rh.theassassinsapprentice-第51部分

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at　lies　about　and　whines　that　he　deserved　a　beating。〃　He　leaned　closer；　gently　prodded　just　below　my　temple。　A　blast　of　pain　rocked　my　consciousness。　〃That's　how　near　you　were　to　losing　an　eye　to　this　'teaching。'　〃　His　temper　was　rising；　and　I　kept　my　mouth　closed。　He　took　a　quick　turn　around　the　room；　then　spun　to　face　me。
　　　　　　　〃That　puppy。　He's　from　Patience's　bitch；　isn't　he？〃
　　　　　　　〃Yes。〃
　　　　　　　〃But　you　haven't　。。。　oh；　Fitz；　please　tell　me　that　it　wasn't　your　using　the　Wit　that　brought　this　on　you。　If　he　did　this　to　you　for　that；　there's　not　a　word　I　can　say　to　anyone；　or　an　eye　I　can　meet　anywhere　in　the　keep　or　the　whole　kingdom。〃
　　　　　　　〃No；　Burrich。　I　promise　you；　this　had　nothing　to　do　with　the　pup。　It　was　my　failure　to　learn　what　I　had　been　taught。　My　weakness。〃
　　　　　　　〃Quiet；〃　he　ordered　me　impatiently。　〃Your　word　is　enough。　I　know　you　well　enough　to　know　your　promise　will　always　be　true。　But　for　the　rest；　you're　making　no　sense　at　all。　Go　back　to　sleep。　I'm　going　out；　but　I'll　be　back　soon　enough。　Get　some　rest。　It's　the　real　healer。〃
　　　　　　　A　purpose　had　settled　on　Burrich。　My　words　seemed　to　have　finally　satisfied　him；　settled　something　for　him。　He　dressed　quickly；　pulling　on　boots；　changing　his　shirt　for　a　loose　one；　and　putting　only　a　leather　jerkin　over　it。　Smithy　stood　and　whined　anxiously　as　Burrich　went　out；　but　could　not　convey　his　worry　to　me。　Instead；　he　came　to　the　bedside　and　scrabbled　up；　to　burrow　into　the　covers　beside　me　and　fort　me　with　his　trust。　In　the　bleak　despair　that　settled　over　me；　he　was　my　only　light。　I　closed　my　eyes　and　Burrich's　herbs　sank　me　into　a　dreamless　sleep。
　　　　　　　I　awoke　later　that　afternoon。　A　gust　of　cold　air　preceded　Burrich's　entry　into　the　room。　He　checked　me　over；　casually　prying　open　my　eyes　and　then　running　petent　hands　down　my　ribs　and　over　my　other　bruises。　He　grunted　his　satisfaction；　then　changed　his　torn　and　muddied　shirt　for　a　fresh　one。　He　hummed　as　he　did　so；　seeming　in　a　fine　mood　much　at　odds　with　my　bruises　and　depression。　It　was　almost　a　relief　when　he　left　again。　Below；　I　heard　him　whistling　and　calling　orders　to　the　stable　boys。　It　all　sounded　so　normal　and　workaday　and　I　longed　for　it　with'　an　intensity　that　surprised　me。　I　wanted　that　back；　the　warm　smell　of　the　horses　and　dogs　and　straw；　the　simple　tasks；　done　well　and　pletely；　and　the　good　sleep　of　exhaustion　at　the　end　of　a　day。　I　longed　for　it；　but　the　worthlessness　that　filled　me　now　predicted　that　even　at　that；　I　would　fail。　Galen　had　often　sneered　at　those　who　worked　such　simple　jobs　about　the　keep。　He　had　only　contempt　for　the　kitchen　maids　and　cooks；　derision　for　the　stable　boys；　and　the　men…at…arms　who　guarded　us　with　sword　and　bow；　were；　in　his　words；　〃ruffians　and　dolts；　doomed　to　flail　away　at　the　world；　and　control　with　a　sword　what　they　can't　master　with　their　minds。〃　So　now　I　was　strangely　torn。　I　longed　to　return　to　being　what　Galen　had　convinced　me　was　contemptible；　yet　doubt　and　despair　filled　me　that　I　could　even　do　so　much　as　that。
