gs.earthabides-第9部分

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inely　appointed；　he　was　close　to　thinking　of　himself　as　God…and　at　that　point　lay　insanity。　
　　〃No；〃　he　thought。　〃What　happens；　at　least　I　shall　never　believe　that　I　am　a　god。　No；　I　shall　never　be　a　god！〃　
　　Then；　his　flight　of　ideas　still　continuing；　he　realized　that　in　some　ways；　very　curiously；　he　felt　a　new　security　and　even　satisfaction　at　the　contemplation　of　a　solitary　life。。　His　worries　in　the　old　days　had　been　chiefly　about　people。　The　prospect　of　going　to　a　dance　had　more　than　once　sent　him　into　a　sweat；　he　had　never　been　a　good　mixer；　no　one　had　asked　him　to　join　a　fraternity。　In　the　old　days；　such　things　were　a　handicap　to　a　man。　Now；　he　realized；　they　were　actually　a　great　advantage。　Because　he　had　sat　on　the　edge　of　so　many　social　gatherings；　not　quite。　able　to　mingle　in　the　conversation；　listening；　watching　objectively；　now　he　could　endure　not　being　able　to　talk；　and　again　could　sit　and　watch；　noting　what　happened。　His　weakness　had　bee　strength。　It　was　as　if　there　had　been　a　blind　man　in　a　world　suddenly　bereft　of　light。　In　that　world；　those　with　seeing　eyes　could　only　blunder　about；　but　the　blind　man　would　be　at　home；　and　now　instead　of　being　the　one　who　was　guided　by　others；　he　might　be　the　one　to　whom　the　others　clung　for　guidance。　
　　Nevertheless　the　lonely　life　stretching　out　before　him　did　not　seem　so　simple…and　seemed　far　from　secure　or　pleasant；　as　he　again　lay　on　his　bed　and　through　the　darkness　the　cold　fingers　of　the　fog　reached　in　from　the　Bay　and　folded　within　them　the　house　on　San　Lupo　Drive。　Then　again　that　great　fear　came　upon　him；　and　he　cringed　in　vague　dread　and　listened　for　noises　in　the　darkness；　and　thought　of　his　loneliness　and　of　all　that　might　happen　to　him；　too；　in　the　course　of　that　Secondary　Kill。　A　wild　desire　for　flight　and　escape　came　upon　him。　He　had　a　feeling　that　he　must　go　far　away　and　move　fast；　and　keep　ahead　of　anything　that　might　be　pursuing　him。　Then　he　rationalized　this　thought　with　the　feeling　that　the　disease　could　not　have　fallen　everywhere　upon　the　United　States；　that　somewhere　must　be　left　some　munity；　which　he　should　find。　
　　
　　Chapter　3
　　In　the　morning　his　panic　had　faded　but　the　deep…seated　fear　was　still　with　him。　He　got　out　of　bed　carefully；　and　swallowed　apprehensively　in　terror　that　he　might　have　a　sore　throat。　He　handled　himself　with　all　the　care　of　an　aged　hypochondriac。　When　he　walked　downstan…s　he　balanced　himself　meticulously；　realizing　that　even　a　sprained　ankle　might　mean　death。　
　　He　immediately　began　preparations　for　flight；　and　as　always　when　he　began　acting　upon　some　definite　plan；　even　though　the　plan　in　itself　made　little　sense；　he　felt　a　quietness　and　satisfaction。　His　own　car　was　old。　He　therefore　began　to　look　around　for　a　better　one　among　the　many　hundreds　that　were　parked　along　the　streets。　Most　of　these　were　without　keys；　but　finally　in　a　garage　he　found　a　station…wagon　which　suited　his　fancy　and　which　contained　a　key。　He　pressed　the　starter；　and　the　engine　responded　perfectly。　He　idled　it　for　a　minute；　raced　it；　and　decided　that　it　was　good。　He　started　to　engage　the　gears；　and　then　suddenly　paused　with　a　feeling　of　uneasiness。　He　did　not　regret　leaving　his　own　car；　but　still　something　worried　him。　In　a　moment　he　remembered。　He　went　back　to　his　old　car；　and　took　out　the　hammer。　He　carried　it　over　to　the　station…wagon　and　laid　it　at　his　feet。　Then　he　drove　out　of　the　garage。　
