sk.theshining-第76部分

按键盘上方向键 ← 或 → 可快速上下翻页，按键盘上的 Enter 键可回到本书目录页，按键盘上方向键 ↑ 可回到本页顶部！
————未阅读完？加入书签已便下次继续阅读！


　　　
　　　》
　　JACK
　　
　　He　sat　on　the　floor　of　the　pantry　with　his　legs　out　in　front　of　him；　a　box　of　Triscuit　crackers　between　them；　looking　at　the　door。　He　was　eating　the　crackers　one　by　one；　not　tasting　them；　only　eating　them　because　he　had　to　eat　something。
　　When　he　got　out　of　here；　he　was　going　to　need　his　strength。　All　of　it。
　　At　this　precise　instant；　he　thought　he　had　never　felt　quite　so　miserable　in　his　entire　life。　His　mind　and　body　together　made　up　a　large…writ　scripture　of　pain。　His　head　ached　terribly；　the　sick　throb　of　a　hangover。　The　attendant　symptoms　were　there；　too：　his　mouth　tasted　like　a　manure　rake　had　taken　a　swing　through　it；　his　ears　rung；　his　heart　had　an　extra…heavy；　thudding　beat；　like　a　tom…tom。　In　addition；　both　shoulders　ached　fiercely　from　throwing　himself　against　the　door　and　his　throat　felt　raw　and　peeled　from　useless　shouting。　He　had　cut　his　right　hand　on　the　doorlatch。
　　And　when　he　got　out　of　here；　he　was　going　to　kick　some　ass。
　　He　munched　the　Triscuits　one　by　one；　refusing　to　give　in　to　his　wretched　stomach；　which　wanted　to　vomit　up　everything。　He　thought　of　the　Excedrins　in　his　pocket　and　decided　to　wait　until　his　stomach　had　quieted　a　bit。　No　sense　swallowing　a　painkiller　if　you　were　going　to　throw　it　right　back　up。　Have　to　use　your　brain。　The　celebrated　Jack　Torrance　brain。　Aren't　you　the　fellow　who　once　was　going　to　live　by　his　wits？　Jack　Torrance；　best…selling　author。　Jack　Torrance；　acclaimed　playwright　and　winner　of　the　New　York　Critics　Circle　Award。
　　John　Torrance；　man　of　letters；　esteemed　thinker；　winner　of　the　Pulitzer　Prize　at　seventy　for　his　trenchant　book　of　memoirs；　My　Life　in　the　Twentieth　Century。　All　any　of　that　shit　boiled　down　to　was　living　by　your　wits。
　　Living　by　your　wits　is　always　knowing　where　the　wasps　are。
　　He　put　another　Triscuit　into　his　mouth　and　crunched　it　up。
　　What　it　really　came　down　to；　he　supposed；　was　their　lack　of　trust　in　him。
　　Their　failure　to　believe　that　he　knew　what　was　best　for　them　and　how　to　get　it。
　　His　wife　had　tried　to　usurp　him；　first　by　fair　（sort　of）　means；　then　by　foul。　When　her　little　hints　and　whining　objections　had　been　overturned　by　his　own　well…reasoned　arguments；　she　had　turned　his　boy　against　him；　tried　to　kill　him　with　a　bottle；　and　then　had　locked　him；　of　all　places；　in　the　goddamned　fucking　pantry。
　　Still；　a　small　interior　voice　nagged　him。
　　（Yes　but　where　did　the　liquor　e　from？　Isn't　that　really　the　central　point？
　　You　know　what　happens　when　you　drink；　you　know　it　from　bitter　experience。　When　you　drink；　you　lose　your　wits。）　He　hurled　the　box　of　Triscuits　across　the　small　room。　They　struck　a　shelf　of　canned　goods　and　fell　to　the　floor。　He　looked　at　the　box；　wiped　his　lips　with　his　hand；　and　then　looked　at　his　watch。　It　was　almost　six…thirty。　He　had　been　in　here　for　hours。　His　wife　had　locked　him　in　here　and　he'd　been　here　for　fucking　hours。
　　He　could　begin　to　sympathize　with　his　father　The　thing　he'd　never　asked　himself；　Jack　realized　now；　was　exactly　what　had　driven　his　daddy　to　drink　in　the　first　place。　And　really　。　。　。　when　you　came　right　down　to　what　his　old　students　had　been　pleased　to　call　the　nifty…gritty　。
