lmb.shardsofhonor-第36部分

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　Dr。　Mehta；　without　the　medtech；　acpanied　her　to　her　bedroom。　Opportunity；　thought　Cordelia　dizzily。　〃Ah；　good；〃　she　said；　closing　the　door　behind　the　doctor。　〃We　can　chat　while　I　pack。〃
　Sergeant　Bothari…there　is　a　time　for　words；　and　there　is　a　time　when　even　the　very　best　words　fail。　You　were　a　man　of　very　few　words；　but　you　didn't　fail。　I　wish　I'd　understood　you　better。　Too　late。。。
　Mehta　seated　herself　on　the　bed；　watching　her　specimen；　perhaps；　as　it　wriggled　on　its　pin。　Her　triumph　of　logical　deduction。　Are　you　planning　to　write　a　paper　on　me；　Mehta？　wondered　Cordelia　dourly。　Paper　wraps　stone。。。
　She　puttered　around　the　room；　opening　drawers；　slamming　cabinets。　There　was　a　belt…two　belts…and　a　chain　belt。　There　were　her　identity　cards；　bank　cards；　money。　She　pretended　not　to　see　them。　As　she　moved；　she　talked。　Her　brain　seethed。　Stone　smashes　scissors。。。
　〃You　know　you　remind　me　a　bit　of　the　late　Admiral　Vorrutyer。　You　both　want　to　take　me　apart；　see　what　makes　me　tick。　Vorrutyer　was　more　like　a　little　kid；　though。　Had　no　intention　of　picking　up　his　mess　afterwards。
　〃You；　on　the　other　hand；　will　take　me　apart　and　not　even　get　a　giggle　out　of　it。　Of　course；　you　fully　intend　to　put　the　pieces　back　together　afterwards；　but　from　my　point　of　view　that　scarcely　makes　any　difference。　Aral　was　right　about　people　in　green　silk　rooms。。。〃
　Mehta　looked　puzzled。　〃You've　stopped　stuttering；〃　she　noted。
　〃Yes。。。〃　Cordelia　paused　before　her　aquarium；　considering　it　curiously。　〃So　I　have。　How　strange。〃　Stone　smashes　scissors。。。
　She　removed　the　top。　The　old　familiar　nausea　of　funk　and　fear　wrung　her　stomach。　She　wandered　aimlessly　behind　Mehta；　the　chain　belt　and　a　shirt　in　her　hands。　I　must　choose　now。　I　must　choose　now。　I　choose…now！
　She　lunged；　wrapping　the　belt　around　the　doctor's　throat；　yanking　her　arms　up　behind　her　back；　securing　them　painfully　with　the　other　end　of　the　belt。　Mehta　emitted　a　strangled　squeak。
　Cordelia　held　her　from　behind；　and　whispered　in　her　ear。
　〃In　a　moment　I'll　give　you　your　air　back。　How　long　depends　on　you。　You're　about　to　get　a　short　course　in　the　real　Barrayaran　interrogation　techniques。　I　never　used　to　approve　of　them；　but　lately　I've　e　to　see　they　have　their　uses…when　you're　in　a　tearing　hurry；　for　instance…〃
　Can't　let　her　guess　I'm　playacting。　Playacting。　〃How　many　men　does　Tailor　have　planted　around　this　building；　and　what　are　their　positions？〃
　She　loosened　the　chain　slightly。　Mehta；　eyes　stunned　with　fear；　choked；　〃None！〃
　〃All　Cretans　are　liars；〃　Cordelia　muttered。　〃Bill's　not　inept　either。〃　She　dragged　the　doctor　over　to　the　aquarium　and　pushed　her　face　into　the　water。　She　struggled　wildly；　but　Cordelia；　larger；　stronger；　in　better　training；　held　her　under　with　a　furious　strength　that　astonished　herself。
　Mehta　showed　signs　of　passing　out。　Cordelia　pulled　her　up　and　allowed　her　a　couple　of　breaths。
　〃Care　to　revise　your　estimate　yet？〃　God　help　me；　what　if　this　doesn't　work？　They'll　never　believe　I'm　not　an　agent　now。
　〃Oh；　please；〃　Mehta　gasped。
　〃All　right；　back　you　go。〃　She　held　her　down　again。
　The　water　roiled；　splashing　over　the　sides　of　the　aquarium。　Cordelia　could　see　Mehta's　face　through　the　glass；　strangely　magnified；　deathly　yellow　in　the　odd　reflected　light　from　the　gravel。　Silver　bubbles　broke　around　her　mouth　and　flowed　up　over　her　face。　Cordelia　was　temporarily　fascinated　by　them。　Air　flows　like　water；　underwater；　she　thought；　is　there　an　aesthetic　of　death？
