lmb.shardsofhonor-第29部分

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　He　did　not　evade；　or　deny。　〃His　idea；　and　Negri's。　I　am　but　his　agent。〃
　His　fingers　pulled　gently　on　the　grass　stems；　breaking　them　off　delicately　one　by　one。　〃He　didn't　e　out　with　it　directly。　First　he　asked　me　to　take　mand　of　the　Escobar　invasion。　He　started　with　a　bribe…the　viceroyalty　of　this　planet；　in　fact；　when　it's　colonized。　I　turned　him　down。　Then　he　tried　a　threat；　said　he'd　throw　me　to　Grishnov；　let　him　have　me　up　for　treason；　and　no　Imperial　pardon。　I　told　him　to　go　to　hell；　not　in　so　many　words。　That　was　a　bad　moment；　between　us。　Then　he　apologized。　Called　me　Lord　Vorkosigan。　He　called　me　Captain　when　he　wished　to　be　offensive。　Then　he　called　in　Captain　Negri；　with　a　file　that　didn't　even　have　a　name；　and　the　playacting　stopped。
　〃Reason。　Logic。　Argument。　Evidence。　We　sat　in　that　green　silk　room　in　the　Imperial　Residence　at　Vorbarr　Sultana　one　whole　mortal　week；　the　Emperor　and　Negri　and　I；　going　over　it；　while　Illyan　kicked　his　heels　in　the　hall；　studying　the　Emperor's　art　collection。　You　are　correct　in　your　deduction　about　Illyan；　by　the　way。　He　knows　nothing　about　the　real　purpose　of　the　invasion。
　〃You　saw　the　Prince；　briefly。　I　may　add　that　you　saw　him　at　his　best。　Vorrutyer　may　have　been　his　teacher　once；　but　the　Prince　surpassed　him　some　time　ago。　But　if　only　he　had　had　some　saving　notion　of　political　service；　I　think　his　father　would　have　forgiven　him　even　his　vilest　personal　vices。
　〃He　was　not　balanced；　and　he　surrounded　himself　with　men　whose　interests　lay　in　making　him　even　less　balanced。　A　true　nephew　of　his　Uncle　Yuri。　Grishnov　meant　to　rule　Barrayar　through　him　when　he　came　to　the　throne。　On　his　own…Grishnov　would　have　been　willing　to　wait；　I　think…the　Prince　had　engineered　two　assassination　attempts　on　his　father　in　the　last　eighteen　months。〃
　Cordelia　whistled　soundlessly。　〃I　almost　begin　to　see。　But　why　not　just　put　him　out　of　the　way　quietly？　Surely　the　Emperor　and　your　Captain　Negri　could　have　managed　it　between　them；　if　anyone　could。〃
　〃The　idea　was　discussed。　God　help　me；　I　even　volunteered　to　lend　myself　to　it；　as　an　alternative　to　this…bloodbath。〃
　He　paused。　〃The　Emperor　is　dying。　He　has　run　out　of　time　to　wait　for　the　problem　to　solve　itself。　It's　bee　an　obsession　with　him；　to　try　to　leave　his　house　in　order。
　〃The　problem　is　the　Prince's　son。　He's　only　four。　Sixteen　years　is　a　long　time　for　a　Regency　government。　With　the　Prince　dead　Grishnov　and　the　whole　Ministerial　party　would　just　slide　right　into　the　power　vacuum；　if　they　were　left　intact。
　〃It　was　not　enough　to　kill　the　Prince。　The　Emperor　felt　he　had　to　destroy　the　whole　war　party；　so　effectively　that　it　would　not　rise　again　for　another　generation。　So　first　there　was　me；　bitching　about　the　strategic　problems　with　Escobar。　Then　the　information　about　the　plasma　mirrors　came　through　Negri's　own　intelligence　network。　Military　intelligence　didn't　have　it。　Then　me　again；　with　the　news　that　surprise　had　been　lost。　Do　you　know；　he　suppressed　part　of　that；　too？　It　could　only　be　a　disaster。　And　then　there　was　Grishnov；　and　the　war　party；　and　the　Prince；　all　crying　for　glory。　He　had　only　to　step　aside　and　let　them　rush　to　their　doom。〃　Grass　was　being　pulled　up　in　bunches　now。
