cw.imarriedadeadman-第6部分

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　〃Sometimes　that's　all　you　can　do　for　them；〃　Helen　thought　wryly。　〃That…and　seventeen　cents。〃
　She　had　finished　now　in　turn。
　Patrice　urged；　〃Let's　stay　in　here　long　enough　to　have　a　puff；　now　that　we're　here。　We　don't　seem　to　be　keeping　anybody　else　out。　And　if　we　try　to　talk　out　there；　they　might　shush　us　down；　they're　all　trying　to　sleep。〃　The　little　lighter…flame　winked　in　coppery　reflection　against　the　mirrors　and　glistening　chrome　on　all　sides　of　them。　She　gave　a　sigh　of　heartfelt　satisfaction。　〃I　love　these　before…retiring　talks　with　another　girl。　It's　been　ages　since　I　last　had　one。　Back　in　school；　I　guess。　Hugh　says　I'm　a　woman's　woman　at　heart。〃　She　stopped　short　and　thought　about　it　with　a　quizzical　quirk　of　her　head。　〃Is　that　good　or　bad？　I　must　ask　him。〃
　Helen　couldn't　repress　a　smile。　〃Good；　I　guess。　I　wouldn't　want　to　be　a　man's　woman。〃
　〃I　wouldn't　either！〃　Patrice　hastily　concurred。　〃It　always　makes　me　think　of　someone　who　uses　foul　language　and　spits　out　of　the　corner　of　her　mouth。〃
　They　both　chuckled　for　a　moment　in　unison。　But　Patrice's　butterflymind　had　already　fluttered　on　to　the　next　topic；　as　she　dropped　ash　into　the　waste…receptacle。　〃Wonder　if　I'll　be　able　to　smoke　openly；　once　I'm　home？〃　She　shrugged。　〃Oh　well；　there's　always　the　back　of　the　barn。〃
　And　then　suddenly　she　had　reverted　to　their　mutual　condition　again。
　〃Are　you　frightened？　About　it；　you　know？〃
　Helen　made　the　admission　with　her　eyes。
　〃I　am　too。〃　She　took　a　reflective　puff。　〃I　think　everyone　is；　a　little；　don't　you？　Men　don't　think　we　are。　All　I　have　to　do　is　look　at　Hugh…〃　she　deepened　the　dimple…pits　humorously…〃and　I　can　see　he's　frightened　enough　for　the　two　of　us；　so　then　I　don't　let　on　that　I'm　frightened　too。　And　I　reassure　him。〃
　Helen　wondered　what　it　was　like　to　have　someone　to　talk　to　about　it
　〃Are　they　pleased　about　it？〃
　〃Oh　sure。　They're　tickled　silly。　First　grandchild；　you　know。　They　didn't　even　ask　us　if　we　wanted　to　e　back。　'You're　ing　back；'　and　that　was　that。〃
　She　pointed　the　remnant　of　her　cigarette　down　toward　one　of　the　taps；　quenched　it　with　a　sharp　little　jet　of　water。
　〃Ready？　Shall　we　go　back　to　our　seats　now？〃
　They　were　both　doing　little　things。　All　life　is　that；　the　continuous　doing　of　little　things；　all　life　long。　And　then　suddenly　a　big　thing　strikes　into　their　midst…and　where　are　the　little　things；　what　became　of　them；　what　were　they？
　Her　hand　was　to　the　door；　reversing　the　little　handlatch　that　Patrice　had　locked　before；　when　they　first　came　in。　Patrice　was　somewhere　behind　her；　replacing　something　in　the　uplidded　dressing…kit；　about　to　close　it　and　bring　it　with　her。　She　could　see　her　vaguely　in　the　chromium　sheeting　lining　the　wall　before　her。　Little　things。　Little　things　that　life　is　made　up　of。
　Her　senses　played　a　trick　on　her。　There　was　no　time　for　them　to　synchronize　with　the　thing　that　happened。　They　played　her　false。　She　had　a　fleeting　impression；　at　first；　of　having　done　something　wrong　to　the　door；　dislodged　it　in　its　entirety。　Simply　by　touching　that　little　hand…latch。　It　was　as　though　she　were　bringing　the　whole　door…slab　down　inward　on　herself。　As　though　it　were　falling　bodily　out　of　its　frame；　hinges　and　all。　And　yet　it　never　did；　it　never　detached　itself；　it　never　came　apart　from　the　entire　wall…section　it　was　imbedded　in。　