da.thehitchhikersguidetothegalaxy-第12部分

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orked　out。〃
　　
　　
　　　Chapter　10
　　
　　The　Infinite　Improbability　Drive　is　a　wonderful　new　method　of　crossing　vast　interstellar　distances　in　a　mere　nothingth　of　a　second；　without　all　that　tedious　mucking　about　in　hyperspace。
　　It　was　discovered　by　a　lucky　chance；　and　then　developed　into　a　governable　form　of　propulsion　by　the　Galactic　Government's　research　team　on　Damogran。
　　This；　briefly；　is　the　story　of　its　discovery。　The　principle　of　generating　small　amounts　of　finite　improbability　by　simply　hooking　the　logic　circuits　of　a　Bambleweeny　57　Sub…Meson　Brain　to　an　atomic　vector　plotter　suspended　in　a　strong　Brownian　Motion　producer　（say　a　nice　hot　cup　of　tea）　were　of　course　well　understood　…　and　such　generators　were　often　used　to　break　the　ice　at　parties　by　making　all　the　molecules　in　the　hostess's　undergarments　leap　simultaneously　one　foot　to　the　left；　in　accordance　with　the　Theory　of　Indeterminacy。
　　Many　respectable　physicists　said　that　they　weren't　going　to　stand　for　this　…　partly　because　it　was　a　debasement　of　science；　but　mostly　because　they　didn't　get　invited　to　those　sort　of　parties。
　　Another　thing　they　couldn't　stand　was　the　perpetual　failure　they　encountered　in　trying　to　construct　a　machine　which　could　generate　the　infinite　improbability　field　needed　to　flip　a　spaceship　across　the　mind…paralysing　distances　between　the　furthest　stars；　and　in　the　end　they　grumpily　announced　that　such　a　machine　was　virtually　impossible。
　　Then；　one　day；　a　student　who　had　been　left　to　sweep　up　the　lab　after　a　particularly　unsuccessful　party　found　himself　reasoning　this　way：
　　If；　he　thought　to　himself；　such　a　machine　is　a　virtual　impossibility；　then　it　must　logically　be　a　finite　improbability。　So　all　I　have　to　do　in　order　to　make　one　is　to　work　out　exactly　how　improbable　it　is；　feed　that　figure　into　the　finite　improbability　generator；　give　it　a　fresh　cup　of　really　hot　tea。。。　and　turn　it　on！
　　He　did　this；　and　was　rather　startled　to　discover　that　he　had　managed　to　create　the　long　sought　after　golden　Infinite　Improbability　generator　out　of　thin　air。
　　It　startled　him　even　more　when　just　after　he　was　awarded　the　Galactic　Institute's　Prize　for　Extreme　Cleverness　he　got　lynched　by　a　rampaging　mob　of　respectable　physicists　who　had　finally　realized　that　the　one　thing　they　really　couldn't　stand　was　a　smartass。
　　
　　
　　　Chapter　11
　　
　　The　Improbability…proof　control　cabin　of　the　Heart　of　Gold　looked　like　a　perfectly　conventional　spaceship　except　that　it　was　perfectly　clean　because　it　was　so　new。　Some　of　the　control　seats　hadn't　had　the　plastic　wrapping　taken　off　yet。　The　cabin　was　mostly　white；　oblong；　and　about　the　size　of　a　smallish　restaurant。　In　fact　it　wasn't　perfectly　oblong：　the　two　long　walls　were　raked　round　in　a　slight　parallel　curve；　and　all　the　angles　and　corners　were　contoured　in　excitingly　chunky　shapes。　The　truth　of　the　matter　is　that　it　would　have　been　a　great　deal　simpler　and　more　practical　to　build　the　cabin　as　an　ordinary　three…dimensional　oblong　room；　but　then　the　designers　would　have　got　miserable。　As　it　was　the　cabin　looked　excitingly　purposeful；　with　large　video　screens　ranged　over　the　control　and　guidance　system　panels　on　the　concave　wall；　and　long　banks　of　puters　set　into　the　convex　wall。　In　one　corner　a　robot　sat　humped；　its　gleaming　brushed　steel　head　hanging　loosely　between　its　gleaming　brushed　steel　knees。　It　too　was　fairly　new；　but　though　it　was　beautifully　constructed　and　polished　it　somehow　looked　as　if　the　various　parts　of　its　more　or　less　humanoid　body　didn't　quite　fit　properly。　In　fact　they　fitted　perfectly　well；　but　something　in　its　bearing　suggested　that　they　might　have　fitted　better。
