八喜电子书 > 文学名著电子书 > rz.signoftheunicorn >

第27部分

rz.signoftheunicorn-第27部分

小说: rz.signoftheunicorn 字数: 每页4000字

按键盘上方向键 ← 或 → 可快速上下翻页,按键盘上的 Enter 键可回到本书目录页,按键盘上方向键 ↑ 可回到本页顶部!
————未阅读完?加入书签已便下次继续阅读!



yond the place where I stop。。。 Where I stop。。。
 How to put simply that which is not a simple thing。。。? Solipsism; I suppose; is where we have to begin … the notion that nothing exists but the self; or; at least; that we cannot truly be aware of anything but our own existence and experience。 I can find; somewhere; off in Shadow; anything I can visualize。 Any of us can。 This; in good faith; does not transcend the limits of the ego。 It may be argued; and in fact has; by most of us; that we create the shadows we visit out of the stuff of our own psyches; that we alone truly exist; that the shadows we traverse are but projections of our own desires。。。 Whatever the merits of this argument; and there are several; it does go far toward explaining much of the family's attitude toward people; places; and things outside of Amber。 Namely; we are toymakers and they; our playthings … sometimes dangerously animated; to be sure; but this; too; is part of the game。 We are impresarios by temperament; and we treat one another accordingly。 While solipsism does tend to leave one slightly embarrassed on questions of etiology; one can easily avoid the embarrassment by refusing to admit the validity of the questions。 Most of us are; as I have often observed; almost entirely pragmatic in the conduct of our affairs。 Almost。。。
 Yet … yet there is a disturbing element in the picture。 There is a place where the shadows go mad。。。 When you purposely push yourself through layer after layer of Shadow; surrendering … again; purposely … a piece of your understanding every step of the way; you e at last to a mad place beyond which you cannot go。 Why do this? In hope of an insight。 I'd say; or a new game。。。 But when you e to this place; as we all have; you realize that you have reached the limit of Shadow or the end of yourself … synonymous terms; as we had always thought。 Now; though。。。
 Now I know that it is not so; now as I stand; waiting; without the Courts of Chaos; telling you what it was like; I know that it is not so。 But I knew well enough then; that night; in Tir…na Nog'th; had known earlier; when I had fought the goat…man in the Black Circle of Lorraine; had known that day in the Lighthouse of Cabra; after my escape from the dungeons of Amber; when I had looked upon ruined Garnath。。。 I knew that that was not all there was to it。 I knew because I knew that the black road ran beyond that point。 It passed through madness into chaos and kept going; the things that traveled across it came from somewhere; but they were not my things。 I had somehow helped to grant them this passage; but they did not spring from my version of reality。 They were their own; or someone else's … small matter there … and they tore holes in that small metaphysic we had woven over the ages。 They had entered our preserve; they were not of it; they threatened it; they threatened us。 Fiona and Brand had reached beyond everything and found something; where none of the rest of us had believed anything to exist。 The danger released was; on some level; almost worth the evidence obtained: we were not alone; nor were shadows truly our toys。 Whatever our relationship with Shadow; I could nevermore regard it in the old light。。。
 All because the black road headed south and ran beyond the end of the world; where I stop。
 Silence and silver。。。 Walking away from the rail; leaning on my stick; passing through the fog…spun; mist…woven; moonlight…brushed fabric of vision within the troubling city。。。 Ghosts。。。 Shadows of shadows。。。 Images of probability。。。 Might…bes and might…have…beens。。。 Probability lost。。。 Probability regained。。。
 Walking; across the promenade now。。。 Figures; faces; many of them familiar。。。 What are they about? Hard to say。。。 Some lips move; some faces show animation。 There are no words there for me。 I pass among them; unnoted。
 There。。。 One such figure。。。 Alone; but waiting。。。 Fingers unknotting minutes; casting them away。。。 Face averted; and I wish to see it。。。 A sign that I will or should。。。 She sits on a stone bench beneath a gnarly tree。。。 She gazes in the direction of the palace。。。 Her form is quite familiar。。。 Approaching; I see that it is Lorraine。。。 She continues to regard a point far beyond me; does not hear me say that I have avenged her death。
 But mine is the power to be heard here。。。 It hangs in the sheath at my side。
 Drawing Grayswandir; I raise my blade overhead where moonlight tricks its patterns into a kind of motion。 I place it on the ground between us。
 〃Corwin!〃
 Her head snaps back; her hair rusts in the moonlight; her eyes focus。
 〃Where did you e from? You're early。〃
 〃You wait for me?〃
 〃Of course。 You told me to … 〃
 〃How did you e to this place?〃
 〃This bench。。。?〃
 〃No。 This city。〃
 〃Amber? I do not understand。 You brought me yourself。 I …〃
 〃Are you happy here?〃
 〃You know that I am; so long as I am with you。〃
 I had not forgotten the evenness of her teeth; the hint of freckles beneath the soft light's veil。。。