So　the　second　fleeting　impression；　equally　false　and　equally　a　matter　of　seconds　only；　was　that　the　entire　wall　of　the　partment；　door　and　all；　was　toppling；　threatening　to　e　down　on　her。　And　yet　that　never　did　either。　Instead；　the　whole　alcove　seemed　to　upend；　shift　on　a　crazy　axis；　so　that　what　had　been　the　wall　before　her　until　now；　had　shifted　to　bee　the　ceiling　over　her；　so　that　what　had　been　the　floor　she　was　standing　on　until　now；　had　shifted　to　bee　the　wall　upright　before　her。　The　door　was　gone　hopelessly　out　of　reach；　was　a　sealed　trap　overhead；　impossible　to　attain。
　The　lights　went。　All　light　was　gone；　and　yet　so　vividly　explosive　were　the　sensory　images　whirling　through　her　mind　that　they　glowed　on　of　their　own　incandescence　in　the　dark；　it　took　her　a　paratively　long　time　to　realize　she　was　steeped　in　pitch…blackness；　could　no　longer　see　physically。　Only　in　afterglow　of　imaginative　terror。
　There　was　a　nauseating　sensation　as　if　the　tracks；　instead　of　being　rigid　steel　rods；　had　softened　into　rippling　ribbons；　with　the　train　still　trying　to　follow　their　buckling　curvature。　The　car　seemed　to　go　up　and　down；　like　a　scenic　railway　performing　foreshortened　dips　and　rises　that　followed　one　another　quicker　and　quicker　and　quicker。　There　was　a　distant　rending；　grinding；　ing　nearer；　swelling　as　it　came。　It　reminded　her　of　a　coffee…mill　they　had　had　at　home；　when　she　was　a　little　girl。　But　that　one　didn't　draw　you　into　its　maw；　crunching　everything　in　sight；　as　this　one　was　doing。
　〃Hugh！〃　the　disembodied　floor　itself　seemed　to　scream　out　behind　her。　Just　once。
　Then　after　that　the　floor　fell　silent。
　There　were　minor　impressions。　Of　seams　opening；　and　of　heavy　metal　partitions　being　bent　together　over　her　head；　until　the　opening　that　held　her　was　no　longer　foursquare；　but　tent…shaped。　The　darkness　blanched　momentarily　in　sudden　ghostly　pallor　that　was　hot　and　puckery　to　breathe。　Escaping　steam。　Then　it　thinned　out　again；　and　the　darkness　came　back　full…pitch。　A　little　orange　light　flickered　up　somewhere；　far　off。　Then　that　ebbed　and　dimmed　again；　and　was　gone；　too。
　There　wasn't　any　sound　now；　there　wasn't　any　motion。　Everything　was　still；　and　dreamy；　and　forgotten。　What　was　this？　Sleep？　Death？　She　didn't　think　so。　But　it　wasn't　life　either。　She　remembered　life；　life　had　been　only　a　few　minutes　ago。　Life　had　had　lots　of　light　in　it；　and　people；　and　motion；　and　sound。
　This　must　be　something　else。　Some　transitional　stage；　some　other　condition　she　hadn't　been　told　about　until　now。　Neither　life；　nor　death；　but　something　in…between。
　Whatever　it　was；　it　held　pain　in　it；　it　was　all　pain；　only　pain。　Pain　that　started　small；　and　grew；　and　grew；　and　grew。　She　tried　to　move；　and　couldn't。　A　slim　rounded　thing；　cold　and　sweating；　down　by　her　feet；　was　holding　her　down。　It　lay　across　her　straight；　like　a　water　pipe　sprung　out　of　joint。
　Pain　that　grew　and　grew。　If　she　could　have　screamed；　it　might　have　eased　it。　But　she　couldn't　seem　to。
　She　put　her　hand　to　her　mouth。　On　her　third　finger　she　encountered　a　little　metal　circlet；　a　ring　that　had　been　drawn　over　it　She　bit　on　it。　That　helped；　that　eased　it　a　little。　The　more　the　pain　grew；　the　harder　she　bit。　。　。　。
　She　heard　herself　moan　a　little；　and　she　shut　her　eyes。　The　pain　went　away。　But　it　took　everything　else　with　it；　thought；　knowledge；　awareness。
