da.thehitchhikersguidetothegalaxy-第10部分

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lanet　demolished　today。　I　woke　up　this　morning　and　thought　I'd　have　a　nice　relaxed　day；　do　a　bit　of　reading；　brush　the　dog。。。　It's　now　just　after　four　in　the　afternoon　and　I'm　already　thrown　out　of　an　alien　spaceship　six　light　years　from　the　smoking　remains　of　the　Earth！〃　He　spluttered　and　gurgled　as　the　Vogon　tightened　his　grip。
　　〃Alright；〃　said　Ford；　〃just　stop　panicking。〃
　　〃Who　said　anything　about　panicking？〃　snapped　Arthur。　〃This　is　still　just　the　culture　shock。　You　wait　till　I've　settled　down　into　the　situation　and　found　my　bearings。　Then　I'll　start　panicking。〃
　　〃Arthur　you're　getting　hysterical。　Shut　up！〃　Ford　tried　desperately　to　think；　but　was　interrupted　by　the　guard　shouting　again。
　　〃Resistance　is　useless！〃
　　〃And　you　can　shut　up　as　well！〃　snapped　Ford。
　　〃Resistance　is　useless！〃
　　〃Oh　give　it　a　rest；〃　said　Ford。　He　twisted　his　head　till　he　was　looking　straight　up　into　his　captor's　face。　A　thought　struck　him。
　　〃Do　you　really　enjoy　this　sort　of　thing？〃　he　asked　suddenly。
　　The　Vogon　stopped　dead　and　a　look　of　immense　stupidity　seeped　slowly　over　his　face。
　　〃Enjoy？〃　he　boomed。　〃What　do　you　mean？〃
　　〃What　I　mean；〃　said　Ford；　〃is　does　it　give　you　a　full　satisfying　life？　Stomping　around；　shouting；　pushing　people　out　of　spaceships。。。〃
　　The　Vogon　stared　up　at　the　low　steel　ceiling　and　his　eyebrows　almost　rolled　over　each　other。　His　mouth　slacked。　Finally　he　said；　〃Well　the　hours　are　good。。。〃
　　〃They'd　have　to　be；〃　agreed　Ford。
　　Arthur　twisted　his　head　to　look　at　Ford。
　　〃Ford；　what　are　you　doing？〃　he　asked　in　an　amazed　whisper。
　　〃Oh；　just　trying　to　take　an　interest　in　the　world　around　me；　OK？〃　he　said。　〃So　the　hours　are　pretty　good　then？〃　he　resumed。
　　The　Vogon　stared　down　at　him　as　sluggish　thoughts　moiled　around　in　the　murky　depths。
　　〃Yeah；〃　he　said；　〃but　now　you　e　to　mention　it；　most　of　the　actual　minutes　are　pretty　lousy。　Except。。。〃　he　thought　again；　which　required　looking　at　the　ceiling　…　〃except　some　of　the　shouting　I　quite　like。〃　He　filled　his　lungs　and　bellowed；　〃Resistance　is。。。〃
　　〃Sure；　yes；〃　interrupted　Ford　hurriedly；　〃you're　good　at　that；　I　can　tell。　But　if　it's　mostly　lousy；〃　he　said；　slowly　giving　the　words　time　to　reach　their　mark；　〃then　why　do　you　do　it？　What　is　it？　The　girls？　The　leather？　The　machismo？　Or　do　you　just　find　that　ing　to　terms　with　the　mindless　tedium　of　it　all　presents　an　interesting　challenge？〃
　　〃Er。。。〃　said　the　guard；　〃er。。。　er。。。　I　dunno。　I　think　I　just　sort　of。。。　do　it　really。　My　aunt　said　that　spaceship　guard　was　a　good　career　for　a　young　Vogon　…　you　know；　the　uniform；　the　low…slung　stun　ray　holster；　the　mindless　tedium。。。〃
　　〃There　you　are　Arthur；〃　said　Ford　with　the　air　of　someone　reaching　the　conclusion　of　his　argument；　〃you　think　you've　got　problems。〃
　　Arthur　rather　thought　he　had。　Apart　from　the　unpleasant　business　with　his　home　planet　the　Vogon　guard　had　half…throttled　him　already　and　he　didn't　like　the　sound　of　being　thrown　into　space　very　much。
　　〃Try　and　understand　his　problem；〃　insisted　Ford。　〃Here　he　is　poor　lad；　his　entire　life's　work　is　stamping　around；　throwing　people　off　spaceships。。。〃
　　〃And　shouting；〃　added　the　guard。
　　〃And　shouting；　sure；〃　said　Ford　patting　the　blubbery　arm　clamped　round　his　neck　in　friendly　condescension；　〃。。。　and　he　doesn't　even　know　why　he's　doing　it！〃