　〃Now。　How　many？　Where？〃
　〃No；　really！〃
　〃Have　another　drink。〃
　At　her　next　breath　Mehta　gasped；　〃You　wouldn't　kill　me！〃
　〃Diagnosis；　Doctor；〃　hissed　Cordelia。　〃Am　I　a　sane　woman；　pretending　to　be　mad；　or　a　madwoman；　pretending　to　be　sane？　Grow　gills！〃　Her　voice　rose　uncontrollably。　She　shoved　Mehta　back　under；　and　found　she　was　holding　her　own　breath。　And　what　if　she's　right　and　I'm　wrong？　What　if　I　am　an　agent；　and　don't　know　it？　How　do　you　tell　a　copy　from　the　original？　Stone　smashes　scissors。。。。
　She　had　a　vision；　trembling　to　her　fingers；　of　holding　the　woman's　head　under；　and　under；　until　her　resistance　drained　away；　until　unconsciousness　took　her；　and　a　full　count　beyond　that　to　assure　brain　death。　Power；　opportunity；　will…she　lacked　nothing。　So　this　is　what　Aral　felt　at　Komarr；　she　thought。　Now　I　understand…no。　Now　I　know。
　〃How　many？　Where？〃
　〃Four；〃　Mehta　croaked。　Cordelia　melted　with　relief。　〃Two　outside　the　foyer。　Two　in　the　garage。〃
　〃Thank　you；〃　said　Cordelia；　automatically　courteous；　but　her　throat　was　tightened　to　a　slit　and　squeezed　her　words　to　a　smear　of　sound。　〃I'm　sorry。。。〃　She　could　not　tell　if　Mehta；　livid；　heard　or　understood。　Paper　wraps　stone。。。
　She　bound　and　gagged　her　as　she　had　once　seen　Vorkosigan　do　Gottyan。　She　shoved　her　down　behind　the　bed；　out　of　sight　from　the　door。　She　stuffed　bank　cards；　IDs；　money；　into　her　pockets。　She　turned　on　the　shower。
　She　tiptoed　out　the　bedroom　door；　breathing　raggedly　through　her　mouth。　She　ached　for　a　minute；　just　one　minute；　to　collect　her　shattered　balance；　but　Tailor　and　the　medtech　were　gone…to　the　kitchen　for　coffee；　probably。　She　dared　not　risk　the　opening　even　to　pause　for　boots。
　No；　God…！　Tailor　was　standing　in　the　archway　to　the　kitchen；　just　raising　a　cup　of　coffee　to　his　lips。　She　froze；　he　went　still；　and　they　stared　at　each　other。
　Her　eyes；　Cordelia　realized；　must　be　huge　as　some　nocturnal　animal's。　She　never　could　control　her　eyes。
　Tailors　mouth　twisted　oddly；　watching　her。　Then；　slowly；　he　raised　his　left　hand　and　saluted　her。　The　incorrect　hand；　but　the　other　was　holding　the　coffee。　He　took　a　sip　of　his　drink；　gaze　steady　over　the　rim　of　his　cup。
　Cordelia　came　gravely　to　attention；　returned　the　salute；　and　slipped　quietly　out　the　apartment　door。
　To　her　temporary　terror；　she　found　a　journalist　and　his　vidman　in　the　hallway；　one　of　the　most　persistent　and　obnoxious；　the　one　she'd　had　thrown　out　of　the　building　yesterday。　She　smiled　at　him；　dizzy　with　exhilaration；　like　a　sky　diver　just　stepping　into　air。
　〃Still　want　to　do　that　interview？〃
　He　jumped　at　the　bait。
　〃Slow　down；　now。　Not　here。　I'm　being　watched；　you　know。〃　She　dropped　her　voice　conspiratorially。　〃The　government's　doing　a　cover…up。　What　I　know　could　blow　the　administration　sky…high。　Things　about　the　prisoners。　You　could…make　your　reputation。〃
　〃Where；　then？〃　He　was　avid。
　〃How　about　the　shuttleport？　Their　bar's　quiet。　I'll　buy　you　a　drink；　and　we　can…plan　our　campaign。〃　Time　ticked　in　her　brain。　She　expected　her　mother's　apartment　door　to　slam　open　any　second。　〃It's　dangerous；　though。　There　are　two　government　agents　up　in　the　foyer　and　two　in　the　garage。　I'd　have　to　get　past　them　without　being　seen。　If　it　were　known　I　was　talking　to　you；　you　might　not　get　a　chance　at　a　second　interview。　No　rough　stuff…just　a　little　quiet　disappearance　in　the　night；　and　the　ripple　of　a　rumor　about　'gone　for　medical　tests。'　Know　what　I　mean？〃　She　was　fairly　sure　he　didn't…his　media　service　dealt　mainly　in　sex　fantasies…but　she　could　see　a　vision　of　journalistic　glory　growing　in　his　face。
