rz.thegunsofavalon-第21部分

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ulous；　out　of　the　question。。。　I　saw。　Well；　a　quick　thanks　and　perhaps　his　petitor　up　the　way　might　be　able　to　produce　the　stuff；　and　might　also　be　interested　in　a　few　uncut　diamonds　I　was　expecting　in　a　matter　of　days。。。　Diamonds；　did　I　say？　Wait。　He　was　always　interested　in　diamonds　himself。。。　Yes；　but　he　was　sadly　deficient　in　the　jewelers　rouge　department。　A　raised　hand。　It　might　be　that　he　had　spoken　hastily　with　respect　to　his　ability　to　produce　the　polishing　material。　It　was　the　quantity　that　had　disturbed　him。　But　the　ingredients　were　plentiful　and　the　formula　fairly　simple。　Yes；　that　was　no　real　reason　why　something　could　not　be　worked　out。　Within　a　week；　at　that。　Now；　about　the　diamonds。。。
　Before　I　left　his　shop；　something　had　been　worked　out。
　I　have　met　many　persons　who　thought　that　gunpowder　explodes；　which　of　course　is　incorrect。　It　burns　rapidly；　building　up　gas　pressure　which　ejects　a　bullet　from　the　mouth　of　a　shell　and　drives　it　through　the　barrel　of　a　weapon；　after　having　been　ignited　by　the　primer；　which　does　the　actual　exploding　when　the　firing　pin　is　driven　into　it。　Now；　with　typical　family　foresight；　I　had　experimented　with　a　variety　of　bustibles　over　the　years。　My　disappointment　at　the　discovery　that　gunpowder　would　not　ignite　in　Amber；　and　that　all　of　the　primers　I　tested　were　equally　inert　there；　was　a　thing　mitigated　only　by　the　knowledge　that　none　of　my　relatives　could　bring　firearms　into　Amber　either。　It　was　much　later；　during　a　visit　to　Amber；　after　polishing　a　bracelet　I　had　brought　for　Deirdre；　that　I　discovered　this　wonderful　property　of　jewelers　rouge　from　Avalon　when　I　disposed　of　the　polishing　cloth　in　a　fireplace。　Fortunately；　the　quantity　involved　was　small；　and　I　was　alone　at　the　time。
　It　made　an　excellent　primer；　straight　from　the　container。　When　cut　with　a　sufficient　quantity　of　inert　material；　it　could　also　be　made　to　burn　properly。
　I　kept　this　bit　of　information　to　myself；　feeling　that　one　day　it　would　be　used　to　decide　certain　basic　issues　in　Amber。　Unfortunately；　Eric　and　I　had　our　run…in　before　that　day　arrived　and　it　went　into　storage　along　with　all　my　other　memories。　When　things　finally　did　clear　for　me；　my　fortunes　were　quickly　cast　with　those　of　Bleys；　who　was　preparing　an　assault　on　Amber。　He　had　not　really　needed　me　then；　but　had　taken　me　in　on　the　enterprise；　I　feel；　so　that　he　could　keep　an　eye　on　me。　Had　I　furnished　him　with　guns；　he　would　have　been　invincible　and　I　would　have　been　unnecessary。　More　important；　had　we　succeeded　in　seizing　Amber　in　accordance　with　his　plans；　the　situation　would　have　bee　strained　indeed；　with　the　bulk　of　the　occupying　forces；　as　well　as　the　officers'　loyalty；　his。　Then　I　would　have　required　something　to　adjust　the　balance　of　power　more　equitably。　A　few　bombs　and　automatic　weapons；　say。
　Had　I　been　my　whole　self　even　a　month　earlier；　things　would　have　been　quite　different。　I　could　have　been　sitting　in　Amber；　rather　than　being　scorched；　abraded；　and　desiccated；　with　another　hellride　before　me　and　a　knot　of　troubles　to　be　worked　out　after　that。
　I　spat　sand　so　that　I　would　not　choke　when　I　laughed。　Hell；　we　make　our　own　ifs。　I　had　better　things　to　think　about　than　what　could　have　happened。　Like　Eric。。。
