el.the miko-第42部分

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　Greydon　snapped　open　his　black　lizardskin　attache　case。　〃There　are　certain　matters　which　must　be…〃
　〃Not　now；〃　Nicholas　said；　putting　his　hand　on　Greydon's　arm。　〃There'll　be　plenty　of　time　for　formalities　later　on。〃
　The　lawyer　looked　up　at　him　from　his　half…bent　position。　〃I'm　sorry；　Mr。　Linnear；　but　I　have　explicit　instructions。　Mr。　Tomkin　was　quite　clear　on　this　point。〃　His　hand　dipped　into　the　case；　extracted　an　oversized　buff　envelope。　Nicholas'　name　was　on　the　front。　The　flap　was　sealed　with　a　blob　of　red　wax。　He　handed　it　over。　〃Mr。　Tomkin　requested　that　immediately　upon　his　death　you　be　hand…delivered　this　envelope　and　that　you　read　it　and　sign　it　in　my　presence。〃
　Numbly　Nicholas　looked　down　at　the　envelope。　〃What's　in　it？〃　
　〃It's　a　codicil。〃
　〃A　codicil？〃
　〃To　Mr。　Tomkin's　will。〃　Greydon's　face　was　anxious　again。　He　touched　Nicholas　on　the　wrist。　〃You　must　read　it　now；　Mr。　Linnear。　It　was　Mr。　Tomkin's　express　wish。〃　His　eyes　seemed　large　and　moist。　〃Please。〃
　Nicholas　turned　the　envelope　over；　broke　the　seal。　He　lifted　the　flap；　took　out　several　sheets　of　paper。　The　top　one　was　in　Tomkin's　unmistakable　oversized　scrawl。　He　began　to　read。
　Nicholas；
　You　are　no　doubt　slightly　bewildered　by　recent　events。　That　is　only　natural。　I　must　confess　to　wishing　that　I　knew　just　what　emotions　are　dominant　in　you　now。　I　only　know　that　were　I　there　now　I　would　never　be　able　to　tell　them　from　your　face。　In　many　ways　you　have　been　even　more　of　an　enigma　to　me　than　my　daughters。　I　suppose　that　is　only　right；　since　you　have　e　to　seem　like　a　son　to　me。
　Actually　I　think　that　is　only　fitting。　Wasn't　it　Oedipus　who　wished　to　kill　his　father？　Oh；　yes；　I　know。　Because　I　have　e　to　know　you。　I　have　done　many　foolish　things　in　my　life；　things　on　which　I　have　little　desire　to　dwell。
　I　had　an　unquenchable　desire　for　power；　and　toward　that　end　I　destroyed　people；　whole　panies　even；　to　achieve　my　desires。　But；　in　the　end；　life　has　a　way　of　making　fools　of　us　all；　and　why　should　I　be　any　different？
　Meeting　you　changed　my　life；　I　can't　deny　that。　Oh；　at　first　not　at　all。　I　was　too　iron…willed　for　that。　But　I　remember　that　long　night　while　both　of　us　waited　for　Saigo　to　e。　You　were　there　to　protect　me　yet；　in　my　fear　and　desperation；　I　spoke　to　him；　offering　to　sacrifice　your　life　for　mine。
　It　was　only　later　that　I　realized　how　foolish　I　had　been。　And　I　suspected　that　you　had　overheard　me。　I'm　right；　aren't　I？　Well；　it　doesn't　really　matter　much　to　me　now。　Only　to　say　that　after　that　night　I　began　to　understand　you。　Some　quality　within　you　that　I　am　still　at　a　loss　to　define；　began　to　creep　through　me　like　a　mist。　I'm　glad　you　came　to　work　for　me；　just　as　I'm　glad　you　will　marry　my　daughter。　That；　too；　is　fitting。
　There　are；　perhaps；　many　reasons　why　you　would　want　to　kill　me。　But　perhaps　the　most　insistent　is　for　what　happened　to　your　friend；　Lewis　Croaker。　He　thought　I　murdered　Angela　Didion；　and　you　thought　I　had　him　killed。
　You're　wrong。　And　you're　right。
　I'm　truly　sorry；　but　I　cannot　be　more　specific。　I've　perhaps　already　said　more　than　I　should。　To　business：
