt　in　second　place；　with　Charlie　the　leader。　
　　〃Hell！〃　said　Charlie。　〃What　makes　you　think　she's　been　around　here　all　this　time　and　not　had　plenty　of　chances　to　have　kids　with　all　those　boys　around；　if　she　was　going　to　have　any？〃　
　　〃The　boys　never　touched　Evie；〃　said　Ish。　〃She　was　something　they　grew　up　with；　she　was　taboo。　And　besides；　all　the　boys　were　married　off　as　early　as　they　could　be。〃　
　　He　was　still　arguing；　and　was　perhaps　at　the　bad　end　of　the　argument。　
　　〃So　you　say　again！〃　Charlie's　words　had　the　confident　ring　of　the　voice　of　a　man　feeling　himself　in　control。　〃What　you　really　ought　to　be　glad　for　is　that　I　picked　on　that　one　around　here；　the　only　one　old　enough　who　ain't　married　already。　What　if　I'd　liked　one　of　the　others；　and　she；　me？　Then　you　might　have　a　pretty　mess　on　your　hands。　You　better　be　glad　I　was　so　agreeable。〃　
　　Ish　thought　wildly　for　something　to　say。　What　more　could　be　said？　You　could　not　threaten　with　the　police　or　say　that　the　district　attorney　might　be　interested。　He　had　flung　the　challenge　and　been　met　head　on。　
　　No；　there　was　nothing　more　to　say。　Ish　got　up；　turned　on　his　heel；　and　walked　off。　He　had　a　sudden　quick　memory　in　his　mind　of　once　long　before；　when　he　had　met　a　man　just　after　the　Great　Disaster；　and　had　turned；　and　walked　away　w