da.thehitchhikersguidetothegalaxy-第13部分

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ok；　I　was　right。〃
　　Ford　jabbed　at　one　of　the　pages　and　showed　it　to　Arthur。　〃It　says：　Sensational　new　breakthrough　in　Improbability　Physics。　As　soon　as　the　ship's　drive　reaches　Infinite　Improbability　it　passes　through　every　point　in　the　Universe。　Be　the　envy　of　other　major　governments。　Wow；　this　is　big　league　stuff。〃
　　Ford　hunted　excitedly　through　the　technical　specs　of　the　ship；　occasionally　gasping　with　astonishment　at　what　he　read　…　clearly　Galactic　astrotechnology　had　moved　ahead　during　the　years　of　his　exile。
　　Arthur　listened　for　a　short　while；　but　being　unable　to　understand　the　vast　majority　of　what　Ford　was　saying　he　began　to　let　his　mind　wander；　trailing　his　fingers　along　the　edge　of　an　inprehensible　puter　bank；　he　reached　out　and　pressed　an　invitingly　large　red　button　on　a　nearby　panel。　The　panel　lit　up　with　the　words　Please　do　not　press　this　button　again。　He　shook　himself。
　　〃Listen；〃　said　Ford；　who　was　still　engrossed　in　the　sales　brochure；　〃they　make　a　big　thing　of　the　ship's　cybernetics。　A　new　generation　of　Sirius　Cybernetics　Corporation　robots　and　puters；　with　the　new　GPP　feature。〃
　　〃GPP　feature？〃　said　Arthur。　〃What's　that？〃
　　〃Oh；　it　says　Genuine　People　Personalities。〃
　　〃Oh；〃　said　Arthur；　〃sounds　ghastly。〃
　　A　voice　behind　them　said；　〃It　is。〃　The　voice　was　low　and　hopeless　and　acpanied　by　a　slight　clanking　sound。　They　span　round　and　saw　an　abject　steel　man　standing　hunched　in　the　doorway。
　　〃What？〃　they　said。
　　〃Ghastly；〃　continued　Marvin；　〃it　all　is。　Absolutely　ghastly。　Just　don't　even　talk　about　it。　Look　at　this　door；〃　he　said；　stepping　through　it。　The　irony　circuits　cut　into　his　voice　modulator　as　he　mimicked　the　style　of　the　sales　brochure。　〃All　the　doors　in　this　spaceship　have　a　cheerful　and　sunny　disposition。　It　is　their　pleasure　to　open　for　you；　and　their　satisfaction　to　close　again　with　the　knowledge　of　a　job　well　done。〃
　　As　the　door　closed　behind　them　it　became　apparent　that　it　did　indeed　have　a　satisfied　sigh…like　quality　to　it。　〃Hummmmmmmyummmmmmm　ah！〃　it　said。
　　Marvin　regarded　it　with　cold　loathing　whilst　his　logic　circuits　chattered　with　disgust　and　tinkered　with　the　concept　of　directing　physical　violence　against　it　Further　circuits　cut　in　saying；　Why　bother？　What's　the　point？　Nothing　is　worth　getting　involved　in。　Further　circuits　amused　themselves　by　analysing　the　molecular　ponents　of　the　door；　and　of　the　humanoids'　brain　cells。　For　a　quick　encore　they　measured　the　level　of　hydrogen　emissions　in　the　surrounding　cubic　parsec　of　space　and　then　shut　down　again　in　boredom。　A　spasm　of　despair　shook　the　robot's　body　as　he　turned。
　　〃e　on；〃　he　droned；　〃I've　been　ordered　to　take　you　down　to　the　bridge。　Here　I　am；　brain　the　size　of　a　planet　and　they　ask　me　to　take　you　down　to　the　bridge。　Call　that　job　satisfaction？　'Cos　I　don't。〃
　　He　turned　and　walked　back　to　the　hated　door。
　　〃Er；　excuse　me；〃　said　Ford　following　after　him；　〃which　government　owns　this　ship？〃
　　Marvin　ignored　him。　〃You　watch　this　door；〃　he　muttered；　〃it's　about　to　open　again。　I　can　tell　by　the　intolerable　air　of　smugness　it　suddenly　generates。〃
　　With　an　ingratiating　little　whine　the　door　slit　open　again　and　Marvin　stomped　through。
　　〃e　on；〃　he　said。
　　The　others　followed　quickly　and　the　door　slit　back　into　place　with　pleased　little　clicks　and　whirrs。
