ah.thefinaldiagnosis-第58部分

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　〃Johnny！　Johnny；　darling。〃　It　was　all　she　could　murmur　before　she　began　to　cry　softly。
　After　a　while；　when　he　had　held　her　tightly；　he　moved　back；　then　dried　her　tears　with　the　same　handkerchief　he　had　used　for　his　own。
　Later　still　he　said；　〃Elizabeth；　honey；　if　you're　still　willing；　there's　something　I'd　like　to　do。〃
　〃Whatever　it　is；〃　she　answered；　〃it's　'yes。'　〃
　〃I　guess　you　always　wanted　it；〃　he　said。　〃Now　I　want　it　too。　I'll　write　for　the　papers　tomorrow。　I'm　going　to　try　for　medical　school。〃
　
　Mike　Seddons　got　up　from　the　chair　and　paced　around　the　small　hospital　room。　〃But　it's　ridiculous；〃　he　said　heatedly。　〃It's　absurd；　it　isn't　necessary；　and　I　won't　do　it。〃
　〃For　my　sake；　darling。　Please！〃　From　the　bed　Vivian　eased　herself　around　so　that　her　face　was　toward　him。
　〃But　it　isn't　for　your　sake；　Vivian。　It's　just　some　damn　silly；　stupid　idea　you　might　have　got　out　of　a　fourth…rate　sentimental　novel。〃
　〃Mike　darling；　I　love　you　so　much　when　you　get　mad。　It　goes　with　your　beautiful　red　hair。〃　She　smiled　at　him　fondly　as；　for　the　first　time；　her　mind　moved　away　from　immediate　things。　〃Promise　me　something。〃
　〃What？〃　He　was　still　angry；　the　answer　curt。
　〃Promise　me　that　when　we're　married　sometimes　you'll　get　mad…really　mad…so　we　can　have　fights；　then　afterward　enjoy　the　fun　of　making　up。〃
　He　said　indignantly；　〃That's　just　about　as　daft　a　suggestion　as　the　other　one。　And　anyway；　what's　the　point　of　talking　about　getting　married　when　you　want　me　to　stay　away　from　you？〃
　〃Only　for　a　week；　Mike　dear。　Just　one　week；　that's　all。〃
　〃No！〃
　〃Listen　to　me；　darling。〃　She　urged；　〃Please　e　and　sit　down。　And　listen　to　me…please！〃
　He　hesitated；　then　returned　reluctantly　to　the　chair　at　the　side　of　the　bed。　Vivian　let　her　head　fall　back　on　the　pillows；　her　face　turned　sideways　toward　him。　She　smiled　and　reached　out　her　hand。　He　took　it　gently；　his　anger　dissolving。　Only　a　vague；　disquieting　sense　of　doubt　remained。
　It　was　the　fourth　day　since　Vivian　had　returned　from　surgery；　and　in　the　meanwhile　her　progress　had　been　good。　The　stump　of　her　thigh　was　healing　well；　there　was　still　some　localized　pain　and　inevitable　soreness；　but　the　big　and　overwhelming　agony　of　the　first　two　days　of　recovery　had　eased；　and　yesterday　Dr。　Grainger；　with　Vivian's　knowledge　and　agreement；　had　withdrawn　the　order　for　injections　of　demerol　which　had　helped　dim　the　pain　over　the　worst　period；　now　behind。　Only　one　thing　Vivian　found　distressing…a　surprising　thing　that　she　had　not　anticipated。　The　foot　of　her　amputated　leg…a　foot　that　was　no　longer　there…itched　frequently　with　a　malicious；　recurring　torment；　it　was　anguish　not　to　be　able　to　scratch　it。　At　first　when　the　feeling　came　she　had　groped　with　her　remaining　foot　for　the　sole　of　the　other。　Then　for　a　while；　lightheadedly；　she　had　begun　to　believe　that　there　had　been　no　amputation　after　all。　It　was　only　when　Dr。　Grainger　had　assured　her　that　the　sensation　was　entirely　normal　and　something　experienced　by　most　people　who　had　any　limb　removed　that　she　realized　her　belief　was　illusory。　Nevertheless；　it　was　an　uncanny　feeling　which　Vivian　hoped　would　disappear　soon。