　　。　。　hadn't　it　been　the　woman　he　was　married　to？　A　milksop　sponge　of　a　woman；　always　dragging　silently　around　the　house　with　an　expression　of　doomed　martyrdom　on　her　face？　A　ball　and　chain　around　Daddy's　ankle？　No；　not　ball　and　chain。　She　had　never　actively　tried　to　make　Daddy　a　prisoner；　the　way　Wendy　had　done　to　him。　For　Jack's　father　it　must　have　been　more　like　the　fate　of　McTeague　the　dentist　at　the　end　of　Frank　Norris's　great　novel：　handcuffed　to　a　dead　man　in　the　wasteland。　Yes；　that　was　better。　Mentally　and　spiritually　dead；　his　mother　had　been　handcuffed　to　his　father　by　matrimony。　Still；　Daddy　had　tried　to　do　right　as　he　dragged　her　rotting　corpse　through　life。　He　had　tried　to　bring　the　four　children　up　to　know　right　from　wrong；　to　understand　discipline；　and　above　all；　to　respect　their　father。
　　Well；　they　had　been　ingrates；　all　of　them；　himself　included。　And　now　he　was　paying　the　price；　his　own　son　had　turned　out　to　be　an　ingrate；　too。　But　there　was　hope。　He　would　get　out　of　here　somehow。　He　would　chastise　them　both；　and　harshly。　He　would　set　Danny　an　example；　so　that　the　day　might　e　when　Danny　was　grown；　a　day　when　Danny　would　know　what　to　do　better　than　he　himself　had　known。
　　He　remembered　the　Sunday　dinner　when　his　father　had　caned　his　mother　at　the　table　。　。　。　how　horrified　he　and　the　others　had　been。　Now　he　could　see　how　necessary　that　bad　been；　how　his　father　had　only　been　feigning　drunkenness；　how　his　wits　had　been　sharp　and　alive　underneath　all　along；　watching　for　the　slightest　sign　of　disrespect。
　　Jack　crawled　after　the　Triscuits　and　began　to　eat　them　again；　sitting　by　the　door　she　had　so　treacherously　bolted。　He　wondered　exactly　what　his　father　had　seen；　and　how　he　had　caught　her　out　by　his　playacting。　Had　she　been　sneering　at　him　behind　her　hand？　Sticking　her　tongue　out？　Making　obscene　finger　gestures？　Or　only　looking　at　him　insolently　and　arrogantly；　convinced　that　he　was　too　stupidly　drunk　to　see？　Whatever　it　had　been；　he　had　caught　her　at　it；　and　he　had　chastised　her　sharply。　And　now；　twenty　years　later；　he　could　finally　appreciate　Daddy's　wisdom。
　　Of　course　you　could　say　Daddy　had　been　foolish　to　marry　such　a　woman；　to　have　handcuffed　himself　to　that　corpse　in　the　first　place　。　。　。　and　a　disrespectful　corpse　at　that。　But　when　the　young　marry　in　haste　they　must　repent　in　leisure；　and　perhaps　Daddy's　daddy　had　married　the　same　type　of　woman；　so　that　unconsciously　Jack's　daddy　had　also　married　one；　as　Jack　himself　had。　Except　that　his　wife；　instead　of　being　satisfied　with　the　passive　role　of　having　wrecked　one　career　and　crippled　another；　had　opted　for　the　poisonously　active　task　of　trying　to　destroy　his　last　and　best　chance：　to　bee　a　member　of　the　Overlook's　staff；　and　possibly　to　rise　。　。　。　all　the　way　to　the　position　of　manager；　in　time。　She　was　trying　to　deny　him　Danny；　and　Danny　was　his　ticket　of　admission。　That　was　foolish；　of　course…why　would　they　want　the　son　when　they　could　have　the　father？…but　employers　often　had　foolish　ideas　and　that　was　the　condition　that　had　been　made。
　　He　wasn't　going　to　be　able　to　reason　with　her；　he　could　see　that　now。　He　had　tried　to　reason　with　her　in　the　Colorado　Lounge；　and　she　had　refused　to　listen；　had　hit　him　over　the　head　with　a　bottle　for　his　pains。　But　there　would　be　another　time；　and　soon。　He　would　get　out　of　here。
