ericlustbader.the ninja-第6部分

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　'I　could　not　forget　this　poison；　Ray；　no　matter　how　many　years　have　passed。　A　patrol　went　out　one　night。　Five　men。　Only　one　returned　and　he　just　made　it　to　the　perimeter。　We'd　heard　no　shots；　nothing　but　the　birds　and　the　buzz　of　the　insects　。。。　It　was　odd；　that　kind　of　stillness；　almost　creepy；　we'd　been　fired　upon　by　snipers　all　through　the　day　and　every　day　for　about　a　week。'　Doc　Deerforth　took　a　deep　breath　before　plunging　onwards。　Anyway；　they　brought　me　the　man　who'd　e　back。　He　was　a　boy；　really。　No　more　than　nineteen。　He　was　still　alive　and　I　began　to　work　on　him。　I　did　everything　I　could；　everything　in　and　out　of　the　book；　but　I　was　helpless。　He　literally　died　before　my　eyes。〃
　'Dying　of　this　stuff？'
　Doc　Deerforth　nodded　bleakly。　'The　same。'
　'Do　you　want　me　to　go？'　Nicholas　asked　her。
　'Yes；'　Justine　said。　'No。　I　don't　know。'　She　stood　behind　the　couch；　her　fingers　pulled　distractedly　at　the　tufted　Haitian　cotton。　'My　God；　but　you　confuse　me。'
　'I　don't　mean　to；'　he　offered。
　'Words　don't　mean　anything。〃
　He　was　quite　startled　to　see　that　her　face　in　profile　seemed　remarkably　different；　as　if　he　were　seeing　her　now　from　the　perspective　of　a　different　age；　some　other　life。　In　this　respect；　she　reminded　him　of　Yukio。　Of　course　with　Yukio　he　had　always　imagined　it　to　be　the　diverse　mixture　of　her　heritage；　shrouded　in　some　mysterious　world　to　which　he　did　not　belong　and　to　which　he　had　brought　but　the　insight　of　an　alien。　That；　he　knew　now；　had　been　a　purely　Westernized　response　to　what　was；　quite　obviously；　inexplicable　and　it　somehow　confounded　him　that　here；　in　the　West；　it　should　strike　him　so　differently。　Perhaps　it　was　but　the　passage　of　time　…　a　certain　distancing　from　the　anguish　…　which　enabled　him　at　last　to　see　Yukio　for　what　she　really　was；　to　him　and　to　those　around　him。　It　was；　he　thought；　the　space　he　had　gained　from　all　the　ramified；　ritualized　patterns　of　his　life　in　Japan；　which　allowed　him　to　realize　the　mistakes　he　had　mitted；　to　understand　the　role　of　his　participation　in　it　all。
　Justine　stirred　on　the　other　side　of　the　couch；　as　far　from　him　as　if　she　were　in　another　country；　and　he　smelled　her　fragrance。
　'It's　late；'　she　said。　But　it　made　no　sense；　was　meant；　he　supposed；　to　fill　a　void　that　was　being　too　threatening　for　her。
　Bur　this　kind　of　inner　tension　was　one　of　the　things　that　most　intrigued　him　about　her。　Oh　yes；　she　was　extraordinarily　beautiful　in　his　eyes；　if　he　had　passed　her　on　a　busy　Manhattan　street；　he　would　surely　have　turned　his　head；　even；　perhaps；　followed　her　into　Bendel's　or　Botticelli　before　he　lost　her　in　a　swelling　crowd；　what　else　does　he　do　with　that　kind　of　fantasy？　When　one　followed　them　up；　one　was　invariably　disappointed。　Then　she　would　have　been　on　his　mind　for　an　hour　or　so。　But　so　what？　Physical　beauty；　he　had　learned　quite　early；　was　the　arbiter　of　nothing；　could　even　be　a　dangerous　and　bloody　thing。　More　than　anything　else；　he　needed　a　challenge；　with　women　as　much　as　with　all　the　interests　in　his　life。　For　he　felt　quite　deeply　that　nothing　in　life　was　worth　possessing　without　a　struggle　…　even　love；　especially　love。　This　too　he　had　learned　in　Japan；　where　women　were　like　flowers　one　had　to　unfold　like　origami；　with　infinite　care　and　deliberateness　finding　that；　when　fully　opened；　they　were　filled　with　exquisite　tenderness　and　devious　violence。
