cb.booksofblood2-第15部分

按键盘上方向键 ← 或 → 可快速上下翻页，按键盘上的 Enter 键可回到本书目录页，按键盘上方向键 ↑ 可回到本页顶部！
————未阅读完？加入书签已便下次继续阅读！


evoted　to　this　woman　who　tolerated　my　possession　of　her　body。
　My　work　became　an　irritation；　a　distraction　that　came　between　me　and　thinking　of　my　beloved。　What　reputation　I　had　began　to　deteriorate；　I　lost　briefs；　I　lost　credibility。　In　the　space　of　two　or　three　months　my　professional　life　dwindled　away　to　almost　nothing。　Friends　despaired　of　me；　colleagues　avoided　me。
　It　wasn't　that　she　was　feeding　on　me。　I　want　to　be　clear　about　that。　She　was　no　lamia；　no　succubus。　What　happened　to　me；　my　fall　from　grace　with　ordinary　life　if　you　like；　was　of　my　own　making。　She　didn't　bewitch　me；　that's　a　romantic　lie　to　excuse　rape。　She　was　a　sea：　and　I　had　to　swim　in　her。　Does　that　make　any　sense？　I'd　lived　my　life　on　the　shore；　in　the　solid　world　of　law；　and　I　was　tired　of　it。　She　was　liquid；　a　boundless　sea　in　a　single　body；　a　deluge　in　a　small　room；　and　I　will　gladly　drown　in　her；　if　she　grants　me　the　chance。　But　that　was　my　decision。　Understand　that。　This　has　always　been　my　decision。　I　have　decided　to　go　to　the　room　tonight；　and　be　with　her　one　final　time。　That　is　of　my　own　free　will。
　And　what　man　would　not？　She　was　（is）　sublime。
　For　a　month　after　that　demonstration　of　power　I　lived　in　a　permanent　ecstasy　of　her。　When　I　was　with　her　she　showed　me　ways　to　love　beyond　the　limits　of　any　other　creature　on　God's　earth。　I　say　beyond　the　limits：　with　her　there　were　no　limits。　And　when　I　was　away　from　her　the　reverie　continued：　because　she　seemed　to　have　changed　my　world。
　
　Then　she　left　me。
　I　knew　why：　she'd　gone　to　find　someone　to　teach　her　how　to　use　strength。　But　understanding　her　reasons　made　it　no　easier。
　I　broke　down：　lost　my　job；　lost　my　identity；　lost　the　few　friends　I　had　left　in　the　world。　I　scarcely　noticed。　They　were　minor　losses；　beside　the　loss　of　Jacqueline。　。　。'
　
　'Jacqueline。'
　My　God；　she　thought；　can　this　really　be　the　most　influential　man　in　the　country？　He　looked　so　unpre…possessing；　so　very　unspectacular。　His　chin　wasn't　even　strong。
　But　Titus　Penifer　was　power。
　He　ran　more　monopolies　than　he　could　count；　his　word　in　the　financial　world　could　break　panies　like　sticks；　destroying　the　ambitions　of　hundreds；　the　careers　of　thousands。　Fortunes　were　made　overnight　in　his　shadow；　entire　corporations　fell　when　he　blew　on　them；　casualties　of　his　whim。　This　man　knew　power　if　any　man　knew　it。　He　had　to　be　learned　from。
　'You　wouldn't　mind　if　I　called　you　J。；　would　you？'
　'No。'
　'Have　you　been　waiting　long？'
　'Long　enough。'
　'I　don't　normally　leave　beautiful　women　waiting。'
　'Yes　you　do。'
　She　knew　him　already：　two　minutes　in　his　presence　was　enough　to　find　his　measure。　He　would　e　quickest　to　her　if　she　was　quietly　insolent。
　'Do　you　always　call　women　you've　never　met　before　by　their　initials？'
　'It's　convenient　for　filing；　do　you　mind？'　'It　depends。'
　'On　what？'
　'What　I　get　in　return　for　giving　you　the　privilege。'
　'It's　a　privilege；　is　it；　to　know　your　name？'
　'Yes。'
　'Well。　。　。　I'm　flattered。　Unless　of　course　you　grant　that　privilege　widely？'
　She　shook　her　head。　No；　he　could　see　she　wasn't　profligate　with　her　affections。
　'Why　have　you　waited　so　long　to　see　me？'　he　said。　'Why　have　I　had　reports　of　your　wearing　my　secretaries　down　with　your　constant　demands　to　meet　with　me？　Do　you　want　money？　Because　if　you　do　you'll　go　away　empty…handed。　I　became　rich　by　being　mean；　and　the　richer　I　get；　the　meaner　I　bee。'
