da.thehitchhikersguidetothegalaxy-第11部分

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　　The　simple　truth　is　that　interstellar　distances　will　not　fit　into　the　human　imagination。
　　Even　light；　which　travels　so　fast　that　it　takes　most　races　thousands　of　years　to　realize　that　it　travels　at　all；　takes　time　to　journey　between　the　stars。　It　takes　eight　minutes　from　the　star　Sol　to　the　place　where　the　Earth　used　to　be；　and　four　years　more　to　arrive　at　Sol's　nearest　stellar　neighbour；　Alpha　Proxima。
　　For　light　to　reach　the　other　side　of　the　Galaxy；　for　it　to　reach　Damogran　for　instance；　takes　rather　longer：　five　hundred　thousand　years。
　　The　record　for　hitch　hiking　this　distance　is　just　under　five　years；　but　you　don't　get　to　see　much　on　the　way。
　　The　Hitch　Hiker's　Guide　to　the　Galaxy　says　that　if　you　hold　a　lungful　of　air　you　can　survive　in　the　total　vacuum　of　space　for　about　thirty　seconds。　However　it　goes　on　to　say　that　what　with　space　being　the　mind　boggling　size　it　is　the　chances　of　getting　picked　up　by　another　ship　within　those　thirty　seconds　are　two　to　the　power　of　two　hundred　and　sixty…seven　thousand　seven　hundred　and　nine　to　one　against。
　　By　a　totally　staggering　coincidence　that　is　also　the　telephone　number　of　an　Islington　flat　where　Arthur　once　went　to　a　very　good　party　and　met　a　very　nice　girl　whom　he　totally　failed　to　get　off　with　…　she　went　off　with　a　gatecrasher。
　　Though　the　planet　Earth；　the　Islington　flat　and　the　telephone　have　all　now　been　demolished；　it　is　forting　to　reflect　that　they　are　all　in　some　small　way　memorated　by　the　fact　that　twenty…nine　seconds　later　Ford　and　Arthur　were　rescued。
　　
　　
　　　Chapter　9
　　
　　A　puter　chatted　to　itself　in　alarm　as　it　noticed　an　airlock　open　and　close　itself　for　no　apparent　reason。
　　This　was　because　Reason　was　in　fact　out　to　lunch。
　　A　hole　had　just　appeared　in　the　Galaxy。　It　was　exactly　a　nothingth　of　a　second　long；　a　nothingth　of　an　inch　wide；　and　quite　a　lot　of　million　light　years　from　end　to　end。
　　As　it　closed　up　lots　of　paper　hats　and　party　balloons　fell　out　of　it　and　drifted　off　through　the　universe。　A　team　of　seven　three…foot…high　market　analysts　fell　out　of　it　and　died；　partly　of　asphyxication；　partly　of　surprise。
　　Two　hundred　and　thirty…nine　thousand　lightly　fried　eggs　fell　out　of　it　too；　materializing　in　a　large　woobly　heap　on　the　famine…struck　land　of　Poghril　in　the　Pansel　system。
　　The　whole　Poghril　tribe　had　died　out　from　famine　except　for　one　last　man　who　died　of　cholesterol　poisoning　some　weeks　later。
　　The　nothingth　of　a　second　for　which　the　hole　existed　reverberated　backwards　and　forwards　through　time　in　a　most　improbable　fashion。　Somewhere　in　the　deeply　remote　past　it　seriously　traumatized　a　small　random　group　of　atoms　drifting　through　the　empty　sterility　of　space　and　made　them　cling　together　in　the　most　extraordinarily　unlikely　patterns。　These　patterns　quickly　learnt　to　copy　themselves　（this　was　part　of　what　was　so　extraordinary　of　the　patterns）　and　went　on　to　cause　massive　trouble　on　every　planet　they　drifted　on　to。　That　was　how　life　began　in　the　Universe。
　　Five　wild　Event　Maelstroms　swirled　in　vicious　storms　of　unreason　and　spewed　up　a　pavement。
　　On　the　pavement　lay　Ford　Prefect　and　Arthur　Dent　gulping　like　half…spent　fish。
　　〃There　you　are；〃　gasped　Ford；　scrabbling　for　a　fingerhold　on　the　pavement　as　it　raced　through　the　Third　Reach　of　the　Unknown；　〃I　told　you　I'd　think　of　something。〃