　I　remember　that　day；　Eric。　I　was　in　chains　and　I　had　been　forced　to　my　knees　before　the　throne。　I　had　already　crowned　myself；　to　mock　you；　and　been　beaten　for　it。　The　second　time　I　had　the　crown　in　my　hands；　I　threw　it　at　you。　But　you　caught　it　and　smiled。　I　was　glad　that　it　was　not　damaged　when　it　failed　to　damage　you。　Such　a　beautiful　thing。。。　All　of　silver；　with　its　seven　high　points；　and　studded　with　emeralds　to　beat　all　diamonds。　Two　large　rubies　at　either　temple。。。　You　crowned　yourself　that　day；　all　arrogance　and　hasty　pomp。　The　first　words　that　you　spoke　then　were　whispered　to　me；　before　the　echoes　of　〃Long　live　the　king！〃　had　died　within　the　hall。　I　remember　every　one　of　them。　〃Your　eyes　have　looked　upon　the　fairest　sight　they　ever　will　behold；〃　you　said。　Then；　〃Guards！〃　you　ordered。　〃Take　Corwin　away　to　the　smithy；　and　let　his　eyes　be　burnt　from　out　his　head！　Let　him　remember　the　sights　of　this　day　as　the　last　he　might　ever　see！　Then　cast　him　into　the　darkness　of　the　deepest　dungeon　beneath　Amber；　and　let　his　name　be　forgotten！〃
　〃Now　you　reign　in　Amber；〃　I　said　aloud。　〃But　I　have　my　eyes；　and　I　have　neither　forgotten　nor　been　forgotten。〃
　No；　I　thought。　Wrap　yourself　in　the　kingship；　Eric。　The　walls　of　Amber　are　high　and　thick。　Stay　behind　them。　Ring　yourself　with　the　futile　steel　of　blades。　Antlike；　you　armor　your　house　in　dust。　You　know　now　that　you　will　never　be　secure　so　long　as　I　live；　and　I　have　told　you　that　I　will　be　back。　I　am　ing；　Eric。　I　will　bring　me　up　guns　out　of　Avalon；　and　I　will　break　down　your　doors　and　smite　your　defenders。　Then　it　will　be　as　it　was；　briefly；　another　time；　before　your　men　came　to　you　and　saved　you。　That　day　I　had　only　a　few　drops　of　your　blood。　This　time；　I　will　have　it　all。
　I　uncovered　another　rough　diamond；　the　sixteenth　or　so；　and　flipped　it　into　the　sack　at　my　waist。
　
　***
　
　As　I　faced　the　setting　sun；　I　wondered　about　Benedict；　Julian；　and　Gerard。　What　was　the　connection？　Whatever；　I　did　not　like　any　bination　of　interests　which　involved　Julian。　Gerard　was　all　right。　I　had　been　able　to　sleep　back　at　the　camp　when　I　had　thought　that　it　was　he　whom　Benedict　was　contacting。　If　he　was　now　allied　with　Julian；　though；　it　was　cause　for　increased　uneasiness。　If　anyone　hated　me　even　more　than　Eric；　it　was　Julian。　If　he　knew　where　I　was；　then　my　danger　was　great。　I　was　not　yet　ready　for　a　confrontation。
　I　supposed　Benedict　could　find　a　moral　justification　for　selling　me　out　at　this　point。　After　all；　he　knew　that　whatever　I　did　…　and　he　knew　that　I　was　going　to　do　something　…　would　result　in　strife　in　Amber。　I　could　understand；　even　sympathize　with；　his　feelings。　He　was　dedicated　to　the　preservation　of　the　realm。　Unlike　Julian；　he　was　a　man　of　principle；　and　I　regretted　having　to　be　at　odds　with　him。　My　hope　was　that　my　coup　would　be　as　quick　and　painless　as　a　tooth　extraction　under　gas；　and　that　we　would　be　back　on　the　same　side　again　soon　afterward。　Having　met　Dara　now；　I　also　wanted　it　this　way　for　her　sake。
　He　had　told　me　too　little　for　fort。　I　had　no　way　of　knowing　whether　he　really　intended　to　remain　in　the　field　the　entire　week；　or　whether　he　was　even　now　cooperating　with　the　forces　of　Amber　in　the　laying　of　my　trap；　the　walling　of　my　prison；　the　digging　of　my　grave。　I　had　to　hurry；　though　I　longed　to　linger　in　Avalon。
