if.thespywholovedme-第23部分

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s　he　stood　there；　the　sweat　gleaming　on　his　naked　chest；　and　fired；　in　the　classic　stance　of　the　dueler；　as　if　at　a　charging　animal。　I　thought　he　was　going　to　be　mown　down　and　I　began　to　run　across　the　grass　toward　him；　but　then　the　car　veered　away　and；　its　engine　roaring　in　bottom　gear；　made　straight　for　the　lake。
　I　stood　and　watched；　fascinated。　Thereabouts　the　lawn　was　cut　to　the　edge　of　a　low　cliff；　about　twenty　feet　high；　below　which　is　a　fishing　pool；　and　there　were　some　rough…hewn　benches　and　tables　for　people　to　sit　and　picnic。　The　car　tore　on；　and　now；　whether　or　not　it　hit　a　bench；　its　speed　would　certainly　get　it　to　the　lake。　But　it　missed　all　the　benches　and；　as　I　put　my　hand　up　to　my　mouth　in　horrified　excitement；　it　took　off　over　the　edge　and　landed　flat　on　the　water　with　a　giant　splash　and　crash　of　metal　and　glass。　Then；　quite　slowly；　it　sank；　nose　down；　in　a　welter　of　exhaust　gas　and　bubbles；　until　there　was　nothing　left　but　the　trunk　and　a　section　of　the　roof　and　rear　window　slanting　up　toward　the　sky。
　James　Bond　was　still　standing；　gazing　at　the　lake；　when　I　ran　up　to　him　and　threw　my　arms　round　him。　〃Are　you　all　right？　Are　you　hurt？〃
　He　turned　dazedly　toward　me　and　put　his　arm　round　my　waist　and　held　me　tight。　He　said　vaguely；　〃No。　I'm　all　right。〃　He　looked　back　toward　the　lake。　〃I　must　have　bit　the　driver；　the　thin　man。　Killed　him；　and　his　body　jammed　the　accelerator。〃　He　seemed　to　e　to　himself。　He　smiled　tautly。　〃Well；　that's　certainly　tidied　up　the　situation。　No　ragged　edged　to　clean　up。　Dead　and　buried　all　in　one　go。　Can't　say　I'm　sorry。　They　were　a　couple　of　real　thugs。〃　He　let　go　of　me　and　thrust　his　gun　up　into　its　holster。　He　smelled　of　cordite　and　sweat。　It　was　delicious。　I　reached　up　and　kissed　him。
　We　turned　away　and　walked　slowly　across　the　grass。　The　fire　was　only　burning　fitfully　now；　and　the　battlefield　was　almost　dark。　My　watch　said　it　was　three…thirty。　I　suddenly　felt　utterly；　absolutely　finished。
　As　if　echoing　my　thoughts；　James　said；　〃That's　worked　the　Benzedrine　off。　How　about　getting　a　little　sleep？　There　are　still　four　or　five　cabins　in　good　shape。　How　about　2　and　3？　Are　they　desirable　suites？〃
　I　felt　myself　blushing。　I　said　obstinately；　〃I　don't　mind　what　you　think；　James；　but　I'm　not　going　to　leave　you　tonight。　You　can　choose　either　2　or　3。　I'll　sleep　on　the　floor。〃
　He　laughed　and　reached　out　and　hugged　me　to　him。　〃If　you　sleep　on　the　floor；　I'll　sleep　on　the　floor　too。　But　it　seems　rather　a　waste　of　a　fine　double　bed。　Let's　say　Number　3。〃　He　stopped　and　looked　at　me；　pretending　to　be　polite。　〃Or　would　you　rather　have　Number　2？〃
　〃No。　Number　3　would　be　heavenly。〃
　　
　Fourteen：　Bimbo
　
　CABIN　Number　3　was　airless　and　stuffy。　While　James　Bond　collected　our　〃luggage〃　from　among　the　trees；　I　opened　the　glass　slats　of　the　windows　and　turned　down　the　sheets　on　the　double　bed。　I　should　have　felt　embarrassed；　but　I　didn't。　I　just　enjoyed　housekeeping　for　him　by　moonlight。　Then　I　tried　the　shower　and　found　miraculously　that　there　was　still　full　pressure；　though　farther　down　the　line　many　stretches　of　the　pipes　must　have　melted。　The　top　cabins　were　nearer　to　the　main。　I　stripped　off　all　my　clothes　and　made　them　into　a　neat　pile　and　went　into　the　shower　and　opened　a　new　cake　of　Camay　（〃Pamper　your　Guests　with　Pink　Camay…With　a　scent　like　costly　French　Perfume。。。　blended　with　Fine　Cold　Cream〃　I　remembered；　because　it　sounded　so　succulent；　it　said　on　the　packet）　and　began　to　lather　myself　all　over；　gently；　because　of　the　bruises。