　Just　the　creamy　splash　of　the　surf　now；　the　record　gathering　dust　on　the　immobile　turn…table。　There　came　the　cry　of　a　gull；　lonely　and　querulous　as　if　it　had　somehow　lost　its　way。
　He　wondered　what　he　had　to　do；　whether　he　really　wanted　to　do　anything。　After　all；　there　was　fear　inside　him；　too。
　'Have　you　been　with　many　women？'　she　asked　abruptly。　He　saw　that　her　arms；　as　rigid　as　pillars；　were　trembling　and　that　she　had　brought　her　head　up　with　an　effort。　She　stared　at　him；　daring　him　to　deride　her　or；　perhaps；　revile　her；　confirming　her　suspicions　of　him　and；　more　generally；　of　men。
　'That's　an　odd　question　to　ask。'
　She　turned　her　head　slightly　and　he　saw　the　warm　lamplight　define　the　bridge　of　her　nose；　slide　down　into　the　hollow　beneath　one　eye；　at　the　crest　of　her　neck。　The　crimson　motes　were　like　points　of　burnished　brass；　the　right　side　of　her　face　was　entirely　in　shadow。　'Will　you　answer　it？'
　He　smiled。　'Some　that　I've　not　cared　about。　Few　that　I　have。〃
　And　all　the　while　she　watched　his　eyes　for　any　hint　that　he　might　be　mocking　her。　She　found　none。
　'What　is　it　you　wish　to　know；　Justine？'　he　said　softly。　'Are　you　afraid　I　won't　tell　you？〃
　'No。'　She　shook　her　head。　'I'm　afraid　that　you　will。'　Her　nails　plucked　at　the　nubs　of　cotton　as　a　musician　fingers　the　strings　of　a　harp。　'I　want　to　and　I　don't　want　to；'　she　said　after　a　while。
　He　was　about　to　say；　with　a　smile；　that　it　wasn't　so　serious　but　he　realized　that　it　was；　he　knew　what　she　was　talking　about。　He　came　around　the　end　of　the　sofa；　stood　by　her。　'It's　only　me；　Justine；'　he　said；　'who's　here。　There's　only　the　two　of　us。'
　'I　know。'　But　it　was　not　enough　because　she　had　said　it　like　a　little　girl　who　did　not　quite　believe　what　she　was　saying；　wanting　only　some　outside　reassurance　for　an　important　inner　act。
　She　broke　away　from　this　tight　orbit；　perhaps　feeling　the　increasing　magnetism　beginning　to　influence　the　balance；　and　went　across　the　room　to　stand　in　front　of　the　large　window。　The　outside　lights　were　still　on；　and　beyond　the　porch　and　the　fluttering　pitiful　moths　the　sea　broke　endlessly　onto　the　shore；　the　sand　now　as　dark　as　coal。
　'You　know；　for　some　reason　this　view　reminds　me　of　San　Francisco。'
　'When　were　you　there？'　he　asked；　ing　round　and　sitting　on　one　arm　of　the　sofa。
　'About　two　years　ago；　I　guess。　I　was　there　for　eighteen　months；　almost。'
　'Why'd　you　leave？'
　'I　…　broke　up　with　someone。　Came　back　here。　Returned　to　the　East；　the　prodigal　daughter；　into　the　bosom　of　her　family。'　For　some　reason　that　struck　her　as　funny；　but　the　laugh　seemed　to　strangle　and　die　in　her　throat。
　'You　loved　the　city。'
　'Yes；'　she　said。　'Yes；　I　did　that。　Very　much。〃
　'Then　why　leave　it？'
　'I　…　had　to。'　She　lifted　her　slim　hand；　then　looked　at　it；　surprised　that　it　was　in　that　position。　'I　was　a　different　person　then。　Not　at　all　secure。'　She　clasped　her　hands　in　front　of　her；　arms　extended　downwards。　'I　was　so　vulnerable。　I　felt　…　I　guess　I　felt　that　I　couldn't　stay　there　by　myself。　There　was　a　kind　of　wind　sailing　through　me。'　As　if　it　were　an　afterthought；　she　said；　'It　was　a　stupid　situation。　/　was　stupid。'　She　shook　her　head　as　if　she　still　could　not　believe　how　she　had　acted。
　'I've　been　there　twice；'　Nicholas　said。　'San　Francisco；　I　mean。　I　fell　in　love　with　it。　Its　size；　its　whiteness　viewed　from　Mill　Valley。'　He　was　watching　the　thin　line　of　phosphorescence；　almost　transparent；　that　marked　the　rise　of　the　surf　and　its　subsequent　fall　to　earth；　ing　in；　ing　in。　'I　used　to　go　down　to　the　shore　just　to　watch　the　Pacific　and　think：　Here　are　these　waves　rolling　in；　rolling　all　the　way　across　the　world　from　Japan。'
