sk.theplant-第1部分

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　　Zenith　House；　Publishers　490　Park　Avenue　South　New　York；　New　York　10017
　　
　　Gentlemen：
　　I　have　written　a　book　that　you　might　want　to　publish。　It　is　very　good。　It　is　all　scary　and　all　true。　It　is　called　True　Tales　of　Demon　Infestations。　I　know　all　the　things　in　it　from　first　hand。　Contents　include　stories　from　〃The　World　of　Voodoo；〃　〃The　World　of　the　Aether；〃　and　〃The　World　of　the　Living　Dead。〃　I　include　recipes　for　some　potions　as　well；　but　these　could　be　〃censored〃　if　you　felt　they　were　too　dangerous　although　for　most　people　they　won't　work　at　all　and　in　a　chapter　called　〃The　World　of　Spells〃　I　explain　why。
　　
　　I　am　offering　this　book　for　publication　now。　I　am　willing　to　sell　all　rights　（except　for　movie　rights；　I　will　direct　the　film　myself）。　There　are　photos　if　you　want　them。　If　you　are　interested　in　this　book　（no　other　publisher　has　seen　it；　I　am　sending　it　to　you　because　you　are　the　publishers　of　Bloody　Houses；　which　was　quite　good）；　please　answer　with　the　〃SASE〃　I　have　enclosed。　I　will　send　the　manuscript　with　return　postage　in　case　you　don't　like　it　（or　don't　understand　it）。　Please　respond　as　soon　as　possible。　I　think　〃multiple　submissions〃　are　unethical；　but　I　want　to　sell　True　Tales　of　Demon　Infestations　as　soon　as　possible。　In　this　book　there　is　some　〃scary　s**t！〃　If　you　know　what　I　mean！
　　
　　Yours　sincerely；
　　
　　Carlos　Detweiller
　　147　E。　14th　St。；　Apt。　E
　　Central　Falls；　R。　I。　40222
　　
　　interoffice　memo
　　
　　TO：　Roger　FROM：　John　RE：　Submissions/January　11…15th；　1981
　　
　　A　new　year；　and　the　slush　in　the　slush　pile　grows　ever　deeper。　I　don't　know　how　the　rest　of　your　toiling　editorial　minions　are　doing；　but　I　continue　to　roll　the　existential　rock　of　America's　unpublished　aspiring…at　least　my　share　of　it。　All　of　which　is　only　to　say　that　I　read　my　share　of　crud　this　week　（and　no；　I　haven't　been　smoking　what　W。　C。　Fields　called　〃the　illicit　sponduix；〃　either…I'm　just　having　a　prolix　day）。
　　With　your　concurrence；　I'm　returning　15　book…length　manuscripts　which　arrived　unsolicited　（see　Returns；　next　page）；　7　〃outlines　and　sample　chapters〃　and　4　unidentifiable　blobs　that　look　a　bit　like　typescripts。　One　of　them　is　a　book　of　something　called　〃gay　event　poetry〃　called　Suck　My　Big　Black　Cock；　and　another；　called　L'il　Lolita；　is　about　a　man　in　love　with　a　first　grader。　I　think。　It's　written　in　pencil　and　it's　hard　to　tell　for　sure。
　　
　　Also　with　your　concurrence；　I'm　asking　to　see　outline　and　sample　chapters　on　5　books；　including　the　new　bodice…ripper　from　that　bad…tempered　librarian　in　Minnesota　（the　authors　never　snoop　in　your　files；　do　they；　boss？　Ordinarily　it　would　be　a　flat　submission；　but　the　poor　performance　of　His　Flaming　Kisses　cannot　be　justified　even　by　our　horrible　distribution　set…up…any　word　on　what's　happening　with　United　News　Dealers；　by　the　way？）。　Synopsis　for　your　files　（below）。
　　Last；　and　probably　least；　I'm　appending　an　odd　little　query　letter　from　one　Carlos　Detweiller　of　Central　Falls；　Rhode　Island。　If　I　were　back　at　Brown　University；　happily　majoring　in　English；　planning　to　write　great　novels；　and　laboring　under　the　misapprehension　that　everyone　who　publishes　must　be　brilliant　or　at　least　〃real　smart；〃　I'd　throw　Mr。　Detweiller's　letter　out　at　once。　（Carlos　Detweiller？　I　ask　myself　even　now；　as　I　rattle　the　keys　of　this　ancient　Royal…can　that　be　a　real　name？　Surely　not！）　Probably　I'd　use　tongs　to　handle　it；　just　in　case　the　man's　obvious　dyslexia　was　catching。