　　〃Oh　sure；〃　said　Arthur；　〃sure。〃
　　〃Bright　idea　of　mine；〃　said　Ford；　〃to　find　a　passing　spaceship　and　get　rescued　by　it。〃
　　The　real　universe　arched　sickeningly　away　beneath　them。　Various　pretend　ones　flitted　silently　by；　like　mountain　goats。　Primal　light　exploded；　splattering　space…time　as　with　gobbets　of　junket。　Time　blossomed；　matter　shrank　away。　The　highest　prime　number　coalesced　quietly　in　a　corner　and　hid　itself　away　for　ever。
　　〃Oh　e　off　it；〃　said　Arthur；　〃the　chances　against　it　were　astronomical。〃
　　〃Don't　knock　it；　it　worked；〃　said　Ford。　〃What　sort　of　ship　are　we　in？〃　asked　Arthur　as　the　pit　of　eternity　yawned　beneath　them。
　　〃I　don't　know；〃　said　Ford；　〃I　haven't　opened　my　eyes　yet。〃
　　〃No；　nor　have　I；〃　said　Arthur。
　　The　Universe　jumped；　froze；　quivered　and　splayed　out　in　several　unexpected　directions。
　　Arthur　and　Ford　opened　their　eyes　and　looked　about　in　considerable　surprise。
　　〃Good　god；〃　said　Arthur；　〃it　looks　just　like　the　sea　front　at　Southend。〃
　　〃Hell；　I'm　relieved　to　hear　you　say　that；〃　said　Ford。
　　〃Why？〃
　　〃Because　I　thought　I　must　be　going　mad。〃
　　〃Perhaps　you　are。　Perhaps　you　only　thought　I　said　it。〃
　　Ford　thought　about　this。
　　〃Well；　did　you　say　it　or　didn't　you？〃　he　asked。
　　〃I　think　so；〃　said　Arthur。
　　〃Well；　perhaps　we're　both　going　mad。〃
　　〃Yes；〃　said　Arthur；　〃we'd　be　mad；　all　things　considered；　to　think　this　was　Southend。〃
　　〃Well；　do　you　think　this　is　Southend？〃
　　〃Oh　yes。〃
　　〃So　do　I。〃
　　〃Therefore　we　must　be　mad。〃
　　〃Nice　day　for　it。〃
　　〃Yes；〃　said　a　passing　maniac。
　　〃Who　was　that？〃　asked　Arthur
　　〃Who　…　the　man　with　the　five　heads　and　the　elderberry　bush　full　of　kippers？〃
　　〃Yes。〃
　　〃I　don't　know。　Just　someone。〃
　　〃Ah。〃
　　They　both　sat　on　the　pavement　and　watched　with　a　certain　unease　as　huge　children　bounced　heavily　along　the　sand　and　wild　horses　thundered　through　the　sky　taking　fresh　supplies　of　reinforced　railings　to　the　Uncertain　Areas。
　　〃You　know；〃　said　Arthur　with　a　slight　cough；　〃if　this　is　Southend；　there's　something　very　odd　about　it。。。〃
　　〃You　mean　the　way　the　sea　stays　steady　and　the　buildings　keep　washing　up　and　down？〃　said　Ford。　〃Yes　I　thought　that　was　odd　too。　In　fact；〃　he　continued　as　with　a　huge　bang　Southend　split　itself　into　six　equal　segments　which　danced　and　span　giddily　round　each　other　in　lewd　and　licentious　formation；　〃there　is　something　altogether　very　strange　going　on。〃
　　Wild　yowling　noises　of　pipes　and　strings　seared　through　the　wind；　hot　doughnuts　popped　out　of　the　road　for　ten　pence　each；　horrid　fish　stormed　out　of　the　sky　and　Arthur　and　Ford　decided　to　make　a　run　for　it。
　　They　plunged　through　heavy　walls　of　sound；　mountains　of　archaic　thought；　valleys　of　mood　music；　bad　shoe　sessions　and　footling　bats　and　suddenly　heard　a　girl's　voice。
　　It　sounded　quite　a　sensible　voice；　but　it　just　said；　〃Two　to　the　power　of　one　hundred　thousand　to　one　against　and　falling；〃　and　that　was　all。
　　Ford　skidded　down　a　beam　of　light　and　span　round　trying　to　find　a　source　for　the　voice　but　could　see　nothing　he　could　seriously　believe　in。
　　〃What　was　that　voice？〃　shouted　Arthur。
　　〃I　don't　know；〃　yelled　Ford；　〃I　don't　know。　It　sounded　like　a　measurement　of　probability。〃
　　〃Probability？　What　do　you　mean？〃
　　〃Probability。　You　know；　like　two　to　one；　three　to　one；　five　to　four　against。　It　said　two　to　the　power　of　one　hundred　thousand　to　one　against。　That's　pretty　improbable　you　know。〃