　　Arthur　agreed　this　was　very　sad。　He　did　this　with　a　small　feeble　gesture；　because　he　was　too　asphyxicated　to　speak。
　　Deep　rumblings　of　bemusement　came　from　the　guard。
　　〃Well。　Now　you　put　it　like　that　I　suppose。。。〃
　　〃Good　lad！〃　encouraged　Ford。
　　〃But　alright；〃　went　on　the　rumblings；　〃so　what's　the　alternative？〃
　　〃Well；〃　said　Ford；　brightly　but　slowly；　〃stop　doing　it　of　course！　Tell　them；〃　he　went　on；　〃you're　not　going　to　do　it　anymore。〃　He　felt　he　had　to　add　something　to　that；　but　for　the　moment　the　guard　seemed　to　have　his　mind　occupied　pondering　that　much。
　　〃Eerrrrrrmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm。。。〃　said　the　guard；　〃erm；　well　that　doesn't　sound　that　great　to　me。〃
　　Ford　suddenly　felt　the　moment　slipping　away。
　　〃Now　wait　a　minute；〃　he　said；　〃that's　just　the　start　you　see；　there's　more　to　it　than　that　you　see。。。〃
　　But　at　that　moment　the　guard　renewed　his　grip　and　continued　his　original　purpose　of　lugging　his　prisoners　to　the　airlock。　He　was　obviously　quite　touched。
　　〃No；　I　think　if　it's　all　the　same　to　you；〃　he　said；　〃I'd　better　get　you　both　shoved　into　this　airlock　and　then　go　and　get　on　with　some　other　bits　of　shouting　I've　got　to　do。〃
　　It　wasn't　all　the　same　to　Ford　Prefect　after　all。
　　〃e　on　now。。。　but　look！〃　he　said；　less　slowly；　less　brightly。
　　〃Huhhhhgggggggnnnnnnn。。。〃　said　Arthur　without　any　clear　inflection。
　　〃But　hang　on；〃　pursued　Ford；　〃there's　music　and　art　and　things　to　tell　you　about　yet！　Arrrggghhh！〃
　　〃Resistance　is　useless；〃　bellowed　the　guard；　and　then　added；　〃You　see　if　I　keep　it　up　I　can　eventually　get　promoted　to　Senior　Shouting　Officer；　and　there　aren't　usually　many　vacancies　for　non…shouting　and　non…pushing…people…about　officers；　so　I　think　I'd　better　stick　to　what　I　know。〃
　　They　had　now　reached　the　airlock　…　a　large　circular　steel　hatchway　of　massive　strength　and　weight　let　into　the　inner　skin　of　the　craft。　The　guard　operated　a　control　and　the　hatchway　swung　smoothly　open。
　　〃But　thanks　for　taking　an　interest；〃　said　the　Vogon　guard。　〃Bye　now。〃　He　flung　Ford　and　Arthur　through　the　hatchway　into　the　small　chamber　within。　Arthur　lay　panting　for　breath。　Ford　scrambled　round　and　flung　his　shoulder　uselessly　against　the　reclosing　hatchway。
　　〃But　listen；〃　he　shouted　to　the　guard；　〃there's　a　whole　world　you　don't　know　anything　about。。。　here　how　about　this？〃　Desperately　he　grabbed　for　the　only　bit　of　culture　he　knew　offhand　…　he　hummed　the　first　bar　of　Beethoven's　Fifth。
　　〃Da　da　da　dum！　Doesn't　that　stir　anything　in　you？〃
　　〃No；〃　said　the　guard；　〃not　really。　But　I'll　mention　it　to　my　aunt。〃
　　If　he　said　anything　further　after　that　it　was　lost。　The　hatchway　sealed　itself　tight；　and　all　sound　was　lost　but　the　faint　distant　hum　of　the　ship's　engines。
　　They　were　in　a　brightly　polished　cylindrical　chamber　about　six　feet　in　diameter　and　ten　feet　long。
　　〃Potentially　bright　lad　I　thought；〃　he　said　and　slumped　against　the　curved　wall。
　　Arthur　was　still　lying　in　the　curve　of　the　floor　where　he　had　fallen。　He　didn't　look　up。　He　just　lay　panting。
　　〃We're　trapped　now　aren't　we？〃
　　〃Yes；〃　said　Ford；　〃we're　trapped。〃
　　〃Well　didn't　you　think　of　anything？　I　thought　you　said　you　were　going　to　think　of　something。　Perhaps　you　thought　of　something　and　didn't　notice。〃
　　〃Oh　yes；　I　thought　of　something；〃　panted　Ford。　Arthur　looked　up　expectantly。