　The　remark　was　truth；　he　spoke　it　plainly。
　'I　don't　want　money；'　she　said；　equally　plainly。
　'That's　refreshing。'
　'There's　richer　than　you。'
　He　raised　his　eyebrows　in　surprise。　She　could　bite；　this　beauty。
　'True；'　he　said。　There　were　at　least　half　a　dozen　richer　men　in　the　hemisphere。
　'I'm　not　an　adoring　little　nobody。　I　haven't　e　here　to　screw　a　name。　I've　e　here　because　we　can　be　together。　We　have　a　great　deal　to　offer　each　other。'
　'Such　as？'　he　said。
　'I　have　my　body。'
　He　smiled。　It　was　the　straightest　offer　he'd　heard　in　years。
　'And　what　do　I　offer　you　in　return　for　such　largesse？'
　'I　want　to　learn　…'
　'Learn？'
　'…　how　to　use　power。'
　She　was　stranger　and　stranger；　this　one。
　'What　do　you　mean？'　he　replied；　playing　for　time。　He　hadn't　got　the　measure　of　her；　she　vexed　him；　confounded　him。
　'Shall　I　recite　it　for　you　again；　in　bourgeois？'　she　said；　playing　insolence　with　such　a　smile　he　almost　felt　attractive　again。
　'No　need。　You　want　to　learn　to　use　power。　I　suppose　I　could　teach　you　…'
　'I　know　you　can。'
　'You　realize　I'm　a　married　man。　Virginia　and　I　have　been　together　eighteen　years。'
　'You　have　three　sons；　four　houses；　a　maid…servant　called　Mirabelle。　You　loathe　New　York；　and　you　love　Bangkok；　your　shirt　collar　is　161/2；　your　favourite　colour　green。'
　'Turquoise。'
　'You're　getting　subtler　in　your　old　age。'
　'I'm　not　old。'
　'Eighteen　years　a　married　man。　It　ages　you　prematurely。'
　'Not　me。'
　'Prove　it。'
　'How？'
　'Take　me。'
　'What？'
　'Take　me。'
　'Here？'
　'Draw　the　blinds；　lock　the　door；　turn　off　the　puter　terminal；　and　take　me。　I　dare　you。'
　'Dare？'
　How　long　was　it　since　anyone　had　dared　him　to　do　anything？
　'Dare？'
　He　was　excited。　He　hadn't　been　so　excited　in　a　dozen　years。　He　drew　the　blinds；　locked　the　door；　turned　off　the　video　display　of　his　fortunes。
　My　God；　she　thought；　I've　got　him。
　
　It　wasn't　an　easy　passion；　not　like　that　with　Vassi。　For　one　thing；　Pettifer　was　a　clumsy；　uncultured　lover。　For　another；　he　was　too　nervous　of　his　wife　to　be　a　wholly　successful　adulterer。　He　thought　he　saw　Virginia　everywhere：　in　the　lobbies　of　the　hotels　they　took　a　room　in　for　the　afternoon；　in　cabs　cruising　the　street　outside　their　rendezvous；　once　even　（he　swore　the　likeness　was　exact）　dressed　as　a　waitress；　and　swabbing　down　a　table　in　a　restaurant。　All　fictional　fears；　but　they　dampened　the　spontaneity　of　the　romance　somewhat。
　Still；　she　was　learning　from　him。　He　was　as　brilliant　a　potentate　as　he　was　inept　a　lover。　She　learned　how　to　be　powerful　without　exercising　power；　how　to　keep　one's　self　uncontaminated　by　the　foulness　all　charisma　stirs　up　in　the　uncharismatic；　how　to　make　the　plain　decisions　plainly；　how　to　be　merciless。　Not　that　she　needed　much　education　in　that　particular　quarter。　Perhaps　it　was　more　truthful　to　say　he　taught　her　never　to　regret　her　absence　of　instinctive　passion；　but　to　judge　with　her　intellect　alone　who　deserved　extinction　and　who　might　be　numbered　amongst　the　righteous。
　Not　once　did　she　show　herself　to　him；　though　she　used　her　skills　in　the　most　secret　of　ways　to　tease　pleasure　out　of　his　stale　nerves。
　In　the　fourth　week　of　their　affair　they　were　lying　side　by　side　in　a　lilac　room；　while　the　mid…afternoon　traffic　growled　in　the　street　below。　It　had　been　a　bad　bout　of　sex；　he　was　nervous；　and　no　tricks　would　coax　him　out　of　himself。　It　was　over　quickly；　almost　without　heat。