　　　　　　　I　was　abed　for　two　days。　A　jovial　Burrich　tended　me　with　banter　and　good　nature　that　I　could　not　fathom。　There　was　a　briskness　to　his　step　and　a　sureness　to　him　that　made　him　seem　a　much　younger　man。　It　added　to　my　dispiritedness　that　my　injuries　put　him　in　such　fine　fettle。　But　after　two　days　of　bed　rest；　Burrich　informed　me　that　only　so　much　stillness　was　good　for　a　man；　and　it　was　time　I　was　up　and　moving　if　I　wished　to　heal　well。　And　he　proceeded　to　find　me　many　minor　chores　to　perform；　none　heavy　enough　to　tax　my　strength；　but　more　than　enough　to　keep　me　busy；　for　I　had　to　rest　often。　I　believe　that　the　busyness　was　what　he　was　after　rather　than　any　exercise　for　me；　for　all　I　had　done　was　to　lie　in　bed　and　look　at　the　wall　and　despise　myself。　Faced　with　my　unrelenting　depression；　even　Smithy　had　begun　to　turn　aside　from　his　food。　Yet　Smithy　remained　my　only　real　source　of　fort。　Following　me　about　the　stable　was　the　purest　enjoyment　he'd　ever　had。　Every　scent　and　sight　he　relayed　to　me　with　an　intensity　that；　despite　my　bleakness；　renewed　in　me　the　wonder　I　had　first　felt　when　I'd　plunged　into　Burrich's　world。　Smithy　was　savagely　possessive　of　me　as　well；　challenging　even　Sooty's　right　to　sniff　me；　and　earning　himself　a　snap　from　Vixen　that　sent　him　yipping　and　cowering　to　my　heels。
　　　　　　　I　begged　the　next　day　free　for　myself　and　went　into　Buckkeep　Town。　The　walk　took　me　longer　than　it　had　ever　taken　me　before；　but　Smithy　rejoiced　in　my　slow　pace；　for　it　gave　him　time　to　snuff　his　way　around　every　clump　of　grass　and　tree　on　the　way。　I　had　thought　that　seeing　Molly　would　lift　my　spirits；　and　give　me　some　sense　of　my　own　life　again。　But　when　I　got　to　the　chandlery；　she　was　busy　at　first；　filling　three　large　orders　for　outbound　ships。　I　sat　by　the　hearth　in　the　shop。　Her　father　sat　opposite　me；　drinking　and　glaring　at　me。　Although　his　illness　had　weakened　him；　it　had　not　changed　his　temperament；　and　on　days　when　he　was　well　enough　to　sit　up；　he　was　well　enough　to　drink。　After　a　while　I　gave　up　all　pretense　at　conversation；　and　simply　watched　him　drink　and　disparage　his　daughter　as　Molly　bustled　frantically　about；　trying　to　be　both　efficient　and　hospitable　to　her　customers。　The　dreary　pettiness　of　it　all　depressed　me。
　　　　　　　At　noon　she　told　her　father　she　was　closing　the　shop　while　she　went　to　deliver　an　order。　She　gave　me　a　rack　of　candles　to　carry；　loaded　her　own　arms；　and　we　left；　latching　the　door　behind　us。　Her　father's　drunken　imprecations　followed　us；　but　she　ignored　them。　Once　outside　in　the　brisk　winter　wind；　I　followed　Molly　as　she　walked　quickly　to　the　back　of　the　shop。　Motioning　for　my　silence；　she　opened　the　back　door　and　set　all　that　she　carried　inside。　My　rack　of　candles；　too；　was　unloaded　there；　and　then　we　left。
　　　　　　　For　a　bit　we　just　wandered　through　the　town；　talking　little。　She　mented　on　my　bruised　face；　I　said　only　that　I　had　fallen。　The　wind　was　cold　and　relentless；　so　the　market　stalls　were　near　empty；　of　both　customers　and　vendors。　She　paid　much　attention　to　Smithy；　and　he　reveled　in　it。　On　our　walk　back；　we　stopped　at　a　tea　shop；　and　she　treated　me　to　mulled　wine　and　made　so　much　of　Smithy　that　he　fell　over　on　his　back　and　all　his　thoughts　turned　into　wallowing　in　her　affection。　I　was　struck　suddenly　by　how　clearly　Smithy　was　aware　of　her　feelings；　and　yet　she　did　not　sense　his　at　all；　except　on　the　shallowest　level。　I　quested　gently　toward　her；　but　found　her　elusive　and　drifting　today；　like　a　perfume　that　es　strong　and　then　faint　on　the　same　breath　of　wind。　I　knew　that　I　could　have　pushed　more　insistently　against　her；　but　somehow　it　seemed　pointless。　An　aloneness　settled　on　me；　a　deadly　melancholy　that　she　never　had　been　and　never　would　be　any　more　aware　of　me　than　she　was　of　Smithy。　