　　A　million…gallon　vat　of　custard　upended　itself　over　them　without　warning。
　　〃But　what　does　it　mean？〃　cried　Arthur。
　　〃What；　the　custard？〃
　　〃No；　the　measurement　of　probability！〃
　　〃I　don't　know。　I　don't　know　at　all。　I　think　we're　on　some　kind　of　spaceship。〃
　　〃I　can　only　assume；〃　said　Arthur；　〃that　this　is　not　the　first…class　partment。〃
　　Bulges　appeared　in　the　fabric　of　space…time。　Great　ugly　bulges。
　　〃Haaaauuurrgghhh。。。〃　said　Arthur　as　he　felt　his　body　softening　and　bending　in　unusual　directions。　〃Southend　seems　to　be　melting　away。。。　the　stars　are　swirling。。。　a　dustbowl。。。　my　legs　are　drifting　off　into　the　sunset。。。　my　left　arm's　e　off　too。〃　A　frightening　thought　struck　him：　〃Hell；〃　he　said；　〃how　am　I　going　to　operate　my　digital　watch　now？〃　He　wound　his　eyes　desperately　around　in　Ford's　direction。
　　〃Ford；〃　he　said；　〃you're　turning　into　a　penguin。　Stop　it。〃
　　Again　came　the　voice。
　　〃Two　to　the　power　of　seventy…five　thousand　to　one　against　and　falling。〃
　　Ford　waddled　around　his　pond　in　a　furious　circle。　〃Hey；　who　are　you；〃　he　quacked。　〃Where　are　you？　What's　going　on　and　is　there　any　way　of　stopping　it？〃
　　〃Please　relax；〃　said　the　voice　pleasantly；　like　a　stewardess　in　an　airliner　with　only　one　wing　and　two　engines　one　of　which　is　on　fire；　〃you　are　perfectly　safe。〃
　　〃But　that's　not　the　point！〃　raged　Ford。　〃The　point　is　that　I　am　now　a　perfectly　safe　penguin；　and　my　colleague　here　is　rapidly　running　out　of　limbs！〃
　　〃It's　alright；　I've　got　them　back　now；〃　said　Arthur。
　　〃Two　to　the　power　of　fifty　thousand　to　one　against　and　falling；〃　said　the　voice。
　　〃Admittedly；〃　said　Arthur；　〃they're　longer　than　I　usually　like　them；　but。。。〃
　　〃Isn't　there　anything；〃　squawked　Ford　in　avian　fury；　〃you　feel　you　ought　to　be　telling　us？〃
　　The　voice　cleared　its　throat。　A　giant　petit　four　lolloped　off　into　the　distance。
　　〃Wele；〃　the　voice　said；　〃to　the　Starship　Heart　of　Gold。〃
　　The　voice　continued。
　　〃Please　do　not　be　alarmed；〃　it　said；　〃by　anything　you　see　or　hear　around　you。　You　are　bound　to　feel　some　initial　ill　effects　as　you　have　been　rescued　from　certain　death　at　an　improbability　level　of　two　to　the　power　of　two　hundred　and　seventy…six　thousand　to　one　against　…　possibly　much　higher。　We　are　now　cruising　at　a　level　of　two　to　the　power　of　twenty…five　thousand　to　one　against　and　falling；　and　we　will　be　restoring　normality　just　as　soon　as　we　are　sure　what　is　normal　anyway。　Thank　you。　Two　to　the　power　of　twenty　thousand　to　one　against　and　falling。〃
　　The　voice　cut　out。　Ford　and　Arthur　were　in　a　small　luminous　pink　cubicle。　Ford　was　wildly　excited。　〃Arthur！〃　he　said；　〃this　is　fantastic！　We've　been　picked　up　by　a　ship　powered　by　the　Infinite　Improbability　Drive！　This　is　incredible！　I　heard　rumors　about　it　before！　They　were　all　officially　denied；　but　they　must　have　done　it！　They've　built　the　Improbability　Drive！　Arthur；　this　is。。。　Arthur？　What's　happening？〃
　　Arthur　had　jammed　himself　against　the　door　to　the　cubicle；　trying　to　hold　it　closed；　but　it　was　ill　fitting。　Tiny　furry　little　hands　were　squeezing　themselves　through　the　cracks；　their　fingers　were　inkstained；　tiny　voices　chattered　insanely。
　　Arthur　looked　up。　〃Ford！〃　he　said；　〃there's　an　infinite　number　of　monkeys　outside　who　want　to　talk　to　us　about　this　script　for　Hamlet　they've　worked　out。〃
　　
　　
　　　Chapter　10
　　
　　The　Infinite　Improbabil