rh.theassassinsapprentice-第44部分

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t　was　it　at　all。　I　think　it　would　have　been　dangerous　for　you。〃　The　Fool　made　an　odd　pass　with　his　hand；　and　a　stick　of　dried　meat　appeared　in　his　fingers。　I　knew　it　had　been　up　his　sleeve；　but　I　was　unable　to　see　how　he　acplished　his　tricks。　He　flipped　the　meat　onto　my　bed　and　the　puppy　sprang　on　it　greedily。
　　　　　　　〃You　can　hurt　her；　if　you　choose；〃　he　offered　me。　〃She　feels　such　guilt　at　how　alone　you　have　been。　And　you　look　so　like　Chivalry；　anything　you　say　will　be　as　if　it　came　from　his　lips。　She's　like　a　gem　with　a　flaw。　One　precise　tap　from　you；　and　she　will　fly　all　to　pieces。　She's　half…mad　as　she　is；　you　know。　They　would　never　have　been　able　to　kill　Chivalry　if　she　hadn't　consented　to　his　abdication。　At　least；　not　with　such　blithe　dismissal　of　the　consequences。　She　knows　that。〃
　　　　　　　〃Who　is　'they'？〃　I　demanded。
　　　　　　　〃Who　are　they？〃　the　Fool　corrected　me；　and　whisked　out　of　sight。　By　the　time　I　got　to　the　door；　he　was　gone。　I　quested　after　him；　but　got　nothing。　Almost　as　if　he　were　Forged。　I　shivered　at　that　thought；　and　went　back　to　Smithy。　He　was　chewing　the　meat　to　slimy　bits　all　over　my　bed。　I　watched　him。　〃The　Fool's　gone；〃　I　told　Smithy。　He　wagged　a　casual　acknowledgment　and　went　on　worrying　his　meat。
　　　　　　　He　was　mine；　given　to　me。　Not　a　stable　dog　I　cared　for；　but　mine；　and　outside　of　Burrich's　knowledge　or　authority。　Other　than　my　clothes　and　the　copper　bracelet　that　Chade　had　given　me；　I　had　few　possessions。　But　he　made　up　for　all　lacks　I　might　ever　have　had。
　　　　　　　He　was　a　sleek　and　healthy　pup。　His　coat　was　smooth　now；　but　would　grow　bristly　as　he　matured。　When　I　held　him　up　to　the　window；　I　could　see　faint　mottlings　of　color　in　his　coat。　He'd　be　a　dark　brindle；　then。　I　discovered　one　white　spot　on　his　chin；　and　another　on　his　left　hind　foot。　He　clamped　his　little　jaws　on　my　shirtsleeve　and　shook　it　violently；　uttering　savage　puppy　growls。　I　tussled　him　on　the　bed　until　he　fell　into　a　deep；　limp　sleep。　Then　I　moved　him　to　his　straw　cushion　and　went　reluctantly　to　my　afternoon　lessons　and　chores。
　　　　　　　That　initial　week　with　Patience　was　a　trying　time　for　both　of　us。　I　learned　to　keep　a　thread　of　my　attention　always　with　him　so　he　never　felt　alone　enough　to　howl　when　I　left　him。　But　that　took　practice；　so　I　felt　somewhat　distracted。　Burrich　frowned　about　it；　but　I　persuaded　him　it　was　due　to　my　sessions　with　Patience。　〃I　have　no　idea　what　that　woman　wants　from　me；〃　I　told　him　by　the　third　day。　〃Yesterday　it　was　music。　In　the　space　of　two　hours；　she　attempted　to　teach　me　to　play　the　harp；　the　sea　pipes；　and　then　the　flute。　Every　time　I　came　close　to　figuring　out　a　few　notes　on　one　or　the　other　of　them；　she　snatched　it　away　and　manded　that　I　try　a　different　one。　She　ended　that　session　by　saying　that　I　had　no　aptitude　for　music。　This　morning　it　was　poetry。　She　set　herself　to　teaching　me　the　one　about　Queen　Healsall　and　her　garden。　It　has　a　long　bit；　about　all　the　herbs　she　grew　and　what　each　was　for。　And　she　kept　getting　it　bungled；　and　got　angry　at　me　when　I　repeated　it　back　to　her　that　way；　saying　that　I　must　know　that　catmint　is　not　for　poultices　and　that　I　was　mocking　her。　It　was　almost　a　relief　when　she　said　I　had　given　her　such　a　headache　that　we　must　stop。　And　when　I　offered　to　bring　her　buds　from　the　lady's…hand　bush　for　her　headache；　she　sat　right　up　and　said；　'There！　I　knew　you　were　mocking　me。'　I　don't　know　how　to　please　her；　Burrich。〃