　　Zaphod　Beeblebrox　paced　nervously　up　and　down　the　cabin；　brushing　his　hands　over　pieces　of　gleaming　equipment　and　giggling　with　excitement。
　　Trillian　sat　hunched　over　a　clump　of　instruments　reading　off　figures。　Her　voice　was　carried　round　the　T'annoy　system　of　the　whole　ship。
　　〃Five　to　one　against　and　falling。。。〃　she　said；　〃four　to　one　against　and　falling。。。　three　to　one。。。　two。。。　one。。。　probability　factor　of　one　to　one。。。　we　have　normality；　I　repeat　we　have　normality。〃　She　turned　her　microphone　off　…　then　turned　it　back　on；　with　a　slight　smile　and　continued：　〃Anything　you　still　can't　cope　with　is　therefore　your　own　problem。　Please　relax。　You　will　be　sent　for　soon。〃
　　Zaphod　burst　out　in　annoyance：　〃Who　are　they　Trillian？〃
　　Trillian　span　her　seat　round　to　face　him　and　shrugged。
　　〃Just　a　couple　of　guys　we　seem　to　have　picked　up　in　open　space；〃　she　said。　〃Section　ZZ9　Plural　Z　Alpha。〃
　　〃Yeah；　well　that's　a　very　sweet　thought　Trillian；〃　plained　Zaphod；　〃but　do　you　really　think　it's　wise　under　the　circumstances？　I　mean；　here　we　are　on　the　run　and　everything；　we　must　have　the　police　of　half　the　Galaxy　after　us　by　now；　and　we　stop　to　pick　up　hitch　hikers。　OK；　so　ten　out　of　ten　for　style；　but　minus　several　million　for　good　thinking；　yeah？〃
　　He　tapped　irritably　at　a　control　panel。　Trillian　quietly　moved　his　hand　before　he　tapped　anything　important。　Whatever　Zaphod's　qualities　of　mind　might　include　…　dash；　bravado；　conceit　…　he　was　mechanically　inept　and　could　easily　blow　the　ship　up　with　an　extravagant　gesture。　Trillian　had　e　to　suspect　that　the　main　reason　why　he　had　had　such　a　wild　and　successful　life　that　he　never　really　understood　the　significance　of　anything　he　did。
　　〃Zaphod；〃　she　said　patiently；　〃they　were　floating　unprotected　in　open　space。。。　you　wouldn't　want　them　to　have　died　would　you？〃
　　〃Well；　you　know。。。　no。　Not　as　such；　but。。。〃
　　〃Not　as　such？　Not　die　as　such？　But？〃　Trillian　cocked　her　head　on　one　side。
　　〃Well；　maybe　someone　else　might　have　picked　them　up　later。〃
　　〃A　second　later　and　they　would　have　been　dead。〃
　　〃Yeah；　so　if　you'd　taken　the　trouble　to　think　about　the　problem　a　bit　longer　it　would　have　gone　away。〃
　　　
　　〃You'd　been　happy　to　let　them　die？〃
　　〃Well；　you　know；　not　happy　as　such；　but。。。〃
　　〃Anyway；〃　said　Trillian；　turning　back　to　the　controls；　〃I　didn't　pick　them　up。〃
　　〃What　do　you　mean？　Who　picked　them　up　then？〃
　　〃The　ship　did。〃
　　〃Huh？〃
　　〃The　ship　did。　All　by　itself。〃
　　〃Huh？〃
　　〃Whilst　we　were　in　Improbability　Drive。〃
　　〃But　that's　incredible。〃
　　〃No　Zaphod。　Just　very　very　improbable。〃
　　〃Er；　yeah。〃
　　〃Look　Zaphod；〃　she　said；　patting　his　arm；　〃don't　worry　about　the　aliens。　They're　just　a　couple　of　guys　I　expect。　I'll　send　the　robot　down　to　get　them　and　bring　them　up　here。　Hey　Marvin！〃
　　In　the　corner；　the　robot's　head　swung　up　sharply；　but　then　wobbled　about　imperceptibly。　It　pulled　itself　up　to　its　feet　as　if　it　was　about　five　pounds　heavier　that　it　actually　was；　and　made　what　an　outside　observer　would　have　thought　was　a　heroic　effort　to　cross　the　room。　It　stopped　in　front　of　Trillian　and　seemed　to　stare　through　her　left　shoulder。