So　I　took　her　brief　words　to　me　as　a　bird　pecks　at　dry　bread　crumbs　and　let　alone　the　silences　she　curtained　between　us。　Soon　she　said　that　she　could　not　tarry　long；　or　it　would　be　the　worse　for　her；　for　if　her　father　no　longer　had　the　strength　to　strike　her；　he　was　still　capable　of　smashing　his　beer　mug　on　the　floor　or　knocking　over　racks　of　things　to　show　his　displeasure　at　being　neglected。　She　smiled　an　odd　little　smile　as　she　told　me　this；　as　if　it　would　be　less　appalling　if　somehow　we　thought　of　his　behavior　as　amusing。　I　couldn't　smile　and　she　looked　away　from　my　face。
　　　　　　　I　helped　her　with　her　cloak　and　we　left；　walking　uphill　and　into　the　wind。　And　that　suddenly　seemed　a　metaphor　for　my　whole　life。　At　her　door；　she　shocked　me　with　a　hug　and　a　kiss　on　the　corner　of　my　jaw；　the　embrace　so　brief　that　it　was　almost　like　being　bumped　in　the　market。　〃Newboy　。。。〃　she　said；　and　then；　〃Thank　you。　For　understanding。〃
　　　　　　　And　then　she　whisked　into　her　shop　and　shut　the　door　behind　her；　leaving　me　chilled　and　bewildered。　She　thanked　me　for　understanding　her　at　a　time　when　I　had　never　felt　more　isolated　from　her；　and　everyone　else。　All　the　way　up　to　the　keep　Smithy　kept　prattling　to　himself　about　all　the　perfumes　he'd　smelt　on　her　and　how　she　had　scratched　him　just　where　he　could　never　reach　in　front　of　his　ears　and　of　the　sweet　biscuit　she'd　fed　him　in　the　tea　shop。
　　　　　　　It　was　midafternoon　when　we　got　back　to　the　stables。　I　did　a　few　chores　and　then　went　back　up　to　Burrich's　room；　where　Smithy　and　I　fell　asleep。　I　awoke　to　Burrich　standing　over　me；　a　slight　frown　on　his　face。
　　　　　　　〃Up；　and　let's　have　a　look　at　you；〃　he　manded；　and　I　arose　wearily　and　stood　quiet　while　he　went　over　my　injuries　with　deft　hands。　He　was　pleased　with　the　condition　of　my　hand　and　told　me　that　it　might　go　unbandaged　now；　but　to　keep　the　wrapping　about　my　ribs　and　to　e　back　to　have　it　adjusted　each　evening。　〃As　for　the　rest　of　it；　keep　it　clean　and　dry；　and　don't　pick　at　the　scabs。　If　any　of　it　starts　to　fester；　e　and　see　me。〃　He　filled　a　little　pot　with　an　unguent　that　eased　sore　muscles　and　gave　it　to　me；　by　which　I　deduced　that　he　expected　me　to　leave。
　　　　　　　I　stood　holding　the　little　pot　of　medicine。　A　terrible　sadness　welled　up　in　me；　and　yet　I　could　find　no　words　to　say。　Burrich　looked　at　me；　scowled；　and　turned　away。　〃Now　stop　that；〃　he　manded　me　angrily。
　　　　　　　〃What？〃　I　asked。
　　　　　　　〃You　look　at　me　sometimes　with　my　lord's　eyes；〃　he　said　quietly；　and　then　as　sharply　as　before；　〃Well；　what　did　you　think　to　do？　Hide　in　the　stables　the　rest　of　your　life？　No。　You　have　to　go　back。　You　have　to　go　back　and　hold　up　your　head　and　eat　your　meals　among　the　keep　folk；　and　sleep　in　your　own　room；　and　live　your　own　life。　Yes；　and　go　finish　those　damn　lessons　in　the　Skill。〃
　　　　　　　His　first　mands　had　sounded　difficult；　but　the　last；　I　knew；　was　impossible。
　　　　　　　〃I　can't；〃　I　said；　not　believing　how　stupid　he　was。　〃Galen　wouldn't　let　me　e　back　to　the　group。　And　even　if　he　did；　I'd　never　catch　up　on　all　I've　missed。　I've　already　failed　at　it；　Burrich。　I　failed　and　that's　done；　and　I　need　to　find　something　else　to　do　with　myself。　I'd　like　to　learn　the　hawks；　please。〃　The　last　I　heard　myself　say　with　some　amazement；　for　in　truth　it　had　never　crossed　my　mind　before。　Burrich's　reply　was　at　least　as　strange。
　　　　　　　〃You　can't；　for　the　hawks　don't　like　you。　You're　too　warm　and　you　don't　mind　your　own　business　enough。　Now　listen　to　me。　You　didn't　fail；　you　f