cb.imajica2-第78部分

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　〃Isn't　that　what　you　came　in　here　to　do？　You　won't　get　any　sympathy　out　there。〃
　〃Listening　by　the　door　now？〃
　〃I've　heard　everything　that's　gone　on　in　this　house　since　I　was　brought　here。　And　what　I　haven't　heard；　I've　felt。　And　what　I　haven't　felt；　I've　predicted。〃
　〃Like　what？〃
　〃Well；　for　one　thing　that　child　Monday　will　end　up　coupling　with　the　little　virgin　you　brought　back　from　Yzordderrex。〃
　〃That　scarcely　takes　an　oracle。〃
　〃And　the　Oviate　isn't　long　for　this　world。〃
　〃The　Oviate？〃
　〃It　calls　itself　Little　Ease。　The　beast　you　had　under　your　heel。　It　asked　the　Maestro　to　bless　it　a　little　while　ago。　It'll　murder　itself　before　daybreak。〃
　〃Why　would　it　do　that？〃
　〃It　knows　when　Sartori　perishes　it'll　be　forfeit　too；　however　much　allegiance　it's　sworn　to　the　winning　side。　It's　sensible。　It　wants　to　choose　its　moment。〃
　〃Am　I　supposed　to　find　some　lesson　in　that？〃
　〃I　don't　think　you're　capable　of　suicide；〃　Celestine　said。
　〃You're　right。　I've　got　too　much　to　live　for。〃
　〃Motherhood？〃
　〃And　the　future。　There's　going　to　be　a　change　in　this　city。　I've　seen　it　in　Yzordderrex　already。　The　waters　will　rise…〃
　〃…and　the　great　sisterhood　will　dispense　love　from　on　high。〃
　〃Why　not？　Clem　told　me　what　happened　when　the　Goddess　came。　You　were　in　ecstasies；　so　don't　try　and　deny　it。〃
　〃Maybe　I　was。　But　do　you　imagine　that's　going　to　make　you　and　me　sisters？　What　have　we　got　in　mon；　besides　our　sex？〃
　The　question　was　meant　to　sting；　but　its　plainness　made　Jude　see　the　questioner　with　fresh　eyes。　Why　was　Celestine　so　eager　to　deny　any　other　link　between　them　but　womanhood？　Because　another　such　link　existed；　and　it　was　at　the　very　heart　of　their　enmity。　Nor；　now　that　Celestine's　contempt　had　freed　Jude　from　reverence；　was　it　difficult　to　see　where　their　stories　intersected。　From　the　beginning；　Celestine　had　marked　Jude　out　as　a　woman　who　stank　of　coitus。　Why？　Because　she　too　stank　of　coitus。　And　this　business　with　the　child；　which　came　up　again　and　again：　that　had　the　same　root。　Celestine　had　also　borne　a　baby　for　this　dynasty　of　Gods　and　demigods。　She　too　had　been　used　and　had　never　quite　e　to　terms　with　the　fact。　When　she　raged　against　Jude；　the　tainted　woman　who　would　not　concede　her　error　in　being　sexual；　in　being　fecund；　she　was　raging　against　some　fault　in　herself。
　And　the　nature　of　that　fault？　It　wasn't　difficult　to　guess；　or　to　put　words　to。　Celestine　had　asked　a　plain　question。　Now　it　was　Jude's　turn。
　〃Was　it　really　rape？〃　she　said。
　Celestine　glanced　up；　her　look　venomous。　The　denial　that　followed；　however；　was　measured。　〃I'm　afraid　I　don't　know　what　you　mean；〃　she　said。
　〃Well；　now；〃　Jude　replied；　〃how　else　can　I　put　it？〃　She　paused。　〃Did　Sartori's　Father　take　you　against　your　will？〃
　The　other　woman　now　put　on　a　show　of　prehension；　followed　by　one　of　shock。
　〃Of　course　He　did；〃　she　said。　〃How　could　you　ask　such　a　thing？〃
　〃But　you　knew　where　you　were　going；　didn't　you？　I　realize　Dowd　drugged　you　at　the　start；　but　you　weren't　in　a　a　all　the　way　across　the　Dominions。　You　knew　something　extraordinary　was　waiting　at　the　end　of　the　trip。〃
　〃I　don't…〃
　〃Remember？　Yes；　you　do。　You　remember　every　mile　of　it。　And　I　don't　think　Dowd　kept　his　mouth　shut　all　those　weeks。　He　was　pimping　for　God；　and　he　was　proud　of　it　Wasn't　he？〃
　Celestine　offered　no　riposte。　She　simply　stared　at　Jude；　daring　her　to　go　on；　which　Jude　was　happy　to　do。
