el.the miko-第112部分

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h。　Nicholas　thought　that　the　words　〃I'm　sorry〃　were　perhaps　the　most　inadequate　in　the　English　language。　But　there　was　nothing　much　better　in　Japanese　or　in　any　of　the　world's　tongues　for　that　matter。
　The　house　was　built　by　an　architect　who　had　been　elderly　when　Itami　and　her　husband；　Satsugai；　had　missioned　him。　He　revered　the　old　styles　of　the　seventeenth　century；　which；　he　had　said；　were　still　the　best。　Time　was　their　proof；　had　been　their　victory。
　He　had　designed　this　house　after　one　in　Kyoto　called　Katsura　Rikyu；　an　imperial　villa　from　four　hundred　years　ago　which　was　still　the　finest　example　of　the　blending　of　the　manmade　with　the　natural　to　be　found　in　all　of　Japan。
　〃What　I　try　to　do；〃　the　old　man　had　said；　〃is　to　impose　my　spirit　upon　nature　so　that　it　appears　to　remain　natural。〃
　That　the　result　of　his　handiwork　was　exquisite　in　the　Japanese　sense　of　the　word　was　without　question。　Perhaps　too　many　of　these　details　had　been　too　subtle　for　Nicholas'　mind　when　he　was　younger　for　he　had　not　loved　the　house　as　a　whole　but　only　one　room：　the　one　in　which　the　chano…yu　was　performed。
　And　it　was　to　this　room　that　he　was　conducted　after　he　had　been　met　at　the　door　by　servants；　Itami　informed　of　his　arrival；　bathed；　and　his　hurts　attended　to　by　a　bent　old　man　who　spoke　to　himself　in　a　constant　singsong　but　who　nevertheless　knew　what　he　was　doing。
　Feeling　better　than　he　had　in　many　days；　Nicholas　knelt　alone　in　the　room；　turned　toward　the　garden　outside。　The　opening　was　all　the　length　of　the　room　and　perhaps　six　feet　high。　However；　the　top　half　was　covered　by　a　rice…paper　latticework　screen；　so　that　only　the　bottom　part　of　the　garden　could　be　viewed　while　being　immersed　in　the　tea　ceremony。　It　was　a　peculiarly　Zen　concept：　to　have　as　part　of　your　surroundings　the　wonders　of　nature；　yet　only　so　much。　Beyond　that　invisible　boundary；　it　was　felt；　one　would　have　been　overwhelmed　by　the　bittersweet　delicacy　of　the　cherry　blossoms　or　the　flamboyant　fan　of　autumnal　foliage　and　thus　the　concentration　one　needed　for　chano…yu…the　harmony　of　this　place…would　have　been　broken。
　Sunlight；　splintered　by　the　trees；　splattered　against　the　lattice；　turning　it　the　color　of　newly　churned　butter；　warming　the　room　in　tone　and　temperature。　A　lone　bird　strode　through　the　pebbles　of　the　garden；　pecking　here　and　there。
　A　breeze　sprang　up　and　rustled　the　tops　of　the　cryptomeria；　making　soft　shadows　move　behind　the　screen；　on　the　polished　wood　floor。　Nicholas　shuddered　inwardly；　remembering　the　trembling　flight　on　the　hito　washi；　the　ruffling　of　his　tattered　clothes　like　pinfeathers；　the　rush　of　the　night　against　his　face；　the　fear　that　the　inconstant　wind　might　die　in　midgust；　sending　him　diving　hard　against　stands　of　bamboo。
　Exhilaration　and　terror　mingled　within　him　like　liquor；　tingling　his　blood。
　He　was　exhausted　again。　Physically　the　drugs　had　been　dissipated；　eliminated　from　his　system。　Yet　their　accumulated　effect　on　muscles；　tissue；　and　brain　still　lingered。　Exercise　was　the　only　remedy　for　that。
　She　came　into　his　sight　with　a　stiff　rustle　of　silk。　He　rose　and　bowed；　his　heart　in　his　throat。　He　was　overe　by　the　awesome　majesty　of　her　beauty。　It　was　not　as　if　time　had　not　touched　her；　merely　that　she　had　somehow　made　it　her　friend　rather　than　her　enemy。　Time　followed　her　about　like　a　tamed　animal；　present　but　quite　irrelevant。
