lmb.shardsofhonor-第31部分

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his　job；　the　engines　won't　blow　until　you　hit　eight。　Quite　safe。〃　He　glanced　over　his　shoulder。　〃Couer；　scramble　the　courier　crew；　please。　And　get　their　captain　on　the　line；　I　want　to　give　him　his　orders　personally。〃
　modore　Couer's　eyebrows　rose；　but　he　moved　to　obey。
　The　surgeon　lowered　his　voice；　glancing　at　Cordelia。　〃Is　this　Betan　sentimentality　at　work；　sir？　A　little　odd　in　the　Emperor's　service；　don't　you　think？〃
　Vorkosigan　smiled；　narrow…eyed；　and　matched　his　tone。　〃Betan　insubordination；　Doctor？　You　will　oblige　me　by　directing　your　energies　to　carrying　out　your　orders　instead　of　evolving　excuses　why　you　can't。〃
　〃Hell　of　a　lot　easier　just　to　open　the　stopcocks。　And　what　are　you　going　to　do　with　them　once　they're…pleted；　born；　whatever　you　call　it？　Who's　going　to　take　responsibility　for　them　then？　I　can　sympathize　with　your　wish　to　impress　your　girlfriend；　but　think　ahead；　sir！〃
　Vorkosigan's　eyebrows　snapped　together；　and　he　growled；　down　in　his　throat。　The　surgeon　recoiled。　Vorkosigan　buried　the　growl　in　a　throat…clearing　noise；　and　took　a　breath。
　〃That　will　be　my　problem。　My　word。　Your　responsibility　will　end　there。　Twenty…five　minutes；　Doctor。　If　you're　on　time　I　may　let　you　ride　up　on　the　inside　of　the　shuttle。〃　He　grinned　a　small　white　grin；　eloquently　aggressive。　〃You　can　have　three　days　home　leave　after　they're　in　place　at　ImpMil；　if　you　wish。〃
　The　surgeon　shrugged　wry　defeat；　and　vanished　to　collect　his　things。
　Cordelia　looked　after　him　doubtfully。　〃Will　he　be　all　right？〃
　〃Oh；　yes；　it　just　takes　him　a　while　to　turn　his　thinking　around。　By　the　time　they　get　to　Vorbarr　Sultana；　he'll　be　acting　like　he　invented　the　project；　and　the…uterine　replicators。〃　Vorkosigan's　gaze　returned　to　the　float　pallet。　〃Those　are　the　damndest　things。。。〃
　A　guard　entered。　〃Pardon　me；　sir；　but　the　Escobaran　shuttle　pilot　is　asking　for　Captain　Naismith。　They're　ready　to　lift。〃
　Couer　spoke　from　the　munications　monitor。　〃Sir；　I　have　the　courier　captain　on　line。〃
　Cordelia　gave　Vorkosigan　a　look　of　helpless　frustration；　acknowledged　by　a　small　shake　of　his　head；　and　each　turned　wordlessly　to　the　demands　of　duty。　She　left　meditating　on　the　doctor's　parting　shot。　And　we　thought　we　were　being　so　careful。　We　really　must　do　something　about　our　eyes。
　
　
　
　CHAPTER　TWELVE
　She　traveled　home　with　about　200　others；　mostly　Escobarans；　on　a　Tau　Cetan　passenger　liner　hastily　converted　for　the　purpose。　There　was　a　lot　of　time　spent　exchanging　stories　and　sharing　memories　among　the　ex…prisoners；　sessions　subtly　guided；　she　realized　shortly；　by　the　heavy　sprinkling　of　psych　officers　the　Escobarans　had　sent　with　the　ship。　After　a　while　her　silence　about　her　own　experiences　began　to　stand　out；　and　she　learned　to　spot　the　casual…looking　roundup　techniques　for　the　only…apparently…impromptu　group　therapy；　and　make　herself　scarce。
　It　wasn't　enough。　She　found　herself　quietly　but　implacably　pursued　by　a　bright…faced　young　woman　named　Irene；　whom　she　deduced　must　be　assigned　to　her　case。　She　popped　up　at　meals；　in　the　corridors；　in　the　lounges；　always　with　a　novel　excuse　for　starting　a　conversation。　Cordelia　avoided　her　when　she　could；　and　turned　the　conversation　deftly；　or　sometimes　bluntly；　to　other　topics　when　she　couldn't。