　〃So　he　told　you　what　lay　ahead；　didn't　he？　He　said　that　you　were　going　to　the　Holy　City　and　you　were　going　to　see　the　Unbeheld　Himself。　Not　just　see　Him　but　be　loved　by　Him。　And　you　were　flattered；〃
　〃It　wasn't　like　that。〃
　〃How　was　it　then？　Did　He　have　His　angels　hold　you　down　while　He　did　the　deed？　No；　I　don't　think　so。　You　lay　there　and　you　let　Him　do　what　the　hell　He　wanted；　because　it　was　going　to　make　you　into　the　bride　of　God　and　the　mother　of　Christ…〃
　〃Stop！〃
　〃If　I'm　wrong；　tell　me　how　it　was。　Tell　me　you　screamed　and　fought　and　tried　to　tear　out　His　eyes。〃
　Celestine　continued　to　stare；　but　said　nothing。
　〃That's　why　you　despise　me；　isn't　it？〃　Jude　went　on。　〃That's　why　I'm　the　woman　who　stinks　of　coitus。　Because　I　lay　down　with　a　piece　of　the　same　God　that　you　did；　and　you　don't　like　to　be　reminded　of　the　fact。〃
　〃Don't　judge　me；　woman！〃　Celestine　suddenly　shouted。
　〃Then　don't　you　judge　me！　Woman。　I　did　what　I　wanted　with　the　man　I　wanted；　and　I'm　carrying　the　consequences。　You　did　the　same。　I'm　not　ashamed　of　it。　You　are。　That's　why　we're　not　sisters；　Celestine。〃
　She'd　said　her　piece；　and　she　wasn't　much　interested　in　a　further　round　of　insults　and　denials；　so　she　turned　her　back　and　had　her　hand　on　the　door　when　Celestine　spoke。　There　were　no　denials。　She　spoke　softly；　half　lost　to　memory。
　〃It　was　a　city　of　iniquities；〃　she　said。　〃But　how　was　I　to　know　that？　I　thought　I　was　blessed　among　women；　to　have　been　chosen。　To　be　God's…〃
　〃Bride？〃　Jude　said；　turning　back　from　the　door。
　〃That's　a　kind　word；〃　Celestine　said。　〃Yes。　Bride。〃　She　drew　a　deep　breath。　〃I　never　even　saw　my　husband。〃
　〃What　did　you　see？〃
　〃Nobody。　The　city　was　full；　I　know　it　was　full；　I　saw　shadows　at　the　window；　I　saw　them　close　up　the　doors　when　I　passed；　but　nobody　showed　their　faces。〃
　〃Were　you　afraid？〃
　〃No。　It　was　too　beautiful。　The　stones　were　full　of　light；　and　the　houses　were　so　high　you　could　barely　see　the　sky。　It　was　like　nothing　I'd　ever　seen。　And　I　walked；　and　I　walked；　and　I　kept　thinking；　He'll　send　an　angel　for　me　soon；　and　I'll　be　carried　to　His　palace。　But　there　were　no　angels。　There　was　just　the　city；　going　on　and　on　in　every　direction；　and　I　got　tired　after　a　time。　I　sat　down；　just　to　rest　for　a　few　minutes；　and　I　fell　asleep。〃
　〃You　fell　asleep？〃
　〃Yes。　Imagine！　I　was　in　the　City　of　God；　and　I　fell　asleep。　And　I　dreamed　I　was　back　at　Tyburn；　where　Dowd　had　found　me。　I　was　watching　a　man　being　hanged；　and　I　dug　through　the　crowd　until　I　was　standing　under　the　gallows。〃　She　raised　her　head。　〃I　remember　looking　up　at　him；　kicking　at　the　end　of　his　rope。　His　breeches　were　unbuttoned；　and　his　rod　was　poking　out。〃
　The　look　on　her　face　was　all　disgust；　but　she　drove　herself　on　to　finish　the　story。
　〃And　I　lay　down　under　him。　I　lay　down　in　the　dirt　in　front　of　all　these　people；　with　him　kicking；　and　his　rod　getting　redder　and　redder。　And　as　he　died　he　spilled　his　seed。　I　wanted　to　get　up　before　it　touched　me；　but　my　legs　were　open；　and　it　was　too　late。　Down　it　came。　Not　much。　Just　a　few　spurts。　But　I　felt　every　drop　inside　me　like　a　little　fire；　and　I　wanted　to　cry　out。　But　I　didn't；　because　that　was　when　I　heard　the　voice。〃　。
　〃What　voice？〃
　〃It　was　in　the　ground　underneath　me。　Whispering。〃
　〃What　did　it　say？〃
　〃The　same　thing；　over　and　over　again：　Nisi　Nirvana；　Nisi　Nirvana。　Nisi。。。　Nirvana。〃