　〃It　all　fit　so　well；　there　was　a　hypnotizing　fascination　to　it。　But　chancy。　There　was　even　a　possibility；　leaving　events　to　themselves；　that　everyone　might　be　killed　but　the　Prince。　I　was　placed　where　I　was　to　see　the　script　was　followed。　Goading　the　Prince；　making　sure　he　got　to　the　front　lines　at　the　right　time。　Hence　that　little　scene　you　witnessed　in　my　cabin。　I　never　lost　my　temper。　I　was　just　putting　another　nail　in　the　coffin。〃
　〃I　suppose　I　can　see　why　the　other　agent　was…the　chief　surgeon？〃
　〃Quite。〃
　〃Lovely。〃
　〃Isn't　it；　though。〃　He　lay　back　on　the　grass；　looking　through　the　turquoise　sky。　〃I　couldn't　even　be　an　honest　assassin。　Do　you　recall　me　saying　I　wanted　to　go　into　politics？　I　believe　I'm　cured　of　that　ambition。〃
　〃What　about　Vorrutyer？　Were　you　supposed　to　get　him　killed；　too？〃
　〃No。　In　the　original　script　he　was　cast　as　the　scapegoat。　It　would　have　been　his　part；　after　the　disaster；　to　apologize　to　the　Emperor　for　the　mess；　in　the　full　old　Japanese　sense　of　the　phrase；　as　part　of　the　general　collapse　of　the　war　party。　For　all　he　was　the　Prince's　spiritual　advisor；　I　did　not　envy　him　his　future。　All　the　while　he　was　riding　me；　I　could　see　the　ground　crumbling　away　beneath　his　feet。　It　baffled　him。　He　always　used　to　be　able　to　make　me　lose　my　temper。　It　was　great　sport　for　him；　when　we　were　younger。　He　couldn't　understand　why　he'd　lost　his　touch。〃　His　eyes　remained　focused　somewhere　in　the　high　blue　emptiness；　not　meeting　hers。
　〃For　what　it's　worth　to　you；　his　death　just　then　saved　a　great　many　lives。　He　would　have　tried　to　continue　the　fight　much　longer；　to　save　his　political　skin。　That　was　the　price　that　bought　me；　in　the　end。　I　thought；　if　only　I　were　in　the　right　place　at　the　right　time；　I　could　do　a　better　job　of　running　the　pullout　than　anyone　else　on　the　General　Staff。〃
　〃So　we　are；　all　of　us；　just　Ezar　Vorbarra's　tools；〃　said　Cordelia　slowly；　belly…sick。　〃Me　and　my　convoy；　you；　the　Escobarans…even　old　Vorrutyer。　So　much　for　patriotic　hoopla　and　righteous　wrath。　All　a　charade。〃
　〃That's　right。〃
　〃It　makes　me　feel　very　cold。　Was　the　Prince　really　that　bad？〃
　〃There　was　no　doubt　of　it。　I　shall　not　sicken　you　with　the　details　of　Negri's　reports。。。　But　the　Emperor　said　if　it　wasn't　done　now；　we　would　all　be　trying　to　do　it　ourselves；　five　or　ten　years　down　the　road；　and　probably　botching　the　job　and　getting　all　our　friends　killed；　in　a　full…scale　planet…wide　civil　war。　He's　seen　two；　in　his　lifetime。　That　was　the　nightmare　that　haunted　him。　A　Caligula；　or　a　Yuri　Vorbarra；　can　rule　a　long　time；　while　the　best　men　hesitate　to　do　what　is　necessary　to　stop　him；　and　the　worst　ones　take　advantage。
　〃The　Emperor　spares　himself　nothing。　Reads　the　reports　over　and　over…he　had　them　all　nearly　word…perfect。　This　wasn't　something　undertaken　lightly；　or　casually。　Wrongly；　perhaps；　but　not　lightly。　He　didn't　want　him　to　die　in　shame；　you　see。　It　was　the　last　gift　he　could　give　him。〃
　She　sat　numbly　hugging　her　knees；　memorizing　his　profile；　as　the　soft　airs　of　the　afternoon　rustled　in　the　woods　and　stirred　the　golden　grasses。
　He　turned　his　face　toward　her。　〃Was　I　wrong；　Cordelia；　to　give　myself　to　this　thing？　If　I　had　not　gone；　he　would　simply　have　had　another。　I've　always　tried　to　walk　the　path　of　honor。　But　what　do　you　do　when　all　choices　are　evil？　Shameful　action；　shameful　inaction；　every　path　leading　to　a　thicket　of　death。〃
　〃You're　asking　me　to　judge　you？〃
　〃Someone　must。〃
　〃I'm　sorry。　I　can　love　you。　I　can　grieve　for　you；　or　with　you。　I　can　share　your　pain。　But　I　cannot　judge　you。〃
