lhamilton.thekillingdance-第5部分

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　〃It　was　Edward　on　the　phone。〃
　〃What　does　he　want？〃　Richard　was　frowning　now；　too。
　〃Someone　tried　to　hire　him　to　kill　me。〃
　A　look　of　total　astonishment　blossomed　on　his　face；　and　I　was　glad　his　back　was　to　the　room。　He　closed　his　mouth；　opened　it；　and　finally　said；　〃I　would　say　you're　kidding；　but　I　know　you're　not。　Why　would　anyone　want　to　kill　you？〃
　〃There　are　plenty　of　people　who　would　like　to　see　me　dead；　Richard。　But　none　of　them　have　the　kind　of　money　that's　being　put　out　for　the　hit。〃
　〃How　can　you　be　so　calm　about　this？〃
　〃Would　it　solve　anything　if　I　had　hysterics？〃
　He　shook　his　head。　〃It's　not　that。〃　He　seemed　to　think　for　a　second。　〃It's　that　you're　not　outraged　that　someone's　trying　to　kill　you。　You　just　accept　it；　almost　like　it's　normal。　It　isn't　normal。〃
　〃Assassins　aren't　normal；　even　for　me；　Richard；〃　I　said。
　〃Just　vampires；　zombies；　and　werewolves；〃　he　said。
　I　smiled。　〃Yeah。〃
　He　hugged　me　tightly　and　whispered；　〃Loving　you　can　be　very　scary　sometimes。〃
　I　wrapped　my　arms　around　his　waist；　leaning　my　face　against　his　chest。　I　closed　my　eyes；　and　for　just　a　moment　I　breathed　in　the　smell　of　him。　It　was　more　than　his　aftershave；　it　was　the　smell　of　his　skin；　his　warmth。　Him。　For　just　a　moment；　I　sank　against　him　and　let　it　all　go。　I　let　his　arms　be　my　shelter。　I　knew　that　a　well…placed　bullet　would　destroy　it　all；　but　for　a　few　seconds；　I　felt　safe。　Illusion　is　sometimes　all　that　keeps　us　sane。
　I　pushed　away　from　him　with　a　sigh。　〃Let's　give　our　regrets　to　Catherine　and　get　out　of　here。〃
　He　touched　my　cheek　gently；　looking　into　my　eyes。　〃We　can　stay　if　you　want。〃
　I　nestled　my　cheek　against　his　hand　and　shook　my　head。　〃If　the　shit　hits　the　fan　tomorrow；　I　don't　want　to　spend　tonight　at　a　party。　I'd　rather　go　back　to　my　apartment　and　cuddle。〃
　He　flashed　me　that　smile　that　warmed　me　down　to　my　toes。　〃Sounds　like　a　plan　to　me。〃
　I　smiled　back　because　I　couldn't　not　smile　back。　〃I'll　go　tell　Catherine。〃
　〃I'll　get　the　coats；〃　he　said。
　We　did　our　various　tasks　and　left　early。　Catherine　gave　me　a　very　knowing　smile。　I　wished　she　was　right。　Leaving　early　to　jump　Richard's　bones　beat　the　heck　out　of　the　truth。　Monica　watched　us　leave。　I　knew　that　she　and　Robert　would　report　back　to　Jean…Claude。　Fine。　He　knew　I　was　dating　Richard。　I　hadn't　lied　to　anybody。　Monica　was　a　lawyer　at　Catherine's　firm…frightening　thought　all　on　its　own…so　she　had　a　legitimate　reason　to　be　invited。　Jean…Claude　hadn't　arranged　it；　but　I　didn't　like　being　spied　on；　no　matter　how　it　came　about。
　The　walk　to　the　car　was　nerve…racking。　Every　shadow　was　suddenly　a　potential　hiding　place。　Every　noise　a　footstep。　I　didn't　draw　my　gun；　but　my　hand　ached　to　do　it。　〃Dammit；〃　I　said；　softly。　The　numbness　was　wearing　off。　I　wasn't　sure　it　was　an　improvement。
　〃What　is　it？〃　Richard　asked。　He　was　suddenly　scanning　the　darkness；　not　looking　at　me　while　he　talked。　His　nostrils　flared　just　a　little；　and　I　realized　he　was　scenting　the　wind。
　〃Just　jumpy。　I　don't　see　anyone　out　here；　but　I'm　suddenly　looking　too　damn　hard。〃
　〃I　don't　smell　anyone　close　to　us；　but　they　could　be　downwind。　The　only　gun　I　smell　is　yours。〃
　〃You　can　smell　my　gun？〃
　He　nodded。　〃You've　cleaned　it　recently。　I　can　smell　the　oil。〃
　I　smiled　and　shook　my　head。　〃You　are　so　blasted　normal；　sometimes　I　forget　you　turn　furry　once　a　month。〃