　　〃But　unfortunately；〃　continued　Ford；　〃it　rather　involved　being　on　the　other　side　of　this　airtight　hatchway。〃　He　kicked　the　hatch　they'd　just　been　through。
　　〃But　it　was　a　good　idea　was　it？〃
　　〃Oh　yes；　very　neat。〃
　　〃What　was　it？〃
　　〃Well　I　hadn't　worked　out　the　details　yet。　Not　much　point　now　is　there？〃
　　〃So。。。　er；　what　happens　next？〃
　　〃Oh；　er；　well　the　hatchway　in　front　of　us　will　open　automatically　in　a　few　moments　and　we　will　shoot　out　into　deep　space　I　expect　and　asphyxicate。　If　you　take　a　lungful　of　air　with　you　you　can　last　for　up　to　thirty　seconds　of　course。。。〃　said　Ford。　He　stuck　his　hands　behind　his　back；　raised　his　eyebrows　and　started　to　hum　an　old　Betelgeusian　battle　hymn。　To　Arthur's　eyes　he　suddenly　looked　very　alien。
　　〃So　this　is　it；〃　said　Arthur；　〃we're　going　to　die。〃
　　〃Yes；〃　said　Ford；　〃except。。。　no！　Wait　a　minute！〃　he　suddenly　lunged　across　the　chamber　at　something　behind　Arthur's　line　of　vision。　〃What's　this　switch？〃　he　cried。
　　〃What？　Where？〃　cried　Arthur　twisting　round。
　　〃No；　I　was　only　fooling；〃　said　Ford；　〃we　are　going　to　die　after　all。〃
　　He　slumped　against　the　wall　again　and　carried　on　the　tune　from　where　he　left　off。
　　〃You　know；〃　said　Arthur；　〃it's　at　times　like　this；　when　I'm　trapped　in　a　Vogon　airlock　with　a　man　from　Betelgeuse；　and　about　to　die　of　asphyxication　in　deep　space　that　I　really　wish　I'd　listened　to　what　my　mother　told　me　when　I　was　young。〃
　　〃Why；　what　did　she　tell　you？〃
　　〃I　don't　know；　I　didn't　listen。〃
　　〃Oh。〃　Ford　carried　on　humming。
　　〃This　is　terrific；〃　Arthur　thought　to　himself；　〃Nelson's　Column　has　gone；　McDonald's　have　gone；　all　that's　left　is　me　and　the　words　Mostly　Harmless。　Any　second　now　all　that　will　be　left　is　Mostly　Harmless。　And　yesterday　the　planet　seemed　to　be　going　so　well。〃
　　A　motor　whirred。
　　A　slight　hiss　built　into　a　deafening　roar　of　rushing　air　as　the　outer　hatchway　opened　on　to　an　empty　blackness　studded　with　tiny　impossibly　bright　points　of　light。　Ford　and　Arthur　popped　into　outer　space　like　corks　from　a　toy　gun。
　　
　　
　　　Chapter　8
　　
　　The　Hitch　Hiker's　Guide　to　the　Galaxy　is　a　wholly　remarkable　book。　It　has　been　piled　and　repiled　many　times　over　many　years　and　under　many　different　editorships。　It　contains　contributions　from　countless　numbers　of　travellers　and　researchers。
　　The　introduction　begins　like　this：
　　〃Space；〃　it　says；　〃is　big。　Really　big。　You　just　won't　believe　how　vastly　hugely　mindboggingly　big　it　is。　I　mean　you　may　think　it's　a　long　way　down　the　road　to　the　chemist；　but　that's　just　peanuts　to　space。　Listen。。。〃　and　so　on。
　　（After　a　while　the　style　settles　down　a　bit　and　it　begins　to　tell　you　things　you　really　need　to　know；　like　the　fact　that　the　fabulously　beautiful　planet　Bethselamin　is　now　so　worried　about　the　cumulative　erosion　by　ten　billion　visiting　tourists　a　year　that　any　net　imbalance　between　the　amount　you　eat　and　the　amount　you　excrete　whilst　on　the　planet　is　surgically　removed　from　your　bodyweight　when　you　leave：　so　every　time　you　go　to　the　lavatory　it　is　vitally　important　to　get　a　receipt。）
　　To　be　fair　though；　when　confronted　by　the　sheer　enormity　of　distances　between　the　stars；　better　minds　than　the　one　responsible　for　the　Guide's　introduction　have　faltered。　Some　invite　you　to　consider　for　a　moment　a　peanut　in　reading　and　a　small　walnut　in　Johannesburg；　and　other　such　dizzying　concepts。
　　The　simple　truth　is　that　interstellar　distances　will　not　fit　into　the　human　imagination。
　　Even　light；　which　travels　so