　　〃Thank　you　the　marketing　division　of　the　Sirius　Cybernetics　Corporation；〃　said　Marvin　and　trudged　desolately　up　the　gleaming　curved　corridor　that　stretched　out　before　them。　〃Let's　build　robots　with　Genuine　People　Personalities；〃　they　said。　So　they　tried　it　out　with　me。　I'm　a　personality　prototype。　You　can　tell　can't　you？〃
　　Ford　and　Arthur　muttered　embarrassed　little　disclaimers。
　　〃I　hate　that　door；〃　continued　Marvin。　〃I'm　not　getting　you　down　at　all　am　I？〃
　　〃Which　government。。。〃　started　Ford　again。
　　〃No　government　owns　it；〃　snapped　the　robot；　〃it's　been　stolen。〃
　　〃Stolen？〃
　　〃Stolen？〃　mimicked　Marvin。
　　〃Who　by？〃　asked　Ford。
　　〃Zaphod　Beeblebrox。〃
　　Something　extraordinary　happened　to　Ford's　face。　At　least　five　entirely　separate　and　distinct　expressions　of　shock　and　amazement　piled　up　on　it　in　a　jumbled　mess。　His　left　leg；　which　was　in　mid　stride；　seemed　to　have　difficulty　in　finding　the　floor　again。　He　stared　at　the　robot　and　tried　to　entangle　some　dartoid　muscles。
　　〃Zaphod　Beeblebrox。。。？〃　he　said　weakly。　〃Sorry；　did　I　say　something　wrong？〃　said　Marvin；　dragging　himself　on　regardless。　〃Pardon　me　for　breathing；　which　I　never　do　anyway　so　I　don't　know　why　I　bother　to　say　it；　oh　God　I'm　so　depressed。　Here's　another　of　those　self…satisfied　doors。　Life！　Don't　talk　to　me　about　life。〃
　　〃No　one　ever　mentioned　it；〃　muttered　Arthur　irritably。　〃Ford；　are　you　alright？〃
　　Ford　stared　at　him。　〃Did　that　robot　say　Zaphod　Beeblebrox？〃　he　said。
　　
　　
　　　Chapter　12
　　
　　A　loud　clatter　of　gunk　music　flooded　through　the　Heart　of　Gold　cabin　as　Zaphod　searched　the　sub…etha　radio　wavebands　for　news　of　himself。　The　machine　was　rather　difficult　to　operate。　For　years　radios　had　been　operated　by　means　of　pressing　buttons　and　turning　dials；　then　as　the　technology　became　more　sophisticated　the　controls　were　made　touch…sensitive　…　you　merely　had　to　brush　the　panels　with　your　fingers；　now　all　you　had　to　do　was　wave　your　hand　in　the　general　direction　of　the　ponents　and　hope。　It　saved　a　lot　of　muscular　expenditure　of　course；　but　meant　that　you　had　to　sit　infuriatingly　still　if　you　wanted　to　keep　listening　to　the　same　programme。
　　Zaphod　waved　a　hand　and　the　channel　switched　again。　More　gunk　music；　but　this　time　it　was　a　background　to　a　news　announcement。　The　news　was　always　heavily　edited　to　fit　the　rhythms　of　the　music。
　　〃。。。　and　news　brought　to　you　here　on　the　sub…etha　wave　band；　broadcasting　around　the　galaxy　around　the　clock；〃　squawked　a　voice；　〃and　we'll　be　saying　a　big　hello　to　all　intelligent　life　forms　everywhere。。。　and　to　everyone　else　out　there；　the　secret　is　to　bang　the　rocks　together；　guys。　And　of　course；　the　big　news　story　tonight　is　the　sensational　theft　of　the　new　Improbability　Drive　prototype　ship　by　none　other　than　Galactic　President　Zaphod　Beeblebrox。　And　the　question　everyone's　asking　is。。。　has　the　big　Z　finally　flipped？　Beeblebrox；　the　man　who　invented　the　Pan　Galactic　Gargle　Blaster；　ex…confidence　trickster；　once　described　by　Eccentrica　Gallumbits　as　the　Best　Bang　since　the　Big　One；　and　recently　voted　the　Worst　Dressed　Sentient　Being　in　the　Known　Universe　for　the　seventh　time。。。　has　he　got　an　answer　this　time？　We　asked　his　private　brain　care　specialist　Gag　Halfrunt。。。〃　The　music　swirled　and　dived　for　a　moment。　Another　voice　broke　in；　presumably　Halfrunt。　He　said：　〃Vell；　Zaphod's　jist　zis　guy　you　know？〃　but　got　no　further　because　an　electric　pencil　flew　across　the　cabin　and　through　the　radio's　on/off　sensitive　airspace。　Zaphod　turned　and　glared　at　Trillian　…　she　had　thrown　the　pencil。