　〃Itami…san。〃　His　voice　was　a　reedy　whisper。　〃Oba。〃
　〃Sit；　please；　Nicholas…san。〃
　He　did　so；　not　wishing　to　analyze　what　was　in　her　eyes；　what　was　in　her　mind。
　After　tea　and　rice　cakes　had　been　served；　after　they　were　alone　again；　she　said；　〃It　is　so　good　that　you　have　returned。　My　heart　is　gladdened　to　see　you　again；　watashi　no　musuko。〃　My　son。
　Something　broke　within　him　and　he　bent　forward　until　his　forehead　touched　the　glossy　wood　with　the　ache　inside　him。　He　wept；　no　longer　able　to　hold　all　his　emotions　within　him；　his　Japanese　side　ashamed　even　as　he　did　so；　but　his　Western　side　needed　this　release　and　could　no　longer　be　denied　by　any　discipline　on　earth。
　〃Watashi　no　musuko。〃　Her　voice　held　such　tenderness　that　she　might；　indeed；　have　been　his　mother。　〃I　knew　you　would　e　back。　I　prayed　you　would　have　the　courage。〃
　〃I　was　afraid；　Oba。〃　His　voice；　too；　was　tear　streaked。　〃I　was　afraid　because　of　what　I　had　done。　I　did　not　want　to　face　all　the　pain　I　have　caused　you。〃
　〃You　never　caused　me　any　pain　at　all；　Nicholas；〃　she　said　softly。　〃You　were　always　more　a　son　to　me　than　my　own　blood　child　ever　was。　His　was　a　weak　spirit；　and　he　belonged　body　and　soul　to　his　father。　Satsugai　ruled　him　as　the　sun　does　the　earth。　It　was　Satsugai　who　determined　Saigo's　life　path；　it　was　his　paranoia　which　Saigo　absorbed。〃
　Nicholas　became　aware　that　at　no　time　had　she　referred　to　Saigo　as　〃my　son。〃　That　was　quite　odd　in　a　mother。　His　head　came　up　and　then…　eyes　met。　He　found　no　anger　there　nor　even　any　sadness。　Rather　there　was　a　mix　of　resignation　and　love。。。　love　for　him。
　〃He　was　totally　evil；〃　Itami　said。　〃I　never　before　believed　such　a　thing　possible　in　a　human　being。　plexity；　after　all；　vitiates　extremes；　or　at　least　one　believes　that　it　should。〃　She　shook　her　head。　〃Not　in　Saigo's　case。　There　was　an　uncanny　purity　to　him　that　might　have　been　admirable　if　it　had　been　channeled　in　a　proper　direction。
　〃That　it　was　not　was　a　burden　I　was　obliged　to　live　with。　1　should　be　shamed　to　say　that　I　wished　him　dead；　but　I　am　not。　How　could　I　be？　Everything　he　came　in　contact　with　withered　and　died。　He　was　a　spirit…destroyer。〃
　〃Even　so；〃　Nicholas　said。　〃I　am　not　proud　that　I　destroyed　him。〃
　〃Of　course　not；〃　she　said。　〃You　acted　with　honor。　You　are　your　mother's　son。〃
　All　at　once　he　realized　that　she　was　smiling　at　him。　Without　thought　he　did　the　same；　his　heart　lightening　just　as　the　clouds　roll　back　after　the　thunder　of　a　storm。
　For　a　long　time　they　did　nothing　but　that；　basking　in　the　presence　of　each　other's　spirit；　being　reacquainted；　finding　a　new；　and　unexpected；　level　to　their　relationship　that　the　heavy　baggage　of　the　past　had　denied　to　them　before。
　〃I'm　glad　you　came　when　you　did；〃　she　said　the　next　day。　〃We've　had　one　or　two　earth　tremors；　nothing　major；　but　unfortable　enough。〃
　Nicholas　recalled　the　first　satellite　readout　Protorov　had　shown　him　that　indicated　a　crescendo　of　earthquake　activity。　He　said　nothing　about　it；　however。
　〃I　did　not　choose　the　time；　Oba；　it　was　chosen　for　me。〃
　She　nodded；　smiling　slightly。　〃That　is　why　we　must　all　learn　to　Cross　at　a　Ford；　eh；　Nicholas？〃
　He　was　slightly　surprised。　〃I　did　not　know　that　you　had　read　Musashi。〃
　〃Read　and　studied　him。〃　Now　she　was　laughing　outright。　〃There　are　many　things　you　do　not　know　about　me；　though　surely　in　all　the　world　there　is　no　other　with　whom　I　have　shared　so　many　secrets。
