rl.thebourneidentity-第25部分

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　'I　hit　you。　I　threatened　to　kill　you。'
　'If　I'd　been　you；　and　men　were　trying　to　kill　me；　I　probably　would　have　done　the　same　…　if　I　were　capable。'
　'So　you　drove　out　of　Zurich？'
　'Not　at　first；　not　for　a　half　hour　or　so。　I　had　to　calm　down；　reach　my　decision。　I'm　methodical。'
　'I'm　beginning　to　see　that'
　'I　was　a　wreck；　a　mess；　I　needed　clothes；　hairbrush；　makeup。　I　couldn't　walk　anywhere。　I　found　a　telephone　booth　down　by　the　river；　and　there　was　no　one　around；　so　I　got　out　of　the　car　and　called　a　colleague　at　the　hotel。。。'
　〃The　Frenchman？　The　Belgian？'　interrupted　Jason。
　'No。　They'd　been　at　the　Bertinelli　lecture；　and　if　they　had　recognized　me　up　on　the　stage　with　you；　I　assumed　they'd　given　my　name　to　the　police。　Instead；　I　called　a　woman　who's　a　member　of　our　delegation；　she　loathes　Bertinelli　and　was　in　her　room。　We've　worked　together　for　several　years　and　we're　friends。　I　told　her　that　if　she　heard　anything　about　me　to　disregard　it；　I　was　perfectly　all　right。　As　a　matter　of　fact；　if　anyone　asked　about　me；　she　was　to　say　I　was　with　a　friend　for　the　evening　…　for　the　night；　if　pressed。　That　I'd　left　the　Bertinelli　lecture　early。〃
　'Methodical；'　said　Bourne。
　'Yes。'　Marie　allowed　herself　a　tentative　smile。　'I　asked　her　to　go　to　my　room　…　we're　only　two　doors　away　from　each　other　and　the　night　maid　knows　we're　friends。　If　no　one　was　there　she　was　to　put　some　clothes　and　make…up　in　my　suitcase　and　e　back　to　her　room。　I'd　call　her　in　five　minutes。'
　'She　just　accepted　what　you　said？'
　'I　told　you；　we're　friends。　She　knew　I　was　all　right；　excited　perhaps；　but　all　right。　And　that　I　wanted　her　to　do　as　I　asked。'　Marie　paused　again。　'She　probably　thought　I　was　telling　her　the　truth。'
　'Go　ahead。〃
　'I　called　her　back　and　she　had　my　things。'
　'Which　means　the　two　other　delegates　didn't　give　your　name　to　the　police。　Your　room　would　have　been　watched；　sealed　off。'
　'I　don't　know　whether　they　did　or　not　But　if　they　did；　my　friend　was　probably　questioned　quite　a　while　ago。　She'd　simply　say　what　I　told　her　to　say。'
　'She　was　at　the　Carillon；　you　were　down　at　the　river。　How　did　you　get　your　things？'
　'It　was　quite　simple。　A　little　tacky；　but　simple。　She　spoke　to　the　night　maid；　telling　her　I　was　avoiding　one　man　at　the　hotel；　seeing　another　outside。　I　needed　my　overnight　case　and　could　she　suggest　a　way　to　get　it　to　me。　To　a　car。。。　down　at　the　river。　An　off…duty　waiter　brought　it　to　me。'
　'Wasn't　he　surprised　at　the　way　you　looked？'
　'He　didn't　have　much　of　a　chance　to　see　anything。　I　opened　the　boot；　stayed　in　the　car；　and　told　him　to　put　it　in　the　back。　I　left　a　ten…franc　note　on　the　spare　tyre。'
　'You're　not　methodical；　you're　remarkable。'
　'Methodical　will　do。'
　'How　did　you　find　the　doctor？'
　'Right　here。　The　concierge；　or　whatever　he's　called　in　Switzerland。　Remember；　I'd　wrapped　you　up　as　best　I　could；　reduced　the　bleeding　as　much　as　possible。　Like　most　people；　I　have　a　working　knowledge　of　first　aid；　that　meant　I　had　to　remove　some　of　your　clothing。　I　found　the　money　and　then　I　understood　what　you　meant　by　finding　a　doctor　you　could　pay。　You　have　thousands　and　thousands　of　dollars　on　you。　I　know　the　rates　of　exchange。'
　That's　only　the　beginning。〃
　'What？'
　'Never　mind。'　He　tried　to　rise　again；　it　was　too　difficult　'Aren't　you　afraid　of　me？　Afraid　of　what　you've　done？'