　Psychologically；　too；　her　progress　appeared　to　be　good。　From　the　moment　when；　the　day　before　surgery；　Vivian　had　accepted　the　inevitable　with　the　simple　courage　that　had　so　impressed　itself　on　Mike　Seddons　the　mood　had　continued　and　upheld　her。　There　were　still　moments　of　blackness　and　despair；　they　came　to　her　when　she　was　alone；　and　twice；　waking　at　night；　with　the　hospital　around　her　quiet　and　eerie；　she　had　lain　crying　silently　for　what　had　been　lost。　But　mostly　she　banished　the　moods；　using　her　innate　strength　to　rise　above　them。
　Lucy　Grainger　was　aware　of　this　and　was　grateful；　it　made　easier　her　own　task　of　supervising　the　healing　process。　Nonetheless；　Lucy　knew　that　for　Vivian　the　real　test　of　her　emotions　and　spirit　lay　somewhere　still　ahead。　That　test　would　e　after　the　initial　shock　had　passed；　when　the　real　significance　of　events　had　had　time　to　develop　more　gradually　in　Vivian's　mind　and　when　the　implications　for　the　future　were　closer　and　more　real。　Perhaps　the　moment　might　not　e　for　six　months　or　even　a　year；　but　sooner　or　later　it　would；　and　Lucy　knew　that　at　that　time　Vivian　would　pass　through　the　deep　darkness　of　despair　to　some　permanent　attitude　of　mind　beyond；　whatever　that　might　be。　But　that　was　for　the　future；　for　the　present　the　short…term　prognosis　seemed　reasonably　bright。
　Lucy　knew；　of　course…and　was　aware　that　Vivian　knew　it　too…that　the　possibility　remained　that　the　osteogenic　sara　which　Dr。　Pearson　had　diagnosed　might　have　metastasized　ahead　of　the　amputation；　spreading　its　creeping　malignancy　elsewhere　in　Vivian's　body。　In　that　case　there　would　be　little　more　that　Three　Counties　Hospital；　or　medicine　generally；　could　do　for　Vivian　beyond　temporary；　palliative　relief。　But　later　would　be　time　enough　to　learn　if　that　were　true。　For　the　patient's　sake　it　seemed　best　and　wisest　at　this　moment　to　assume　that　for　Vivian　the　future　stretched　indefinitely　ahead　and　to　help　her　adapt　to　it　actively。
　Today；　also；　Vivian's　beginning　of　recovery　was　reflected　in　her　appearance。　For　the　first　time　since　her　return　from　surgery　she　had　put　on　make…up；　bringing　color　to　her　face。　Earlier　her　mother　had　e　in　to　help　arrange　her　hair；　and　now；　wearing　the　same　nightgown　which　on　a　previous　occasion　had　e　close　to　stirring　Mike　to　indiscretion；　much　of　her　youthful　loveliness　was　back　on　view。
　Now；　as　Mike　took　her　hand；　she　said；　〃Don't　you　understand；　darling；　I　want　to　be　sure…sure　for　my　own　sake　as　much　as　for　yours。〃
　〃But　sure　of　what？〃　On　Mike　Seddons'　cheeks　there　were　two　points　of　high　color。
　She　said　levelly；　〃Sure　that　you　really　love　me。〃
　〃Of　course　I　love　you。〃　He　asked　vehemently；　〃Haven't　I　been　telling　you　that　for　the　past　half…hour？　Haven't　I　said　that　I　want　us　to　marry…as　we　arranged　to　before〃…he　hesitated…〃before　this　happened？　Even　your　mother　and　father　are　in　favor　of　it。　They've　accepted　me；　why　can't　you？〃
　〃Oh；　but　I　do　accept　you；　Mike。　Gratefully　and　gladly。　Whatever　happens　between　us；　I　don't　believe　there　could　ever　be　anything　quite　the　same　again；　at　any　rate〃…for　an　instant　her　voice　faltered…〃not　for　me。〃
　〃Then　why　。　。　。　？〃
　She　pleaded；　〃Please；　Mike。　Hear　me　out。　You　said　you　would。〃
　Impatiently　he　said；　〃Go　on。〃
　〃Whatever　you　may　say；　Mike；　I'm　not　the　same　girl　you　met　that　first　time　we　saw　each　other。　I　can't　be；　ever　again。〃　She　went　on　softly；　intensely；　〃That's　why　I　have　to　be　sure…sure　that　you　love　me　for　what　I　am　and　not　for　what　I　was。　Don't　you　see；　darling；　if　we're　going　to　spend　the　rest　of　our　lives　together；　I　couldn't　bear　to　think…not　later　on；　not　ever…that　you　married　me　。　。　。　out　of　pity。　No；　don't　stop　me；　just　listen。　I　know　you　think　it　isn't　true；　and　perhaps　it　isn't；　and　I　hope　it　isn't…with　all　my　heart。　But；　Mike；　you're　kind　and　generous；　and　you　might　even　be　doing　this…for　that　reason…without　admitting　it　to　yourself。〃