　〃Knowing　how　good　you　are　at　spotting　lycanthropes；　that's　quite　a　pliment。〃　He　smiled。　〃Do　you　think　assassins　would　fall　from　the　trees　if　I　held　your　hand　right　now？〃
　I　smiled。　〃I　think　we're　safe　for　the　moment。〃
　He　curved　his　fingers　around　my　hand；　and　a　tingle　went　up　my　arm　like　he'd　touched　a　nerve。　He　rubbed　his　thumb　in　small　circles　on　the　back　of　my　hand　and　took　a　deep　breath。　〃It's　almost　nice　to　know　that　this　assassin　business　has　unnerved　you；　too。　I　don't　want　you　afraid；　but　sometimes　it's　hard　to　be　your　guy　when　I　think　you　may　be　braver　than　I　am。　That　sounds　like　macho　crap；　doesn't　it？〃
　I　stared　up　at　him。　〃There's　a　lot　of　macho　crap　out　there；　Richard。　At　least　you　know　it's　crap。〃
　〃Can　this　male　chauvinist　wolf　kiss　you？〃
　〃Always。〃
　He　leaned　his　face　downward；　and　I　rose　on　tiptoe　to　meet　his　mouth　with　mine；　my　free　hand　against　his　chest　for　balance。　We　could　kiss　without　me　going　on　tiptoe；　but　Richard　tended　to　get　a　crick　in　his　neck。
　It　was　a　quicker　kiss　than　normal　because　I　had　this　itching　in　the　middle　of　my　back；　right　between　the　shoulder　blades。　I　knew　it　was　my　imagination；　but　I　felt　too　exposed　out　in　the　open。
　Richard　sensed　it　and　pulled　away。　He　went　around　to　the　driver's　side　of　his　car　and　opened　his　door；　leaning　across　to　unlock　mine。　He　didn't　open　the　door　for　me。　He　knew　better　than　that。　I　could　open　my　own　bloody　door。
　Richard's　car　was　an　old　Mustang；　sixty　something；　a　Mach　One。　I　knew　all　this　because　he　had　told　me。　It　was　orange　with　a　black　racing　stripe。　The　bucket　seats　were　black　leather；　but　the　front　seat　was　small　enough　that　we　could　hold　hands　when　he　wasn't　using　the　gear　shift。
　Richard　pulled　out　onto　270　South。　Friday　night　traffic　spilled　around　us　in　a　bright　sparkle　of　lights。　Everybody　out　trying　to　enjoy　the　weekend。　I　wondered　how　many　of　them　had　assassins　after　them。　I　was　betting　I　was　one　of　the　few。
　〃You're　quiet；〃　Richard　said。
　〃Yeah。〃
　〃I　won't　ask　what　you're　thinking　about。　I　can　guess。〃
　I　looked　at　him。　The　darkness　of　the　car　wrapped　around　us。　Cars　at　night　are　like　your　own　private　world；　hushed　and　dark；　intimate。　The　lights　of　oning　traffic　swept　over　his　face；　highlighting　it；　then　leaving　us　in　darkness。
　〃How　do　you　know　I'm　not　thinking　about　what　you'd　look　like　without　your　clothes　on？〃
　He　flashed　me　a　grin。　〃Tease。〃
　I　smiled。　〃Sorry。　No　sexual　innuendo　unless　I'm　willing　to　jump　your　bones。〃
　〃That's　your　rule；　not　mine；〃　Richard　said。　〃I'm　a　big　boy。　Give　me　all　the　sexual　innuendo　you　want；　I　can　take　it。〃
　〃If　I'm　not　going　to　sleep　with　you；　it　doesn't　seem　fair。〃
　〃Let　me　worry　about　that；〃　he　said。
　〃Why；　Mr。　Zeeman；　are　you　inviting　me　to　make　sexual　overtures　to　you？〃
　His　smile　widened；　a　whiteness　in　the　dark。　〃Oh；　please。〃
　I　leaned　toward　him　as　far　as　the　seat　belt　would　allow；　putting　a　hand　on　the　back　of　his　seat；　putting　my　face　inches　from　the　smooth　expanse　of　his　neck。　I　took　a　deep　breath　in　and　let　it　out；　slowly；　so　close　to　his　skin　that　my　own　breath　came　back　to　me　like　a　warm　cloud。　I　kissed　the　bend　of　his　neck；　running　my　lips　lightly　up　and　down　the　skin。
　Richard　made　a　small；　contented　sound。
　I　curled　my　knees　into　my　seat；　straining　against　the　seat　belt　so　I　could　kiss　the　big　pulse　in　his　neck；　the　curve　of　his　jaw。　He　turned　his　face　into　me。　We　kissed；　but　my　nerves　weren't　that　good。　I　turned　his　face　away。　〃You　watch　the　road。〃