 〃What happened? It is very important。 Pretend for a moment that I do not know; and tell me everything that happened to us after the battle of the Black Circle in Lorraine。〃
 She frowned。 She stood。 She turned away。
 〃We had that argument;〃 she said。 〃You followed me; drove away Melkin; and we talked。 I saw that I was wrong and I went with you to Avalon。 There; your brother Benedict persuaded you to talk with Eric。 You were not reconciled; but you agreed to a truce because of something that he told you。 He swore not to harm you and you swore to defend Amber; with Benedict to witness both oaths。 We remained in Avalon while you obtained chemicals; and we went to another place later; a place where you purchased strange weapons。 We won the battle; but Eric lies wounded now。〃 She stood and faced me。 〃Are you thinking of ending the truce? Is that it; Corwin?〃
 I shook my head; and though I knew better I reached to embrace her。 I wanted to hold her; despite the fact that one of us did not exist; could not exist; when that tiny gap of space between our skins was crossed; to tell her that whatever bad happened or would happen …
 The shock was not severe; but it caused me to stumble。 I lay across Grayswandir。。。 My staff had fallen to the grass several paces away。 Rising to my knees; I saw that the color had gone out of her face; her eyes; her hair。 Her mouth shaped ghost words as her head turned; searching。 Sheathing Grayswandir; recovering my staff; I rose once again。 Her seeing passed through me and focused。 Her face grew smooth; she smiled; started forward。 I moved aside and turned; watching her run toward the man who approached; seeing her clasped in his arms; glimpsing his face as he bent it toward her own; lucky ghost; silver rose at the throat of his garment; kissing her; this man I would never know; silver on silence; and silver。。。
 Walking away。。。 Not looking back。。。 Crossing the promenade。。。
 The voice of Random: 〃Corwin; are you all right?〃
 〃Yes。〃
 〃Anything interesting happening?〃
 〃Later; Random。〃
 〃Sorry。〃
 And sudden; the gleaming stair before the palace grounds。。。 Up it; and a turn to the right。。。 Slow and easy now; into the garden。。。 Ghost flowers throb on their stalks all about me; ghost shrubs spill blossoms like frozen firework displays。 Sans colors; all。。。 Only the essentials sketched in; degrees of luminosity in silver the terms of their claim on the eye。 Only the essentials here。 Is Tir…na Nog'th a special sphere of Shadow in the real world; swayed by the promptings of the id … a full…sized projective test in the sky; perhaps even a therapeutic device? Despite the silver。 I'd say; if this is a piece of the soul; the night is very dark。。。 And silent。。。
 Walking。。。 By fountains; benches; groves; cunning alcoves in mazes of hedging。。。 Passing along the walks; up an occasional step; across small bridges。。。 Moving past ponds; among trees; by an odd piece of statuary; a boulder; a sundial (moondial; here?); bearing to my right; pressing steadily ahead; rounding; after a time; the northern end of the palace; swinging left then; past a courtyard overhung by balconies; more ghosts here and there upon them; behind them; within。。。
 Circling around to the rear; just to see the back gardens this way; again; for they are lovely by normal moonlight in the true Amber。
 A few more figures; talking; standing。。。 No motion but my own is apparent。
 。。。 And feel myself drawn to the right。 As one should never turn down a free oracle; I go。
 。。。 Toward a mass of high hedging; a small open area within; if it is not overgrown。。。 Long ago there was。。。
 Two figures; embracing; within。 They part as I begin to turn away。 None of my affair; but。。。 Deirdre。。。 One of them is Deirdre。 I know who the man will be before he turns。 It is a cruel joke by whatever powers rule that silver; that silence。。。 Back; back; away from that hedge。。。 Turning; stumbling; rising again; going; away; now; quickly。。。
 The voice of Random: 〃Corwin? Are you all right?〃
 〃Later! Damn it! Later!〃
 〃It is not too long till sunrise; Corwin。 I felt I had better remind you …〃
 〃Consider me reminded!〃
 Away; now; quickly。。。 Time; too; is a dream in Tir…na Nog'th。 Small fort; but better than none。 Quickly; now; away; going; again。。。
 。。。 Toward the palace; bright architecture of the mind or spirit; more clearly standing now than the real ever did。。。 To judge perfection is to render a worthless verdict; but I must see what lies within。。。 This must be an end of sorts; for I am driven。 I had not paused to recover my staff from where it had fallen this time; among the sparkling grasses。 I know where I must go; what I must do。 Obvious now; though the logic which has seized me is not that of the waking mind。
 Hurrying; climbing; up to the rearward portal。。。 The side…biting soreness es home again。。。 Across the threshold; in。。。
 Into an absence of starshine and moonlight。 The illumination is without direction; seeming almost to drift and to pool; aimlessly。 Wherever it misses; the shadows are absolute; occulting large sections of room; hallway; closet; and stair。
 Among them; through them; almost running now。。。 Monochrome of my home。。。 Apprehension overtakes me。。。 The black spots seem like holes in this piece of reality now。。。 I

返回目录 上一页 下一页 回到顶部 0 0

你可能喜欢的