　　But　two　years　at　Zenith　House　have　changed　me；　Roger。　The　scales　have　fallen　from　my　eyes。　You　don't　really　get　heavyweights　like　Milton；　Shakespeare；　Lawrence；　and　Faulkner　in　perspective　until　you've　lunched　at　Burger　Heaven　with　the　author　of　Rats　from　Hell　or　helped　the　creator　of　Gash　Me；　My　Darling　through　her　current　writer's　block。　You　e　to　realize　that　the　great　edifice　of　literature　has　one　fuck　of　a　lot　more　subbasements　than　you　expected　when　you　sneaked　your　first　stroke…book　up　to　your　bedroom　under　your　shirt　（no　I　have　not　been　smoking　dope！）。
　　So　okay。　This　guy　writes　like　a　moderately　bright　third…grader　（all　declarative　sentences…his　letter　has　the　panache　of　a　heavyset　guy　walking　downstairs　in　construction　boots）；　but　so　does　Olive　Barker；　and　considering　our　creaky　distribution　system；　her　Windhover　series　has　done　quite　well。　The　sentence　in　the　first　paragraph　which　says　he　knows　all　of　these　things　〃from　first　hand〃　suggests　he's　a　ding…dong。　You　know　that。　His　assertion　that　he's　going　to　direct　the　movie　suggests　that　he's　a　ding…dong　with　delusions　of　grandeur。　I　think　we　both　know　that。　Further；　I'd　stake　my　last　pair　of　skivvies　（I'm　wearing　them；　and　mighty　gray　they　are！）　that；　despite　his　disclaimer；　every　publisher　in　New　York　has　seen　True　Tales　of　Demon　Infestations。　Loyalty　to　one's　pany　can　go　only　so　far；　chum；　not　even　a　moderately　bright　third…grader　would　start　at　Zenith　House。　I'd　guess　this　letter　has　been　patiently　retyped　and　sent　out　by　the　indefatigable　（and　probably　obsessed）　Mr。　Detweiller　at　least　forty　times；　starting　with　Farrar；　Straus　&　Giroux；　or　maybe　even　Alfred　A。　Knopf。
　　But　I　think　there's　a　possibility…albeit　an　extremely　thin　one…that　Mr。　Detweiller　may　have　researched　enough　material　to　actually　make　a　book。　It　would　have　to　be　rewritten；　of　course…his　query　letter　makes　that　abundantly　clear…and　the　title　sucks；　but　we　have　several　writers　on　our　books　who　would　be　more　than　happy　to　do　a　little　ghost…writing　and　pick　up　a　quick　600。　（I　saw　you　wince…make　that　400。　Probably　the　indefatigable　Olive　Barker　is　the　best　of　them。　Also；　I　think　Olive　has　a　thing　for　Valium。　Junkies　work　harder　than　normal　people；　boss；　as　I　think　you　know。　At　least　until　they　die；　and　Olive's　tough。　She　doesn't　look　too　good　since　her　stroke…I　hate　the　way　the　left　side　of　her　face　just　hangs　there…but　she　is　tough。）
　　As　I　say；　the　chances　are　thin；　and　it's　always　a　trifle　risky　to　encourage　an　obvious　crazy；　because　it　is　so　difficult　to　get　rid　of　them　（remember　General　Hecksler　and　his　book　Twenty　Psychic　Garden　Flowers？　For　a　while　I　thought　the　man　might　be　genuinely　dangerous；　and　of　course　he　was　a　large　part　of　the　reason　poor　old　Bill　Hammer　quit）。　But　actually；　Bloody　Houses　did　do　pretty　well；　and　the　whole　thing…blurry　photos　and　all…came　out　of　the　New　York　Public　Library。　So　you　tell　me：　do　we　add　ole　Carlos　to　Returns　or　do　we　invite　him　to　submit　an　outline　and　sample　of　chapters？　Speak　quickly；　o　great　leader；　for　the　fate　of　the　universe　hangs　in　the　balance。
　　
　　John
　　
　　From　the　office　of　the　editor…in…chief
　　
　　TO：　John　Kenton　DATE：　1/15/81