　　From　a　grocery　he　stocked　himself；　nibbling　some　crackers　and　cheese　for　lunch　as　he　walked　about　selecting　his　cans。　He　realized　he　might　pick　up　supplies　at　any　town。　Still；　it　would　be　convenient　to　have　a　reserve　with　him　in　the　car。　From　other　stores　he　took　a　sleeping…bag；　an　ax　and　a　shovel；　a　rain…coat；　cigarettes；　enough　food　to　see　him　through　several　days；　a　small　bottle　of　good　brandy。　Remembering　his　experiences　of　the　day　before；　he　went　into　a　sporting…goods　shop；　and　selected　a　variety　of　weapons…a　light　shot…gun；　a　medium…calibre　repeating　rifle；　a　small　automatic　pistol　that　would　go　handily　into　a　side…pocket；　a　hunting…knife。　
　　Just　when　he　had　finished　loading　the　station…wagon；　and　was　about　ready　to　start；　he　looked　around　and　first　became　conscious　of　a　dog。　He　had　seen　many　dogs　in　the　last　two　days；　and　he　had　tried　to　shut　them　out　of　his　mind。　71ey　were　pathetic；　and　he　did　not　like　to　think　what　was　happening。　Some　of　them　looked　starved；　some　of　them　looked　too　well　fed。　Some　seemed　uncertain　and　cringing；　others　snarled　and　were　all　too　well　assured　of　themselves。　This　particular　dog　was　like　a　small　hound；　with　long　drooping　ears；　of　a　white…and…liver　color…a　beagle；　probably；　although　he　did　not　know　much　about　breeds　of　dogs。　It　stood　at　a　safe　distance　of　ten　feet；　looked　at　him；　wagged　its　tail；　and　whimpered　just　audibly。　
　　〃Go　away！〃　he　said；　roughly；　for　his　heart　was　suddenly　bitter　within　him；　and　he　felt　himself　building　a　wall　against　more　attachments　which　must　only　end　with　death。　〃Go　away！〃　he　repeated。　Instead；　the　dog　took　a　step　or　two　closer　to　him；　and　put　its　forequarters　down　on　the　ground　and　laid　its　head　on　its　forefeet　and　looked　up　at　him　with　strangely　appealing　eyes；　which　rolled　upward。　Long　drooping　ears　gave　the　face　an　expression　of　infinite　sadness。　Obviously；　the　dog　was　saying；　〃You　have　broken　my　heart！〃　Suddenly；　without　thinking；　he　smiled　and　he　remembered　then；　it　was　perhaps　the　first　time　he　had　smiled；　except　ironically；　since　the　snake　had　struck。　
　　He　came　to　himself　instantly；　and　realized　that　the　dog　was　rubbing　against　his　leg；　quick　to　sense　the　change　of　his　mood。　As　he　looked　down；　it　scurried　away　suddenly　in　fright；　or　pretended　fright；　then　dashed　around　in　a　little　circle　variegated　with　two　quick　dodges；　and　ended　again　with　its　forelegs　on　the　ground　and　its　head　between　them；　giving　out　an　eager　little　bark　which　changed　into　a　hound…like　howl。　Again　Ish　broke　into　a　smile　which　this　time　was　really　a　broad　grin；　and　the　dog　sensed　his　mood。　It　dashed　around　him　again　in　a　swift　run；　with　sudden　changes　of　direction；　giving　an　imitation　of　what　it　would　do　if　chasing　a　rabbit。　It　ended　this　little　demonstration　of　varied　abilities　by　running　boldly　up　to　Ish's　legs　again；　rubbing　against　them；　and　putting　its　head　there　as　if　to　be　patted；　as　much　as　saying；　〃Wasn't　that　a　good　act　I　put　on？〃　Realizing　what　was　expected　of　him；　Ish　dropped　his　hand　on　the　dog's　head；　and　patted　the　sleek　forehead。　The　dog　gave　a　little　whimper　of　satisfaction。　
　　The　tail…　wagged　so　vigorously　that　the　whole　body　seemed　to　be　wagging　from　the　ears　back。　The　light…colored　eyes　rolled　upwards　until　the　whites　showed　along　the　bottom。　It　was　the　picture　of　adoration。　The　long　ears　fell　on　each　side；　and　little　wrinkles　showed　on　the　forehead。　The　dog　was　certainly　making　a　good　case　of　love　at　first　sight。　Its　actions　said；　〃This　is　the　only　man　in　the　world　for　me！〃　