　He　snapped　back；　〃Are　you　suggesting　I　don't　know　my　own　motives？〃
　Vivian　answered　softly；　〃Do　any　of　us　really　know？〃
　〃I　know　mine。〃　He　took　her　hands　gently；　their　faces　close。　〃I　know　that　I　love　you…whole　or　in　part；　yesterday；　today；　or　tomorrow。　And　I　know　that　I　want　to　marry　you…without　doubts；　without　pity；　without　waiting　one　day　longer　than　we　have　to。〃
　〃Then　do　this　one　thing　for　me…because　you　love　me。　Go　away　from　me　now；　and　even　though　you're　in　the　hospital；　don't　e　back　to　see　me　for　one　week…seven　whole　days。〃　Vivian　looked　at　him　levelly。　She　went　on　quietly；　〃In　that　time　think　of　everything…of　me；　what　our　life　would　be　like　together；　how　it　would　be　for　you…living　with　a　cripple；　the　things　we　couldn't　share　and　those　we　could；　our　children…how　it　would　affect　them；　and　through　them；　you；　everything；　Mike…everything　there　is。　Then　when　you've　done　that；　e　back　and　tell　me；　and　if　you're　still　sure；　I　promise　that　I'll　never　question　you　again。　It's　just　seven　days；　darling…seven　days　out　of　both　our　lives。　It　isn't　very　much。〃
　〃Goddam；〃　he　said；　〃you're　obstinate。〃
　〃I　know。〃　She　smiled。　〃You'll　do　it　then？〃
　〃I'll　do　it　for　four　days…no　more。〃
　Vivian　shook　her　head。　〃Six…no　less。〃
　〃Make　it　five；〃　he　said；　〃and　you've　got　a　deal。〃
　She　hesitated　and　Mike　said；　〃It's　positively　my　best　offer。〃
　Vivian　laughed；　it　was　the　first　time　she　had。　〃All　right。　Five　days　from　this　moment。〃
　〃Like　hell　from　this　moment！〃　Mike　said。　〃Maybe　ten　minutes　from　now。　First　I've　got　a　little　storing　up　to　do。　For　a　young　fellow　with　my　hot　blood　five　days　is　a　long　time。〃
　He　moved　the　bedside　chair　closer；　then　reached　out。　It　was　a　long　kiss；　alternately　passionate　and　tender。
　At　the　end　Vivian　made　a　grimace　and　broke　away。　She　sighed　and　eased　herself　to　a　new　position　in　the　bed。
　Mike　inquired　anxiously；　〃Is　something　wrong？〃
　Vivian　shook　her　head。　〃Not　really。〃　Then　she　asked　him；　〃Mike；　where　have　they　got　my　leg…the　gone　one；　I　mean？〃
　He　seemed　startled；　then　told　her；　〃In　Pathology…in　a　refrigerator；　I　expect。〃
　Vivian　drew　in　a　long　breath；　then　expelled　it　slowly。　〃Mike　darling；〃　she　said；　〃please　go　downstairs　and　scratch　the　foot。〃
　
　The　hospital's　board　room　was　crowded。　News　of　the　emergency　meeting　had　gone　swiftly　around　the　hospital；　and　physicians　not　attending　Three　Counties　that　day　had　been　notified　in　their　downtown　offices　and　at　home。　Rumors　of　Joe　Pearson's　downfall　and　his　impending　departure　had　also　traveled　with　equal　speed　and　had　been　the　subject　of　a　buzz　of　discussion　which　had　quieted　as　Pearson　entered；　the　administrator　and　David　Coleman　with　him。
　Kent　O'Donnell　was　already　at　the　head　of　the　long　walnut　table。　Glancing　around；　he　could　see　most　of　the　familiar　faces。　Gil　Bartlett；　his　beard　wagging　rapidly；　was　chatting　with　Roger　Hilton；　the　young　surgeon　who　had　joined　Three　Counties'　staff　a　month　or　two　ago。　John　McEwan；　the　e。n。t。　specialist；　was　in　what　appeared　to　be　a　heated　discussion　with　Ding　Dong　Bell　and　fat　Lewis　Toynbee；　the　internist。　Bill　Rufus；　a　tie　of　brilliant　green　and　yellow　marking　him　out　from　the　crowd；　was　about　to　seat　himself　in　the　second　row　of　chairs。　Immediate