　　He　suddenly　held　his　breath　and　cocked　his　head。　Somewhere　a　piano　was　playing　boogie…woogie　and　people　were　laughing　and　clapping　along。　The　sound　was　muffled　through　the　heavy　wooden　door；　but　audible。　The　song　was　〃There'll　Be　a　Hot　Time　in　the　Old　Town　Tonight。〃　His　hands　curled　helplessly　into　fists；　he　had　to　restrain　himself　from　battering　at　the　door　with　them。　The　party　had　begun　again。　The　liquor　would　be　flowing　freely。　Somewhere；　dancing　with　someone　else；　would　be　the　girl　who　had　felt　so　maddeningly　nude　under　her　white　silk　gown。
　　〃You'll　pay　for　this！〃　he　howled。　〃Goddam　you　two；　you'll　pay！　You'll　take　your　goddam　medicine　for　this；　I　promise　you！　You…〃
　　〃Here；　here；　now；〃　a　mild　voice　said　just　outside　the　door；　〃No　need　to　shout；　old　fellow。　I　can　hear　you　perfectly　well。〃　Jack　lurched　to　his　feet
　　〃Grady？　Is　that　you？〃
　　〃Yes；　sir。　Indeed　it　is。　You　appear　to　have　been　locked　in。〃
　　〃Let　me　out；　Grady。　Quickly。〃
　　〃I　see　you　can　hardly　have　taken　care　of　the　business　we　discussed；　sir。　The　correction　of　your　wife　and　son。〃
　　〃They're　the　ones　who　locked　me　in。　Pull　the　bolt；　for　God's　sake！〃
　　〃You　let　them　lock　you　in？〃　Grady's　voice　registered　wellbred　surprise。　〃Oh；　dear。　A　woman　half　your　size　and　a　little　boy？　Hardly　sets　you　off　as　being　of　top　managerial　timber；　does　it？〃　A　pulse　began　to　beat　in　the　clockspring　of　veins　at　Jack's　right　temple。　〃Let　me　out；　Grady。　I'll　take　care　of　them。〃
　　〃Will　you　indeed；　sir？　I　wonder。〃　Well…bred　surprise　was　replaced　by　well…bred　regret。　〃I'm　pained　to　say　that　I　doubt　it。　I…and　others…have　really　e　to　believe　that　your　heart　is　not　in　this；　sir。　That　you　haven't　the　。　。　。　the　belly　for　it〃
　　〃I　do！〃　Jack　shouted。　〃I　do；　I　swear　it！〃
　　〃You　would　bring　us　your　son？〃
　　〃Yes！　Yes！〃
　　〃Your　wife　would　object　to　that　very　strongly；　Mr。　Torrance。　And　she　appears　to　be　。　。　。　somewhat　stronger　than　we　had　imagined。　Somewhat　more　resourceful。
　　She　certainly　seems　to　have　gotten　the　better　of　you。〃　Grady　tittered。
　　〃Perhaps；　Mr。　Torrance；　we　should　have　been　dealing　with　her　all　along。〃
　　〃I'll　bring　him；　I　swear　it；〃　Jack　said。　His　face　was　against　the　door　now。　He　was　sweating。　〃She　won't　object。　I　swear　she　won't。　She　won't　be　able　to。〃
　　〃You　would　have　to　kill　her；　I　fear；〃　Grady　said　coldly。
　　〃I'll　do　what　I　have　to　do。　Just　let　me　out。〃
　　〃You'll　give　your　word　on　it；　sir？〃　Grady　persisted。
　　〃My　word；　my　promise；　my　sacred　vow；　whatever　in　hell　you　want。　If　you…〃　There　was　a　flat　snap　as　the　bolt　was　drawn　back。　The　door　shivered　open　a　quarter　of　an　inch。　Jack's　words　and　breath　halted。　For　a　moment　he　felt　that　death　itself　was　outside　that　door。
　　The　feeling　passed。
　　He　whispered：　〃Thank　you；　Grady。　I　swear　you　won't　regret　it。　I　swear　you　won't。〃　There　was　no　answer。　He　became　aware　that　all　sounds　had　stopped　except　for　the　cold　swooping　of　the　wind　outside。
　　He　pushed　the　pantry　door　open；　the　hinges　squealed　faintly。
　　The　kitchen　was　empty。　Grady　was　gone。　Everything　was　still　and　frozen　beneath　the　cold　white　glare　of　the　fluorescent　bars。　His　eyes　caught　on　the　large　chopping　block　where　the　three　of　them　had　eaten　their　meals。
　　Standing　on　top　of　it　was　a　martini　glass；　a　fifth　of　gin；　and　a　plastic　dish　filled　with　olives。
　　Leaning　against　it　was　one　of　the　roque　mallets　from　the　equipment　shed。
　　He　looked　at　it　for　a　long　time。
　　Then　a　voice　much　deeper　and　much　more　powerful　than　Grady's；　spoke　from　somewhere；　everywhere　。　。　。　from　inside　him。
　　（Keep　your　promise；　Mr。　Torrance。）
　　〃I　will；〃　he　said。　He　heard　the　fawning　servility　in　his　own　voice　but　was　unable　to　control　it。　〃I　will。〃