　On　the　next　sheet　of　paper　you　will　find　a　legal　document。　It　assigns　you　sixty　percent　of　the　voting　shares　for　Tomkin　Industries。　With　it　you　can　sit　on　the　board　of　directors；　you　may　even　change　its　position。　Though　Justine　and　Gelda　each　retain　twenty　percent；　that　will　be　entirely　your　prerogative；　just　as　it　was　mine。　Sign　it　and　you　will　bee　the　president　of　Tomkin　Industries。　Don't　think　too　much　about　it；　follow　your　instincts。　But　know　that　this　is　what　I　want；　Nicky；　with　all　my　heart　and　soul；　if　such　a　thing　truly　exists。　Soon　you　and　Justine　will　marry。　I　am　pleased　that　you　love　each　other。　No　one　understands　better　than　I　how　precious　such　a　modity　is　these　days。　You're　family　now；　you　see；　in　all　ways。
　If　you　sign　you　will　make　me　very　happy。　I'll　know　that　the　pany　is　in　the　right　hands。　But　know　this：　there　is　one　thing　that　you　must　do　immediately　after　the　funeral。　Greydon；　who　is　no　doubt　standing　by；　will　tell　you　what　it　is。
　Good…bye；　Nicky。Tell　my　girls　I　love　them；
　Raphael　Tomkin
　It　was　witnessed　by　Greydon；　dated　June　4；　1983。
　Nicholas　sat　down　on　the　arm　of　Sato's　chair。　His　head　was　buzzing　and　he　fought　desperately　for　control。　Nothing　in　his　training　had　prepared　him　for　this。
　〃Mr。　Linnear？〃
　Slowly　Nicholas　looked　up；　being　aware　that　Greydon　had　been　trying　to　get　his　attention　for　some　time。
　〃Mr。　Linnear；　will　you　sign　the　codicil？〃
　There　was　just　too　much　happening　at　once。　Nicholas　felt　overwhelmed。　Emotion　welled　up　from　the　Western　part　of　him；　while　his　Eastern　half　fought　desperately　to　suppress　those　same　emotions　which　if　they　surfaced　would　surely　cause　loss　of　face。　Nicholas　felt　in　the　middle　for　the　first　time　in　his　life；　at　odds　with　either　side　of　himself。　Because　he　wanted　to　do　both：　feel　and　not　feel　at　the　same　time。　Sato　had　been　quite　correct。　In　this　country　grief　was　an　extremely　private　emotion；　held　back　from　even　those　closest　to　you。　And　yet；　he　felt　acutely　the　presence　of　the　Colonel　urging　him　to　grieve；　telling　him　that　it　was　all　right；　that　it　was　a　man's　prerogative　to　cry；　to　feel；　to　need　solace　in　times　of　stress；　it　was　what　everyone　wanted。
　And　still　nothing　showed　on　his　face。　Perhaps　Nangi；　the　astute　master　that　he　was；　might　have　seen　the　pain　flitting　like　dark　darting　fish　in　Nicholas'　eyes。　But　Nangi　would　never　even　contemplate　such　a　gross　intrusion　of　privacy。　Ever　since　Tomkin　was　stricken　the　Japanese　had　steadfastly　looked　only　at　each　other；　giving　no　chance　for　loss　of　face。
　〃Mr。　Linnear？〃
　All　at　once　Nicholas　found　himself　in　the　first　attack　position；　his　muscles　corded；　his　hips　and　knees　already　moving　on　their　own；　the　red　killing　drive　welling　up　in　him　and　his　arm　beginning　to　lift。
　〃Yes？〃
　Greydon　blinked　rapidly　behind　his　glasses；　standing　immobile　and　defenseless；　and　Nicholas　thought　to　himself；　What　am　I　doing？　appalled　at　the　misdirection　of　emotion；　the　readiness　of　his　body　to　act　on　his　aka…i…ninjutsu　training。　It　was　as　if　all　his　time　in　America　had　been　shed　from　him　and　now；　returned　to　his　natural　element；　he　was　reverting；　cerebration　giving　way　to　instinct　as　he　had　been　taught。　For　jaho；　the　magic　of　the　ninja　ryu；　required　the　absolute　imprisonment　of　the　laws　and　strictures　of　so…called　civilization。
　But　this　was　not　Nara　prefecture　and　he　was　not　within　the　caol　stone　walls　of　the　Tenshin　Shoden　Katori。　He　was　no　longer　a　pupil　but　a　sensei。　He　should　know　better。　But　he　was　not　entirely　Eastern；　no　matter　how　much　he　tried　to　convince　himself　otherwise。