　After　another　week　the　girl　disappeared　back　into　the　mob；　but　Cordelia　returned　to　her　cabin　one　day　to　discover　her　roommate　gone　and　replaced　by　another；　a　steady…eyed；　easygoing　older　woman　in　civilian　dress　who　was　not　one　of　the　ex…prisoners。　Cordelia　lay　on　her　bed　glumly　and　watched　her　unpacking。
　〃Hi；　I'm　Joan　Sprague；〃　the　woman　introduced　herself　sunnily。
　Time　to　get　explicit。　〃Good　afternoon；　Dr。　Sprague。　I　am　correct；　I　think；　in　identifying　you　as　Irene's　boss？〃
　Sprague　paused。　〃You're　quite　right。　But　I　prefer　to　keep　things　on　a　casual　basis。〃
　〃No；　you　don't。　You　prefer　to　keep　things　looking　like　they're　on　a　casual　basis。　I　appreciate　the　difference。〃
　〃You　are　a　very　interesting　person；　Captain　Naismith。〃
　〃Yes；　well；　there's　more　of　you　than　there　are　of　me。　Suppose　I　agree　to　talk　to　you。　Will　you　call　off　the　rest　of　your　dogs？〃
　〃I'm　here　for　you　to　talk　to…but　when　you　are　ready。〃
　〃So；　ask　me　what　you　want　to　know。　Let's　get　this　over　with；　so　we　can　both　relax。〃　I　could　use　a　little　therapy；　at　that；　Cordelia　thought　wistfully。　I　feel　so　lousy。。。
　Sprague　seated　herself　on　the　bed；　a　mild　smile　on　her　face　and　the　utmost　attention　in　her　eyes。　〃I　want　to　try　and　help　you　remember　what　happened　during　the　time　you　were　a　prisoner　aboard　the　Barrayaran　flagship。　Getting　it　into　your　consciousness；　however　horrible　it　was；　is　your　first　step　to　healing。〃
　〃Um；　I　think　we　may　be　at　cross…purposes。　I　remember　everything　that　happened　during　that　time　with　the　utmost　clarity。　I　have　no　trouble　getting　it　into　my　consciousness。　What　I　would　like　is　to　get　it　out；　at　least　long　enough　to　sleep　now　and　then。〃
　〃I　see。　Go　on。　Why　don't　you　describe　what　happened？〃
　Cordelia　gave　an　account　of　events；　from　the　time　of　the　wormhole　jump　from　Beta　Colony　until　after　the　murder　of　Vorrutyer；　but　ended　it　before　Vorkosigan's　entrance；　saying　vaguely；　〃I　moved　around　to　different　hiding　places　on　the　ship　for　a　couple　of　days；　but　they　caught　me　in　the　end　and　put　me　back　in　the　brig。〃
　〃So。　You　don't　remember　being　tortured　or　raped　by　Admiral　Vorrutyer；　and　you　don't　remember　killing　him。〃
　〃I　wasn't。　And　I　didn't。　I　thought　I　made　that　clear。〃
　The　doctor　shook　her　head　sorrowfully。　〃It's　reported　you　were　taken　away　from　camp　twice　by　the　Barrayarans。　Do　you　remember　what　happened　during　those　times？〃
　〃Yes；　of　course。〃
　〃Can　you　describe　it？〃
　She　balked。　〃No。〃　The　secret　of　the　Prince's　assassination　would　be　nothing　to　the　Escobarans…they　could　hardly　dislike　the　Barrayarans　any　more　than　they　did　already…but　the　mere　rumor　of　the　truth　could　be　devastating　to　civil　order　on　Barrayar。　Riots；　military　mutiny；　the　downfall　of　Vorkosigan's　Emperor…those　were　just　the　beginnings　of　the　possible　consequences。　If　there　was　a　civil　war　on　Barrayar；　could　Vorkosigan　be　killed　in　it？　God；　please；　thought　Cordelia　wearily；　no　more　death。。。
　Sprague　looked　tremendously　interested。　Cordelia　felt　pounced　on。　She　amended　herself。　〃There　was　an　officer　of　mine；　who　was　killed　during　the　Betan　survey　of　that　planet…you　know　about　that；　I　hope？〃　The　doctor　nodded。　〃They　made　arrangements　to　put　a　marker　on　his　grave；　at　my　request。　That's　all。〃
　〃I　understand；〃　Sprague　sighed。　〃We　had　another　case　like　yours。　The　girl　had　also　been　raped　by　Vorrutyer；　or　some　of　his　men；　and　had　it　covered　up　by　the　Barrayaran　medical　people。　I　suppose　they　were　trying　to　protect　his　reputation。〃
　〃Oh；　I　believe　I　met　her；　aboard　the　flagship。　She　was　in　my　shelter；　too；　right？〃
