sk.theplant-第26部分

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f　it；　I　think；　but　a　long　way　from　the　all　of　it。〃
　　He　turned　to　me　and　said；　〃She　was　a　packrat。　That's　what　she　turned　into　over　the　last　few　years。　One　of　the　things　she　turned　into；　anyhow。〃
　　〃Her　will…〃　I　began。
　　〃Her　will；　what　about　it？〃　Sophie　asked。　She　dropped　the　papers　she'd　been　studying　to　the　coverlet　and　made　a　shooing　gesture　with　her　slim　brown　hands；　as　if　dismissing　the　whole　subject。　〃Do　you　think　we　had　a　chance　to　talk　to　her　about　it？　She　shut　us　out。　Look　who　she　got　to　draw　up　her　death…letter。　Law　Tidyman！　That　old　Uncle　Tom！〃
　　The　contempt　with　which　she　spoke　struck　me　deep；　not　because　of　the　sentiment　but　because　of　the　simple　fact　that　I'd　seen　Sophie　and　Evelyn　and　Evvie's　Jack　laughing　and　talking　with　Law　Tidyman　and　Law's　wife　Sulla　not　half　an　hour　before。　Best　of　friends；　they'd　looked　like。
　　〃You　don't　know　how　she　got　these　last　few　years；　Rid；〃　Madeline　said。　She　sat　there；　her　lap　all　but　overflowing　with　her　mother's　keepsakes　and　gracenotes；　sat　there　defending　what　she　was　doing…what　they　were　doing。　〃She…〃
　　〃I　might　not　know　how　she　got；〃　I　said；　〃but　I　know　pretty　damned　well　what　she　wanted。　Wasn't　I　there　with　the　rest　of　you　when　Law　read　her　will？　Didn't　we　all　sit　around　in　a　circle；　like　at　a　goddamned　seance？　And　isn't　that　what　it　was；　with　Mama　talking　to　us　from　the　other　side　of　her　grave？　Didn't　I　hear　her　say　in　Law　Tidyman's　voice　that　she　wanted　that　there…〃　I　pointed　to　the　plunder　on　the　bed。　〃…to　go　to　the　town　library　and　to　the　high　school　scholarship　fund？　In　her　name；　if　they'd　have　it　that　way？〃
　　My　voice　was　rising；　I　couldn't　help　it。　Because　now　Floyd　was　sitting　on　the　bed　with　them；　one　arm　around　Sophie's　shoulders；　as　if　to　fort　her。　And　when　Maddy's　hand　crept　into　his；　he　took　it　the　way　you　take　the　hand　of　a　frightened　child。　To　fort　her；　too。　It　was　them　on　the　bed　and　me　in　the　doorway　and　I　saw　their　eyes　and　knew　they　were　against　me。　Even　Maddy　was　against　me。　Especially　Maddy；　it　seems。　My　schoolyard　angel。
　　〃Didn't　you　see　me　there；　nodding　my　head　because　I　understood　what　she　wanted？　I　know　I　saw　you…all　nodding　the　same　way。　It's　now　I　must　be　dreaming。　Because　it　can't　be　that　the　folks　I　grew　up　with　down　here　in　this　godforsaken　map…splat　of　the　world　could　have　turned　into　graveyard　ghouls。〃
　　Maddy's　face　sagged　at　that　and　she　began　to　cry。　And　I　was　glad　I　had　made　her　cry。　That's　how　angry　I　was；　how　angry　I　still　am　when　I　think　of　them　sitting　there　in　the　lamplight。　When　I　think　of　the　tin　box　with　its　Sweetheart　Girl　cover　set　aside；　its　insides　all　turned　out。　Their　hands　and　laps　full　of　her　things。　Their　eyes　full　of　her　things。　Their　hearts；　too。　Not　her；　but　her　things。　Her　remainder。
　　〃Oh　you　self…righteous　little　prig；〃　Evelyn　said。　〃And　weren't　you　always！〃
　　She　stood　up　and　swept　her　hands　back　along　her　cheeks；　as　if　to　wipe　away　her　tears。　。　。　but　there　were　no　tears　in　those　flaming　eyes　of　hers。　Not　this　evening。　This　evening　I　saw　my　brother　and　three　sisters　with　their　masks　laid　aside。
　　〃Save　your　accusations；〃　I　said。　I　have　never　liked　her…regal　Evelyn；　whose　eyes　were　so　firmly　fixed　on　the　prize　that　she　never　had　time　for　her　littlest　brother。　。　。　or　for　anyone　who　did　not　think　the　stars　pretty　much　changed　their　courses　to　watch　Evelyn　Walker　Hance　in　her　enchanted　walk　through　life。　〃It's　hard　to　point　fingers　successfully　when　your　hands　are　full　of　stolen　goods。　You　might　drop　your　loot。〃