　　Ish　relaxed　suddenly。　Squatting　down；　he　patted　the　dog　unashamedly。　〃Well；〃　he　thought；　〃I've　got　myself　a　dog…whether　I　want　one　or　not。〃　And　then　he　reconsidered；　〃I　mean；　the　dog　has　got　me。〃　
　　He　opened　the　door　of　the　station…wagon；　the　dog　jumped　in　and　lay　down；　at　home　on　the　front　seat。　
　　Going　into　a　grocery；　Ish　found　a　box　of　dog…biscuits；　he　fed　the　dog　one　from　his　hand。　The　animal　took　the　food　without　any　particular　sign　of　affection　or　thanks。　This　was　obviously　what　a　man　was　for。　Once　you　had　got　yourself　a　man；　there　was　no　need　to　be　particularly　grateful　to　him。　Noticing　for　the　first　time；　Ish　saw　that　it　was　not　a　dog；　strictly　speaking；　but　a　bitch。　〃Well；〃　he　said；　〃a　case　of　pure　seduction；　apparently。〃　
　　He　went　back　to　the　house；　and　picked　up　a　few　of　his　personal　belongings…some　clothes；　his　field…glasses；　a　few　books。　He　reflected　a　moment　whether　there　was　anything　else　needed　for　a　trip　which　might　take　him　clear　across　the　continent。　Then　he　shrugged　his　shoulders。　
　　He　took　out　his　wallet；　and　discovered　that　he　had　nineteen　dollars　in　fives　and　ones。　He　certainly　did　not　need　any　more　money。　He　even　considered　throwing　the　whole　wallet　away；　but　finally　kept　it。　He　was　so　used　to　having　it　in　his　hip…pocket　that　he　felt　unfortable　without　it。　The　money　would　probably　do　him　no　harm。　
　　Without　any　real　hope；　he　posed　a　note；　and　left　it　posted　conspicuously　on　the　living…room　desk。　If　they　should　return　while　he　was　away；　they　would　know　that　they　should　wait　for　his　return　or　leave　a　note　of　their　own　for　him。　
　　As　he　stood　by　the　car；　he　gave　another　look　up　and　down　San　Lupo　Drive。　There　was　no　one　in　sight；　of　course。　The　houses　and　trees　all　looked　the　same　as　before；　but　he　noticed　again　that　the　lawns　and　gardens　already　showed　the　lack　of　care；　particularly　of　watering。　In　spite　of　the　fogs；　the　long　drought　of　the　California　summer　was　already　settling　down。　
　　By　now　it　was　mid…afternoon。　Nevertheless；　he　decided　to　start　at　once。　He　was　anxious　to　be　off；　and　he　could　spend　the　night　at　some　near…by　town。　
　　As　with　the　dogs　and　cats；　so　also　with　the　grasses　and　flowers　which　man　had　long　nourished。　The　clover　and　the　blue…grass　withered　on　the　lawns；　and　the　dandelions　grew　tall。　In　the　flowerbed　the　water…loving　asters　wilted　and　drooped；　and　the　weeds　flourished。　Deep　within　the　camellias；　the　sap　failed；　they　would　bear　no　buds　next　spring。　The　leaves　curled　on　the　tips　of　the　wisteria　vines　and　the　rose　bushes；　as　they　set　themselves　against　the　long　drought。　Foot　by　foot　the　wild　cucumbers　quickly　sent　their　long　vines　across　lawn　andflowerbed　and　terrace。　As　once；　when　the　armies　of　the　empire　were　shattered　and　the　strong　barbarians　poured　in　upon　the　soft　provincials；　so　now　the　fierce　weeds　pressed　in　to　destroy　thepampered　nurslings　of　man。　
　　The　staunch　motor　hummed　steadily。　He　drove；　the　moming　of　this　second　day；　with　exaggerated　caution；　thinking　of　blow…outs　and　ofsteering…gear　or　brakes　which　might　suddenly　cease　to　function；　and　of　cattle　wandering　on　the　highway。　He　tried　to　keep　the　speedometer　needle　at　forty。　
　　But　that　motor　had　never　been　designed　to　keep　a　car　at　such　a　speed；　and　he　constantly　found　that　he　had　slid　up　to　fifty　or　sixty　without　realizing　it。　
　　Yet；　even　to　be　moving　at　all