da.thehitchhikersguidetothegalaxy-第6部分

按键盘上方向键 ← 或 → 可快速上下翻页，按键盘上的 Enter 键可回到本书目录页，按键盘上方向键 ↑ 可回到本页顶部！
————未阅读完？加入书签已便下次继续阅读！


　super…intelligent　shade　of　the　color　blue）。　All　except　the　Hooloovoo　were　resplendent　in　their　multi…colored　ceremonial　lab　coats；　the　Hooloovoo　had　been　temporarily　refracted　into　a　free　standing　prism　for　the　occasion。
　　There　was　a　mood　of　immense　excitement　thrilling　through　all　of　them。　Together　and　between　them　they　had　gone　to　and　beyond　the　furthest　limits　of　physical　laws；　restructured　the　fundamental　fabric　of　matter；　strained；　twisted　and　broken　the　laws　of　possibility　and　impossibility；　but　still　the　greatest　excitement　of　all　seemed　to　be　to　meet　a　man　with　an　orange　sash　round　his　neck。　（An　orange　sash　was　what　the　President　of　the　Galaxy　traditionally　wore。）　It　might　not　even　have　made　much　difference　to　them　if　they'd　known　exactly　how　much　power　the　President　of　the　Galaxy　actually　wielded：　none　at　all。　Only　six　people　in　the　Galaxy　knew　that　the　job　of　the　Galactic　President　was　not　to　wield　power　but　to　attract　attention　away　from　it。
　　Zaphod　Beeblebrox　was　amazingly　good　at　his　job。
　　The　crowd　gasped；　dazzled　by　sun　and　seamanship；　as　the　Presidential　speedboat　zipped　round　the　headland　into　the　bay。　It　flashed　and　shone　as　it　came　skating　over　the　sea　in　wide　skidding　turns。
　　In　fact　it　didn't　need　to　touch　the　water　at　all；　because　it　was　supported　on　a　hazy　cushion　of　ionized　atoms　…　but　just　for　effect　it　was　fitted　with　thin　finblades　which　could　be　lowered　into　the　water。　They　slashed　sheets　of　water　hissing　into　the　air；　carved　deep　gashes　into　the　sea　which　swayed　crazily　and　sank　back　foaming　into　the　boat's　wake　as　it　careered　across　the　bay。
　　Zaphod　loved　effect：　it　was　what　he　was　best　at。
　　He　twisted　the　wheel　sharply；　the　boat　slewed　round　in　a　wild　scything　skid　beneath　the　cliff　face　and　dropped　to　rest　lightly　on　the　rocking　waves。
　　Within　seconds　he　ran　out　onto　the　deck　and　waved　and　grinned　at　over　three　billion　people。　The　three　billion　people　weren't　actually　there；　but　they　watched　his　every　gesture　through　the　eyes　of　a　small　robot　tri…D　camera　which　hovered　obsequiously　in　the　air　nearby。　The　antics　of　the　President　always　made　amazingly　popular　tri…D；　that's　what　they　were　for。
　　He　grinned　again。　Three　billion　and　six　people　didn't　know　it；　but　today　would　be　a　bigger　antic　than　anyone　had　bargained　for。
　　The　robot　camera　homed　in　for　a　close　up　on　the　more　popular　of　his　two　heads　and　he　waved　again。　He　was　roughly　humanoid　in　appearance　except　for　the　extra　head　and　third　arm。　His　fair　tousled　hair　stuck　out　in　random　directions；　his　blue　eyes　glinted　with　something　pletely　unidentifiable；　and　his　chins　were　almost　always　unshaven。
　　A　twenty…foot…high　transparent　globe　floated　next　to　his　boat；　rolling　and　bobbing；　glistening　in　the　brilliant　sun。　Inside　it　floated　a　wide　semi…circular　sofa　upholstered　in　glorious　red　leather：　the　more　the　globe　bobbed　and　rolled；　the　more　the　sofa　stayed　perfectly　still；　steady　as　an　upholstered　rock。　Again；　all　done　for　effect　as　much　as　anything。
　　Zaphod　stepped　through　the　wall　of　the　globe　and　relaxed　on　the　sofa。　He　spread　his　two　arms　lazily　along　the　back　and　with　the　third　brushed　some　dust　off　his　knee。　His　heads　looked　about；　smiling；　he　put　his　feet　up。　At　any　moment；　he　thought；　he　might　scream。