　〃Ah。〃　He　turned　on　his　stomach；　and　stared　down　at　the　camp。　〃I　talk　too　much　to　you。　If　my　brain　would　ever　grant　me　release　from　reality；　I　believe　I　would　be　the　babbling　sort　of　madman。〃
　〃You　don't　talk　to　anyone　else　like　that；　do　you？〃　she　asked；　alarmed。
　〃Good　God；　no。　You　are…you　are…I　don't　know　what　you　are。　But　I　need　it。　Will　you　marry　me？〃
　She　sighed；　and　laid　her　head　upon　her　knees；　twisting　a　grass　stem　around　her　fingers。　〃I　love　you。　You　know　that；　I　hope。　But　I　can't　take　Barrayar。　Barrayar　eats　its　children。〃
　〃It　isn't　all　these　damnable　politics。　Some　people　get　through　their　whole　lives　practically　unconscious　of　them。〃
　〃Yes；　but　you're　not　one　of　them。〃
　He　sat　up。　〃I　don't　know　if　I　could　get　a　visa　for　Beta　Colony。〃
　〃Not　this　year；　I　suspect。　Nor　next。　All　Barrayarans　are　considered　war　criminals　there　at　the　moment。　Politically　speaking；　we　haven't　had　this　much　excitement　in　years。　They're　all　a　little　drunk　on　it　just　now。　And　then　there　is　Komarr。〃
　〃I　see。　I　should　have　trouble　getting　a　job　as　a　judo　instructor；　then。　And　I　could　hardly　write　my　memoirs；　all　things　considered。〃
　〃Right　now　I　should　think　you'd　have　trouble　avoiding　lynch　mobs。〃　She　looked　up　at　his　bleak　face。　A　mistake；　it　wrenched　her　heart。　〃I've…got　to　go　home　for　a　while；　anyway。　See　my　family；　and　think　things　through　in　peace　and　quiet。　Maybe　we　can　e　up　with　some　alternate　solution。　We　can　write；　anyway。〃
　〃Yes；　I　suppose。〃　He　stood；　and　helped　her　up。
　〃Where　will　you　be；　after　this？〃　she　asked。　〃You　have　your　rank　back。〃
　〃Well；　I'm　going　to　finish　up　all　this　dirty　work；〃　a　wave　of　his　arm　indicated　the　prison　camp；　and　by　implication　the　whole　Escobaran　adventure；　〃…and　then　I　believe　I　too　shall　go　home。　And　get　drunk。　I　cannot　serve　him　anymore。　He's　used　me　up　on　this。　The　death　of　his　son；　and　the　five　thousand　men　who　escorted　him　to　hell；　will　always　hang　between　us　now。　Vorhalas；　Gottyan。。。〃
　〃Don't　forget　the　Escobarans。　And　a　few　Betans；　too。〃
　〃I　shall　remember　them。〃　He　walked　beside　her　down　the　path。　〃Is　there　anything　you　need；　in　camp？　I've　tried　to　see　that　everything　was　provided　generally；　within　the　limits　of　our　supplies；　but　I　may　have　missed　something。〃
　〃Camp　seems　to　be　all　right；　now。　I　don't　need　anything　special。　All　we　really　need　is　to　go　home。　No…e　to　think　of　it；　I　do　want　a　favor。〃
　〃Name　it；〃　he　said　eagerly。
　〃Lieutenant　Rosemont's　grave。　It　was　never　marked。　I　may　never　get　back　here。　While　it's　still　possible　to　find　the　remains　of　our　camp；　could　you　have　your　people　mark　it？　I　have　all　his　numbers　and　dates。　I　handled　his　personnel　forms　often　enough；　I　still　have　them　memorized。〃
　〃I'll　see　to　it　personally。〃
　〃Wait。〃　He　paused；　and　she　held　out　a　hand　to　him。　His　thick　fingers　engulfed　her　tapering　ones；　his　skin　was　warm　and　dry；　and　scorched　her。　〃Before　we　go　pick　up　poor　Lieutenant　Illyan　again。。。〃
　He　took　her　in　his　arms；　and　they　kissed；　for　the　first　time；　for　a　long　time。
　〃Oh；〃　she　muttered　after。　〃Perhaps　that　was　a　mistake。　It　hurts　so　much　when　you　stop。〃
　〃Well；　let　me。。。〃　His　hand　stroked　her　hair　gently；　then　desperately　wrapped　itself　in　a　shimmering　coil；　they　kissed　again。
　〃Uh；　sir？〃　Lieutenant　Illyan；　ing　up　the　path；　cleared　his　throat　noisily。　〃Had　you　forgotten　the　Staff　conference？〃
　Vorkosigan　put　her　from　him　with　a　sigh。　〃No；　Lieutenant。　I　haven't　forgotten。〃
　〃May　I　congratulate　you；　sir？〃　he　smiled。