　Sprague's　surprised　look　confirmed　it；　although　she　made　a　little　vague　gesture　indicating　professional　confidence。
　〃You're　right　about　her；〃　Cordelia　went　on。　〃I'm　glad　she's　getting　what　she　needs。　But　you're　wrong　about　me。　You're　wrong　about　Vorrutyer's　reputation；　too。　The　whole　reason　they　put　out　this　stupid　story　about　me　was　because　they　thought　it　would　look　worse　for　him　to　be　killed　by　a　weak　woman　than　by　one　of　his　own　bat　soldiers。〃
　〃The　physical　evidence　from　your　medical　examination　alone　is　enough　to　make　me　question　that；〃　said　Sprague。
　〃What　physical　evidence？〃　asked　Cordelia；　momentarily　bewildered。
　〃The　evidence　of　torture；〃　the　doctor　replied；　looking　grim；　even　a　little　angry。　Not　angry　at　her；　Cordelia　realized。
　〃What？　I　was　never　tortured！〃
　〃Yes。　An　excellent　cover…up。　Outrageous…but　they　couldn't　hide　the　physical　traces。　Are　you　aware　that　you　had　a　broken　arm；　two　broken　ribs；　numerous　contusions　on　your　neck；　head；　hands；　arms…your　whole　body；　in　fact？　And　your　biochemistry…evidence　of　extreme　stress；　sensory　deprivation；　considerable　weight　loss；　sleep　disorders；　adrenal　excess…shall　I　go　on？〃
　〃Oh；〃　said　Cordelia。　〃That。〃
　〃Oh；　that？〃　echoed　the　doctor；　raising　an　eyebrow。
　〃I　can　explain　that；〃　said　Cordelia　eagerly。　She　laughed　a　little。　〃In　a　way；　I　suppose　I　can　blame　it　on　you　Escobarans。　I　was　in　a　cell　on　the　flagship　during　the　retreat。　It　took　a　hit…shook　everything　around　like　gravel　in　a　can；　including　me。　That's　where　I　got　the　broken　bones　and　so　on。〃
　The　doctor　made　a　note。　〃Very　good。　Very　good　indeed。　Subtle。　But　not　subtle　enough…your　bones　were　broken　on　two　different　occasions。〃
　〃Oh；〃　said　Cordelia。　And　how　am　I　going　to　explain　Bothari；　without　mentioning　Vorkosigan's　cabin？　A　friend　tried　to　strangle　me。。。
　〃I　would　like　you　to　think；〃　said　Dr。　Sprague　carefully；　〃about　the　possibility　of　drug　therapy。　The　Barrayarans　have　done　an　excellent　cover…up　on　you；　even　better　than　the　other；　and　it　took　very　deep　probing　indeed　for　her。　I　think　it's　going　to　be　even　more　necessary　in　your　case。　But　we　must　have　your　voluntary　cooperation。〃
　〃Thank　God　for　that。〃　Cordelia　lay　back　on　her　bed　and　pulled　her　pillow　over　her　face；　thinking　of　drug　therapy。　It　made　her　blood　run　cold。　She　wondered　how　long　she　could　take　deep　probing　for　memories　that　weren't　there　before　she　started　manufacturing　them　to　meet　the　demand。　And　worse：　the　very　first　effect　of　probing　must　be　to　bring　up　those　secret　agonies　that　were　uppermost　on　her　mind…Vorkosigan's　secret　wounds。。。　She　sighed；　removed　the　pillow　from　her　head　and　hugged　it　to　her　chest；　and　looked　up　to　find　Sprague　regarding　her　with　deep　concern。　〃You　still　here？〃
　〃I'll　always　be　here；　Cordelia。〃
　〃That's…what　I　was　afraid　of。〃
　Sprague　got　no　more　from　her　after　that。　She　was　afraid　to　sleep；　now；　for　fear　of　talking　or　even　being　questioned　in　her　sleep。　She　took　little　catnaps；　waking　with　a　start　whenever　there　was　movement　in　the　cabin；　such　as　her　roommate　getting　up　to　go　to　the　bathroom　in　the　night。　Cordelia　did　not　admire　Ezar　Vorbarra's　secret　purposes　in　the　late　war；　but　at　least　they　had　been　acplished。　The　thought　of　all　that　pain　and　death　being　made　vain　as　smoke　haunted　her；　and　she　resolved　that　all　Vorkosigan's　soldiers；　yes；　even　Vorrutyer　and　the　camp　mandant；　would　not　be　made　to　have　died　for　nothing　through　her。
　She　ended　the　trip　far　more　f