　'Of　course　I　am。　But　I　know　what　you　did　for　me。'
　'You're　more　trusting　than　I'd　be　under　the　circumstances。'
　〃Then　perhaps　you're　not　that　aware　of　the　circumstances。　You're　still　very　weak　and　I　have　the　gun。　Besides；　you　don't　have　any　clothes。'
　'None？'
　'Not　even　a　pair　of　shorts。　I've　thrown　everything　away。　You'd　look　a　little　foolish　running　down　the　street　in　a　plastic　money　belt'
　Bourne　laughed　through　his　pain；　remembering　La　Ciotat　and　the　Marquis　de　Chambord。　'Methodical；'　he　said。
　'Very。'
　'What　happens　now？'
　'I've　written　out　the　name　of　the　doctor　and　paid　a　week's　rent　for　the　room。　The　concierge　will　bring　you　meals　starting　at　noon　today。　I'll　stay　here　until　mid…morning。　It's　nearly　six　o'clock；　it　should　be　light　soon。　Then　I'D　return　to　the　hotel　for　the　rest　of　my　things　and　my　airline　tickets；　and　do　my　best　to　avoid　any　mention　of　you。'
　'Suppose　you　can't？　Suppose　you　were　identified？'
　I'll　deny　it。　It　was　dark。　The　whole　place　was　hi　panic。'
　'Now　you're　not　being　methodical。　At　least；　not　as　methodical　as　the　Zurich　police　would　be。　I've　got　a　better　way。　Call　your　friend　and　tell　her　to　pack　the　rest　of　your　clothes　and　settle　your　bill。　Take　as　much　money　as　you　want　from　me　and　grab　the　first　plane　to　Canada。　It's　easier　to　deny　long　distance。'
　She　looked　at　him　in　silence；　then　nodded。　That's　very　tempting。'
　'It's　very　logical。'
　She　continued　to　stare　at　him　a　moment　longer；　the　tension　inside　her　building；　conveyed　by　her　eyes。　She　turned　away　and　walked　to　the　window；　looking　out　at　the　earliest　rays　of　the　morning　sun。　He　watched　her；　feeling　the　intensity；　knowing　its　roots；　seeing　her　face　in　the　pale　orange　glow　of　dawn。　There　was　nothing　he　could　do；　she　had　done　what　she　felt　she　had　to　do　because　she　had　been　released　from　terror。　From　a　kind　of　terrible　degradation　no　man　could　really　understand。　From　death。　And　in　doing　what　she　did；　she　had　broken　all　the　rules。　She　whipped　her　head　towards　him；　her　eyes　glaring。
　'Who　are　you？'
　'You　heard　what　they　said。'
　'I　know　what　I　saw！　What　I　feel'
　'Don't　try　to　justify　what　you　did。　You　simply　did　it；　that's　all。　Let　it　be。'
　Let　it　be。　Oh；　God；　you　could　have　let　me　be。　And　there　would　have　been　peace。　But　now　you　have　given　part　of　my　life　back　to　me；　and　I've　got　to　struggle　again；　face　it　again。
　Suddenly；　she　was　standing　at　the　foot　of　the　bed；　the　gun　in　her　hand。　She　pointed　it　at　him　and　her　voice　trembled。　'Should　I　undo　it　then？　Should　I　call　the　police　and　tell　them　to　e　and　take　you？'
　'A　few　hours　ago　I　would　have　said　go　ahead。　I　can't　bring　myself　to　say　it　now。'
　Then　who　are　you？〃
　They　say　my　name　is　Bourne。　Jason　Charles　Bourne。'
　'What　does　that　mean？　〃They　say〃？'
　He　stared　at　the　gun；　at　the　dark　circle　of　its　barrel。　There　was　nothing　left　but　the　truth　…　as　he　knew　the　truth。
　'What　does　it　mean？'　he　repeated。　'You　know　almost　as　much　as　I　do；　Doctor。'
　'What？'
　'You　might　as　well　hear　it　Maybe　it'll　make　you　feel　better。　Or　worse；　I　don't　know。　But　you　may　as　well；　because　I　don't　know　what　else　to　tell　you。'
　She　lowered　the　gun。　'Tell　me　what？'
　'My　life　began　five　months　ago　on　a　small　island　in　the　Mediterranean　called　lie　de　Port　Noir
　The　sun　had　risen　to　the　midpoint　of　the　surrounding　trees；　'　its　rays　filtered　by　windblown　branches；　streaming　through　the　windows　and　mottling　the　walls　with　irregular　shapes　of　light。　Bourne　lay　back　on　the　pillow；　exhausted。　He　had　finished；　there　was　nothing　more　to　say。