　He　turned　to　his　vidman。　〃Jon；　give　her　your　jacket；　your　hat；　and　your　holovid。〃
　She　tucked　her　hair　up　in　the　broad…brimmed　hat；　concealed　her　fatigues　under　the　jacket；　and　carried　the　vid　ostentatiously。　They　took　the　lift　tube　up　to　the　garage。　There　were　two　men　in　blue　uniforms　waiting　by　its　exit。　She　placed　the　vid　casually　on　her　shoulder；　her　arm　half…concealing　her　face；　as　they　walked　past　them　to　the　journalist's　groundcar。
　At　the　shuttleport　bar　she　ordered　drinks；　and　took　a　large　gulp　of　her　own。　〃I'll　be　right　back；〃　she　promised；　and　left　him　sitting　there　with　the　unpaid…for　liquor　in　front　of　him。
　The　next　stop　was　the　ticket　puter。　She　punched　up　the　schedule。　No　passenger　ships　leaving　for　Escobar　for　at　least　six　hours。　Far　too　long。　The　shuttleport　would　surely　be　one　of　the　first　places　searched。　A　woman　in　shuttleport　uniform　walked　past。　Cordelia　collared　her。
　〃Pardon　me。　Could　you　help　me　find　out　something　about　private　freighter　schedules；　or　any　other　private　ships　leaving　soon？〃
　The　woman　frowned；　then　smiled　in　sudden　recognition。　〃You're　Captain　Naismith！〃
　Her　heart　lurched；　and　pounded　drunkenly。　No…steady　on。。。　〃Yes。　Um。。。　The　press　have　been　giving　me　a　rather　hard　time。　I'm　sure　you　understand。〃　Cordelia　gave　the　woman　a　look　that　raised　her　to　an　inner　circle。　〃I　want　to　do　this　quietly。　Maybe　we　could　go　to　an　office？　I　know　you're　not　like　them。　You　have　a　respect　for　privacy。　I　can　see　it　in　your　face。〃
　〃You　can？〃　The　woman　was　flattered　and　excited；　and　led　Cordelia　away。　In　her　office　she　had　access　to　the　full　traffic　control　schedules；　and　Cordelia　keyed　through　them　rapidly。　〃Hm。　This　looks　good。　Starts　for　Escobar　within　the　hour。　Has　the　pilot　gone　up　yet；　do　you　know？〃
　〃That　freighter　isn't　certified　for　passengers。〃
　〃That's　all　right。　I　just　want　to　talk　to　the　pilot。　Personally。　And　privately。　Can　you　catch　him　for　me？〃
　〃I'll　try。〃　She　succeeded。　〃He'll　meet　you　in　Docking　Bay　27。　But　you'll　have　to　hurry。〃
　〃Thanks。　Um。。。　You　know；　the　journalists　have　been　making　my　life　miserable。　They'll　stop　at　nothing。　There's　even　a　pair　who've　gone　so　far　as　to　put　on　Expeditionary　Force　uniforms　to　try　and　get　in。　Call　themselves　Captain　Mehta　and　modore　Tailor。　A　real　pain。　If　any　of　them　e　sniffing　around；　do　you　suppose　you　could　sort　of　forget　you　saw　me？〃
　〃Why；　sure；　Captain　Naismith。〃
　〃Call　me　Cordelia。　You're　first…rate！　Thanks！〃
　
　The　pilot　was　a　very　young　one；　getting　his　first　experience　on　freighters　before　taking　on　the　larger　responsibilities　of　passenger　ships。　He　too　recognized　her；　and　promptly　asked　for　her　autograph。
　〃I　suppose　you're　wondering　why　you　were　chosen；〃　she　began　as　she　wrote　it　out　for　him；　without　the　faintest　idea　of　where　she　was　going；　but　only　with　the　thought　that　he　looked　the　sort　of　person　who　had　never　won　a　contest　in　his　life。
　〃Me；　ma'am？〃
　〃Believe　me；　the　security　people　went　over　your　life　from　end　to　end。　You're　trustworthy。　That's　what　you　are。　Really　trustworthy。〃
　〃Oh…they　can't　have　found　out　about　the　cordolite！〃　Alarm　struggled　with　response　to　flattery。
　〃Resourceful；　too；〃　Cordelia　extem