　She　opened　her　eyes　again；　reluctantly。　Minutes？　Hours？　She　didn't　know。　She　only　wanted　to　sleep；　to　sleep　some　more。　Thought；　knowledge；　awareness；　came　back。　But　the　pain　didn't　e　back；　that　seemed　to　be　gone　for　good。　Instead　there　was　just　this　lassitude。　She　heard　herself　whimpering　softly；　like　a　small　kitten。　Or　was　it　she？
　She　only　wanted　to　sleep；　to　sleep　some　more。　And　they　were　making　so　much　noise　they　wouldn't　let　her。　Clanging；　and　pounding　on　sheets　of　loose　tin；　and　prying　things　away。　She　rolled　her　head　aside　a　little；　in　protest。　。　。　。
　An　attenuated　shaft　of　light　peered　through；　from　somewhere　up　over　her　head。　It　was　like　a　long　thin　finger；　a　spoke；　prodding　for　her；　pointing　at　her；　trying　to　find　her　in　the　dark。
　It　didn't　actually　hit　her；　but　it　kept　probing　for　her　in　all　the　wrong　places；　all　around　her。
　She　only　wanted　to　sleep。　She　mewed　a　little　in　protest…or　was　it　she？…and　there　was　a　sudden　frightened　flurry　of　activity；　the　pounding　became　faster；　the　prying　became　more　hectic。
　Then　all　of　it　stopped　at　once；　there　was　a　plete　cessation；　and　a　man's　voice　sounded　directly　over　her；　strangely　hollow　and　blurred　as　when　you　talk　through　a　tube。
　〃Steady。　We're　ing　to　you。　Just　a　minute　longer；　honey。　Can　you　hold　out？　Are　you　hurt？　Are　you　bad？　Are　you　alone　under　there？〃
　〃No；〃　she　said　feebly。　〃I've…I've　just　had　a　baby　down　here。〃
　
　
　6
　
　Recovery　was　like　a　progressive　equalization　of　badly　unbalanced　soistices。　At　first　time　was　all　nights；　unbroken　polar　nights；　with　tiny　fractional　days　lasting　a　minute　or　two　at　a　time。　Nights　were　sleep　and　days　were　wakefulness。　Then　little　by　little　the　days　expanded　and　the　nights　contracted。　Presently；　instead　of　many　little　days　during　the　space　of　each　twenty…four　hours；　there　was　just　one　long　one　in　the　middle　of　it　each　time；　the　way　there　should　be。　Soon　this　had　even　begun　to　overlap　at　one　end；　to　continue　beyond　the　setting　of　the　sun　and　impinge　into　the　first　hour　or　two　of　evening。　Now；　instead　of　many　little　fragmentary　days　in　the　space　of　one　night；　there　were　many　little　fragmentary　nights　in　the　space　of　one　day。　Dozes　or　naps。　The　soistices　had　reversed　themselves。
　Recovery　was　on　a　second；　concurrent　plane　as　well。　Dimension　entered　into　it　as　well　as　duration。　The　physical　size　of　her　surroundings　expanded　along　with　the　extension　of　her　days。　First　there　was　just　a　small　area　around　her　that　entered　into　awareness　each　time；　the　pillows　behind　her　head；　the　upper　third　of　the　bed；　a　dim　face　just　offside　to　her；　bending　down　toward　her；　going　away；　ing　back　again。　And　over　and　above　everything　else；　a　small　form　allowed　to　nestle　in　her　arms　for　a　few　moments　at　a　time。　Something　that　was　alive　and　warm　and　hers。　She　came　more　alive　then　than　at　any　other　time。　It　was　food　and　drink　and　sunlight；　it　was　her　lifeline　back　to　life。　The　rest　remained　unfocussed；　lost　in　misty　gray　distances　stretching　out　and　around　her。
　But　this　core　of　visibility；　this　too　expanded。　Presently　it　had　reached　the　foot　of　the　bed。　Then　it　had　jumped　over　that；　to　the　wide　moat　of　the　room　beyond；　its　bottom　hidden　from　sight。　Then　it　had　reached　the　walls　of　the　room；　on　all　three　sides；　and　could　go　no　further　for　the　present；　they　stopped　it。　But　that　wasn't　a　limitation　of　inadequate　awareness　any　more；　that　was　a　limitation　of　physical　equipment。　Even　well　eyes　were　not　made　to　go　through　walls。
　It　was　a　pleasant　room。　An　infinitely　pleasant　room。　This　could　not　have　been　a　haphazard　effect　achieved　at　ra