　　〃But　she's　right；〃　Madeline　said。　〃You　are　self…righteous。　You　are　a　prig。〃
　　〃Maddy；　how　can　you　say　that？〃　I　asked。　The　others　could　not　have　hurt　me；　I　don't　think；　at　least　not　one　by　one；　only　she。
　　〃Because　it's　true。〃　She　let　go　of　Floyd's　hand；　stood　up；　and　faced　me。　I　don't　believe　I　will　ever　forget　a　single　word　of　what　she　said。　More　memorating；　God　help　me。
　　〃You　were　here　for　the　wake；　you　were　here　for　the　reading　of　a　dead…letter　her　own　son　wasn't　good　enough　to　write；　you　were　here　for　the　burying；　you　were　here　for　the　after…burying；　and　you're　here　now；　looking　at　things　you　don't　understand　and　passing　a　fool's　judgement　on　them　because　of　all　the　things　you　don't　know。　Things　that　went　on　while　you　were　up　in　New　York；　chasing　the　Pulitzer　Prize　with　a　broom　in　your　hand。　Up　in　New　York；　playing　the　nigger　and　telling　yourself　whatever　different　it　takes　for　you　to　get　to　sleep　at　night。〃
　　〃Amen！　Tell　it！〃　Sophie　said。　Her　eyes　were　blazing；　too。　They　were　a　demon's　eyes；　almost。　And　I？　I　was　silent。　Stunned　to　silence。　Filled　with　that　horrible；　deathlike　emotion　that　es　when　someone　finally　spills　out　the　home　truths。　When　you　finally　understand　that　the　person　you　see　in　the　mirror　is　not　the　one　others　see。
　　〃Where　were　you　when　she　died；　though？　Where　were　you　when　she　had　the　six　or　seven　little　heart　attacks　leading　up　to　the　big　ones？　Where　were　you　when　she　had　all　those　little　strokes　and　got　so　funny　in　her　head？〃
　　〃Oh；　he　was　in　New　York；〃　Floyd　said　cheerily。　〃He　was　employing　his　fine　arts　degree　scrubbing　floors　in　some　white　man's　book…publishing　office。〃
　　〃It's　research；〃　I　said　in　a　voice　so　low　I　could　barely　hear　it。　I　felt　all　at　once　as　though　I　might　faint。　〃Research　for　the　book。〃
　　〃Research；　that　explains　it；〃　Evelyn　said　with　a　sage　nod；　and　put　the　cash　money　carefully　back　into　the　tin　box。　〃That's　why　she　went　without　lunches　for　four　years　in　order　to　pay　for　your　schoolbooks。　So　you　could　research　the　wonderful　world　of　custodial　science。〃
　　〃Oh；　ain't　you　a　bitch；〃　I　said。　。　。　just　as　though　I　had　not　written　many　of　those　same　things　about　my　job　at　Zenith　House；　not　once　but　several　times；　in　the　pages　of　this　journal。
　　〃Shut　up；〃　Maddy　said。　〃Just　shut　up　and　listen　to　me；　you　self…righteous；　judgmental　prig。〃　She　spoke　in　a　low；　furious　voice　that　I　had　never　heard　before；　had　never　imagined　might　e　from　her。　〃You；　the　only　one　of　us　not　married　and　with　children。　The　only　one　with　the　luxury　of　seeing　family　through　this。　。　。　this。　。　。　I　don't　know。　。　。〃
　　〃This　golden　haze　of　memory；〃　Floyd　suggested。　He　had　a　little　silver　bottle　in　his　pants　pocket。　He　drew　it　out　then　and　had　himself　a　nip。
　　Maddy　nodded。　〃You　don't　have　the　slightest　idea　of　what　we　need；　do　you？　Of　where　we　are。　Floyd　and　Sophie　have　got　kids　getting　ready　to　go　to　college。　Evvie's　have　gone　through；　and　she's　got　the　unpaid　bills　to　prove　it。　Mine　are　ing　along。　Only　you…〃
　　〃Why　not　ask　Floyd　to　help　you？〃　I　asked　her。　〃Mama　wrote　me　a　letter　and　said　he　cleared　a　quarter　of　a　million　last　year。　Don't　you　see。　。　。　don't　any　of　you　see　what　this　is？　This　is　robbing　pennies　off　a　dead　woman's　eyes！　She…〃
　　Floyd　stepped　up。　His　eyes　were　deadly　flat。　He　held　up　a　clenched　fist。　〃You　say　another　word　like　that；　Riddie；　and　I'm　going　to　break　your　nose。〃