　　　　　　　〃Why　would　you　want　to？〃　he　growled；　and　I　let　the　subject　drop。
　　　　　　　That　evening　Lacey　came　to　my　room。　She　tapped；　then　entered；　wrinkling　her　nose。　〃You'd　better　bring　up　some　strewing　herbs　if　you're　going　to　keep　that　pup　in　here。　And　use　some　vinegar　and　water　when　you　scrub　up　his　messes。　It　smells　like　a　stable　in　here。〃
　　　　　　　〃I　suppose　it　does；〃　I　admitted。　I　looked　at　her　curiously　and　waited。
　　　　　　　〃I　brought　you　this。　You　seemed　to　like　it　best。〃　She　held　out　the　sea　pipes。　I　looked　at　the　short；　fat　tubes　bound　together　with　strips　of　leather。　I　had　liked　it　best　of　the　three　instruments。　The　harp　had　far　too　many　strings；　and　the　flute　had　seemed　shrill　to　me　even　when　Patience　had　played　it。
　　　　　　　〃Did　Lady　Patience　send　it　to　me？〃　I　asked；　puzzled。
　　　　　　　〃No。　She　doesn't　know　I've　taken　it。　She'll　assume　it's　lost　in　her　litter；　as　usual。〃
　　　　　　　〃Why　did　you　bring　it？〃
　　　　　　　〃For　you　to　practice　on。　When　you've　a　little　skill　with　it；　bring　it　back　and　show　her。〃
　　　　　　　〃Why？〃
　　　　　　　Lacey　sighed。　〃Because　it　would　make　her　feel　better。　And　that　would　make　my　life　much　easier。　There's　nothing　worse　than　being　maid　to　someone　as　heartsick　as　Lady　Patience。　She　longs　desperately　for　you　to　be　good　at　something。　She　keeps　trying　you　out；　hoping　that　you'll　manifest　some　sudden　talent　so　that　she　can　flout　you　about　and　tell　folk；　'There；　I　told　you　he　had　it　in　him。'　Now；　I've　had　boys　of　my　own；　and　I　know　boys　aren't　that　way。　They　don't　learn；　or　grow；　or　have　manners　when　you're　looking　at　them。　But　turn　away；　and　turn　back；　and　there　they　are；　smarter；　taller；　and　charming　everyone　but　their　own　mothers。〃
　　　　　　　I　was　a　little　lost。　〃You　want　me　to　learn　to　play　this　so　Patience　will　be　happy？〃
　　　　　　　〃So　she　can　feel　she's　given　you　something。〃
　　　　　　　〃She　gave　me　Smithy。　Nothing　she　can　ever　give　me　will　be　better　than　him。〃。
　　　　　　　Lacey　looked　surprised　at　my　sudden　sincerity。　So　was　I。　〃Well。　You　might　tell　her　that。　But　you　might　also　try　to　learn　to　play　the　sea　pipes　or　recite　a　ballad　or　sing　one　of　the　old　prayers。　That　she　might　understand　better。〃
　　　　　　　After　Lacey　left；　I　sat　thinking；　caught　between　anger　and　wistfulness。　Patience　wished　me　to　be　a　success　and　felt　she　must　discover　something　I　could　do。　As　if；　before　her；　I　had　never　done　or　acplished　anything。　But　as　I　mulled　over　what　I　had　done；　and　what　she　knew　of　me；　I　realized　that　her　image　of　me　must　be　a　rather　flat　one。　I　could　read　and　write；　and　take　care　of　a　horse　or　dog。　I　could　also　brew　poisons；　make　sleeping　drafts；　smuggle；　lie；　and　do　sleight　of　hand；　none　of　which　would　have　pleased　her　even　if　she　had　known。　So；　was　there　anything　to　me；　other　than　being　a　spy　or　assassin？
　　　　　　　The　next　morning　I　arose　early　and　sought　Fedwren。　He　was　pleased　when　I　asked　to　borrow　brushes　and　colors　from　him。　The　paper　he　gave　me　was　better　than　practice　sheets；　and　he　made　me　promise　to　show　him　my　efforts。　As　I　made　my　way　up　the　stairs　I　wondered　what　it　would　be　like　to　apprentice　with　him。　Surely　it　could　not　be　any　harder　than　what　I　had　been　set　to　lately。