　'Why　did　you　leave？'　she　asked。　'What　made　you　e　here？'
　He　took　a　deep　breath。　'That's　difficult　to　sum　up　in　words。　I　suppose　it　was　an　aggregate　of　many　things；　a　slow　accretion。　My　father；　you　know；　he　wanted　to　e　to　America。　He　loved　Japan。　Fought　for　it；　always。　He　might　have　e　here　himself　but　…　it　wasn't　his　karma；　I　suppose。　It　was　something　he　regretted。'　The　spume　was　like　silver　lace　far　away　…　out　there　on　the　bosom　of　the　sea。　'If　there　is　a　part　of　him　within　me；　then　he's　here　now　and　that　makes　me　feel　all　right。'
　'Do　you　really　believe　that？　Life　after　…'
　He　smiled。　'Oh　yes。　Oh　no。　I　cannot　tell　you　truthfully。　East　meets　West　inside　me　like　swirling　currents　and　there　is　a　kind　of　tug　of　war。　But　about　my　father；　my　mother。　They　are　with　me；　yes。'
　'It　seems　so　odd　…'
　'Only　because　we　are　here；　standing　on　a　porch　in　West　Bay　Bridge。　If　we　were　in　Asia。。。'　He　shrugged　as　if　this　explanation　were　sufficient。　'And；　too；　I　came　here　to　prove　to　myself　that　I　could　be　a　Westerner　as　well　as　an　Easterner。　I　majored　in　mass　munications　at　college；　launched　into　the　atom　age。　Advertising　seemed　a　logical　choice　once　I　came　here　and　I　was　lucky　enough　to　find　someone　who　was　willing　to　take　a　chance　on　me　as　a　raw　trainee。'　He　laughed。　'It　turned　out　I　was　a　natural。'
　She　turned　her　body　sideways　to　the　surf；　facing　him　fully。　She　came　and　stood　next　to　him。　Her　long　hair　swirled；　a　link；　they　had　not　touched。　'Do　you　want　me？'　she　whispered　like　the　tide。　'Do　you　want　to　make　love　to　me？'
　'Yes；'　he　said；　watching　her　eyes；　their　expanded　pupils　darkening　the　green　to　black。　He　felt　a　tightening　in　his　stomach；　no　longer　quite　certain　of　his　own　ghosts；　feeling　a　filament　of　fear；　a　feather　brushing　the　base　of　his　spine。　'Do　you　want　to　make　love　to　me？〃
　She　said　nothing；　he　felt　the　nearness　of　her　hand　rather　than　saw　it；　mesmerized　by　her　eyes；　the　glowing　motes…e　people　nets。　He　felt　its　heat；　then　the　tips　of　her　fingers　touching　the　skin　of　his　biceps；　curled　around　the　muscles　there；　firmly　but　without　squeezing；　and　it　seemed　to　him　that　the　simple　gesture　municated　so　much　that　it　was　as　if　she　had　never　done　it　before；　that　it　had　never　been　done　to　him　before　in　just　that　way。　And　that　first　contact　was　so　electrically　tender　that　he　felt　the　muscles　of　his　thighs　trembling；　a　sighing　in　his　heart　begin。
　He　wrapped　her　slowly　in　his　arms　and　he　was　quite　certain　she　cried　out；　a　tiny　burst　of　erotic　emotion；　'Oh　I'　the　abandoned　ardour　of　the　music；　just　before　his　lips　covered　hers。　Immediately　her　mouth　opened　under　his　and　he　felt　the　length　of　her　body　pressing　against　his；　building　heat　at　the　fulcra　of　breasts；　belly　and　the　juncture　of　her　thighs。
　How　hot　she　seemed　as　his　lips　caressed　her　long　neck；　tracing　the　rounded　edge　of　her　collarbone。　His　hands　pulled　at　her　shirt。　Her　lips　were　at　his　ear；　her　tongue　circling；　circling　like　that　last　hungry　gull　above　the　night…dark　beach；　and　she　whispered；　'Not　here。　Not　here。　Please　…'
　Lifting　her　arms　and　the　shirt　came　off；　his　fingers　stroked　her　spine；　the　deep　long　indentation。　She　shivered　and　moaned　as　he　licked　under　her　arms；　moving　slowly　to　her　full　breasts；　the　nipples