　　There　was　a　moment　of　tense　silence；　and　then　from　down　below　Aunt　Olympia　called　up；　her　voice　high　and　jolly　and　nervous。　〃Boys　and　girls？　Everything　all　right　up　there？〃
　　〃Fine；　Aunt　Olly；〃　Evelyn　called　back。　Her　voice　was　light　and　carefree；　her　eyes；　which　never　left　mine；　were　murderous。　〃Talking　over　the　old　times。　We'll　be　down　in　a　wink。　Y'all　stay　close；　all　right？〃
　　〃You're　sure　everything　is　okay？〃
　　And　I；　God　help　me；　felt　an　insane　urge　to　scream：　No！　It's　not　okay！　Get　up　here！　You　and　Uncle　Michael　both　get　up　here！　Get　up　here　and　rescue　me！　Save　me　from　the　pecking　of　the　carrion　birds！
　　But　I　kept　my　mouth　shut；　and　Evvie　shut　the　door。
　　Sophie　said；　〃Mama　wrote　you　all　the　time；　we　knew　that；　Rid。　You　were　always　her　favorite；　she　spoiled　you　rotten；　especially　after　Pop　died　and　there　was　no　more　holding　her　back。　You　got　plenty　of　how　she　saw　it。〃
　　〃That's　not　true；〃　I　said。
　　〃But　it　is；〃　Maddy　said。　〃And　do　you　know　what？　The　way　Mama　saw　things　was　pretty　selective。　She　told　you　about　all　the　money　Floyd　made　last　year；　I've　no　doubt　of　it；　but　I　doubt　if　she　told　you　about　how　Floyd's　partner　stole　everything　he　could　get　his　hands　on。　Hi…ho；　it's　Oren　Anderson；　off　to　the　Bahamas　with　his　chippy　of　the　month。〃
　　I　felt　as　if　I'd　been　sucker…punched。　I　looked　at　Floyd。　〃Is　that　true？〃
　　Floyd　took　another　little　nip　at　the　silver　flask　that　had　been　Pop's　before　it　was　his　and　grinned　at　me。　It　was　a　ghastly　grin。　His　eyes　were　redder　than　ever　and　there　was　spit　on　his　lips。　He　looked　like　a　man　at　the　end　of　a　month…long　binge。　Or　at　the　beginning　of　one。
　　〃True　as　can　be；　little　brother；〃　he　said。　〃I　was　rooked　like　an　amateur。　I　think　I'm　going　to　be　able　to　sail　through　without　getting　in　the　papers；　but　it's　still　not　a　sure　thing。　I　came　to　her　for　help　and　she　told　me　how　she　was　broke。　Never　got　over　putting　you　through　Cornell　is　what　she　said。　How　broke　does　that　on　the　bed　look　to　you；　little　brother？　Eight　thousand　in　cash。　。　。　at　least。　。　。　and　twice　that　in　jewelry。　Thirty　thousand　in　stocks；　maybe。　And　she　wanted　to　give　it　to　the　library。〃　A　glare　of　contempt　closed　his　face　like　a　cramp。　〃Jesus　please　us。〃
　　I　looked　to　Evvie。　〃Your　husband　Jack。　。　。　the　construction　business。　。　。〃
　　〃Jack's　had　a　hard　two　years；〃　she　said。　〃He's　in　trouble。　Every　bank　within　fifty　miles　is　carrying　his　paper。　How　much　he　owes　is　all　that's　propping　him　up。〃　She　laughed；　but　her　eyes　were　frightened。　〃Just　something　else　you　didn't　know。　Sophie's　Randall　is　a　little　better　off…〃
　　〃We　keep　even；　but　get　ahead？〃　Sophie　also　laughed。　〃Not　likely。　Floyd　helped　all　of　us　along　when　he　could；　but　since　Oren　double…crossed　him。　。　。〃
　　〃That　snake；〃　Maddy　said。　〃That　fucking　snake。〃
　　I　turned　to　Floyd；　and　nodded　at　the　little　flask。　〃Maybe　you've　been　taking　a　little　too　much　of　that。　Maybe　that's　why　you　didn't　mind　your　business　a　little　better　when　you　had　a　little　more　business　to　mind。〃
　　Floyd's　fist　came　slowly　up　again。　This　time　I　stuck　out　my　chin。　You　get　to　a　point　when　you　just　don't　care　anymore。　I　know　that　now。
　　〃Go　ahead；　Floyd。　If　it'll　make　you　feel　better；　go　on　ahead。　And　if　you　think　twenty　or　even　forty　thousand　dollars　is　going　to　bail　y'all　out；　then　go　ahead　with　that；　too。　More　fools　you　be。〃
　　Floyd　drew　his　fist　back。　He　would　have　hi