　He　was　going　to　tell　her　something。　She　knew　it：　it　was　waiting；　this　revelation；　somewhere　at　the　back　of　his　throat。　Turning　to　him　she　massaged　his　temples　with　her　mind；　and　soothed　him　into　speech。
　He　was　about　to　spoil　the　day。
　He　was　about　to　spoil　his　career。
　He　was　about；　God　help　him；　to　spoil　his　life。
　'I　have　to　stop　seeing　you；'　he　said。
　He　wouldn't　dare；　she　thought。
　'I'm　not　sure　what　I　know　about　you；　or　rather；　what　I　think　I　know　about　you；　but　it　makes　me。　。　。　cautious　of　you；　J。　Do　you　understand？'
　'No。'
　'I'm　afraid　I　suspect　you　of。　。　。　crimes。'
　'Crimes？'
　'You　have　a　history。'
　'Who's　been　rooting？'　she　asked。　'Surely　not　Virginia？'
　'No；　not　Virginia；　she's　beyond　curiosity。'
　'Who　then？'
　'It's　not　your　business。'
　'Who？'
　She　pressed　lightly　on　his　temples。　It　hurt　him　and　he　winced。
　'What's　wrong？'　she　asked。
　'My　head's　aching。'
　'Tension；　that's　all；　just　tension。　I　can　take　it　away；　Titus。'　She　touched　her　fingers　to　his　forehead；　relaxing　her　hold　on　him。　He　sighed　as　relief　came。
　'Is　that　better？'
　'Yes。'
　'Who's　been　snooping；　Titus？'
　
　'I　have　a　personal　secretary。　Lyndon。　You've　heard　me　speak　of　him。　He　knew　about　our　relationship　from　the　beginning。　Indeed；　he　books　the　hotels；　arranges　my　cover　stories　for　Virginia。'
　There　was　a　sort　of　boyishness　in　this　speech；　that　was　rather　touching。　As　though　he　was　embarrassed　to　leave　her；　rather　than　heartbroken。　'Lyndon's　quite　a　miracle…worker。　He's　maneuvered　a　lot　of　things　to　make　it　easier　between　us。　So　he's　got　nothing　against　you。　It's　just　that　he　happened　to　see　one　of　the　photographs　I　took　of　you。　I　gave　them　to　him　to　shred。'
　'Why？'
　'I　shouldn't　have　taken　them；　it　was　a　mistake。　Virginia　might　have。。　。'　He　paused；　began　again。　'Anyhow；　he　recognized　you；　although　he　couldn't　remember　where　he'd　seen　you　before。'
　'But　he　remembered　eventually。'
　'He　used　to　work　for　one　of　my　newspapers；　as　a　gossip　columnist。　That's　how　he　came　to　be　my　personal　assistant。　He　remembered　you　from　your　previous　incarnation；　as　it　were。　Jacqueline　Ess；　the　wife　of　Benjamin　Ess；　deceased。'
　'Deceased。'
　'He　brought　me　some　other　photographs；　not　as　pretty　as　the　ones　of　you。'
　'Photographs　of　what？'
　'Your　home。　And　the　body　of　your　husband。　They　said　it　was　a　body；　though　in　God's　name　there　was　precious　little　human　being　left　in　it。'
　'There　was　precious　little　to　start　with；'　she　said　simply；　thinking　of　Ben's　cold　eyes；　and　colder　hands。　Fit　only　to　be　shut　up；　and　forgotten。
　'What　happened？'
　'To　Ben？　He　was　killed。'
　'How？'　Did　his　voice　waver　a　little？
　'Very　easily。'　She　had　risen　from　the　bed；　and　was　standing　by　the　window。　Strong　summer　light　carved　its　way　through　the　slats　of　the　blind；　ridges　of　shadow　and　sunlight　charting　the　contours　of　her　face。
　'You　did　it。'
　'Yes。'　He　had　taught　her　to　be　plain。　'Yes；　I　did　it。'
　He　had　taught　her　an　economy　of　threat　too。　'Leave　me；　and　I'll　do　the　same　again。'
　He　shook　his　head。　'Never。　You　wouldn't　dare。'
　He　was　standing　in　front　of　her　now。
　'We　must　understand　each　other；　J。　I　am　powerful　and　I　am　pure。　Do　you　see？　My　public　face　isn't　even　touched　by　a　glimmer　of　scandal。　I　could　afford　a　mistress；　a　dozen　mistresses；　to　be　revealed。　But　a　murderess？　No；　that　would　spoil　my　life。'
　'Is　he　blackmailing　you？　This　Lyndon？'
　He　st