　　　　　　　But　the　task　I　had　set　myself　proved　harder　than　any　Patience　had　put　me　to。　I　could　see　Smithy　asleep　on　his　cushion。　How　could　the　curve　of　his　back　be　different　from　the　curve　of　a　rune；　the　shades　of　his　ears　so　different　from　the　shading　of　the　herbal　illustrations　I　painstakingly　copied　from　Fedwren's　work。　But　they　were；　and　I　wasted　sheet　after　sheet　of　paper　until　I　suddenly　saw　that　it　was　the　shadows　around　the　pup　that　made　the　curves　of　his　back　and　the　line　of　his　haunch。　I　needed　to　paint　less；　not　more；　and　put　down　what　my　eye　saw　rather　than　what　my　mind　knew。
　　　　　　　It　was　late　when　I　washed　out　my　brushes　and　set　them　aside。　I　had　two　that　pleased；　and　a　third　that　I　liked；　though　it　was　soft　and　muzzy；　more　like　a　dream　of　a　puppy　than　a　real　puppy。　More　like　what　I　sensed　than　what　I　saw；　I　thought　to　myself。
　　　　　　　But　when　I　stood　outside　Lady　Patience's　door；　I　looked　down　at　the　papers　in　my　hand　and　suddenly　saw　myself　as　a　toddler　presenting　crushed　and　wilted　dandelions　to　his　mother。　What　fitting　pastime　was　this　for　a　youth？　If　I　were　truly　Fedwren's　apprentice；　then　exercises　of　this　sort　would　be　appropriate；　for　a　good　scriber　must　illustrate　and　illuminate　as　well　as　scribe。　But　the　door　opened　before　I　knocked　and　there　I　was；　my　fingers　smudged　still　with　paint　and　the　pages　damp　in　my　hand。
　　　　　　　I　was　wordless　when　Patience　irritably　told　me　to　e　inside；　that　I　was　late　enough　already。　I　perched　on　the　edge　of　a　chair　with　a　crumpled　cloak　and　some　half　finished　bit　of　stitchery。　I　set　my　paintings　to　one　side　of　me；　atop　a　stack　of　tablets。
　　　　　　　〃I　think　you　could　learn　to　recite　verse；　if　you　chose　to；〃　she　remarked　with　some　asperity。　〃And　therefore　you　could　learn　to　pose　verse；　if　you　chose　to。　Rhythm　and　meter　are　no　more　than　。。。　is　that　the　puppy？〃
　　　　　　　〃It's　meant　to　be；〃　I　muttered；　and　could　not　remember　feeling　more　wretchedly　embarrassed　in　my　life。
　　　　　　　She　lifted　the　sheets　carefully　and　examined　each　one　in　turn；　holding　them　close　and　then　at　arm's　length。　She　stared　longest　at　the　muzzy　one。　〃Who　did　these　for　you？〃　she　asked　at　last。　〃Not　that　it　excuses　your　being　late。　But　I　could　find　good　use　for　someone　who　can　put　on　paper　what　the　eye　sees；　with　the　colors　so　true。　That　is　the　trouble　with　all　the　herbals　I　have；　all　the　herbs　are　painted　the　same　green；　no　matter　if　they　are　gray　or　tinged　pink　as　they　grow。　Such　tablets　are　useless　if　you　are　trying　to　learn　from　them…〃
　　　　　　　〃I　suspect　he's　painted　the　puppy　himself；　ma'am；〃　Lacey　interrupted　benignly。
　　　　　　　〃And　the　paper；　this　is　better　than　what　I've　had　to…〃　Patience　paused　suddenly。　〃You；　Thomas？〃　（And　I　think　that　was　the　first　time　she　remembered　to　use　the　name　she　had　bestowed　on　me。）　〃You　paint　like　this？〃
　　　　　　　Before　her　incredulous　look；　I　managed　a　quick　nod。　She　held　up　the　pictures　again。　〃Your　father　could　not　draw　a　curved　line；　save　it　was　on　a　map。　Did　your　mother　draw？〃
　　　　　　　〃I　have　no　memories　of　her；　lady。〃　My　reply　was　stiff。　I　could　not　recall　that　anyone　had　ever　been　brave　enough　to　ask　me　such　a　thing　before。
　　　　　　　〃What；　none？　But　you　were　six　years　old。　You　must　remember　something…the　color　of　her　hair；　her　voice；　what　she　called　you　。。。。〃　Was　that　a　pained　hunger　in　her　voice；　a　curiosity　she　could　not　quite　bear　to　satisfy？
　　　　　　　Almost；　for　a　moment；　I　did　remember。　A　smell　of　mint；　or　was　it　。。。　it　was　gone。　〃Nothing；　lady。　If　she　had　wanted　me　to　remember　her；　she　would　have　kept　me；　I　suppose。〃　I　closed　my　heart。　Surely　I　owed　no　remembrance　to　the　mother　who　had　not　kept　me；　nor　ever　sought　me　since。
　　　　　　　〃Well。〃　For　the　first　time　I　think　Patience　realized　she　had　taken　our　conversation　into　a　dif