　I　envied　Ganelon；　in　whatever　tavern　or　brothel　he　drank；　whored；　or　fought；　on　whatever　hillside　he　hunted。　He　had　e　home。　Should　I　leave　him　to　his　pleasures；　despite　his　offer　to　acpany　me　to　Amber？　But　no；　he　would　be　questioned　on　my　departure　…　used　badly；　if　Julian　had　anything　to　do　with　it　…　and　then　bee　an　outcast　in　what　must　seem　his　own　land　to　him；　if　they　let　him　go　at　all。　Then　he　would　doubtless　bee　an　outlaw　again；　and　the　third　time　would　probably　prove　his　undoing。　No；　I　would　keep　my　promise。　He　would　e　with　me；　if　that　was　he　still　wanted。　If　he　had　changed　his　mind；　well　…　I　even　envied　him　the　prospect　of　outlawry　in　Avalon。　I　would　have　liked　to　remain　longer；　to　ride　with　Dara　in　the　hills；　tramp　about　the　countryside；　sail　upon　the　rivers。。。
　I　thought　about　the　girl。　The　knowledge　of　her　existence　changed　things　somewhat。　I　was　not　certain　how。　Despite　our　major　hatreds　and　petty　animosities；　we　Amberites　are　a　very　family…conscious　bunch；　always　eager　for　news　of　one　another；　desirous　to　know　everyone's　position　in　the　changing　picture。　A　pause　for　gossip　has　doubtless　stayed　a　few　death　blows　among　us。　I　sometimes　think　of　us　as　a　gang　of　mean　little　old　ladies　in　a　bination　rest　home　and　obstacle　course。
　I　could　not　fit　Dara　into　things　yet　because　she　did　not　know　where　she　fit　herself。　Oh；　she　would　learn　eventually。　She　would　receive　superb　tutelage　once　her　existence　became　known。　Now　that　I　had　brought　her　awareness　of　her　uniqueness　it　would　only　be　a　matter　of　time　before　this　occurred　and　she　joined　in　the　games。　I　had　felt　somewhat　serpent…like　at　points　during　our　conversation　in　the　grove　…　but　hell；　she　had　a　right　to　know。　She　was　bound　to　find　out　sooner　or　later；　and　the　sooner　she　did　the　sooner　she　could　start　shoring　up　her　defenses。　It　was　for　her　own　benefit。
　Of　course；　it　was　possible　…　even　likely　…　that　her　mother　and　grandmother　had　lived　their　lives　in　ignorance　of　their　heritage。。。
　And　where　had　it　gotten　them？　They　died　violently；　she　had　said。
　Was　it　possible；　I　wondered；　that　the　long　arm　of　Amber　had　reached　for　them　out　of　Shadow？　And　that　it　might　strike　again？
　Benedict　could　be　as　tough　and　mean　and　nasty　as　any　of　us　when　he　wanted　to　be。　Tougher；　even。　He　would　fight　to　protect　his　own；　doubtless　even　kill　one　of　us　if　he　thought　it　necessary。　He　must　have　assumed　that　keeping　her　existence　a　secret　and　keeping　her　ignorant　would　protect　her。　He　would　be　angry　with　me　when　he　found　out　what　I　had　done；　which　was　another　reason　for　clearing　out　in　a　hurry。　But　I　had　not　told　her　what　I　had　out　of　sheer　perverseness。　I　wanted　her　to　survive；　and　I　did　not　feel　he　was　handling　things　properly。　When　I　returned；　she　would　have　had　time　to　think　things　over。　She　would　have　many　questions　and　I　would　seize　the　opportunity　to　caution　her　at　length　and　to　give　specifics。
　I　gnashed　my　teeth。
　None　of　this　should　be　necessary。　When　I　ruled　in　Amber；　things　would　be　different。　They　had　to　be。。。
　Why　had　no　one　ever　e　up　with　a　way　to　change　the　basic　nature　of　man？　Even　the　erasure　of　all　my　memories　and　a　new　life　in　a　new　world　had　resulted　in　the　same　old　Corwin。　If　I　were　not　happy　with　what　I　was　it　could　be　a　proposition　worthy　of　despair。
　In　a　quiet　part　of　the　river；　I　washed　away　the　dust；　the　sweat；　wondering　the　while　about　the　black　road　which　had　so　injured　my　brothers。　There　were　many　things　that　I　needed　to　know。
　As　I　bathed；　Grayswandir　was　never　far　from　my　hand。　One　of　us　is　capable　of　tracking　another　through　Shadow；　when　the　trail　is　still　warm。　As　it　was；　my　bath　was　undisturbed；　though　I　used　Grayswandir　three　times　on　the　way　back；　on　less　mundane　things　t