　〃It　was　I　who　guided　certain　businessmen　to　Saigo；　people　whom　this　Raphael　Tomkin　had　offended；　people　who　wanted　him　dead。〃
　Nicholas　turned　to　look　at　her。　〃I　don't　understand。〃
　〃Do　you　think　for　a　minute；　watashi　no　musuko；　that　I　lost　track　of　you　when　you　left　your　home？　My　love　is　as　long　as　my　protection。　Whose　daughter　had　you　fallen　in　love　with？　How　long　would　it　take　Saigo　to　find　out　the　same　piece　of　information？　How　long　before　the　diamondlike　precision　of　merging　the　two　assignments…one　professional；　the　other　personal…would　dawn　on　him？　Surely　it　would　appeal　to　his　delicate　sense　of　logic；　he　could　not　resist　it。〃
　Nicholas'　mind　was　reeling。　〃You。。。　It　was　you　who　sent　him　after　me？〃　He　put　his　hand　to　his　head；　he　could　scarcely　believe
　what　he　was　hearing。
　〃My　dear；〃　she　said　softly；　〃he　was　like　a　cape　buffalo　or　one　of　our　giant　wild　boars　who　had　been　wounded。　He　was　dangerous；　and　being　more　so　each　day　that　dawned。　I　could　not　in　good　conscience　allow　that　to　continue。〃
　She　stopped　them　in　their　walk　and　for　the　first　time　touched　him；　a　light　but　definite　gesture；　full…as　was　the　case　with　all　Japanese　gestures　no　matter　how　small…of　exquisite　meaning。
　〃Did　you　think　I　would　send　him　to　harm　you？　I　sent　him　to　his　death。　Perhaps　I　murdered　him；　if　one　chooses　to　look　at　it　in　a　certain　light。〃
　〃But　other　people　died　in　the　process；　Oba。　You　must　have　thought　of　that。〃
　She　said　nothing；　moving　across　the　grass　dappled　in　the　shadow　of　a　sculpted　arbor　of　boxwood　trees。　〃What　would　you　have　me　say；　watashi　no　musuko？　Life　is　imperfect　because　we　are　humans　and　not　gods。　Gods　by　their　very　definition　do　not　live　but　rather　exist。〃
　They　paused　and　she　put　her　hand　against　the　gnarled　back　of　a　tree　trunk。　〃1　am　sorry　for　death。。。　any　death。　But　often　some　good　tissue　must　be　excised　in　order　to　destroy　a　malignancy。
　〃It　is　not　fair　and　it　is　certainly　not　to　my　liking。　But　it　is　a　time　that　we　must　learn　to　Cross　at　a　Ford。　It　is　not　what　we　choose　but　rather；　as　you　have　said；　it　chooses　us。〃
　That　was　not　precisely　what　he　had　said；　but　he　suspected　Itami　knew　that。　What　she　had　said　was　far　more　apt；　in　any　case。　He　knew　that　what　had　happened　between　Saigo　and　himself　was　really　not　either　of　their　doing。　Rather　it　had　been　determined　a　generation　before　by　the　abiding　enmity　between　their　fathers。　Filial　piety　bound　them；　causing　them　to　end　what　had　been　begun　so　long　ago。
　He　could　not　help　but　think　of　those　who　had　perished　because　of　an　honor；　a　code　that　was　not　theirs：　Eileen　Okura；　Terry　Tanaka；　Doc　Deerforth；　how　many　cops　and　others　whose　names　he　did　not　know？　and；　yes；　even　Lew　Croaker。　Nicholas　understood　the　wisdom　of　his　aunt's　words；　even　agreed　with　them。　Yet　something　inside　him　recoiled；　calling　out　as　if　from　a　distance；　It's　too　much；　even　the　expunging　of　one　life　is　too　great　a　price　to　pay　for　the　extirpation　of　giri。
　After　a　time；　Itami　said；　〃I　have　been　truthful　with　you；　Nicholas。　Now　you　must　return　the　kindness。　Tell　me　why　you　have　e　here。　It　was　not　just　to　see　me　again　after　all　this　time。〃
　〃Part　of　it　was　that；　yes。〃　But　she　was　right　again。　All　the　way　on　the　trip　south　his　mind　had　been　rolling　the　question　around。　As　he　had　done　so　it　began　to　increase　in　size　until　even　in　sleep　he　could　not　be　rid　of　it。
　Akiko。
　She　was　not　Yukio；　yet　she　had　Yukio's　face。　Why？　Surely　she　could　not　have　been　bom　with　features　so　precis