　　〃Hey；〃　he　said；　what　do　you　do　that　for？〃
　　Trillian　was　tapping　her　fingers　on　a　screenful　of　figures。　〃I've　just　thought　of　something；〃　she　said。
　　〃Yeah？　Worth　interrupting　a　news　bulletin　about　me　for？〃
　　〃You　hear　enough　about　yourself　as　it　is。〃
　　〃I'm　very　insecure。　We　know　that。〃
　　〃Can　we　drop　your　ego　for　a　moment？　This　is　important。〃
　　〃If　there's　anything　more　important　than　my　ego　around；　I　want　it　caught　and　shot　now。〃　Zaphod　glared　at　her　again；　then　laughed。
　　〃Listen；〃　she　said；　〃we　picked　up　those　couple　of　guys。。。〃
　　〃What　couple　of　guys？〃
　　〃The　couple　of　guys　we　picked　up。〃
　　〃Oh；　yeah；〃　said　Zaphod；　〃those　couple　of　guys。〃
　　〃We　picked　them　up　in　sector　ZZ　9　Plural　Z　Alpha。〃
　　〃Yeah？〃　said　Zaphod　and　blinked。
　　Trillian　said　quietly；　〃Does　that　mean　anything　to　you？〃
　　〃Mmmmm；〃　said　Zaphod；　〃ZZ　9　Plural　Z　Alpha。　ZZ　9　Plural　Z　Alpha？〃
　　〃Well？〃　said　Trillian。
　　〃Er。。。　what　does　the　Z　mean？〃　said　Zaphod。
　　〃Which　one？〃
　　〃Any　one。〃
　　One　of　the　major　difficulties　Trillian　experienced　in　her　relationship　with　Zaphod　was　learning　to　distinguish　between　him　pretending　to　be　stupid　just　to　get　people　off　their　guard；　pretending　to　be　stupid　because　he　couldn't　be　bothered　to　think　and　wanted　someone　else　to　do　it　for　him；　pretending　to　be　outrageously　stupid　to　hide　the　fact　that　he　actually　didn't　understand　what　was　going　on；　and　really　being　genuinely　stupid。　He　was　renowned　for　being　amazingly　clever　and　quite　clearly　was　so　…　but　not　all　the　time；　which　obviously　worried　him；　hence　the　act。　He　proffered　people　to　be　puzzled　rather　than　contemptuous。　This　above　all　appeared　to　Trillian　to　be　genuinely　stupid；　but　she　could　no　longer　be　bothered　to　argue　about　it。
　　She　sighed　and　punched　up　a　star　map　on　the　visiscreen　so　she　could　make　it　simple　for　him；　whatever　his　reasons　for　wanting　it　to　be　that　way。
　　〃There；〃　she　pointed；　〃right　there。〃
　　〃Hey。。。　Yeah！〃　said　Zaphod。
　　〃Well？〃　she　said。
　　〃Well　what？〃
　　Parts　of　the　inside　of　her　head　screamed　at　other　parts　of　the　inside　of　her　head。　She　said；　very　calmly；　〃It's　the　same　sector　you　originally　picked　me　up　in。〃
　　He　looked　at　her　and　then　looked　back　at　the　screen。
　　〃Hey；　yeah；〃　he　said；　〃now　that　is　wild。　We　should　have　zapped　straight　into　the　middle　of　the　Horsehead　Nebula。　How　did　we　e　to　be　there？　I　mean　that's　nowhere。〃
　　She　ignored　this。
　　〃Improbability　Drive；〃　she　said　patiently。　〃You　explained　it　to　me　yourself。　We　pass　through　every　point　in　the　Universe；　you　know　that。〃
　　〃Yeah；　but　that's　one　wild　coincidence　isn't　it？〃
　　〃Yes。〃
　　〃Picking　someone　up　at　that　point？　Out　of　the　whole　of　the　Universe　to　choose　from？　That's　just　too。。。　I　want　to　work　this　out。　puter！〃
　　The　Sirius　Cybernetics　Corporation　Shipboard　puter　which　controlled　and　permeated　every　particle　of　the　ship　switched　into　munication　mode。
　　〃Hi　there！〃　it　said　brightly　and　simultaneously　spewed　out　a　tiny　ribbon　of　ticker　tape　just　for　the　record。　The　ticker　tape　said；　Hi　there！
　　〃Oh　God；〃　said　Zaphod。　He　hadn't　worked　with　this　puter　for　long　but　had　already　learned　to　loathe　it。
　　The　puter　continued；　brash　and　cheery　as　if　it　was　selling　detergent。
　　〃I　want　you　to　know　that　whatever　your　problem；　I　am　here　to　help　you　solve　it。〃
　　〃Ye