　And　at　precisely　this　moment；　as　if　a　great　and　towering　glacial　floe　that　had　blocked　his　path　for　ages；　reflecting　the　light　in　its　icy　rills　and　ridges；　had　cracked　asunder；　he　understood　the　latent　anger　he　felt　toward　the　Colonel　for　bearing　him；　for　imbuing　him　with　his　Western　genes；　reactions；　instincts…his　coarsened　method　of　viewing　the　world。　Nicholas　realized　that　his　unfaltering　reverence　for　his　father　was　merely　a　mask　for　the　resentment　that　lay　smoldering　in　white　heat　inside　him。　And　abruptly　he　knew　what　he　must　do。
　He　relaxed　his　body；　consciously　draining　it　of　the　adrenaline　which；　unbidden；　had　been　released　in　the　onset　of　kokyu　suru；　the　attack　stance。　Handing　Greydon　the　papers；　he　said；　〃Give　me　some　time；　will　you；〃　and　went　across　the　room；　from　island　to　carpeted　island；　past　the　four　Japanese；　who　would　not　dare　look　into　his　face；　who　spoke　in　low；　quick　tones　of　mundane　matters。
　Nicholas　went　around　the　side　of　the　sofa　and　Tomkin　appeared　before　him　again；　already　laid　out　as　if　on　a　bier。　There　was　a
　
　bitter　taste　in　Nicholas'　mouth　and　a　burning　behind　his　eyes。　The　day　the　Colonel　had　died；　the　Linnears'　new　gardener；　another　old　man；　a　Zen　master　of　his　leafy　domain；　to　take　the　beloved　Atake's　place　in　the　house　on　the　outskirts　of　Tokyo；　had　begun　to　rake　the　snow。　And　Nicholas　could　see　again　the　lines　of　dark　and　white；　the　sight　of　melancholy　winter　transmuted　by　personal　tragedy　into　the　embodiment　of　death。
　Nicholas　knelt　down　at　right　angles　to　Tomkin's　body；　bowing　his　head　formally　as　one　does　to　acknowledge　the　head　of　a　family。　After　the　revelations　of　a　moment　ago　there　seemed　no　difference　between　this　corpse　and　the　one　he　and　his　mother　and　Itami　had　buried　with　such　ceremonial　pomp　and　circumstance　so　many　years　ago。
　Save　that　now　the　ache　inside　him；　unknowable　and　seemingly　absolute；　had　been　dissolved　in　the　knowledge　of　his　view　of　the　Roundeyed　Barbarian。　Though　the　Colonel　had　e　to　love　the　East　with　an　unfailing　passion；　still　he　had　been　gaijin　and　throughout　all　his　life　growing　up　in　Japan　Nicholas　had　suffered　because　of　it。　The　blood；　the　blood。　The　Japanese　could　not　get　over　that；　could　not；　in　their　heart　of　hearts　secreted　far　away　from　their　public　display　of　affection　for　him；　forgive　him　for　that　ultimate　transgression。
　In　Raphael　Tomkin　Nicholas　had　perceived；　albeit　unconsciously；　all　the　traits；　though　untrue；　ascribed　to　his　father。　He　saw　now　that　part　of　his　hate　for　Tomkin　was　his　hate　for　what　the　Colonel　had　been；　what　he　could　not　help　being。　He　was　an　Easterner　trapped　in　a　Westerner's　body。　Karma。　But　Nicholas　understood　now　that　he　had　never　been　able　to　accept　that；　that　he　had　for　so　many　years　unconsciously　fought　against　that　karma；　just　as　he　had　steadfastly　refused　to　face　his　deep　and　abiding　hatred。
　Now　he　could。　Tomkin's　death　had　shown　him　the　way；　and　for　that　he　would　be　eternally　grateful　to　the　man。　But　he　knew　as　well　that　he　had　felt　far　more　than　hatred　toward　Tomkin。　He　had　never　truly　believed　him　the　monster　his　daughters　claimed　he　was。　Always　ruthless；　sometimes　cruel；　he　could　nevertheless　display　an　astonishingly　profound　love　for　his　children　as　well　as　life。　Nicholas　felt　the　sorrow　bubbling　upward；　released　at　last　from　the　iron　restraints　of　his　Eastern　heritage。
　For　while　he　grieved　for　Raphael　Tomkin；　he　grieved　anew　for　his　father　as　well。　Tears　fell　like　stones　from　his　eyes；　neatly　aligned　pebbles　from　his　own　inner　Zen　garden　that　had　forever　been　diminished　by　human　loss。
　After　a　time；　Nicholas　rose。　Hi