　　MESSAGE：　Dear　Christ；　Johnny！　Do　you　ever　shut　up？　That　memo　was　three　pages　long！　If　your　weren't　stoned；　you　have　no　excuse。　Reject　the　damn　query　letter；　tell　this　Carlos　What's…His…Face　to　send　his　manuscript；　buy　him　a　pony；　whatever　you　want。　But　save　me　the　mother…fucking　thesis。　I　don't　get　them　from　Herb；　Sandra；　or　Bill；　and　I　don't　want　them　from　you。　〃Shovel　the　shit　and　shut　up；〃　how　does　that　strike　you　as　a　motto？
　　
　　Roger
　　
　　P。　S。　Harlow　Enders　called　again　today…we're　going　to　keep　on　drawing　paychecks　for　another　year　at　least；　it　seems。　After　that；　who　knows？　He　says　there's　going　to　be　an　〃assessment　of　position〃　in　June；　and　〃a　total　review　of　Zenith's　overall　position　in　the　market〃　next　January…I　construe　those　two　fulsome　phrases　to　mean　we　could　be　for　sale　next　January　unless　our　market　position　improves；　and　given　our　current　distribution　system；　I　don't　see　how　it　can。　My　head　aches。　I　think　I　may　have　a　brain　tumor。　Please　don't　send　me　any　more　long　memos。
　　
　　P。　P。　S。　L'il　Lolita　is　actually　a　pretty　good　title；　don't　you　think？　We　could　mission　it。　I'm　thinking　maybe　Mort　Yeager；　he's　got　a　touch　for　that　sort　of　thing。　Remember　Teenage　Lingerie　Show？　The　girl　in　L'il　Lolita　could　be　eleven；　I　think…wasn't　the　original　Lolita　twelve？
　　
　　interoffice　memo
　　
　　TO：　Roger　FROM：　John　RE：　Possible　brain　tumor
　　Sounds　more　like　a　tension　headache　to　me。　Take　four　Quaaludes　and　call　me　in　the　morning。　By　the　way；　Mort　Yeager's　in　jail。　Receiving　stolen　property；　I　think。
　　
　　John
　　
　　from　the　office　of　the　editor…in…chief
　　
　　TO：　John　Kenton　DATE：　1/16/81
　　MESSAGE：　Don't　you　have　any　work　to　do？
　　
　　Roger
　　
　　interoffice　memo
　　
　　TO：　Roger　FROM：　John　RE：　Merciless　huckstering　by　insensitive　superior
　　Yes；　I'll　write　a　letter　to　Carlos　Detweiller；　next　year's　National　Book　Award　winner。
　　
　　John
　　
　　P。　S。　…Don't　bother　to　thank　me。
　　
　　January　16；　1981
　　
　　Mr。　Carlos　Detweiller　147　E。　14th　Street；　Apt。　E　Central　Falls；　Rhode　Island　40222
　　
　　Dear　Mr。　Detweiller；
　　Thank　you　for　your　interesting　letter　of　January　4th；　with　its　brief　but　intriguing　description　of　your　book；　True　Tales　of　Demon　Infestations。　I　would　wele　a　fuller　synopsis　of　the　book；　and　invite　you　to　submit　sample　chapters　（I　would　prefer　chapters　1…3）　with　your　synopsis。　Both　the　synopsis　and　the　sample　chapters　should　be　typed　and　double…spaced；　on　good　quality　white　bond　paper　（not　the　erasable　type；　on　erasable　bond；　whole　chapters　have　a　way　of　simply　disappearing　in　the　mail）。
　　As　you　may　know；　Zenith　is　a　small　paperback　house；　and　our　lists　currently　match　our　size。　Because　we　publish　only　originals；　we　look　at　a　great　many　proposals；　because　we　are　small；　the　proposals　we　look　at　are；　in　most　cases；　returned　because　they　do　not　seem　to　fit　our　current　needs。　All　of　which　is　my　way　of　cautioning　you　not　to　construe　this　letter　as　a　covenant　to　publish　your　book；　because　that　is　most　definitely　not　the　case。　I　would　suggest　you　mail　off　the　synopsis　and　sample　chapters　with　the　idea　that　we　will　ultimately　reject　your　book。　Then　you　will　be　prepared　for　the　worst。　。　。　or　pleasantly　surprised　if　we　should　find　it　is　right　for　Zenith　Books。
　　Finally；　here　are　the　standard　caveats　upon　which　our　legal　department　（and　the　legal　departments；　so　far　as　I　know；　of　all　publishing　houses）　insist：　you　must　enclose　adequate　postage　to　ensure　the　return　of　your　manuscript　（but　please　do　not　send　cash　to　cover　postage）；　yo