　Through　the　noise　of　the　shower；　I　didn't　hear　him　e　into　the　bathroom。　But　suddenly　there　were　two　more　hands　washing　me　and　a　naked　body　was　up　against　mine　and　I　smelled　the　sweat　and　the　gunpowder　and　I　turned　and　laughed　up　into　his　grimy　face　and　then　I　was　in　his　arms　and　our　mouths　met　in　a　kiss　that　seemed　as　if　it　would　never　end　while　the　water　poured　down　and　made　us　shut　our　eyes。
　When　my　breath　was　almost　exhausted；　he　pulled　me　out　from　under　the　shower　and　we　kissed　again；　more　slowly；　while　his　hands　wandered　over　my　body　and　desire　came　in　waves　of　dizziness。　I　simply　couldn't　stand　it。　I　said；　〃Please；　James！　Please　don't！　Or　I　shall　fall　down。　And　be　gentle。　You're　hurting　me。〃
　In　the　moonlit　dusk　of　the　bathroom；　his　eyes　were　only　fierce　slits。　Now　they　relaxed　into　tenderness　and　laughter。　〃I'm　sorry；　Viv。　It's　not　my　fault。　It's　my　hands。　They　won't　stay　away　from　you。　And　they　ought　to　be　washing　me。　I'm　filthy。　You'll　have　to　do　it。　They　won't　obey　me。〃
　I　laughed　up　at　him　and　pulled　him　under　the　shower。　〃All　right；　then。　But　I　shan't　be　gentle。　The　last　time　I　washed　anyone　it　was　a　pony　when　I　was　about　twelve！　Anyway；　I　can　hardly　see　which　bit　of　you's　which！〃　I　got　hold　of　the　soap。　〃Put　your　face　down。　I'll　try　not　to　put　too　much　in　your　eyes。〃
　〃If　you　put　any　in；　I'll…〃　My　hands　stopped　the　rest　of　the　sentence　and　I　set　about　scrubbing　his　face　and　hair　and　then　moved　on　down　his　arms　and　chest；　while　he　stood　bowed　and　holding　with　both　hands　to　the　water　pipe。
　I　stopped。　〃You'll　have　to　do　the　rest。〃
　〃Certainly　not。　And　do　it　properly。　You　never　know。　There　might　be　a　world　war　and　you'd　have　to　be　a　nurse。　You　might　as　well　learn　how　to　wash　a　man。　And　anyway；　what　the　hell's　this　soap？　I　smell　like　Cleopatra。〃
　〃It's　very　good。　It's　got　costly　French　perfume　in　it。　It　says　so　on　the　package。　And　you　smell　delicious。　Much　better　than　your　gunpowder　smell。〃
　He　laughed。　〃Well；　get　on。　But　hurry。〃
　So　I　bent　down　and　began　and　of　course　in　a　minute　we　were　in　each　other's　arms　again　under　the　shower　and　our　bodies　were　slithery　with　water　and　soap　and　he　turned　the　shower　off　and　lifted　me　out　of　the　shower　cabinet　and　began　to　dry　me　lingeringly　with　the　bath　towel　while　I　leaned　back　within　his　free　arm　and　just　let　it　happen。　Then　I　took　the　towel　and　dried　him；　and　then　it　was　silly　to　wait　any　longer　and　he　picked　me　up　in　his　arms　and　carried　me　through　into　the　bedroom　and　laid　me　down　on　the　bed　and　I　watched　through　half…closed　lashes　his　pale　shape　as　he　went　around　drawing　the　curtains　and　locking　up。
　And　then　he　was　lying　beside　me。
　His　hands　and　his　mouth　were　slow　and　electric；　and　his　body　in　my　arms　was　tenderly　fierce。
　Afterward　he　told　me　that　when　the　moment　came　I　screamed。　I　didn't　know　I　had。　I　only　know　that　a　chasm　of　piercing　sweetness　suddenly　opened　and　drowned　me　and　that　I　dug　my　nails　into　his　hips　to　make　sure　of　taking　him　with　me。　Then　he　sleepily　said　some　sweet　things　and　kissed　me　once　and　his　body　slithered　away　and　lay　still　and　I　stayed　on　my　back　and　gazed　up　into　the　red　darkness　and　listened　to　his　breathing。
　
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　I　had　never　before　made　love；　full　love；　with　my　heart　as　well　as　my　body。　It　had　been　sweet　with　Derek；　cold　and　satisfying　with　Kurt。　But　this　was　something　different。　At　last　I　realized　what　this　thing　could　be　in　one's　life。