　　Water　boiled　up　beneath　the　bubble；　it　seethed　and　spouted。　The　bubble　surged　into　the　air；　bobbing　and　rolling　on　the　water　spout。　Up；　up　it　climbed；　throwing　stilts　of　light　at　the　cliff。　Up　it　surged　on　the　jet；　the　water　falling　from　beneath　it；　crashing　back　into　the　sea　hundreds　of　feet　below。
　　Zaphod　smiled；　picturing　himself。
　　A　thoroughly　ridiculous　form　of　transport；　but　a　thoroughly　beautiful　one。
　　At　the　top　of　the　cliff　the　globe　wavered　for　a　moment；　tipped　on　to　a　railed　ramp；　rolled　down　it　to　a　small　concave　platform　and　riddled　to　a　halt。
　　To　tremendous　applause　Zaphod　Beeblebrox　stepped　out　of　the　bubble；　his　orange　sash　blazing　in　the　light。
　　The　President　of　the　Galaxy　had　arrived。　
　　He　waited　for　the　applause　to　die　down；　then　raised　his　hands　in　greeting。
　　〃Hi；〃　he　said。
　　A　government　spider　sidled　up　to　him　and　attempted　to　press　a　copy　of　his　prepared　speech　into　his　hands。　Pages　three　to　seven　of　the　original　version　were　at　the　moment　floating　soggily　on　the　Damogran　sea　some　five　miles　out　from　the　bay。　Pages　one　and　two　had　been　salvaged　by　a　Damogran　Frond　Crested　Eagle　and　had　already　bee　incorporated　into　an　extraordinary　new　form　of　nest　which　the　eagle　had　invented。　It　was　constructed　largely　of　papier　mache　and　it　was　virtually　impossible　for　a　newly　hatched　baby　eagle　to　break　out　of　it。　The　Damogran　Frond　Crested　Eagle　had　heard　of　the　notion　of　survival　of　the　species　but　wanted　no　truck　with　it。
　　Zaphod　Beeblebrox　would　not　be　needing　his　set　speech　and　he　gently　deflected　the　one　being　offered　him　by　the　spider。
　　〃Hi；〃　he　said　again。
　　Everyone　beamed　at　him；　or；　at　least；　nearly　everyone。　He　singled　out　Trillian　from　the　crowd。　Trillian　was　a　gird　that　Zaphod　had　picked　up　recently　whilst　visiting　a　planet；　just　for　fun；　incognito。　She　was　slim；　darkish；　humanoid；　with　long　waves　of　black　hair；　a　full　mouth；　an　odd　little　nob　of　a　nose　and　ridiculously　brown　eyes。　With　her　red　head　scarf　knotted　in　that　particular　way　and　her　long　flowing　silky　brown　dress　she　looked　vaguely　Arabic。　Not　that　anyone　there　had　ever　heard　of　an　Arab　of　course。　The　Arabs　had　very　recently　ceased　to　exist；　and　even　when　they　had　existed　they　were　five　hundred　thousand　light　years　from　Damogran。　Trillian　wasn't　anybody　in　particular；　or　so　Zaphod　claimed。　She　just　went　around　with　him　rather　a　lot　and　told　him　what　she　thought　of　him。
　　〃Hi　honey；〃　he　said　to　her。
　　She　flashed　him　a　quick　tight　smile　and　looked　away。　Then　she　looked　back　for　a　moment　and　smiled　more　warmly　…　but　by　this　time　he　was　looking　at　something　else。
　　〃Hi；〃　he　said　to　a　small　knot　of　creatures　from　the　press　who　were　standing　nearby　wishing　that　he　would　stop　saying　Hi　and　get　on　with　the　quotes。　He　grinned　at　them　particularly　because　he　knew　that　in　a　few　moments　he　would　be　giving　them　one　hell　of　a　quote。
　　The　next　thing　he　said　though　was　not　a　lot　of　use　to　them。　One　of　the　officials　of　the　party　had　irritably　decided　that　the　President　was　clearly　not　in　a　mood　to　read　the　deliciously　turned　speech　that　had　been　written　for　him；　and　had　flipped　the　switch　on　the　remote　control　device　in　his　pocket。　Away　in　front　of　them　a　huge　white　dome　that　bulged　against　the　sky　cracked　down　in　the　middle；　split；　and　slowly　folded　itself　down　into　the　ground。　Everyone　gasped　although　they　had　known　perfectly　well　it　was　going　to　do　that　because　they　had　built　it　that　way。