　He　shifted　gears；　his　upper　arm　brushing　against　my　breasts。　I　sighed　against　him；　putting　my　hand　over　his；　holding　it　on　the　gear　shift；　keeping　his　arm　pressed　against　me。
　We　stayed　frozen　for　a　second；　then　he　moved　against　me；　rubbing。　I　scooted　out　from　under　his　arm；　settling　back　into　my　seat。　I　couldn't　breathe　past　the　pulse　in　my　throat。　I　shivered；　hugging　myself。　The　feel　of　his　body　against　mine　made　places　all　over　my　body　tighten。
　〃What's　wrong？〃　he　said；　his　voice　low　and　soft。
　I　shook　my　head。　〃We　can't　keep　doing　this。〃
　〃If　you　stopped　because　of　me；　I　was　enjoying　myself。〃
　〃So　was　I。　That's　the　problem；〃　I　said。
　Richard　took　in　a　deep　breath　and　let　it　out；　sighing。　〃It's　only　a　problem　because　you　make　it　one；　Anita。〃
　〃Yeah；　right。〃
　〃Marry　me；　Anita；　and　all　this　can　be　yours。〃
　〃I　don't　want　to　marry　you　just　so　I　can　sleep　with　you。〃
　〃If　it　was　only　sex；　I　wouldn't　want　you　to　marry　me；〃　Richard　said。　〃But　it's　cuddling　on　the　couch；　watching　Singing　in　the　Rain。　It's　eating　Chinese　and　knowing　to　get　that　extra　order　of　crab　Rangoon。　I　can　order　for　both　of　us　at　most　of　the　restaurants　in　town。〃
　〃Are　you　saying　I'm　predictable？〃
　〃Don't　do　that。　Don't　belittle　it；〃　he　said。
　I　sighed。　〃I'm　sorry；　Richard。　I　didn't　mean　to。　I　just　。　。　。〃
　I　didn't　know　what　to　say　because　he　was　right。　My　day　was　more　plete　for　having　been　shared　with　Richard。　I　bought　him　a　mug　that　I　just　happened　to　see　in　a　store。　It　had　wolves　on　it；　and　said；　〃In　God's　wildness　lies　the　hope　of　the　world…the　great　fresh；　unblighted；　unredeemed　wilderness。〃　It　was　a　quote　from　John　Muir。　No　special　occasion；　just　saw　it；　knew　Richard　would　like　it；　bought　it。　A　dozen　times　a　day　I'd　hear　something　on　the　radio　or　in　conversation；　and　I'd　think；　I　must　remember　and　tell　Richard。　It　was　Richard　who　took　me　on　my　first　bird…watching　trip　since　college。
　I　had　a　degree　in　biology；　preternatural　biology。　Once　I'd　thought　I'd　spend　my　life　as　a　field　biologist　like　a　preternatural　version　of　Jane　Goodall。　I'd　enjoyed　the　bird…watching；　partly　because　he　was　with　me；　partly　because　I'd　enjoyed　it　years　ago。　It　was　like　I'd　forgotten　that　there　was　life　outside　of　a　gun　barrel　or　a　grave　side。　I'd　been　neck　deep　in　blood　and　death　so　long；　then　Richard　came　along。　Richard　who　was　also　neck　deep　in　strange　stuff；　but　who　managed　to　have　a　life。
　I　couldn't　think　of　anything　better　than　waking　up　beside　him；　reaching　for　his　body　first　thing　in　the　morning；　knowing　I'd　be　ing　home　to　him。　Listening　to　his　collection　of　Rodgers　and　Hammerstein；　watching　his　face　while　he　watched　Gene　Kelly　musicals。
　I　almost　opened　my　mouth　and　said；　let's　do　it；　let's　get　married；　but　I　didn't。　I　loved　Richard；　I　could　admit　that　to　myself；　but　it　wasn't　enough。　There　was　an　assassin　after　me。　How　could　I　involve　a　mild…mannered　junior　high　teacher　in　that　kind　of　life？　He　was　one　of　the　monsters；　but　he　didn't　accept　it。　He　was　in　a　battle　for　leadership　of　the　local　werewolf　pack。　He'd　beaten　the　current　pack　leader；　Marcus；　twice；　and　twice　refused　the　kill。　If　you　didn't　kill；　you　didn't　get　to　be　leader。　Richard　clung　to　his　morals。　Clung　to　values　that　only　worked　when　people　weren't　trying　to　kill　you。　If　I　married　him；　his　chance　at　any　kind　of　normal　life　was　gone。　I　lived　in　a　sort　of　free…fire　zone。　Richard　deserved　better。
　Jean…Claude　lived　in　the　sam