　　〃I　think　you　ought　to　know　I'm　feeling　very　depressed；〃　it　said。　Its　voice　was　low　and　hopeless。
　　〃Oh　God；〃　muttered　Zaphod　and　slumped　into　a　seat。
　　〃Well；〃　said　Trillian　in　a　bright　passionate　tone；　〃here's　something　to　occupy　you　and　keep　your　mind　off　things。〃
　　〃It　won't　work；〃　droned　Marvin；　〃I　have　an　exceptionally　large　mind。〃
　　〃Marvin！〃　warned　Trillian。
　　〃Alright；〃　said　Marvin；　〃what　do　you　want　me　to　do？〃
　　〃Go　down　to　number　two　entry　bay　and　bring　the　two　aliens　up　here　under　surveillance。〃
　　　
　　With　a　microsecond　pause；　and　a　finely　calculated　micromodulation　of　pitch　and　timbre　…　nothing　you　could　actually　take　offence　at　…　Marvin　managed　to　convey　his　utter　contempt　and　horror　of　all　things　human。
　　〃Just　that？〃　he　said。
　　〃Yes；〃　said　Trillian　firmly。
　　〃I　won't　enjoy　it；〃　said　Marvin。
　　Zaphod　leaped　out　of　his　seat。
　　〃She's　not　asking　you　to　enjoy　it；〃　he　shouted；　〃just　do　it　will　you？〃
　　〃Alright；〃　said　Marvin　like　the　tolling　of　a　great　cracked　bell；　〃I'll　do　it。〃
　　〃Good。。。〃　snapped　Zaphod；　〃great。。。　thank　you。。。〃
　　Marvin　turned　and　lifted　his　flat…topped　triangular　red　eyes　up　towards　him。
　　〃I'm　not　getting　you　down　at　all　am　I？〃　he　said　pathetically。
　　〃No　no　Marvin；〃　lilted　Trillian；　〃that's　just　fine；　really。。。〃
　　〃I　wouldn't　like　to　think　that　I　was　getting　you　down。〃
　　〃No；　don't　worry　about　that；〃　the　lilt　continued；　〃you　just　act　as　es　naturally　and　everything　will　be　just　fine。〃
　　〃You're　sure　you　don't　mind？〃　probed　Marvin。
　　〃No　no　Marvin；〃　lilted　Trillian；　〃that's　just　fine；　really。。。　just　part　of　life。〃
　　Marvin　flashed　him　an　electronic　look。　〃Life；〃　said　Marvin；　〃don't　talk　to　me　about　life。〃
　　He　turned　hopelessly　on　his　heel　and　lugged　himself　out　of　the　cabin。　With　a　satisfied　hum　and　a　click　the　door　closed　behind　him。
　　〃I　don't　think　I　can　stand　that　robot　much　longer　Zaphod；〃　growled　Trillian。
　　The　Encyclopaedia　Galactica　defines　a　robot　as　a　mechanical　apparatus　designed　to　do　the　work　of　a　man。　The　marketing　division　of　the　Sirius　Cybernetics　Corporation　defines　a　robot　as　〃Your　Plastic　Pal　Who's　Fun　To　Be　With。〃
　　The　Hitch　Hiker's　Guide　to　the　Galaxy　defines　the　marketing　division　of　the　Sirius　Cybernetics　Corporation　as　〃a　bunch　of　mindless　jerks　who'll　be　the　first　against　the　wall　when　the　revolution　es；〃　with　a　footnote　to　the　effect　that　the　editors　would　wele　applications　from　anyone　interested　in　taking　over　the　post　of　robotics　correspondent。
　　Curiously　enough；　an　edition　of　The　Encyclopaedia　Galactica　that　had　the　good　fortune　to　fall　through　a　time　warp　from　a　thousand　years　in　the　future　defined　the　marketing　division　of　the　Sirius　Cybernetics　Corporation　as　〃a　bunch　of　mindless　jerks　who　were　the　first　against　the　wall　when　the　revolution　came。〃
　　The　pink　cubicle　had　winked　out　of　existence；　the　monkeys　had　sunk　away　to　a　better　dimension。　Ford　and　Arthur　found　themselves　in　the　embarkation　area　of　the　ship。　It　was　rather　smart。
　　〃I　think　the　ship's　brand　new；〃　said　Ford。
　　〃How　can　you　tell？〃　asked　Arthur。　〃Have　you　got　some　exotic　device　for　measuring　the　age　of　metal？〃
　　〃No；　I　just　found　this　sales　brochure　lying　on　the　floor。　It's　a　lot　of　'the　Universe　can　be　yours'　stuff。　Ah！　Look；　I　was　right。〃
　　Ford　jabbed　at　one　of　the　pages　and　showed　it　to　Arthur。　〃It　says：　Sensationa