　　Beneath　it　lay　uncovered　a　huge　starship；　one　hundred　and　fifty　metres　long；　shaped　like　a　sleek　running　shoe；　perfectly　white　and　mindboggingly　beautiful。　At　the　heart　of　it；　unseen；　lay　a　small　gold　box　which　carried　within　it　the　most　brain…wretching　device　ever　conceived；　a　device　which　made　this　starship　unique　in　the　history　of　the　galaxy；　a　device　after　which　the　ship　had　been　named　…　The　Heart　of　Gold。
　　〃Wow〃；　said　Zaphod　Beeblebrox　to　the　Heart　of　Gold。　There　wasn't　much　else　he　could　say。
　　He　said　it　again　because　he　knew　it　would　annoy　the　press。
　　〃Wow。〃
　　The　crowd　turned　their　faces　back　towards　him　expectantly。　He　winked　at　Trillian　who　raised　her　eyebrows　and　widened　her　eyes　at　him。　She　knew　what　he　was　about　to　say　and　thought　him　a　terrible　showoff。
　　〃That　is　really　amazing；〃　he　said。　〃That　really　is　truly　amazing。　That　is　so　amazingly　amazing　I　think　I'd　like　to　steal　it。〃
　　A　marvellous　Presidential　quote；　absolutely　true　to　form。　The　crowd　laughed　appreciatively；　the　newsmen　gleefully　punched　buttons　on　their　Sub…Etha　News…Matics　and　the　President　grinned。
　　As　he　grinned　his　heart　screamed　unbearably　and　he　fingered　the　small　Paralyso…Matic　bomb　that　nestled　quietly　in　his　pocket。
　　Finally　he　could　bear　it　no　more。　He　lifted　his　heads　up　to　the　sky；　let　out　a　wild　whoop　in　major　thirds；　threw　the　bomb　to　the　ground　and　ran　forward　through　the　sea　of　suddenly　frozen　smiles。
　　
　　
　　　Chapter　5
　　
　　Prostetnic　Vogon　Jeltz　was　not　a　pleasant　sight；　even　for　other　Vogons。　His　highly　domed　nose　rose　high　above　a　small　piggy　forehead。　His　dark　green　rubbery　skin　was　thick　enough　for　him　to　play　the　game　of　Vogon　Civil　Service　politics；　and　play　it　well；　and　waterproof　enough　for　him　to　survive　indefinitely　at　sea　depths　of　up　to　a　thousand　feet　with　no　ill　effects。
　　Not　that　he　ever　went　swimming　of　course。　His　busy　schedule　would　not　allow　it。　He　was　the　way　he　was　because　billions　of　years　ago　when　the　Vogons　had　first　crawled　out　of　the　sluggish　primeval　seas　of　Vogsphere；　and　had　lain　panting　and　heaving　on　the　planet's　virgin　shores。。。　when　the　first　rays　of　the　bright　young　Vogsol　sun　had　shone　across　them　that　morning；　it　was　as　if　the　forces　of　evolution　ad　simply　given　up　on　them　there　and　then；　had　turned　aside　in　disgust　and　written　them　off　as　an　ugly　and　unfortunate　mistake。　They　never　evolved　again；　they　should　never　have　survived。
　　The　fact　that　they　did　is　some　kind　of　tribute　to　the　thick…willed　slug…brained　stubbornness　of　these　creatures。　Evolution？　they　said　to　themselves；　Who　needs　it？；　and　what　nature　refused　to　do　for　them　they　simply　did　without　until　such　time　as　they　were　able　to　rectify　the　grosser　anatomical　inconveniences　with　surgery。
　　Meanwhile；　the　natural　forces　on　the　planet　Vogsphere　had　been　working　overtime　to　make　up　for　their　earlier　blunder。　They　brought　forth　scintillating　jewelled　scuttling　crabs；　which　the　Vogons　ate；　smashing　their　shells　with　iron　mallets；　tall　aspiring　trees　with　breathtaking　slenderness　and　colour　which　the　Vogons　cut　down　and　burned　the　crab　meat　with；　elegant　gazelle…like　creatures　with　silken　coats　and　dewy　eyes　which　the　Vogons　would　catch　and　sit　on。　They　were　no　use　as　transport　because　their　backs　would　snap　instantly；　but　the　Vogons　sat　on　them　anyway。
　　Thus　the　planet　Vogsphere　whiled　away　the　unhappy　millennia　until　the　Vogons　suddenly　discovered　the　principles　of　interstellar　travel。　Within　a　few　short　Vog　years　every　last　Vogon　had　migrated　to　the　M