　In　the　process　of　repeating　the　words；　tears　began　to　flow　copiously。　She　made　no　attempt　to　stem　them；　but　the　repetition　faltered。
　〃Was　it　Hapexamendios　talking　to　you？〃　Jude　asked。
　Celestine　shook　her　head。　〃Why　should）　He　speak　to　me？　He　had　what　He　needed。　I'd　lain　down　and　dreamed　while　He　dropped　His　seed。　He　was　already　gone；　back　to　His　angels。〃
　〃So　who　was　it？〃
　〃I　don't　know。　I've　thought　about　it　over　and　over。　I　even　made　it　into　a　story；　to　tell　the　child；　so　that　when　I'd　gone　he'd　have　the　mystery　for　himself。　But　I　don't　think　I　ever　really　wanted　to　know。　I　was　afraid　my　heart　would　burst　if　I　ever　knew　the　answer。　I　was　afraid　the　heart　of　the　world　would　burst。〃
　She　looked　up　at　Jude。
　〃So　now　you　know　my　shame；〃　she　said。
　〃I　know　your　story；〃　said　Jude。　〃But　I　don't　see　any　reason　for　shame。〃
　Her　own　tears；　which　she'd　been　holding　back　since　Celestine　had　begun　to　share　this　horror　with　her；　fell　now；　flowing　a　little　for　the　pain　she　felt　and　a　little　for　the　doubt　that　still　churned　in　her；　but　mostly　for　the　smile　that　came　onto　Celestine's　face　when　she　heard　Jude's　reply；　and　for　the　sight　of　the　other　woman　opening　her　arms　and　crossing　the　room；　to　embrace　her　like　a　loved　one　who'd　been　lost　and　found　again　before　some　final　fire。
　
　
　22
　
　If　ing　to　the　moment　of　Reconciliation　had　been　for　Gentle　a　series　of　rememberings；　leading　him　back　to　himself；　then　the　greatest　of　those　rememberings；　and　the　one　he　was　least　prepared　for；　was　the　Reconciliation　itself。
　Though　he'd　performed　the　working　before；　the　circumstances　had　been　radically　different。　For　one；　there'd　been　all　the　hoopla　of　a　grand　event。　He'd　gone　into　the　circle　like　a　prizefighter；　with　an　air　of　congratulation　hanging　around　his　head　before　he'd　even　worked　up　a　sweat；　his　patrons　and　admirers　a　cheering　throng　at　the　sidelines。　This　time　he　was　alone。　For　another；　he'd　had　his　eyes　on　what　the　world　would　shower　on　him　when　the　work　was　done：　what　women　would　fall　to　him；　what　wealth　and　glory　would　e。　This　time；　the　prize　in　sight　was　a　different　thing　entirely；　and　wouldn't　be　counted　in　stained　sheets　and　coinage。　He　was　the　instrument　of　a　higher　and　wiser　power。
　That　fact　took　the　fear　away。　When　he　opened　his　mind　to　the　pfocess；　he　felt　a　calm　e　upon　him；　subduing　the　unease　he'd　felt　climbing　the　stairs。　He'd　told　Jude　and　Clem　that　forces　would　run　through　the　house　the　likes　of　which　its　bricks　had　never　known；　and　it　was　true。　He　felt　them　fuel　his　weakening　mind；　ushering　his　thoughts　out　of　his　head　to　gather　the　Dominion　to　the　circle。
　That　gleaning　began　with　the　place　he　was　sitting　in。　His　mind　spread　to　all　pass　points；　and　up　and　down；　to　have　the　sum　of　the　room。　It　was　an　easy　space　to　grasp。　Generations　of　prison　poets　had　made　the　analogies　for　him；　and　he　borrowed　them　freely。　The　walls　were　his　body's　limits；　the　door　his　mouth；　the　windows　his　eyes：　monplace　similitudes；　taxing　his　power　of　parison　not　a　jot。　He　dissolved　the　boards；　the　plaster；　the　glass；　and　all　the　thousand　tiny　details　in　the　same　lyric　of　confinement　and；　having　made　them　part　of　him；　broke　their　bounds　to　stray　farther　afield。
　As　his　imagination　headed　down　the　stairs　and　up　onto　the　roof；　he　felt　the　beginnings　of　momentum。　His　intellect；　dogged　by　literalism；　was　already　lagging　behind　a　sensibility　more　mercurial；　which　was　delivering　back　to　him　similitudes　for　the　whole　h