　I　think　I　know　why　I　gave　myself　so　pletely　to　this　man；　how　I　was　capable　of　it　with　someone　I　had　met　only　six　hours　before。　Apart　from　the　excitement　of　his　looks；　his　authority；　his　maleness；　he　had　e　from　nowhere；　like　the　prince　in　the　fairy　tales；　and　he　had　saved　me　from　the　dragon。　But　for　him；　I　would　now　be　dead；　after　suffering　God　knows　what　before。　He　could　have　changed　the　wheel　on　his　car　and　gone　off；　or；　when　danger　came；　he　could　have　saved　his　own　skin。　But　he　had　fought　for　my　life　as　if　it　had　been　his　own。　And　then；　when　the　dragon　was　dead；　he　had　taken　me　as　his　reward。　In　a　few　hours；　I　knew；　he　would　be　gone…without　protestations　of　love；　without　apologies　or　excuses。　And　that　would　be　the　end　of　that…gone；　finished。
　All　women　love　semi…rape。　They　love　to　be　taken。　It　was　his　sweet　brutality　against　my　bruised　body　that　had　made　his　act　of　love　so　piercingly　wonderful。　That　and　the　coinciding　of　nerves　pletely　relaxed　after　the　removal　of　tension　and　danger；　the　warmth　of　gratitude；　and　a　woman's　natural　feeling　for　her　hero。　I　had　no　regrets　and　no　shame。　There　might　be　many　consequences　for　me…　not　the　least　that　I　might　now　be　dissatisfied　with　other　men。　But　whatever　my　troubles　were；　he　would　never　hear　of　them。　I　would　not　pursue　him　and　try　to　repeat　what　there　had　been　between　us。　I　would　stay　away　from　him　and　leave　him　to　go　his　own　road；　where　there　would　be　other　women；　countless　other　women；　who　would　probably　give　him　as　much　physical　pleasure　as　he　had　had　with　me。　I　wouldn't　care；　or　at　least　I　told　myself　that　I　wouldn't　care；　because　none　of　them　would　ever　own　him…own　any　larger　piece　of　him　than　I　now　did。　And　for　all　my　life　I　would　be　grateful　to　him；　for　everything。　And　I　would　remember　him　forever　as　my　image　of　a　man。
　How　silly　could　one　be？　What　was　there　to　dramatize　about　this　naked　male　person　lying　beside　me？　He　was　just　a　professional　agent　who　had　done　his　job。　He　was　trained　to　fire　guns；　to　kill　people。　What　was　so　wonderful　about　that？　Brave；　strong；　ruthless　with　women…these　were　the　qualities　that　went　with　his　calling；　what　he　was　paid　to　be。　He　was　only　some　kind　of　spy；　a　spy　who　had　loved　me。　Not　even　loved；　slept　with。　Why　should　I　make　him　my　hero；　swear　never　to　forget　him？　I　suddenly　had　an　impulse　to　wake　him　up　and　ask　him：　〃Can　you　be　nice？　Can　you　be　kind？〃
　I　turned　over　on　my　side。　He　was　asleep；　breathing　quietly；　his　head　resting　on　his　outflung　left　forearm；　his　right　arm　tucked　under　the　pillow。　Again　the　moon　outside　was　bright。　Red　light　filtered　through　the　curtains；　mixing　the　black　shadows　of　his　body　with　shining　crimson　highlights。　I　bent　closely　over　him；　breathing　in　his　male…ness；　longing　to　touch　him；　to　run　my　hand　down　his　sunburned　back　to　where　the　brown　became　abruptly　white　where　his　summer　bathing…trunks　had　been。
　After　looking　long　at　him；　I　lay　back。　No；　he　was　as　I　had　thought　him　to　be。　Yes；　this　was　a　man　to　love。
　
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　The　red　curtains　at　the　other　end　of　the　room　were　moving。　Through　half…sleeping　eyes　I　wondered　why。　Outside；　the　wind　had　dropped　and　there　was　no　sound。　Lazily　I　raised　my　eyes　to　look　above　me。　The　curtains　at　this　end　of　the　room；　above　our　bed；　were　motionless。　There　must　be　a　small　breeze　ing　off　the　lake。　e　on！　For　heaven's　sake　go　to　sleep！