　Marie　sat　across　the　room　in　a　leather　armchair；　her　legs　curled　up　under　her；　cigarettes　and　the　gun　on　a　table　to　her　left。　She　had　barely　moved；　her　gaze　fixed　on　his　face；　even　I　when　she　smoked；　her　eyes　never　wavered；　never　left　his。　She　was　a　technical　analyst；　evaluating　data；　filtering　facts　as　the　trees　filtered　the　sunlight
　'You　kept　saying　it；'　she　said　softly；　spacing　out　her　next　words。　'　〃I　don't　know。〃。。。　〃I　wish　I　knew。〃　You'd　stare　at　something；　and　I　was　frightened。　I'd　ask　you；　what　was　it？　What　were　you　going　to　do？　And　you'd　say　it　again；　〃I　wish　I　knew。〃　My　God；　what　you've　been　through。。。　What　you're　going　through。'
　'After　what　I've　done　to　you；　you　can　even　think　about　what's　happened　to　me？'
　They're　two　separate　lines　of　occurrence；'　she　said　absently；　frowning　in　thought。
　'Separate？。。。'
　'Related　in　origin；　developed　independently；　that's　economics　nonsense。。。　And　then　on　the　Lowenstrasse；　just　before　we　went　up　to　Chernak's　flat；　I　begged　you　not　to　make　me　go　with　you。　I　was　convinced　that　if　I　heard　any　more　you'd　kill　me。　That's　when　you　said　the　strangest　thing　of　all。　You　said。。。　〃What　you　heard　makes　no　more　sense　to　me　than　it　does　you。　Perhaps　less。。。〃　I　thought　you　were　insane。'
　'What　I've　got　is　a　form　of　insanity。　A　sane　person　remembers。　I　don't'
　'Why　didn't　you　tell　me　Chernak　tried　to　kill　you？'
　〃There　wasn't　time　and　I　didn't　think　it　mattered。'
　'It　didn't　at　that　moment　…　to　you。　It　did　to　me。'
　'Why？'
　'Because　I　was　holding　onto　an　outside　hope　that　you　wouldn't　fire　your　gun　at　someone　who　hadn't　tried　to　kill　you　first。'
　'But　he　did。　I　was　wounded。'
　'I　didn't　know　the　sequence；　you　didn't　tell　me。'
　'I　don't　understand。'
　Marie　lit　a　cigarette。　'It's　hard　to　explain；　but　during　all　the　time　you　kept　me　hostage；　even　when　you　hit　me；　and　dragged　me　and　pressed　the　gun　into　my　stomach　and　held　it　against　my　head　…　God　knows；　I　was　terrified　…　but　I　thought　I　saw　something　in　your　eyes。。。　Call　it　reluctance。　It's　the　best　I　can　e　up　with。'
　'It'll　do。　What's　your　point？'
　'I'm　not　sure。　Perhaps　it　goes　back　to　something　else　you　said　in　the　booth　at　the　Drei　Alpenhauser。　That　fat　man　was　ing　over　and　you　told　me　to　stay　against　the　wall；　cover　my　face　with　my　hand。　〃For　your　own　good；〃　you　said。　〃There's　no　point　in　his　being　able　to　identify　you。〃'
　〃There　wasn't'
　'For　your　own　good。　That's　not　the　reasoning　of　a　pathological　killer。　I　think　I　held　onto　that　…　for　my　own　sanity；　maybe　…　that　and　the　look　in　your　eyes。'
　'I　still　don't　get　the　point'
　'The　man　with　the　gold…rimmed　glasses　who　convinced　me　he　was　the　police；　said　you　were　a　brutal　killer　who　had　to　be　stopped　before　he　killed　again。　Had　it　not　been　for　Chernak　I　wouldn't　have　believed　him。　On　either　point。　The　police　don't　behave　like　that；　they　don't　use　guns　in　dark；　crowded　places。　And　you　were　a　man　running　for　your　life　…　are　running　for　your　life　…　but　you're　not　a　killer。'
　Bourne　held　up　his　hand。　'Forgive　me；　but　that　strikes　me　as　a　judgment　based　on　false　gratitude。　You　say　you　have　a　respect　for　facts　…　then　look　at　them。　I　repeat：　you　heard　what　they　said　…　regardless　of　what　you　think　you　saw　and　feel　…　you　heard　the　words。　Boiled　down；　envelopes　were　filled　with　money　and　delivered　to　me　to　fulfil　certain　obligations。　I'd　say　those　obligations　were